A/N:

Hello my faithful readers,

This story was actually a couple one-shots that I wrote a couple of years ago that I'm now realizing actually go together and would make a good fleshed out story.

Thank you to JK for allowing us to play in her sandbox.

I hope you enjoy.

Remus' Reason

Chapter 1 - Whiskey Moon

Remus watched the moon out his dusty window. Last night had been the full moon, mocking, and grave. Normally he spent the night with his friends, it was their night of mischief and fun. However, there were no friends last night, for the first time in years he had been alone. Two friends were dead and one was a traitor that now sat in Azkaban.

The moon was bright against the dark inky sky. It called to him as the bottle of whiskey on the table did. He hated that his life came down to that. He had done so well with his friends throughout the years. He reached over, grabbing the bottle to take a swig, but stopping before he did.

"You don't control me," he said softly, he grew louder, "you don't control me!" He wasn't sure if he was speaking to the bottle or the moon, either one would be hard to beat. He brought the bottle up to smash it against the window frame, but the etched glass caught the glint of the moonlight. They seemed to say, "Are you sure?"

Remus slid down the wall to the floor, his tears falling silently down his face. He wanted his friends back! He couldn't even take on Harry, because the wizarding world wouldn't allow it. Dumbledore had already sent him off to his Aunt's, to the woman and her husband who hated magic.

Remus felt he couldn't do anything right anymore, and so he took a swig of the whiskey, trying to drown his sorrows. He grabbed the discarded picture book and looked through his pictures. There were so many Marauder memories in that book. So many memories of his friends.

The women of the group were gone too. Lily had gone with James, her red hair, emerald eyes, extreme intelligence gone forever. Then there was Marlene Mackinnon, Sirius' girlfriend, who was supposed to be his fiance. She had been killed the day that was supposed to be a date for them, a special date, the big one where Sirius had been planning to propose to her. They never had that last date.

That had really screwed Sirius up. Maybe that was why he did what he did.

He was so angry at Sirius and wanted some answers. However, there had been no trial, so no answers and no closure. Remus swigged more of the whiskey, the burning sensation searing his throat comfortingly, but it did nothing to stop the tears.

So many memories. There were pictures from their first truth or dare game, which had ended in 3 very drunk animagi running around. The many numerous pranks, the making of the map, graduation, jobs, Lily and James's pregnancy announcement, the subsequent months, Harry's birth, babysitting nights, Harry's birthday.

The memories were all he had left now. He couldn't go see Harry, he didn't have his friends, his life held nothing of importance. His world had come crashing down around him all in one night and it hurt. He had been trying to drown in his sorrows for weeks.

Maybe he thought if he drank enough he could avoid the full moon, the crippling hurt, and anxiety, the uncontrollable crying. He had not been without his friends since the early years of Hogwarts. He had not known how to transform on his own, how to handle that.

He thought it was unfair that he had to handle that sudden change. He had contemplated suicide and had even been on suicide watch at first. One of the remaining order members had been with him at all times at the start. Now it had dwindled to just checking on him daily. Remus wasn't sure which had been worse, the hovering, or the loneliness.

Remus' only hope now was that someday he would get to see Harry again. That he would get to pass on all the Marauders stories and this book of pictures and explain each one. It would push Remus through the upcoming years and the grief. Maybe someday he would see Harry graduate and start a family of his own.

Remus pushed himself up from where he sat. He walked over to the windows and one by one began to shut the drapes. He then moved from there to the liquor cabinet and carried all of the booze over to the sink. He took each bottle and dumped it down the drain, throwing each bottle in the trash.

He had found a reason for living, for pushing on. He would not let James and Lily down. He would watch over Harry from a distance and when he got the chance he would get to know Harry, watch over him, and help him in whatever way he could. He would not let booze or the moon control him any longer.

A/N: What do you guys think of the first chapter? I can't wait to flesh out this story.

Leave me a comment below, hit that kudos button, and don't forget to follow so you don't miss any upcoming chapters or stories from me.

As always my faithful readers,

With Love,

Faithy