Nov 2014

Raf walked into the hospital, looking at the text Liv sent.

-Something happened, meet me at Mercy. Room 211.

That text sent fifteen minutes before had left him in a panic.

Raf ran down the hall, trying to find the room. Finding the room number he texted her,

-I'm outside; okay if I come in?-R

-Don't. I'll come out- L

Raf shook his head walking over to the wall, his head leaning against it, his fists coming to rest beside his head. Liv stepped out of the room.

"Liv, what the hell is going on?"

"Y/N was assaulted while she and Sonny were undercover."

"What?! I thought Carisi was her backup?" Raf turned to look at her in shock.

"He was, they got separated." Liv sighed.

Raf let out a breath.

"How's Sonny?" He asked, knowing you would worry about him since you two were partners.

"He's good. Y/N needs more support now."

"You think I don't know that?" Raf snapped.

Liv just looked at him.

"I'm sorry, Liv." Raf whispered, shaking his head.

"No need."

He looked at the door, then walked toward it.

"The doctor is looking after her, you have to wait."

Raf walked over to Olivia and sat down with his head in his hands. The doctor came out a few minutes later.

"Rafael Barba?"

"Yes?"

"Y/N would like to see you."

Raf looked at Olivia.

"I told her you were on your way."

Raf stood and walked over to the door, took a deep breath, grabbed the door handle and pushed it forward. He looked around the room, eyes landing on you, you were curled up on your side facing away from him. Raf stood there not knowing what to do, he decided to walk to the side of your bed. When he got to the side of the bed, he went to touch your shoulder, then remembered that might not be a good idea.

"Y/N." He whispered softly.

You heard his voice, turning toward the door you saw him standing there.

"Rafi." You sobbed.

Raf barely stopped himself from climbing into bed with you. He looked at you, silently asking for permission, you shook your head no but held your hand out. Raf sat in the chair beside your bed, taking your hand, squeezing it. He said nothing.

"How's Sonny?"

Raf smiled, shook his head, you were always thinking of others.

"He's okay according to Olivia."

You nodded.

You and he sat there in silence. Raf squeezed your hand gently, you glance at him. He smiled at you. You looked like hell, but he still looked at you like you were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

"I want to go home, Rafi." You whispered.

"Not right now Y/N, but soon."

You frowned at his answer, all you wanted was to go home, curl up with him and forget everything. You saw something in his eyes,

"What?" You asked.

"I love you." He whispered.

"I love you, too."

Raf smiled. You leaned up knowing what he wanted to ask for.

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

Raf leaned in, carefully brushing your lips together. After you broke the kiss, you were quiet. After a couple of hours, Liv and the doctor came in. The doctor cleared you to go home and you looked at Liv.

"Disclosure?"

Liv nodded and told you what Sonny had said.

"Is there anything else that Sonny didn't hear or see?"

"No, that's it. He had to watch them as they did it, and every time he tried to look away, they punched him." Raf was gritting his teeth and giving your hand a reassuring squeeze.

Later that day

Raf brought you home and you watched him after he got you settled on the couch. He was just like a zombie walking around the house.

"Rafi, come sit down, please?"

"How can I sit?" He snapped.

You winced. Raf noticed, sighing and coming over to sit down next to you.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

You nodded and leaned against him.

"I feel dirty."

"You want me to draw you a bath?" He whispered.

"Yeah."

Raf got up going into the bathroom and fixing you a bath, with your favorite bubbles. After making sure the temperature was warm he came out to get you.

"Y/N, your bath is ready."

Raf held out his hand, you grabbed it and followed him. After you were in the bathroom, he left so you could undress and get in, only coming in after you were settled in the tub. He picked up your clothes.

"Throw them away, please?"

"Is that what you want?" Raf asked, bending down beside the tub.

"Yes please."

Raf gently kissed your hair and left you alone while you bathed. You got out, slipping into one of his Harvard sweatshirts, sweatpants, and fuzzy socks. You made your way out to the living room where Raf was laying on the couch. He saw you and smiled softly, you both met each other's eyes, he opened his arms for you. You climbed on top of him, your face hiding in his chest. You wrapped your arms around him, as he carefully did the same.

"This okay?" He whispered.

"Yes."

You looked at him and smiled as your eyes met. You nodded, leaning down you kissed his lips. After you broke the kiss and rub your nose against his, you lay your head on his chest and fell asleep.

