Scene: The edge of the universe, quadrant G7
Gandalf arose from his key lime sandwich and crushed the Dorito's Locos Tacos underfoot. The crispy crisps shattered like Blondie's heart of glass.
Elrond eyed the massive undertaking of soul-crushing defeat with his earnest ears. How this was a possibility? You would never understand. No mere mortal could, as Elrond was an ascension of perfection itself. Just look at his perfect form; it's more impressive than a Full Banana Fudge Pop with two sticks.
Absolute silence…
Followed by absolute Cilans.
Yes, it was true, Gimli had arrived atop his majestic stallion from just outside Striaton City. It was both zebra and electrifying, like a Millard Fillmore's legendary harpoon from Jellyfish: The Movie.
The Eagles flew overhead. They were football players like Tom Brady and George Costanza. Legolas, nocked an arrow and aimed accordingly. He had exceptional aim that put Hawkeye to shame. But on the other hand, when was the idea of Hawkeye not shameful?
"I'll tell you when," said Aragorn abruptly as he got the cool shoeshine. "As you all know, Hawkeye is an integral component of the 4077th. BJ and Trapper fought for his hand in broship. Hawkeye denied them both and became best friends with Charles in the end.
"This is an excruciatingly obvious statement," said Gimli, patted his steed on the sharp volting mane. The mane revolted and Gimli was cast to the pits below.
When the young dwarven duderino awoke, he lay at the feet of the six Barraki warriors. They're banishment was disturbing and dangerous to ecology.
"What shall we do with the bearded one?" the insectoid trickster Takadox said to his partners in crime.
"I will not stand for your under-the-sea tyranny!" Gimli cried as he took out a wad of cash, seven waffles, AND MY AXE, and disposed of the six terrible evils.
Mark Chang from Yugopotamia overheard the slicing and dicing through his Sony Xbox and entered the fray with the beam katana donated to him by his true father Luke Skywalker.
"Finally! A worthy opponent!" shouted Gimli, raising a fist to the heavens. "Our battle will be legendary!"
Legolas spied on Gimli's pity party and dumped a can of soup onto the playing field, successfully summoning Lightning McQueen to his side of the field in attack mode!
ATK: 2500
Frodo disliked Owen Wilson almost as much as he despised Sam. He quickly loaded the cannon with a can of Who Hash. He fired at Will.
Will dodged.
"Impossible!" cried Gandalf, reading from the ancient texts of Bob Duncan. "No one has ever been able to boast such macho madness, dawg!"
"You better believe it, brohan!" snickered Gollum. He turned to his brother Snoke and the two consumed pickles. You wouldn't believe it, but some guy used to be one of those pickles. You've never even heard of something so hilarious in all of your life.
Speaking of Snoke, Kylo Ren was not existent thanks to Gandalf's killer abs.
Aragorn raged against the machine. "You don't understand the affection I have for his character and his righteousness!" wept the masterful strider of beautiful hair and gorgeous nasal pathways. He sat in the corner, mourning Ben Swolo's six-pack.
Gimli resumed his mission, defeating the honour and glory of the Krusty Krab with his DDR dance mat.
Frodo challenged him to the dance-off because he was part Peter Quill and Gimli had not a single drop of Chris Pratt blood in his short body. Gimli lost miserably and Legolas pointed and laughed. He then taped a "kick me" sign to the dwarf, accentuating his own beauty as his hair glistened in the sun like Shadow the Hedgehog's massive left toenail.
"That might be a pretty sight," said Sam with bread on his feet. "However, I think that there is no time like the present to begin investing in miracles!" He took out his magic wand and the gang warped to Hogwarts.
"What's up, guys?" asked Dumbledore before dying of cow.
"That was so hardcore…" mused Gandalf. He consumed the Triforce stowed away in Dumbledore's robes and became one with the skies above.
"How glorious!" said Elrond, speaking of himself of course.
"How is life like this?" Gimli asked Legolas.
"Nanomachines, son," Legolas replied. He then kicked him because the sign said so.
WHY MUST THE LEAVES FALL LIKE ANGRY KIWIS?