A/N: This takes place after 8x17. I couldn't get this idea out of my head so, it had to be written.
I am planning to do a couple of Dawsey/Louie one-shots. They will all kind of be scattered in the timeline, so I am unsure if I will add them to this or post them as their own one-shot. Either way, hope you all enjoy this. I have been in my season 5 Dawsey feels lately and this is the result.
Louie.
He had been thinking about him a lot lately. Truthfully, he doesn't know that a day has ever gone by that he doesn't think about the son that was supposed to be. That was but had to go, but lately, he has been thinking about him even more.
Ever since mentioning him again out loud he couldn't turn his brain off, couldn't stop all of the memories that came whenever he was brought to mind.
He had been thinking about Louie more and more... which led to thinking about Gabby. His brain fully consumed with his ex-wife and son and all the time they had spent together. Happy, until they weren't until their lives were turned upside down.
It's all his thoughts about Louie that has him dialing a familiar number. He takes a shaky breath, bouncing his leg as he sat in his office chair and waited for the person on the other end to pick up.
"Hello?"
Matt sighs, clearing his throat. "Hey, Tina. It's Matt Casey."
"Mr. Casey! How are you?" She asks, her confusion evident, but the happiness in her voice from hearing from him also there.
"I'm good. I uh, I wanted to ask you something... It's about Louie."
He talks to Tina for another five minutes. She informs him she will reach out. Reach out and see if Andre Keys is willing to set up a meeting for him to see Louie again.
He knows it may be farfetched, he knows that he could be turned down, but he can't help get his hopes up. He needed to see him. Needed to see for his own eyes that the sacrifice he and Gabby had made had been worth it. That them putting their own love and wants aside for the better of their child had been right. That Louie was happy.
He knew DCFS checked in every few months at the beginning of the transition. Tina had given him and Gabby little updates here and there just to let them know the check-in had gone well and Louie was doing good, but he needed to see with his own eyes that his son was okay. Because it didn't matter what blood or paperwork said. Louie was his son, and he always would be.
A message from Tina nearly an hour later confirming an appointment this weekend at two in the afternoon with an address to follow had his heart skipping a beat and a megawatt smile filling his features.
As much as he was excited, the days leading up to his visit his nerves were setting in. He didn't tell anyone his plans to go see his son. He didn't think it was anyone's business, but he also didn't want anyone getting their hopes up about a reunion, or worrying about him.
He also knew the only person that would care as much as he did about this visit was no longer here, and he wished she was. Part of him felt wrong for going to see Louie without her.
That was something else making him nervous. He hadn't mentioned to Tina that he and Gabby were no longer together. He wasn't sure if Tina had spoken to Gabby over the last almost two years and knew or not. He hadn't mentioned Gabby on their call and neither had Tina, but that didn't stop his nerves from seeing Louie again without the woman that he had called his mother.
Gabby was after all why Louie was a part of his life. Gabby was the one who rescued Louie, that fought for him before he had come to his senses fully. Gabby was the one on his papers to adopt him.
Gabby was his mother, the only mother he had ever known.
He felt like he should call her, but he also wasn't sure what that would mean, or if he even had the place to be calling her about something like this. When she came to visit, they had slept together and then she left him a message extending and olive branch... and he didn't return her call.
He wasn't sure she would even want to hear from him.
It's that thought that has him heading for the arcade and pizza place on Saturday afternoon without placing a call he is sure he maybe should.
The drive is silent, his mind full of his own racing thoughts to worry about the music. When he pulls up, he gives himself a few minutes, needing to calm his racing mind and heart.
It had been over 3 years since Louie walked away from them with his father heading for a new life. Hopefully, a happy one.
He walks in and finds Tina immediately she is sitting near the front clearly waiting for him. She offers him a hug right away, and when they pull apart, she looks behind him. He is confused at first, but it quickly sets in who she is looking for.
"Gabby couldn't make it this time." He says simply, hoping not to draw any more attention to that comment, but Tina raises her eyebrows in question, clearly taken off guard.