He watched you sleep for a few hours, before gently getting up.

"Rafi." You whimpered, grabbing for him.

"I'm here, I'm just going to carry you to bed if that's okay?"

"Okay."

He picked you up and carried you to bed. After he placed you on your side, he went back to the door.

"Where are you going?" You asked.

"I was going to go back to the couch."

"No. This is our bed, come here."

Rafael came over and got on his side of the bed, staying on his side, not crowding you. You smiled at him as he smiled back, he held his hand out, you grabbed it and pulled his body and arms so he was wrapped tightly around you. Rafa smiled a sad smile at how tightly you had him wrapped around you, you always said that he always made you feel safe.

"You good?" He whispered.

You nodded against his chest. You fell asleep thinking how lucky you were to have him. How so many others had had him and then just thrown him away like he wasn't worth anything. You woke up, looking around you didn't see Raf.

"Rafi?" You got up looking in the bathroom.

He wasn't there, so you made your way into the living/kitchen area. He wasn't there when you looked around so you checked the last spot in the house, the balcony area. You looked out and sure enough, you saw him sitting on one of the couches you had out there. Opening the door and stepping out.

"Rafi?"

Raf jumped when you said his name, looking at you.

"Hi." He whispered.

"Why are you out here?" You asked.

It was cold since it was November.

"Just wanted fresh air." He said as he got up and came over to you.

"Let's go inside. You'll freeze in those thin clothes."

He led you back inside, you sat on the couch, curling up. Raf took a blanket and wrapped both of you up in it.

"Better?" You asked.

"Better, how do you feel?" He asked, smiling.

"Okay, but." You looked away.

"Y/N what can I do?" Raf asked.

You looked at him and moved both you and Raf so that he was lying down, and you spread out on top of him, head tucked under his. You moved his arms, so they were around you, with the blanket on top of you both.

"This. Just hold me and tell me that everything will be okay."

Raf kissed your head.

"I love you, nobody will ever hurt you again."

The two of you lay there, you fell back asleep. Raf laid there watching you. He too fell asleep.

An Hour Later

"No... no... stop... please, stop..."

Raf woke up, looking at you. You were struggling against his arms around you.

"Y/N. Y/N, wake up." He whispered in your ear.

"Stop.. don't hurt me please!"

"Y/N, it's me, Rafi, Rafa."

You started to calm down when he said that. You opened your eyes.

"Rafi?" You whispered in a sob.

"Yes, it's Rafi, Y/N. You're safe." He whispered, kissing your head.

You calmed down, going silent, tears falling down your face.

After a while

"I'm hungry." You whispered.

"I can make you something to eat or order takeout? Whatever you want."

"Cook me that dish your mother always makes."

Raf got up, you still had ahold of his hand.

"I'll be right back, mi amor."

You let go of his hand and he went to make dinner, and then brought it to you. You both sat quietly while you ate. After dinner, you sat on the couch and Raf came over to sit down. He stood looking at you curled up into a tight ball. He sat down with his legs crossed sitting facing you.

"What?" You asked.

"Nothing. I'm not great at being on this end, I'm usually dealing with the people that do it." He looked down, shrugging.

You smiled, and crawled over to him, laying down against his chest. He wrapped his arms around you, cuddling you. You breathed in his scent, letting his scent fill your senses as you lay there. A while later you went to take a bath. Raf was cleaning up the apartment when you yelled for him. He came and stood at the door.

"Yes?"

"Come in."

Raf slowly opened the door, seeing you in a bubble bath.

"Yeah?"

You reached out your hand. He grabbed it, squeezed it.

"Get in?" He asked.

You nodded.

"Sure?"

"Yeah."

Raf looked unsure and you frowned. He smiled to reassure you, took off his shirt and pants and got in. You moved forward so he could sit behind you, he sat down and you leaned against him.

"You wash your hair yet?"

"No."

"You want me to?"

You nodded.

Raf wet your hair, and gently worked the shampoo into it, letting you rinse it.

"Thank you."

"De nada, mi amor, can I kiss your neck?" He whispered.

"Yeah."

Raf kissed your shoulder and your neck gently. You tensed up but relaxed quickly.

"Okay?"

"Yeah."

