Today I went, to speak to god, but the sky was empty. And the clouds fell down around me and you,'
It was by far the worst Holidays Remus ever had. First of all, the full moon had taken place on Christmas Eve and it was a bad one. The kind of full moon that let him stuck in bed for days. Then, he hadn't had any news from the other marauders since they left Hogwarts, and it wasn't like them. He was eager to see what would be their excuses about it as he was passing the platform 9 and ¾. They better come up with good ones, thought Remus a bit frustrated.
His body hadn't recover yet from the full moon and it was painful to just even walk. He would have had appreciated seeing his friends right now because he could have used some help. He climbed into the train, painting as he told some younger Gryffindor he was all right, asking them if they had seen the marauders.
Maybe they were late, maybe, much likely, Sirius must have slept over and they were late. James was probably screaming at his parents to hurry up because he wanted to see Lily before the train leaves. Remus had heard him told Sirius he had a gift for her.
But there was something worse that couldn't get out of Remus's head. Not only he didn't have any news at all from his supposed best friends, but he hadn't had any news from her at all either. He knew she'd probably been busy with her family, she had told him she was going on a trip to Hawaii (muggle stuff only, her mother had insisted) and was really looking forward to it.
He sighed as he shivered, before letting out a loud moaning, stopping to search desperately in his bag, remembering he had no chocolate left at all. It was a really bad day! He could still buy some of the trolley, but it wasn't the best chocolate and he would have to wait until the next Hogsmeade Trip to go to Honeyduke.
He made his way through the corridor, pushing a bit sharply the students that were in his way. He sighed again as he reached the marauders' compartment, trying to catch his breath as his lungs were hurting him, and then, he froze, a hand on the door, finally seeing her.
He saw immediately that she wasn't looking well at all. He frowned, looking at her from head to foot, she had sunken eyes, was very pale and seems on the edge of throwing up. He had never seen her that ill before. Something was wrong he could sense it.
-Hey… Remus said as he enters the compartment, slamming as gently as possible the door behind him, trying to do as few noises as he can. -You all right? He asked her, sitting beside her acting as if he wasn't ill himself.
'As we stood, hand in hand, I hope you invent me, a sea of love in which to drown me and you,'
She smiled softly, turning to him before laying his head on his shoulder. -Yeah, she tries to laugh, -I've got the flu, no big deal, I'll be okay in no time don't worry about me. love. She said, closing her eyes.
-You sure? I mean… You don't look well at all… he told her, catching her hand. It was so cold and rigid, not like the last time he had held it.
She smiled at him, reaching to lay a trembling hand on his cheek before giving him a soft kiss, asking a second time, not to worry about her. She was fine and would be well in a few days.
Remus sight and kissed her too, passing his hand in her hair, waiting for her to fall asleep in his arms, trying to convince himself that it was nothing more than a cold, shutting up his inner voice that was screaming something was wrong.
She indeed, completely recovered a few days later, as if nothing had happened. But still, Remus was sensing something was wrong. Something had changed but he couldn't tell what and he assumed he was only being a bit too protective over her. It was the first time he ever had a serious relationship and was afraid she would dump him because of what he was.
'So little miss, imagine this, we're entwined and hopeless, and the world turns upside down, without you,'
Was he too kind, not enough? Was it too much when he was cuddling her or was it not enough? Sirius had told him to stop being so worried about all this. "She's a good person; she really likes you, she doesn't care about the furry little problem, mate so relax a bit." but Remus wasn't the kind that could just relax with it.
When he had told James he thought something had happened to her during the Christmas Holidays because she was acting differently, James had laughed a bit, put a hand on his shoulder and smiled at him. "Don't you worry about that, girls are way too hard to understand, they can be really mad at you but still kissed you, they're messed up little things, just look at how Lily acts with me!'
But it wasn't just girl stuff, Remus knows it. His werewolf senses were screaming at him that something was fucking wrong. He was going crazy about it, trying to figure it out, trying not to rush her with that because she had told him sharply, to stop harassing her with that. "Everything is fine Remus could you stop asking for one second! Merlin, I mean, if something were to be wrong, I would have told you okay!"
He had looked at her in disbelief, a bit shocked by that sharpness and had turned away. The full moon was near again and it was no time for him to get angry with someone, especially with her because he likes her too much to do this to her. He was angrier, less patient and a lot more aggressive before the full moon so he'd always prefer to isolate himself. Even though James and Sirius and she, have told him many times that it wasn't necessary, that they understand plenty what it was like for him.