"I'm sorry, we could have planned for another day if I had known..." Tina starts, Matt quickly cutting her off.
"It's okay. Really. Maybe next time." He plays off, thankful this time when Tina simply nods.
"You ready?" She asks him.
Matt nods, smiling softly. For as ready as he was, he still had a rock sitting in the bottom of his stomach, his nerves high. Tina leads him through the large arcade, making small talk, asking him how he has been. She tells him she was surprised to hear from him, he knows he hasn't been great about calling, but it's her next words that cut him off.
"I usually hear from Gabriela." She says and his eyes knit in confusion, he is thankful when she continues and he doesn't have to ask the question. "I know we stopped our visits with the Keyes family down to once a year, but she still calls about every other month or so to check-in." Tina laughs, "That wife of yours, she is nothing if not determined."
The rock sitting in Matt's stomach becomes larger if at all possible. He hadn't known Gabby still called to check in on Louie. He doesn't know how long she has been doing it, but he can't help but feel the tightness in his chest knowing that she was what felt like a world away and still calling to check on Louie. He feels terrible knowing he hasn't been doing the same, but he knows he shouldn't be surprised to learn that Gabby never gave up on their son. Tina was right, she was nothing if not determined.
He sees Louie before the young boy sees him.
He is taller, bigger. He was almost six years old now after all, but he looked happy and that was really all Casey cared about.
They walk up to Andre and Louie, Tina leading the way. Andre immediately recognizes him, stepping up to shake his hand and great him while Louie continues to shoot the basketball into the hoop. Doing a damn good Job Matt notices proudly.
Andre rests a hand on Louie's shoulder. "Hey Louie, look who is here." Louie turns around, Matt offers him an almost shy smile, but he doesn't expect Louie's reaction, even if he had hoped for it.
The young boys' eyes widen in excitement, and he quickly drops the basketball that had been in his hands and launches into his arms. "Matt!"
Casey picks him up in a tight hug, holding him close like he hadn't been able to in years, feeling the pain that had settled in his heart since the day they let him go lessening just that little bit. "Hey, buddy."
He doesn't know what he expected from this meeting. He doesn't know what he expected Louie to be like, or how he would react to seeing him again. Honestly, he wasn't even sure Louie would remember him, but this reaction far exceeded any expectations.
Louie pulls back enough to look at Casey's face, a smile still on the little boy's face. "I missed you!" He says excitedly, causing Casey to beam, his throat tightening.
"I missed you too, Louie." He means those words more than he could ever explain.
It's then Louie looks around behind him, his little face showing one of confusion. "Where is Gabby?"
Matt's heart sinks at those words. He should have known Louie would ask about her almost immediately. He should have expected it, but he didn't prepare himself for it or the pain that would settle into his chest at having to tell him she wasn't there. It hits him again how wrong this feels to be doing without her.
"Gabby couldn't make it this time, bud." He tells him, watching Louie's little face fall, he quickly recovers. "But she misses you so much, and loves you so much." He recovers, knowing though he hasn't talked to Gabby, those words were still true. Louie smiles at that.
"Matt, come play basketball with me?" He asks, wiggling to be put down. Matt lets him go, but Louie quickly grabs his hand pulling him along to play the game leaving Andre and Mrs. Cantrell to watch them.
"This is a great thing you're doing for him, Andre." Tina says, watching the blonde man and little boy playing together, large smiles covering both their faces.
Andre smiles, watching his son. "Yeah well, Louie has been asking about them more and more lately."
Tina doesn't correct him, but she had meant Mr. Casey.
An hour later Matt is sat beside Andre, eating pizza as they watch Louie playing whack-o-mole with Mrs. Cantrell.
"I can't believe how much he has grown. He seems to be doing great." Casey comments.
Andre nods, "Yeah he is growing like a weed. Eating me out of house and home lately." He jokes.
Matt laughs, his eyes falling to a wide-eyed Louie as he waits eagerly for another mole to pop out and hit. It does, and he laughs excitedly. It was the most carefree and outgoing he had ever seen the little boy be. It was clear he was happy, the consistency of having a loving home and a parent that wasn't going anywhere clearly doing wonders for the boy's development. It was clear he was loved.