He was glad you were content for the moment. He wished he knew what he could do, he would have to talk to Liv. He texted her earlier, but he fell asleep with you.

"I love you so much, Y/N."

"I love you too, Rafi."

After finishing in the tub, Raf got out and dried off, leaving to get you some warm clothes. You got out, you heard him approach the door, knocking.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

He walked in, you stood there looking in the mirror, no towel. Raf looked at your body, he could see purple shaped handprints where the son of a bitch had his hands on your wrists, where he had held you down, the bite marks on your breasts. He clenched his jaws together, walking over.

"Y/N, I brought you some clothes." He whispered.

You thanked him, sliding them on.

"Does anything hurt?"

"No, I'm good."

Raf's phone pinged. He kissed your temple and went to get it. It was Liv sending him things to help you the best that he could. He sent a thank you back and sat on the couch, you came out a little later and cuddle up with him. Raf watched you, you could sense it as you bury your head in his chest.

"Y/N."

You looked up.

"I've been talking to Liv. She suggested you see a therapist. She knows one, but he will refer you to another if you're not comfortable seeing hers."

You nodded.

"You want to do this?" He asked.

"Can't hurt to try."

He shook his head.

"Will you call and set up an appointment and thank her for me?"

"Of course I will. Whatever you want, mi amor." He whispered, kissing your head.

Three days Later

You walked out of your therapy session. Raf smiled gently, holding out his hand, you took it, squeezed it and hugged him. He kissed your head.

"Ready?" He asked.

You nodded and headed home. As you and he walked down the street, his arm around your waist.

"He thinks I should talk to you or someone else, whoever I trust about what happened." You whispered.

"Who would you be more comfortable with?"

"You or Liv."

Raf nodded, squeezing your hand.

"I will listen and try to help, but I think Liv would probably be your best given the fact that she would have more experience with this."

"Okay."

Raf stopped, letting out a breath, and turned to face you.

"I'm not saying I don't want to be there for you. I do. Just... you may not feel as comfortable telling me, me being a man..."

"But you're my fiance."

Raf smiled and nodded.

"Yes I am, even if no one knows it." He whispered.

"We were going to tell everyone before..."

"I know we were, I'm still waiting for Liv to figure out why there is an engagement ring on a necklace in evidence." He chuckled.

You joined him, wrapping your arms around him.

"I want it back."

"You want to go see everyone and get them to follow us to evidence and watch me put it back on your neck?"

"Yes, but I want it on my finger." You kissed him.

"Let's go."

You both made your way down to the 1-6, walking into the building and getting onto the elevator. You had pushed Raf against the back, leaning against his front. It opened, and you both stepped out, walking into the squad room.

"Y/N!" Sonny smiled.

"Sonny!" you smiled and hugged him.

Fin and Amanda came over and hugged you. Liv came out of her office smiling.

"Y/N."

"Liv."

"How are you?"

"I'm okay."

"Liv, we came to see if we could get Y/N's things from evidence." Raf said.

"Of course."

"Could you four come with us? We want to show you something." You said.

They nodded and followed both of you down, Raf asked for your things as the tech came out with only the necklace and your phone. You took the phone as Raf took the necklace and got the ring off it and got down on one knee and carefully put it on your finger.

"Back where it should belong." He whispered.

Liv, Fin, and Rollins looked shocked, while Sonny smirked.

"You knew?" Rollins asked Sonny.

"Y/N showed it to me the day after Barba proposed."

"How long?" Liv asked.

"About 5 weeks." Raf answered.

They were happy for you, smiling and saying congratulations. You and Raf went home after a while. As soon as you both were home, you both laid on the couch. You fell asleep as Raf watched you. He loved watching you sleep.

The next morning

You woke up, looking around. You smiled when you found Raf asleep above you with his arms securely around you. You got your arm free, reached up and placed your hand on his cheek. He woke up, smiling when he realized you woke him up.

"Hi." He whispered.

"Hey." You turned and gave him Eskimo kisses before placing a real kiss on his lips.

He smiled and kissed you back gently. You broke the kiss, giving him a nudge on the chin and lay your head back on your chest.

"Can we talk?"

"If you're ready." He whispered.

He pushed up off the armrest, letting you sit up after you got comfortable and faced him.

"It started when they found out that Sonny and I were cops."

Raf sighed softly, squeezing your hand.

