A/N: This takes place sometime around Standards of Conduct.
He stands before her with his heart feeling as if it is going to beat out of his chest. He wonders if all the talk of pregnancies in the office has simply gone to his head. He exhales, and waits for what seems like an eternity for a response from her. She casually insists that she does not intend to move up the timetable of their agreement. He leaves her office, feeling disappointed.
That evening in the parking lot he finds her on her way to her car. It is cold, and icy, and she has her briefcase under one arm while she holds her keys in the opposite hand. He quickly catches up to her. It's late, and there are very few cars left in the lot.
"It's pretty slick out here. Do you want me to carry your briefcase?"
She shoots him a look that nearly injures him. "I've got it."
Moments later she arrives at her car. She finds that he is still hovering.
"Did you need something?!" Mac queries with a sense of urgency in her voice.
"I need to say something," he admits.
"Okay."
"Sometimes you can do things entirely on your own. You may even excel at them, but at the end of the day maybe you don't want to."
"My coffee has worn off. If you need some sort of response from me I am going to need you to be more direct."
"Maybe it isn't worth it," he decides to back off.
"Harm, it's cold, can you just cut to the chase?"
"I was disappointed by what you said earlier."
She cocks an eyebrow while she stands in the middle of a parking lot after dark, scrutinizing the facial expressions worn by the love of her life.
"Maybe I was, too," she mumbles as she reaches for her car door, afraid to let her guard down.
He gently touches her arm, "Wait."
He tries to analyze the look on her face. He initially interprets it as disdain. The look softens, and he is uncertain of what is going to happen next.
"For one minute could we just put aside any barriers that either of us has to say whatever it is that we need to tell the other person?" He begs.
"I didn't want you to think that I was in any way swayed by the increase of pregnant women at our office. I didn't want you to think that I was acting petty, or making decisions impulsively."
"Mac, I know that you do not want make hasty decisions based on the lives of others."
"You were right to question me," she adds.
"You nearly gave me a heart attack."
"That wasn't my intention."
"When you said that you didn't want to move up the time table…" he trails off.
"I was lying," she admits.
His eyes widen, "What?!"
"I was afraid that I would completely annihilate our working relationship."
"I need honesty, and sincerity from you," he implores.
"I am tired of damn time tables. I am tired of waiting. I hate pretending that my career is my life, and that I am not swayed at all be emotions. I want to have a baby with you. It is what I wanted four years ago when we made the agreement. I don't know how it is possible, as you are my co-worker, and my best friend. I am completely terrified that I will mess that up, and you will be none of those things. Earlier today I got the sense that you weren't ready for me to tell you how I really feel."
"I wasn't then. The second after you told me that you didn't want to move the timetable up I was incredibly disappointed. All I have thought about since then is what our baby would look like. All of this is totally, and utterly ludicrous."
"What do you propose?" She waits for some logical well-thought out response.
"Give it one shot, and if it doesn't work, then we will say that it was in the hands of fate."
"Those are some pretty long odds," she points out.
"We can sit around, and wait for time to pass us by. We can wait for Hell to freeze over, and both of us to suddenly become incredible communicators. That day, when we finally admit what the other person means to us, may never come. We are both so terrified of committing to something that, based on our histories, will probably end in flames. I am tired of letting fear rule. Neither one of us can have what we want if we don't say what that is. The odds are against us, they always have been. I would just like the opportunity to get one thing right. You are the only person on the entire planet that I can even fathom being the mother to my child."
"It sounds great in theory, but this is reality. If we bring a child into this world together, we have to figure out a way to take care of it, together. Last week we couldn't even come to an agreement on who was sitting closest to the hatch in an aircraft. What makes you think that we can make this work?"
"Because it means absolutely everything."