Hi guys! This is the first fanfic I've written in a while – I've been busy with schoolwork, college classes, etc. Because of this, my leisure time is limited and I won't be able to write as often as I'd like to. Nevertheless, I will try to get updates and new chapters out as soon as possible. Make sure to favorite/follow this story so you can get future notifications!

Rated T for language and some mentions of sex.

This story is protected by U.S. copyright law.

SEGMENT 1: JEFFERSON BLACKMAILS HAMILTON

Hamilton and Jefferson were fighting again.

"Oh, is that how you wanna play, Hamilton?" Jefferson yelled, ducking as his enemy threw yet another book at him. "If I wanted, I could so win this game! You know what?" He pulled out a white handkerchief from his pocket. "You might wanna borrow this!"

Lafayette wrinkled his nose. "Ew. No one wants your dirty underwear, Jefferson."

"It's not dirty underwear! It's a white flag, and you might as well start waving it now, Hamilton!"

"THE ONLY THING THAT I'LL BE WAVING IS YOUR DECAPITATED HEAD ON A STICK IN FRONT OF YOUR WEEPING MOTHER!" Hamilton screamed back.

There was a silence. Then,

"HAMILTON!"

It was George Washington. Hamilton cringed. "Yes, sir?"

"MEET ME INSIDE."

Jefferson snickered. Hamilton grumbled something unintelligible and followed Washington into his private study.

"Son," Washington began, once they were both seated at his desk.

"Don't call me son," said Hamilton.

Washington sighed. "Hamilton. Are you okay? I feel like you have a lot of unnecessary aggression against Jefferson. Is this about him calling your mother a wh –"

"DON'T SAY IT!" Hamilton bellowed. "And no, it's not about that…"

"Then what is it?"

Hamilton hesitated. Washington tapped his foot, as though he were reprimanding a disobedient child.

"Hamilton. What did he say?"

Hamilton opened his mouth, then closed it. Then he blurted, "He told my wife that I'm sleeping with her sister!"

Washington laughed out loud.

"What the hell?!" Hamilton exclaimed, standing up from his chair. "This is serious! My marriage is on the line, here!"

"Son, sit back down," Washington said, still chuckling. Hamilton sat. "And watch your mouth. I will not tolerate this kind of language in the workplace. Are you sleeping with Angelica?"

Hamilton looked affronted. "Of course not!"

Washington eyed him skeptically. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Why are you asking me, anyway?"

"Well…it's sort of obvious that you like her."

"Excuse me?"

"I've seen the way you look at her."

"That's not –"

"And I've read your letters."

Hamilton's eyes widened. "Wait, what?"

Washington opened his desk drawer and pulled out a stack of letters. Opening one, he recited, "My dearest, Angelica, there you are an ocean away. Do you have to live an ocean away? Thoughts of you subside, then I get another letter, and I cannot put the notion away…not to mention that you put a comma after 'dearest'."

Hamilton gaped. "So that's why she hasn't been writing to me this past week! You've intercepted our letters!"

Washington nodded.

Hamilton hissed through clenched teeth. "Dammit!"

"Language."

"Who the hell do you think you are? You're not my father!"

"Language. And I'm more of a father to you than your father ever was. Didn't he leave you when you were, like, eight?"

"Yeah, but…that's not the point! You still can't go barging into my personal life just because you feel like it!"

"I'm the President and your commanding officer, Hamilton. I can investigate any member of my staff whenever I please."

Hamilton muttered something along the lines of that "not being a part of the job description", and went out. Jefferson, who had been watching eagerly from the window of the study, grinned.

"What's the matter, Hammy?" he asked, his voice high with mock concern. "Did Washingdad ground you?"

"Shut up, Jefferson."

"Did he yell at you? Did he give you a spanking? Did he take away your favorite books?"

"Or worse," added Burr, "did he take away your favorite quill?"

"Jefferson, I told you to shut up," said Hamilton. "And Burr, don't even start with me. You're so indecisive that it's almost pathetic. You'll die of irrelevance."

"I'm gonna shoot you one day," Burr muttered.

"Speaking of quills," Hamilton sat down at his desk, "has anyone seen mine? It was right here a minute ago."

"Oh, you mean this quill?" Jefferson held up a dark brown quill.