"They punched Sonny real hard and two of them grabbed me and dragged me to a back room." You stopped, taking a deep breath.

Raf was quiet, stroking the back of your hand, kissing it.

"They threw me on a dirty mattress, said how I would be a dirty whore when they got finished with me and how no one would want me after they... then they... one stripped me while the other two held me down. They took turns." You broke down crying.

Rafael immediately brought you into a hug, kissing your head, whispering how much he loved you and needed you. After a while, you calmed down.

"I'm a mess." You whispered.

"A beautiful mess." Raf whispered.

"Don't ever leave me, Rafa."

"I won't. Liv, Fin, Amanda, and Sonny would hunt my ass down, kick it and tell me how I am a stupid idiot."

You chuckled and lay your head on his chest, you were still so tired as you fell back asleep. Raf watched you sleep,

"I won't let anybody hurt you ever again, Y/N." Raf whispered, kissing your head.

Dec 2015

"Have you heard anything about my case?" you asked.

"Yeah, they took a plea for 25 years." Raf whispered.

You sat there and smiled. A real one for the second time since everything happened.

"There you are, mi amor." Raf got up from where he was sitting on the couch, walking over to where you were sitting on a chair.

You smiled and grabbed his hand. Raf pulled you into a hug, kissed your cheek and held you. You stood in the arms of your best friend, lover, and soon to be husband. You felt all the emotions finally being released for good as you stood in his arms.

"Everything's okay now, Y/N." Raf whispered as he kissed your head and rubbed his hand up and down your back.

You nodded and looked up at him and kissed him, first softly then harder. He moaned as you let his tongue explore your mouth. You moaned as you tasted the coffee he had drunk that morning. Raf stopped and pulled back, looking at you.

"Y/N."

"What?"

You looked at him in an old Harvard shirt and you looked down, seeing his arousal in his sweatpants.

"You sure you want to do this?" Raf asked as he came closer, putting his hands on your hips.

You nodded.

"If you want to stop, just tell me."

"Okay, Rafa." You kissed him again.

He kept his hands on your waist. He kissed you gently tugging your lip, he kissed you harder and deeper than he already had been. You moaned, your hands finding their way to his shirt and pulling it over his head. Raf started gently pushing you into the bedroom. Once he had closed the door, he turned to look at you. You smiled shyly at him, you noticed a deep desire building in his eyes as he walked over, he grabbed ahold of the hem of your shirt, looking at you.

"This okay?"

You nodded, and he took off your shirt and gently pushed you onto the bed, kissing you softly. He slowly started moving down your body, removing your bra one strap at a time, looking up at you to make sure you were okay with what he was doing, but your eyes were already half-closed, breathing already somewhat labored. Rafi smiled knowingly and took this as a sign to keep going. Gently, he took one of your nipples into his mouth, rolling and flicking it with his tongue. You moaned and arched up into him as he kissed his way down your stomach, looking up at you every few seconds to make sure everything was okay. Once he started unzipping your pants, he looked at you one last time for final approval. You blushed slightly but nodded yes as he slowly removed your pants. He began to kiss up each one of your legs, nipping and sucking gently from your ankle up to your inner thigh as you started to move around, but Rafael didn't like that one bit.

"Corazón, be still mi amor. This is the good part."

He smirked as he got closer to your center, and moaned softly when he saw how wet you were through your underwear. Putting his nose to your panties he drew in a deep breath, causing you to gasp loudly, then he dipped a finger under them, dragging them slowly down your legs and dropping them to the floor. Rafael looked up at you, as he settled in between your legs, placing his left arm over your belly, holding you down. You grabbed onto it as if you were drowning. You took his hair in your hand and tugged gently, he took the hint and slowly dipped his head and placed one long flat, tongue lick on your now throbbing clit. You cried out and jumped slightly at the touch of his very skillful tongue on you. you could feel his tongue inside you, him moaning as he tasted you. While he drew soft circles around your clit he watched you writhing above him; your breathing becoming more and more labored.

"Do you like this, Cariño?"

"Oh, God yes, Rafael. Please! I need more!"

As he inserted a finger inside your center, you moaned in pleasure, as he went back to licking you feverishly, this time watching your face as he inserted a second finger inside you.

