Catharsis (n)
The process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions.
Three hours. Josh had locked himself in his room for three hours, and it was like trying to coax out a toddler having a tantrum. Why Sam was still even trying was beyond her. If he wanted to act like a child, who was she to stop him?
No, it wasn't his fault. Sam took a deep breath, slipping her eyes closed, and stuffed down the anger bubbling in her stomach. Josh needed her support, not her frustration. Patience was always key.
Sam knocked on the wooden door, echoing in the silence of the Washington Mansion. Then, "Josh, it's me again. Are you going to come out?"
No answer. She imagined him piled under blankets and pillows, face buried in the soft fluff of his newest cushion. It was one of many habits he hadn't shaken since almost becoming a Wendigo - and while it was usually cute, right then it made Sam want to rip the cushion away and hit him with it.
Instead she knocked again and waited.
The door cracked open, revealing a sliver of the room inside as the hall light spilled into it. Save for that tiny streak of light it was almost pitch black - lights off, curtains drawn, not even the glow of a phone screen or TV.
Sam stepped inside, shivering as the cold hit her. Since returning home Josh always kept the heat so low, sometimes it was as if they were still up on the Mountain. When Sam blew out a breath, she almost expected it puff out in front of her. As she turned, squinting in the dark room, Sam pulled the thick hoodie tighter around herself.
"Hey Sammy."
Sam knew he was there, knew he had opened the door for her and was hiding behind it - but still the hushed voice made her jump, heart skipping in her chest. When her eyes landed on the silhouette of Josh his razor-like teeth seemed to glint and she shuddered. The urge to bolt backward rose, overwhelming, and for a split second she was back at the Mountain.
Josh slinked further into the darkness of the room, and was swallowed up by it.
She reached out for him, wrapping toned arms around his waist and burying her face into the crook of his neck. "Sorry, Josh. I didn't mean to, I-"
"Neither of us have gotten over it all, huh?"
Maybe we never will. The words, unspoken, hung heavy in the air.
When Sam broke the hug she leaned up to press a kiss to his undamaged cheek. "You're right, but we don't have time to dwell on it. We're supposed to be visiting Chris." She stared up at him with a furrowed brow, but she couldn't help the soft smile tilting her lips. "Chris is desperate to see you, you can't back out now."
"Watch me," Josh muttered - but instead of his usual sarcastic quip a tiny sigh squeezed from his lips. A moment later he pressed his forehead against hers and he was so cold - but that was the norm for him now. As far as Sam was aware, the partial transformation was irreversible.
Heat bubbled in her chest but she pushed it down, face twisting into a scowl. This had taken weeks of planning Weeks of reassuring Josh it was okay and Chris that it would work out. Weeks of playing the middle man because Josh refused to just talk to any of his friends himself. A puff of breath escaped Sam's mouth as she gently pushed against Josh's chest. Even if she had to squint to see him, and even if he wasn't much more than a darkened silhouette, she stared him down. "Joshua Washington, I love you to death but so help me, you're driving me crazy! Please, just give it a go? He's been desperate for this ever you ever since you got home."
His night vision was near perfect, and it was intentional when he refused to meet her eyes. Instead he dropped his gaze, head tilted so only his undamaged side was visible. That was the root of the problem, wasn't it?
Within moments the energy drained from her. "Not today, then? I don't want to force you into anything, right; but you can't stay home forever."
Silence. Seconds ticked by and each one felt like hours, until, "I'll go."
"Really?" A smile spread across her face so wide it almost hurt, but she didn't care. Progress! "It won't fix everything, but I think seeing Chris again will help. And Ash, and Matt and Jess and-"
"What if they don't want to see me?"
Sam's smile dropped. Josh's worries went far deeper than she had any hope of understanding - she had barely touched the surface of his problems and it tore her up inside. This was one of those things that left her flailing, lost for words and unable to offer even the tiniest comfort. She was a useless girlfriend.
She kept those thoughts locked away, forcing that bright smile back onto her face. "They wouldn't be coming if they didn't want to, would they?" she countered - and the little smile he gave in response made her chest swell, "Chris told me not to expect a fanfare or anything, but everyone's at least willing to give this a go." It wasn't much of a comfort, but it was all she had to offer. "And no matter what, you'll always have Chris and me."
That, at least, was true.
"Now come on, get out of your pyjamas and we can get going."
The ride to Chris' place was almost silent. Silence with Sam had never been awkward - and sure, silence was always rare for him, but Josh had always treasured those occasional quiet moments.
This time it was as if something heavy was weighing on his chest, pinning him down, and the longer they drove the more that suffocating sensation bared down on him.
By the time Sam pulled up to Chris' house Josh's palms were sweating, his mind a flurry of activity - but as soon as the putter of the engine cut off, his mind went blank.