"He's happy," Matt comments, his eyes never leaving the young boy that he would forever call his first son.
Andres nods. "He is." He clears his throat, Casey's eyes falling to him. "I told you and Gabby both, I would take care of him. I promised you both I would love him. That wasn't a promise I took lightly. Not just for Louie's sake... but for yours as well." Andre tells him. "I can't imagine what it was like for you and your wife, having to give him up, having to let him go, but I thank God every day that you two did because if not I wouldn't have him now. There was no denying how much you two loved and cared for him, and you will never know how much I appreciate all that you two did, all that you sacrificed."
Matt looks away, the thickness in his throat growing, his eyes shining. "We'd do it all over again if we had too." He says honestly, Gabby wasn't here, but he knew she would say the same, no matter how much pain it caused.
Andre smiles softly, he knew they would.
"He asks about you two." This statement forces Matt's stare back up, shocked by this. "He talks about you two all the time. At first, that was hard for me, I didn't know what to say, what to tell him, but then I realized it was a good thing, not a bad thing. You both showed him a love that before you he had never experienced before. Any time he sees an ambulance or firetruck, it's Matt and Gabby. We talk about you and Gabby often; it makes him happy. His other family, he always says."
There is no malice in Andre's words, and Matt finds comfort in knowing that not only had Louie never forgotten them, the Keyes family was also welcoming to letting them live on in his memory.
Andre pulls some papers out of Louie's bag that was sitting on the chair next to them, passing them over to him.
They were drawings. Drawings of a fire truck and ambulance. Drawings of him, Gabby and Louie.
Then there was one of what he could only describe as a family tree. It had the Keyes family, and then Matt and Gabby as well.
"He drew that one in school. They worked on their family trees. The teacher was confused, but Louie... he proudly told them all who his other family was." Matt's eyes water once again. It was one thing to hear Andre say Louie never forgot them, it was another to have the proof laid out in front of him.
"Thank you, Andre. You have no idea how much these mean to me and Gabby both."
Matt's eyes fall back to Louie.
He got what he needed from this visit, and more. Louie was happy, and that was all that mattered. That was all he and Gabby ever wanted for him.
He knew, as much as it hurt and still hurts, they had made the right decision for Louie.
He gets home after a long emotionally draining, yet fulfilling day and he can't stop his mind from still racing.
After saying goodbye to Louie, he found himself driving around, not wanting to go home yet. His mind too filled with thoughts from a time when he was genuinely happy. Happy with Gabby and Louie.
He knows they made the right decision for Louie, and as much as that brought him peace, it also hurt... because that meant Louie really was never coming back.
He knew that was a good thing, he knew it was good for Louie.
But it didn't make his heartbreak any less.
He moves to the fridge grabbing a beer before heading to his bedroom to change into some pajamas. It was nearly ten at night now and he had to work a couple of construction jobs in the morning.
He settles down on the side of the bed, his phone in his hands, weighing his options.
Today had been one of those days where he needed her by his side, but she wasn't there. He had many of those days since she left.
Before he can debate it more, he unlocks his phone and scrolls to her contact. He debates just texting her or calling her, but he can't stop the nagging voice in the back of his head that wants to see her and if he can't do so in person he may as well take the next best thing. He settles back against his pillows and hits the green video button before he can talk himself out of it.
It rings a few times and he is unsure if she will answer, his nerves hitting a peak. He almost hangs up, and then the ringing stops, and he is met with a nearly black screen. It takes just a moment but a light is flipped on before the camera is turned and he is met with her tired face.
"Matt?" She questions, her voice thick with sleep as she rubs her eyes.
He looks back to the clock, realizing it is a little past ten, meaning it's past eleven at night for her. He feels bad for waking her, but he can't deny the relief that washes through him at the sight of her.
She is in a little tank top, one strap falling down and reviling her bare shoulder. Her hair is down in its much shorter curls that she had sported when he saw her last and her face is void of any makeup, her caramel skin even tanner from the Puerto Rico sun.