"Rafi, please… I want you inside me…"

Smirking, he removed both of his fingers and his tongue. You moaned, crying out at the loss of contact. Watching him as he put both fingers in his mouth, licking every last bit of your essence from them, leaving you breathless at the sight. Smiling at you, Rafael started kissing his way back up your body till he had his body on top of yours.

"Rafi, I want you... It's okay. I need you."

Raf kissed you softly, as he slowly entered you, stopping, pulling out and then going in a little bit deeper each time, letting you adjust to his size. When he was fully seated inside you, he slowly pulled out again, and then pushed back inside of you again and started a slow rhythm.

"Oh my God, Rafi, I can't believe this is happening! I need you so much!" You were moaning, breathing getting heavier and heavier.

"Corazón, you feel so good to me. Are you going to come for me, mi amor?"

You nodded your head, yes, digging your nails into his back.

His arms were holding your hips into him. Since it had been a while for the both of you, it didn't take long till Rafi hit that perfect spot inside you and you felt that familiar tug in your stomach. You knew you were very, very close.

"Rafi, I'm gonna… oh, God, I'm com-oh God!"

And you came around him, your muscles clenching tight, and it felt so good to Rafael to be with you, and soon he felt the same and came not far after you. Both of you were covered in sweat and Raf kissed you sweetly before he gently slid out of you. Laying down beside you, he brought you into a tight hug. You touched his face, smiled and kissed him back.

"You okay?" Raf whispered.

You nodded.

"I love you, Rafi."

"Love you more, mi amor."

You and Raf got up and showered together. Raf carried you back to bed, and you both cuddled closer together and fell asleep.

You woke up the next morning, frowning when you didn't feel Raf's body heat behind you. You looked over to his side, seeing he was gone but had left a note on his bedside table.

-In the kitchen, stay. xoxo Raf

You smiled, getting comfortable, switching pillows again so you could always have a freshly Rafael scented pillow. You snuggled back under the covers hearing Raf walking toward the bedroom. You closed your eyes, listening as he set the tray down on his side table, feeling the bed dip. He kissed your nose, forehead, cheek, then finally your lips.

"Mi amor, wake up."

You opened your eyes, smiling as you kissed him back.

"I'm awake."

Raf chuckled.

"Good morning."

"Morning." You whispered.

"Are you feeling up for food?" Raf asked gently.

You hadn't been eating well, just enough to keep you alive, barely. Whatever Raf could get you to eat and keep down he counted as a small triumph.

You nodded.

Raf sat the tray in front of you. It looked good with toast, fruit, orange juice, and of course coffee. You smiled and took a small bite of toast, chewing and swallowing it. Raf smiled as you ate slowly, drinking his coffee. He ate the remainder of the food.

"What?" You asked when you noticed him watching you.

"I love you, Y/N."

"I love you too, Raf."

He leaned in for a soft kiss, you kissed him back, pulling away and giving him a kiss on his nose.

"Have you thought about wedding plans?" you asked.

"Yes, but I thought I shouldn't say anything until you wanted to talk everything through. Do you still want to?"

You looked at him like he was crazy and stupid.

"Of course, I do, nothing could ever change that. Do you still want to?"

"You know I do, silly." Raf said, kissing your neck.

"Okay. What colors?"

Raf thought a minute.

"Black and purple?"

"I love that."

Raf chuckled.

"What you want to do today?"

"Can we plan everything we can today?" You asked.

"If you want to." Raf said.

The day was spent planning everything for the wedding; finding a place, invitations, decorations, a DJ, photographer. You and Raf decided that Noah would be the ring bearer and Jesse the flower girl. Liv and Fin would stand with Raf while Sonny and Amanda would stand with you. By the time all of that was settled, Raf declared he was fixing dinner. You sat on the couch looking at wedding bands on the internet.

"What color bands? Gold, black, or silver?" You asked.

"Black, if that's okay with you?" Raf said.

"I wanted black, I was just curious to know what you wanted."

Raf came over and kissed your head.

"Dinner's ready."

After dinner and a shower each, you and Raf laid in bed awake, Raf rubbing your back as you cuddled together.

"Y/N?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you thought about us having kids and stuff?"

You looked at him, grinning.

"Of course, you would be the best Papi."

"Do you want to? I want to but… now that everything happened..." Raf looked unsure.

"Yeah, I wanted kids then and I still do."

Raf smirked and kissed you, both falling asleep.