Since puberty hit him, Jonathan has always had… issues, with his appearance.
For most of his childhood, he was a regular size and height for a boy his age. When he thought about future him, at most, he expected to be as tall as his father. Perhaps a tiny bit taller, if he was lucky. Unfortunately, puberty had other plans for him. Ones that he never signed up for. It didn't help that his father tended to have lots of opinions about anything. This didn't escape his notice. At first, the comments were few and far in between. Neither of the two seemed overall concerned about it. After all, this was what puberty did to a boy. However, as time went on, and the growth spurt continued, the comments became more frequent and harsher.
"You've outgrown your clothes again? You just had these tailored to you last month."
"Your legs can't possibly hurt that much. Walk it off."
"Jonathan, honestly, you need to be more graceful. Stop bumping into things."
"How is it possible for you to still be growing? Nobody in the family is this tall."
In the end of the day, he could deal with these unfortunate side effects. The physical pains could be rubbed away, stretched, or warmed up. Certain oils or ointments helped lessen the stretch marks, which he shrugged away for the most part. The clothes could always be altered and refitted. They had the money for that. Sure, he could be less clumsy, but exercising helped with that. Additionally, he took his time to get to places, even if it was urgent. This alone resulted in less tripping on air or bruises to form from an encounter with an item.
However, as a result, two things stuck with him by the time he reached adulthood.
The first being those words. Jonathan wasn't sure why they bothered him so much. He completely understood his father's frustration with his growth spurt. Every time they thought it was over, it only continued. This cycle was obnoxious to the highest degree. Then, to add to that, there was Dio on the side going through the same thing. Though, on a bit slower pace. It made sense that it drove his father up the wall. Still, he hoped his father was more empathetic towards his situation. After all, he too went through the same thing. It seemed that it was never meant to be.
The second was how out of place he felt in his body. It never felt like he truly matched his body. There were so many people that were terrified and intimidated by him. Every time he went anywhere, it was as if the tide of people moved out of his way. Like he was Moses making the sea split in two. People would look away from him. If by chance they caught eye contact, they would look on with fear. Either that, or people, most specifically men, thought he tried to pick a fight with them. True, he had muscles. True, he towered over them like a giant. True, he looked nothing like most fellow men. But it wasn't in his nature to hurt anyone. He was a gentleman. This body did not fit the ideal image of a gentleman. What was he supposed to do with all this… extra mass?
Jonathan felt like a freak, most days. On his good days, he could look at the mirror, and grin at himself. On his bad days, he wanted to shut himself out from the world.
Today just so happened to be a particularly bad day.
It was a Saturday. No classes. No balls that he had to attend to. No responsibilities that called for his presence. Nothing. So, perhaps, it was a good thing that it happened today. A blessing in disguise. Jonathan took this opportunity to excuse himself from socializing that day with anyone, with the excuse of needing to study. After that, he all but ran to his room and hid under the covers.
At the thought of it, Jonathan tugged his extremely comfortable blanket closer to him. Never mind that he was already cocooned. The tightness provided him warmth and safety. The curtains were shut tight, as they battled off any light that threatened to make its way in. The darkness gave him extra comfort, as it provided him the feeling of security. At least nothing in this room scoffed at him and said to get over his feelings. That what he felt was illogical and was all in his head. That he should be proud for having all these physical traits, as if they meant something.
Jonathan's blue eyes squeezed shut at the thoughts. His fingers dug into the fabric around him with such a grip that his knuckles turned white. His nose all but buried into it, practically suffocating himself. Not that he cared. All he wanted was for these thoughts to go away. Why couldn't he have been given a smaller body? Something that fitted him better than this monstrosity.
Somehow, through the roaring thoughts in his mind, Jonathan heard a knocking on the door. It sounded far away in the distance. So, for a moment, he truly believed it was a different door being knocked on. When it finally clicked in his mind what truly happened, somebody already entered the room. The door was shut, with the sound of a lock turned a second later. The giant man stiffened. Who was it? He didn't dare look properly, out of sheer embarrassment and anxiety.
The bed dipped under the weight of the individual, right behind him. Soon, fingers ran through his hair in a slow fashion. The nails scratched the scalp in such a way that had Jonathan relax within seconds. No, he didn't need to look anymore. The dark headed man knew who it was. As soon as the fingers touched him, they withdrew. The person shifted on the mattress, until the dip was right up against his upper back. He felt the warmth that radiated off the individual, which caused him to shift closer. His back still faced the person. A sigh escaped him when those familiar fingers resumed their work.
Neither of the occupants spoke for awhile.
The guest continued with their actions with patience that Jonathan appreciated. The heavy feeling in his chest slowly went away. With it, so did the thoughts. The only thing left behind were the intense emotions that took anchor in his heart. His eyelashes fluttered, as they tried to blink away the tears. Another weakness that would have many, including his father, scoff and berate him over. Unfortunately, those tears escaped. As they slid down his cheeks, they stained the blanket a bit. His lips straightened into a thin line with shame.