"Matt? Is everything okay? Are you okay?" She asks, her nerves escalating from not only receiving a call from him so late at night but also his lack of words.
Matt shakes his head, forcing himself to focus, for his heart rate to slow down at the sight of seeing her again.
"Yeah, everything is fine. I'm sorry, I didn't even think about how late it is, I should have waited, called tomorrow." He replies.
Gabby shakes her head, settling back into her pillows, pulling her sheet further up. "No, it's fine. I'm uh, I'm happy you called. It's nice to hear from you." The brunette responds, the nerves creeping into her own voice.
Matt smiles at her reply, it was good to talk to her. "How are you?"
"I uh, I'm good. It's been busy here, still a lot of work to do, but yeah. It has been good." She tells him, the smile she wore every time she talked about her work there playing on her face.
The blonde firefighter smiles proudly. "How are you? How's Chicago?" She asks.
"It's good. I'm good. The guys are all good. They miss you." He tells her.
She nods, avoiding her eyes when she whispers back. "I miss you all." He knows her phrasing is meant for him as well, not just the firehouse.
Casey nods sadly. They sit in silence for a moment. "I'm surprised to hear from you." Gabby finally says. "You uh, you didn't call... after I was there." She says gently, unsure why he was calling now.
"I know." He swallows thickly. "I'm sorry about that... I just, it wasn't sure what to say to you." He says honestly.
His honesty takes her by surprise, but she can't blame him for his words. She gets it. They had slept together knowing nothing was different, he was still in Chicago and Puerto Rico was still her current home.
"I get it." She says simply, but Casey can still hear the sadness in her words, and if he hadn't already regretted not calling her before he surely does now. "So, I am assuming that isn't what this is about..." She trails off, leaving him to fill in what this call was for.
"I actually uh, I actually wanted to call because I called Tina Cantrell the other day." Gabby's eyes widen, her throat tightening, he watches her avoid her eyes through the small screen.
"Oh yeah?" She says simply. She had hoped he wouldn't find out about her continued calls to Tina. Especially now. She didn't want him to know, or to worry, that she was still holding on to hope. Still calling to see if there were any updates on Louie passed along to the social worker from his birth father.
Matt notices her avoiding, and he knows why, but he decides to leave that for now, deciding instead to tell her about his visit. "I uh, I asked to visit with Louie." He tells her, her eyes snap to the screen immediately.
"You did?" She asks quickly. "Did you see him? Is he okay?" She continues quickly.
Casey nods, interrupting her rambling. "I did." He responds softly, both he and Gabby's eyes watering. "Andre agreed with Tina to let me and her meet up with him and a Louie. I saw him today."
The tears that had watered in Gabby's eyes fall before she can even think to stop them. Her chest tightening. Casey has a hard time holding his own tears back at the sight.
"He's grown so much. He's doing really good though. He uh, he's talking a lot. He seemed really happy, Gabby." The sob she was trying to hold back escapes, the tears coming faster, relief and heartache both flooding her.
Casey wishes she was here; wishes he could comfort her. Instead, he pauses, letting her take a shaky breath as she wipes at her eyes, trying to calm down.
"He recognized me." He tells her, his voice still holding the wonder he felt.
Gabby smiles, her eyes still watery as she meets his gaze. "Of course, he did, Matt. You were his dad. You are his dad." She tells him, her voice holding no room for argument, her words causing a smile to fill his features.
"He asked about you, a couple of times." His words leave her nearly breathless. "He uh, he said he missed you. Before I left, he told me to give you a hug for him." He tells her, a watery chuckle leaves her, opting not to say anything, knowing her voice would betray her.
"Andres said he talks about us a lot, that he asks about us all the time. Calls us his other family." Matt tells her and she is once again crying. Doing everything she can not to completely break down in her bed.
"God, I miss him so much." She cries, wiping at her eyes and taking a shaky breath.
Matt nods, reaming silent, wishing once again he could be there for her, he could hold her, but he knows to say as much would be crossing over into dangerous territory.