"Yeah, that one!" Hamilton reached over to grab it. "Keep your hands off my stuff, Jefferson!"

"Nu-uh-uh," Jefferson clucked. He raised his arm above his head, holding the quill just beyond Hamilton's reach. "You have to say the magic word."

Hamilton glared at him. "I am not saying that."

"Then you're not getting your quill back."

"Alright, fine! Please."

"'Please' what?"

"Please give me my quill back."

"No."

Hamilton huffed. "Come on, Jefferson!"

"Okay, okay. I'll give it back if you be quiet for…let's see…the next half-hour."

"Deal."

"That means no talking. Are you sure you can handle it?"

"Yes. Now give it."

Jefferson handed him the quill. At that moment Washington called, "Hamilton? I need your help. I'm filling out a crossword puzzle and I need a four-letter word for disappointment."

Hamilton opened his mouth to reply, but closed it when he received a pointed look from Jefferson. Hamilton sighed, took a notepad, and wrote B-U-R-R on it. He held it up so that Washington could see.

Washington glanced down at his puzzle. "Ah. Burr. It fits. Thanks, Hamilton."

"Hey!" said Burr. He smacked Hamilton hard on the arm.

"Ow!" Hamilton cried. His eyes went wide and he slammed a hand over his mouth quickly.

"You talked!" said Jefferson. He snatched the quill away. "Wow, we weren't even five minutes into this and you already lost."

"No, no, wait!" Hamilton protested. "Not fair! Burr hit me! I didn't actually say anything!"

Jefferson shrugged. "Sorry, Hamilton. You're never seeing your quill again."

"Just give me one more chance!"

He relented. "Fine. But only because I enjoy watching you suffer."

He gave Hamilton the quill again. Some minutes passed. Hamilton somehow managed to avoid talking to him, Laurens, and Madison despite their best efforts to get him to do so, and was doing quite well until Eliza walked in through the door.

She waved shyly. "Hello, everyone," she said. "Is Alexander here?"

Hamilton's eyes bulged, and he shook his head frantically at Jefferson. Jefferson ignored him. "Yeah, he's here," he said. "What do you need him for?"

"I just wanted to apologize," said Eliza. She craned her neck as she stepped further into the room. "Where is he? I don't see him anywhere."

Jefferson looked at Hamilton's desk, which was now empty, and figured that Hamilton must have ran for it. He rolled his eyes. "I'll be right back," he told Eliza.

He found Hamilton in the conference room, sitting in the corner with his knees hugged against his chest. "What are you doing?" he demanded.

Hamilton glared at him, and pointed to his mouth. Jefferson gave an exasperated sigh.

"Just because you can't speak doesn't mean you can avoid your wife! She's outside waiting. Are you just gonna stay here and hide?"

Hamilton shrugged, and gave him a look that said, Don't lecture me about my love life. You had an affair with your own slave. And probably had children with her, too.

Jefferson yanked him to his feet. "Come on. You're going outside whether you like it or not."

Hamilton shook his head.

"PRESIDENT WASHINGTON!" Jefferson began to scream at the top of his lungs. "HAMILTON'S BEING STUPID AGAIN!"

That got Hamilton moving, he noted with a smirk.

Eliza smiled as they emerged from the conference room. "There you are," she said.

Hamilton smiled stiffly in response.

"I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for not believing you when you told me you weren't cheating on me with Angelica. I was so afraid that I wasn't enough for you that I lashed out in the worst possible way – I took Jefferson, your enemy's, word over yours."

She paused, studying Hamilton for a reaction, but when he remained silent, she continued on.

"I want to be with you again. I hate that we're estranged because of some stupid lie. And I understand if you don't want to talk to me. I wouldn't want to talk to me, either. But please forgive me. I love you, Alexander. I always have, and I always will."

"AWWWWWWWWWW," everyone in the room chorused, except Jefferson. He was too busy clutching at his middle dramatically, looking as if he were about to throw up.

"He is cheating on you with Maria Reynolds, though," Burr said, cutting in on the tender moment.

Eliza's eyebrows shot up her forehead. "What?"

"What?" Burr repeated.

Eliza's eyes narrowed. Hamilton took a few steps back, almost tripping over himself in his haste to get away.

Then he ran.

Jefferson chased after him.