Home; Where My Love Lives.
...
Look at all the colors
Wild, wonderful and true
Your breath light as a feather
Like little whispers in the room
~Aaron espe, making all things new.
...
Sybil paced the length of her and Tom's small flat, hurriedly tossing a few essential items into a duffel bag for her journey back across the Irish Sea.
The room was quiet, eerily so, Sybil bit her lip worriedly trying not to think too much.
Tom had said to close up their apartment and go to Downton if she hadn't heard back from him in twenty four hours—that had been almost two days ago.
She sighed deeply, pushing her short dark curls back from her face in frustration.
Sybil understood perfectly the importance of having a cause and she knew how important Irish freedom was to Tom, but in that moment she couldn't care less about any of it. She just wanted her husband back and to hell with everything else!
Her back hurt, her feet were swollen and her stomach had now become so large that it was difficult to get anywhere fast. She sighed, totally haggard—just about managing to keep her tears at bay. The pain, the discomfort, the fatigue, the hormones; Sybil would have been more than capable of managing all of it if she had Tom by her side...but she didn't.
Her heart clenched painfully at the thought, the thought that he could be anywhere! Tom could be hurt, he could be injured, he could even be...No, she wouldn't think about it, even the thought of losing Tom made her head spin. It made her feel as though she were about to throw up.
Good God, she couldn't lose him...they couldn't lose him.
The flat suddenly felt cold, so very cold. She shivered, trying to push away her fears. Tom would be fine, he had to be. Sitting down at the end of their bed, Sybil tried to calm her breathing—if not for her own sake, for the sake of her unborn child. She tried to reassure herself that Tom had gotten away safely, perhaps he was already at Downton, safe and sound.
Sybil wanted to believe it!
The baby squirmed restlessly, kicking her gently, as though sensing their mother's discomfort.
"Sssh, sweetheart", she whispered, half laughing and half sobbing. "It's enough that I'm a nervous wreck, without you too." Sybil rubbed her stomach with all the tenderness of a mother to be, trying desperately to keep her voice from cracking as she tried to comfort her little one. "Don't worry, my darling. I'll look after you. Both of us will be back with your daddy soon, I promise you."
Oh, how much Sybil wished she knew that for sure!
Suddenly the bedroom door opened, breaking Sybil's reverie, she tried to school her features-not wanting anyone to see her this way, this uncharacteristically weak. She glanced up, expecting to see her mother in law or one of Tom's many siblings, but instead was met with the sight of the man himself.
"Sybil love, what're you still doing here?"
She blinked, gasping slightly, unable to believe her eyes. Less than a moment later, Sybil found herself flying across the room, throwing her arms around him. "What are you doing back here?", she asked disbelievingly, burying her face in his shoulder.
Tom grinned softly in response, pecking her forehead.
That was the moment when the depth of the risk her husband had undertaken finally struck Sybil.
What on earth was Tom thinking coming back right into the heart of Dublin after what had happened? At any moment, he could have been arrested by British soldiers, he could have been killed!
She stepped back for a moment, her eyes scanning his body for even the slightest sign of injury. Tom smiled affectionately in return, taking her face in his hands. "I had to come back, darlin...you know I had to.'"
Sybil wriggled out of his embrace, eyeing him crossly. "What on earth were you thinking? You should have left! You should have gone to Downton! We agreed weeks ago what we would do if this happened! We had a plan!", her voiced got louder as her accusations gained momentum.
Tears burned in her eyes, finally rolling down her face. She had somehow managed to hold them in all day, but no longer,
Tom tried to approach her, tried to reason with her, but Sybil cut him off with a sharp glare. Although he had seen her angry and disappointed, he had never seen her like this before.
"I could have lost you", Sybil shouted, now almost sobbing.
She knew she could have blamed her outburst on her pregnancy hormones, but deep down Sybil knew she would have acted this way regardless.
"You could have made me a widow at twenty four! Our child could have grown up without their father! Why didn't you just go to Downton! I'd hoped and prayed all day that you would be there by now!"
Tom's cheeks darkened.
"Oh for God's Sake, Sybil! I'm sorry if I've upset you, but can't you see this from my point of view.", he responded hotly, his temper flaring up also. "I would have been absolutely mad to leave you here by yourself in Dublin."
Sybil frowned, crossing her arms over her chest stubbornly. "Because you think that I can't fend for myself."
"No, because the English aren't exactly flavour of the month over here these days!"
Silence fell between the two of them for a moment, the air around the young couple charged and crackling from their confrontation.
Halting dead in her tracks, Sybil bit her lip as she considered Tom's argument. While her name was Sybil Branson now, as soon as she opened her mouth anyone with ears would know straight away where she was from. These days, a posh accent would be more than enough to raise eyebrows.
Tom took a deep breath and settled his emotions, reaching for Sybil by the elbows, gently pulling her closer to him once more. He eyed her tenderly, his voiced filled with a desperation that she had scarcely ever heard from him before. "Sybil, after five years of loving you from afar, please don't expect me to leave you pregnant in a country that's not your own."
Sybil shook her head adamantly, her temper easing as she took in the sight of him. Tom was back with her, standing in their apartment...safe, at least for now. She stepped back into his arms willingly. "Tom darling, Ireland is your home! That's enough for me to claim it as well. I would have been fine!"
Smiling softly, Tom gently tucked a few of Sybil's stray curls behind her ear. "I know that, and I love you for it...", he responded earnestly, hand roaming down to caress her belly where their child was still moving and kicking— this time a little more lazily than before. "...but you and our baby are the centre of my world, and I won't risk either of you—not for Ireland, not for anything. I know that now. Wherever the two of you are safe and happy, that's my home."
At this, Sybil beamed—fresh tears rolling down her face (damn those hormones!). She reached up, kissing Tom full on the mouth, wrapping her arms properly around him once more.
It wasn't a kiss of heat or passion, but one of love and relief.
oh thank goodness...
Despite her initial anger and frustration, pride in him welled up in the pit of her stomach. Underneath it all, Sybil truly was grateful that she wouldn't be travelling to Downton alone.
"I love you so terribly much, my darling."
Tom smiled, kissing her back. "Aye, and I you."
...
Home, where my heart is
Home, where my love lives
Home, my beginning and end
Home
~Aaron espe, making all things new.
...
Everytime I rewatch Downton, this episode is definitely one I go backwards and forwards regarding my opinions towards, sometimes I agree with how Sybil and Tom split up and came to England separately (they did come to a mutual decision after all), and sometimes I don't (the war of independence was a sticky situation for both of them, especially with Tom having ties with the IRA and Sybil being a the daughter of an English Earl...so safety in numbers and all that jazz. )
To be honest, I definitely think there's a solid argument for either option...but I thought I would entertain my muse on this story nonetheless. Hopefully you didn't find this all too out of character.