Why couldn't he even control these emotions? Could he do anything right?
Once more, his hair was left alone. A soft fabric dabbed against his exposed, stained cheek. After they were done, they were replaced by a warm hand that cupped the place. Finally, Jonathan turned over. His eyes met a golden pair for a few brief moments, before he turned to bury his head into the welcoming lap.
"Are you having those thoughts again?"
The owner of the golden eyes, Dio, asked calmly. He patted the dark head, as he awaited the answer he already knew. Jonathan didn't say anything. The thought of the answered made the shame only darken his soul. At this point, all he could do was nod. The slight older man sighed softly.
"Jojo, I understand how much you do not appreciate this body. However, you must learn to live with it. You cannot possibly hope for it to shrink and go back to what it used to be."
Silence.
Dio shook his head at the lack of response. Then, he paused in all his actions. It was so sudden that Jonathan looked up, worried that something was the matter. The eyes blinked down at him. Slow, and in deep thought. The other hand rose to stroke the exposed cheek with such tenderness that made the bigger man melt at the touch.
"I believe that this body suits you far too well."
Blue eyes widened at the declaration. This was the first time that the blonde had ever said something of this nature. His first instinct was to argue against that claim. To lay down all the facts and feelings, so to point out how wrong he was. Even so, the dark headed man kept silent. Curiosity got the better of him, so he listened on. This didn't feel like a start of a pep talk or a lecture. It was something else. It was deep and personal. Two things out of many, in which Dio rarely ever revealed.
"These hands…" In a slow, careful fashion, the blonde pushed aside the blanket to grasp onto one of Jonathan's hands. He brought it closer to him. Both of his hands circled around it in a comforting grip. "They are both gentle and powerful. You can harm your enemies in any way, shape or form, if you wish so. However, they provide such a comforting, warm touch, that tells your dear ones otherwise. I would know."
A smirk came into view, but not the trademark that one would associate Dio with. This one was a touch softer, warmer. A twitch to the edge of the lips, as if a joke was made. Perhaps there was, because Jonathan couldn't help but smile a bit in the same manner. Almost to prove a point, his hand took care as it tightened around one of those around him. His thumb rubbed against the pale skin. The warmth underneath spread by his touch.
"These arms could lift just about anything." The hand that wasn't trapped, traveled down the wrist, and up the bicep. "You could make people fly off with ease. I saw it enough times in those boxing matches, when those sore losers grabbed a hold of them. Even so, I… enjoy feeling them around me. I always feel…"
A pause. Jonathan kept his eyes on his lover's face, with something akin to that of awe. This was, perhaps, the first time he heard him speak so much about his emotions. For someone of his nature to do so, it made the younger man both flattered and ridiculously happy. Dio took a massive step out of his comfort zone, for him. The older man shook his head, as if to brush away his thoughts.
"Safe." The word came out as a whisper. So low that Jonathan almost missed it. His breath got caught in his throat, which tightened. "Your height is magnificent. It amuses me greatly, during our rugby games. I would watch how the other players try their best to tackle you to the ground. Instead, all they manage is to climb onto you, to hold you down. Even with such an obstacle, one that could crush any ordinary man, you always continue forward. As though, your height is the embodiment of your soul. Nothing can ever slow you down, or break you, for that matter."
"People are terrified when they see me. It is as if I am some sort of a freak."
Finally, Jonathan spoke. His mouth was dry, which made the words sound rougher than they usually were. Still, the deep sadness was there. Above him, Dio glared at the thin air.
"They are fools." The man growled through his clenched teeth. Golden eyes turned to look back into the blue pair. "They are so simple minded that they cannot look past their noses. If they cannot fathom your true nature, then leave them be. They do not deserve the grace of your presence. Much less breath the same air. You are a protector, in soul and body."
This was the first time anybody said anything like this to him. For the first time ever, Jonathan forgave himself as he cried. No sobs were heard. Not even a hiccup. The tears came silently, but quickly. His body shook from the force. The bigger man let his upper body leave the blanket, in favour of wrapping itself around Dio's waist. He buried his face into the other's stomach. His tears stained the expensive sweater. Something that would anger or disgust the blonde, who cared greatly for his appearance. Grumbles came from above him, but they quietened down as his head got petted.
"Now, no more of this nonsense. Do you hear me? I will not have you hide away like a common hermit. If you feel so obligated to feel like this, then come to my room. Seek my company out, if you must. Even if I am busy. But be warned, if you pull off something like this, I will come and drag your sorry arse out of here."
Dio spoke firmly. Jonathan knew from that tone that there was no use in arguing. The last comment made him chuckle wetly and nod.
"I love you"
The gentle giant spoke through his tears. Though, it was a bit muffled from being said into the sweater. Dio shook his head, but he whispered in turn.
"I love you too"