He heard Sam shove open the door and her feet jostle the gravel of the driveway, felt the cool air as it hit his face and ruffled his curls of hair - but he didn't move. Couldn't move. He stood frozen in place, unable to move or talk or even look at the little house just meters away.
They needed to turn back.
"Josh, honey?"
Sam's voice, his anchor, cut through his thoughts and suddenly he was looking into a pair of clear, bright blue eyes more beautiful than the ocean. She was smiling, so soft and so convincing, like she knew everything was fine.
"You go on ahead," he spoke, but his roaring pulse drowned out his own voice, "say hi to Chris, give him the run down. Don't want to scare him in the first five seconds." He cast Sam a grin of his own, trying to ignore the way pointed canines dug into the soft flesh of his cheek.
Note to self: don't smile in front of the others.
Sam's eyebrows creased; but then she nodded, retreating. "Sure. Promise you won't hide out in the car all night?"
"Promise."
"All right." She hovered there for a moment, hand wavering - but then she blew him a kiss and turned, hurrying down the drive with her arms braced against the cold.
Which left Josh alone with his thoughts and no one to tell him he was being a dummy. Usually a benefit - but not this time.
Sam's voice drifted down the drive and through the open door - an exclamation of delight as Chris greeted her. They both laughed, and Josh saw them embrace from the corner of his eyes. If Chris wasn't so hopelessly in love with Ashley, he and Sam might have ended up together. Sam was better suited with someone like Chris; someone smart and charmingly weird and a hundred percent human. Not a messed up freak with an even more messed up face.
Josh slid down in his seat, reaching out with one elongated arm to slam the car door closed. The sound rang out into the night and his eyes snapped to the house - but Sam and Chris were already inside, oblivious.
He promised Sam he would come inside; but the car was much better.
The car was tiny and cramped even for someone of Sam's size - but for someone like Josh, tall and gangly and now more so than ever, he couldn't move a single limb without knocking the dashboard or hitting an elbow against the window. He settled for tucking his legs to his chest, head on his knees, and tried to ignore the dull sense of dread rising in his gut.
A quiet rap of knuckles against glass reached his ears, and he jumped, knocking his foot against the underside of the dashboard. An odd shriek slipped from his lips - a sound so shrill it wasn't even human. Josh froze, cheeks flushing crimson.
Sam smiled at him from the other side of the glass, a mug of something steaming hot clasped in one hand as she motioned rolling down the window with the other.
He rolled it down for her, gaze shifting awkwardly. Please don't let her have heard that god awful sound. It wasn't until a warm hand touched his cheek and he smelled mint chocolate that he looked up, locking eyes with Sam once again.
"Chris made us some hot chocolate." She held up the steaming mug, unbothered by the fact she was leaning through a car window to reach him. "Are you ready to come in?"
"Yeah." No.
"Good." Sam retreated, her soft hand slipping from his cheeks so she could open the car door. Then she reached to take his hand and oh that simple touch was perfect. As long as she kept doing that, maybe he could see this cursed evening through.
His limbs were too spindly as he climbed out of the car - and when he rose to his full height it reminded him of how tall he was. With a tiny smile and an odd sense of smugness, he wondered if he was finally taller than Mike.
Sam led him to the door, opening it almost silently and stepping in ahead of him. At least Chris would see her first. The mug left a trail of steam as they moved through the hall, finding themselves in the kitchen.
And there was Chris - the same as ever with his stupid, oversized glasses and the ugliest cable-knit sweater Josh had ever laid eyes on. The sight made Josh's stomach tangle, made his brain freeze up and Chris was staring at him but Josh couldn't find the words.
Then there was a pair of thick, warm arms around his waist and he was surrounded by the scent of hot chocolate.
It took less than two seconds for Josh to clamp his own arms around Chris, and only two seconds more for the first wet tear to splash against his cheek.
"You have no idea how much I missed you, bro."
More tears welled up in Josh's off colour eyes as he buried his face in Chris' shoulder, clutching onto him like he was a lifeboat in the open sea. His nails - filed, but still too sharp - tangled in Chris' sweater but he barely even noticed. "I missed you too," Josh choked out, and he didn't care his voice was shaking or that his tears were soaking into Chris' clothes.
When the two pulled apart Chris was beaming, eyes shining behind the glasses. "You know, I thought you were going to bail on me."
"I considered it," Josh replied - and behind him Sam let out a snort of laughter, "I thought... I dunno. I thought that you didn't want to see me. After everything-"
"Dude, what you did was seriously messed up - but I get it, kind of. I forgive you."
That single sentence - just three simple words - and Josh broke. The tears fell freely and his throat felt tight, his breath hitching; and then he was clinging to Chris, one clawed hand reaching out, grabbing for Sam too.
She joined them, wrapping slender arms around Josh and Chris both - and the faint sniff gave away that she was crying, too.
How long they stayed like that, he didn't know - seconds, minutes, longer - but it didn't matter. He had his best friend back, and that was the only thing that mattered.