NOTES: This is a fill for a prompt on Kink la Kink. "Satsuki isn't okay with being touched, and doesn't tolerate it from people she doesn't have to, but nobody's really noticed. It's only natural that your God-Empress doesn't lower herself to touch her subordinates, even if they are long term friends/share a mutual respect. My point is, nobody really knows just how adverse Satsuki is to being touched without her permission. So, I would like to see someone attempting to help Satsuki after her beatdown in ep18 and, I dunno, accidentally triggering a panic attack or something, cause she's weakened and in no shape to keep her normal composure."
I kinda imagine Satsuki reverting back into a more childish state of mind when she's freaking out, like, like, I bet Ragyo started molesting her at such a young age too. And I imagine Satsuki wouldn't say anything against it, but then that one time she'd say "no", Ragyo'd beat her within an inch of her life, and since Ragyo was so big back then compared to her, she'd develop both a fear of touch and of large people getting all up in her space and TOUCHING HER. Not Gamagoori because she knows he'd never hurt her, and knows he's proven his loyalty to her, but she doesn't recognise him as Gamagoori here.
Not sure if this is the type of panic attack you wanted, but it's the only panic attack that I can relate to enough in my experience with that type of trauma.
.o
Everything hurt.
Even trying to groan resulted in more blood dribbling out of my mouth, tracing a path of defeat down my chin and coating the ground with my essence. Even trying to move from my fetal position on the ground felt nothing short of being punched once again by my own mother.
I had lost consciousness for a few seconds after I'd fallen a few feet from the wall, which granted me a few seconds of time spent out of this body, away from the pain and that monster's presence, but when I came back, the pain was even worse once the initial shock wore off.
I couldn't see through the blood crusting over one of my eyes, but the other was able to see a giant figure looming over me and getting ever closer. The image of my mother's imposing figure flashed before my eyes, and I cringed, scooting back from it as much as I could with a fractured arm. Doing so caused copious amounts of blood to flow out from my chest. The feeling of it coming out of me was enough to make me want to vomit.
A sharp pain erupted from my spine when my back touched the wall. It crippled me; I shut my eyes and grit my teeth through the pain, refusing to make a noise. Un-Kiryuin-like noises were not tolerated, and whimpering was one of them.
If I kept calm and still, I could extend the amount of time I had left to live by a few more min—
Something brushed up against my leg. My one good eye shot open and the shadow was touching me. It was trying to scoop up my legs and the shadow was so big. I didn't like feeling so claustrophobic in my current condition, and this giant hovering over me had huge hands. They could probably crush me in a single twist if they wanted to. One of them was encompassing my entire leg.
My heart pounded ten times heavier in my chest as the first thought that came to mind was that I was inexplicably trapped, and this person was touching me. My breath was suddenly knocked out of me as the panic finally hit me. I tried to scream, gurgling on the blood that was starting to force its way up my throat from the injuries I sustained, trying to yank my leg out of the giant's grasp. My bloodied hands scrambled to grab at the ground; hard to find purchase when your blood made the concrete slick.
They wouldn't let go and I needed to be let go.
Get off of me!
I can see them picking me up, but they aren't supposed to pick me up without permission. Have I lost my position in power that quickly? Ragyo must have destroyed any respect people had for me by beating me. But I am still, still... They're touching me.
My arms flailed uselessly at them, the one good arm. The other one I can't even move but that doesn't matter and they're touching my arms and holding them down and oh no, nono, I don't like that.
Don't hold me down,
Anything that would get them to let go of me, I didn't want this, it's not safe here, it's not safe, no!
No! No no, don't. Don't pick me up, stop, what are you doing?
I can't get out of their arms! I can feel my body seisuring in their grip, crying out its pain by painting them red with its own blood, my blood. Help me, I can't get out of here, everything is going dark and I can't see I can't see what is happening-
It's too hot in here, I can't scream because the blood has taken away my voice, but you're hurting me and I can't get out.
No, no! NO! GET OFF.
I can't push out of your arms, please stop. Stop touching my arm, stop touching ME, that hurts, oh gods, it hurts so much, stop stop let me go, get off of me, get OFF of me!
Don't touch me, no. Please stop touching my my hair, head, it hurts, and I am crying, I can feel it. I'm not supposed to cry, and don't touch my face. Please stop saying "shh", it's not making me feel any better. I can't even move when you're crushing me to your body, it hurts so much. Stop talking to me, I don't want to hear you. It's irritating my good arm when you speak because your chest vibrates when you talk.
...
I don't want to be here, this hurts, please make it stop. Help me. No, don't help me. I'm not supposed to be helped. You're not helping me, you're just making it WORSE.
Please stop.
What did you put into me? You may think I can't feel it but I CAN and you're trying to hurt me. No, stop holding me down. You think I'll like it but I won't and it hurts and my head hurts and I can't see anything and I can feel everything being touched. I want to scream but I can't and you won't let me scream! STOP telling me "shh"!
Please get off of me.
Stop touching my head.
Please, please please just stop.
...
...
...
I will kill you. I will get better and I will kill you, when—
When I…
When I…
...
..
.o
Goodnight Satsuki. P.S. They put a needle in her to make her go to sleep. Medic stuff. So she won't squirm when they're fixing her up. COMPLETELY FORGOT TO ADD THIS NOTE HERE. Originally had only added it to the KlK kink meme post. Whoops.