"Hold on a second." He tells her, backing out of the facetime and moving to his photos, "Tina took a couple of pictures." He explains, knowing she can still hear him even if she can't see him.
He quickly sends them to her before going back to their facetime. He can tell she has received them because her screen is paused now. "Get them?" He confirms.
"I did." She swallows thickly. Looking over the pictures of their little boy. The boy that despite blood or paperwork would always feel like theirs. "God, he is so big." She breathes out.
There are a couple of pictures of just Louie, then there are ones of him and Matt together. Two separate ones of Matt holding Louie on his hip, both boys beaming at the camera, as well as ones of them playing different games at the arcade that she knows Tina or Andre had to have taken for him.
"He looks so happy." She says, staring at the pictures, unable to pull her eyes away from them. "I wish I could have been there." She says softly, the words leaving her mouth before she can stop them.
Matt nods, forgetting she can't see him. "Me too, Gabs." He says back just as softly, their words hanging heavy in the air. Neither of them means just for this visit, but for all of it. For everything.
Gabby eventually moves back to the facetime. Looking much calmer than she had before looking at the pictures.
"I'm so happy he is doing good." She tells him. "It almost makes it all worth it, you know?"
He did know. Her words reflecting how he had felt hours ago. "It does. We said we couldn't deny Louie all that love... it was nice knowing it was true. That he really is happy."
Gabby smiles a sad smile. The relief of knowing Louie was happy a conflicting emotion with just how much they missed him.
"Thank you, Matt. For calling me... for sharing this with me. I know you didn't have to, but..."
Matt cuts her off, his brows furrowing. "Of course, I did. Gabby, it doesn't matter what is going on with us, you still deserve to know any and all information I can pass along about Louie. He is your son too. I'd never keep that from you."
His words wash over her and she can't help the smile that forms, but looks down, unsure how to respond. She knows he would never keep Louie from her, but she is still grateful he shared this with her. She had been thinking about Louie so much lately. She had been thinking about Matt more and more lately too, almost constantly since her visit to Chicago.
The silence becomes too much, and Matt decides to fill it. "Louie was talking to me about that one night we stayed in, and we made that big blanket fort in the living room."
They both start to laugh, remembering that night. "He talked about when we all got into it and it collapsed on us."
Gabby laughs, the lightness welcome after such a tough talk. "I am still fully blaming that one on you. You forgot to tie down the other end." She jokes.
He raises his brows, the gleam back in his eyes. "No way! That was all you. You were supposed to tie the end down while I got the popcorn." He counters back.
They both bicker back and forth, teasing each other about whose fault it really was that their fort came crashing down on all three of them.
They spend nearly an hour talking, reminiscing about their time with Louie, all of their best memories.
Before they know it is well after midnight her time and they have both settled down in their beds. Laying their heads on their pillows and propping their phones up beside them. It almost gives the illusion that they are lying next to each other, almost but not quite, not enough to give the full comfort of actually being together that the other wishes they had.
Gabby yawns and Matt knows he should let her go, it's late.
"I should let you go. Get some rest." He tells her.
Gabby nods, but her smile falls, knowing this was coming to an end. "You're probably right. It was really nice talking with you, Matt." She tells him.
She wants to tell him they should do it again... but the last olive branch she had extended had been ignored. The voicemail she left him never returned.
"It was. We uh... we could do it again, I mean if you wanted to? When you aren't busy of course." He rambles, taking the words Gabby had wanted to say right out of her mouth.
This time when she smiles, it's bright, genuine. "I'd like that."
They share another smile. Neither knowing what this means, but not wanting to question it. For now, they were just happy to be talking like no time had ever passed between them.
Neither of them makes the move to end the call, both falling asleep with the other on the other line.
Both Matt and Gabby getting the best night's rest they had in a long time knowing not only was Louie happy and healthy, so were they.
The sacrifice they had made for the boy they both loved more than life itself not any less painful, but now they knew for a fact, it had been worth it.
Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you thought in a review!