That night, he said goodbye to his three friends, that had come to help him get down to the Hospital Wing where madame Pomfrey was waiting for him. He had tried to find his girlfriend all evening but she was nowhere to be found. He was a bit hurt, but what did he have expected actually?
Did he really think that she was going to wait for him, for a monster like himself when she could have the world at her feet? He sights painfully, as madame Pomfrey helped him get through the courtyard, seeming more nervous that her normal self was.
-Are you okay? Asked Remus, a bit concerned. -Is something wrong?
-Poor Remus, nothing is wrong, don't you worry. She said as he let out a scream of pain, passing the trap that led him to the shrieking shack. He nodded with difficulty, before telling her to go, he was sensing the werewolf trying to rip him apart from inside and tonight, the transformation would be quit. -Try to conceal your rage tonight Remus okay. She told him, looking worriedly at him. -Try to stay as calm as possible, we don't want anyone to get hurt.
He frowned, looking at the trap she had closed behind her. What the hell did she mean? She couldn't know about the others, about James, Sirius, and Peter, could she? He gets up, climbing the stairs that let him to the chamber he was so used too, his chest seems on fire, sweat was dropping on his face, feeling like he was going to throw up.
-Is this, always that painful… asked a voice in a horrified whisper.
Remus froze, his breath stopped, his heart was pounding as he was looking behind him in horror, his soul screaming as it was already beginning to tear up, trying to let the wolf get out of him. -What… what are you doing here! He screamed, tears stinging his eyes. -You need to get out, you need to get out now! You will die if you stay here, I can't control myself when I become this monster, get out!
-I can't get out… she told him, approaching him slowly. She was crying, she was pale, shaking from head to toes, she had been sick, she was more terrified than he had ever been at full moons. -I'm… I'm like you…
'We're going to hell, Just because we're werewolves, We're werewolves, Ahoo, ahoo, ahoo,'
-No… that… that can't be… How!? Why?! Why didn't you tell me?! He screamed trying to find some kind of reassuring answers in her eyes. It was a joke right? She couldn't be a werewolf too! The world couldn't have done this to her, why her!
Why! He let out a screamed of anger, pain, and distress, shaking his head as he couldn't believe this was all happening.
He came close to her, taking her face into his hand before kissing her ferociously, squeezing her close to him, to his heart, when she let out a loud moaning of pain, her hands grabbing Remus shirt as if her life depended on it.
Suddenly, everything comes clear. Why she hadn't been answering him during the holidays, why she was suddenly so sharp with him, why she seems more isolated, her eyes watching everyone like a terrified animal, ready to run. She was scared to death, she didn't know how to handle this, how could she knows!?
'My love its quite a thrill, darling, I'll be your werewolf, your werewolf, ahoo, ahoo, ahoo'
It was very painful to turn into a werewolf and it was harder not to become mad when it was happening. You could sense your human soul and brain tearing up, melting each time the full moon was getting higher and higher in the sky.
-You… you won't leave me? She asked, reaching a hand to his cheek, looking at him with a frightened look. -Even if I'm... if I am… this?
-Of course, I won't! You hadn't left me when you'd find out what I was, did you? You still loved me? That's all the same for me, now listen, listen I know this is painful, but you can fight it.
-I can't… I'm not as strong as you are… I can't do this every month how are you doing it, Remus… this… this is awful this is not bearable… she said still shacking, letting her head on his shoulder.
'We're going to hell, Just because we're werewolves, We're werewolves, ahoo, ahoo, ahoo,'
-You listen to me love, okay, you can do this. Yes, you can, we'll do it together. He told her as she was shacking negatively her head, screaming once more as the full moon was getting higher in the deep blue sky. -Everything's going to be fine, I swear, it's gonna be more bearable in here than at home, we'll have some help.
He held her a bit tighter as the transformation began, whispering in her ear, trying to calm her gently, ignoring his own pain. He knew how strong she was and everything would be all right despite everything else, despite this night. He loves her and that was all that matters.
'It's eleven fifty-seven, she tastes so sweet, and I want more, just a second, lay in heaven, as my heart, hit, hit, hit the floor,'
-I'll never let you go love; it's gonna be all right. He whispered one last time as she nodded, closing her eyes, the full moon taking over them, transforming into two fully grown werewolves.
It wasn't his first full moon and he couldn't dream of the last one, but tonight was different. For the first time, someone was feeling like he was, someone was fighting the same inner demons as he was, tonight was different. Somewhere, deep inside the monster's mind, he was still Remus. He had managed to fight, all on his own, this thing that was raging inside of him for years. Tonight, at last, he wasn't a bloodthirsty monster.
So, We're going to hell, Just because we're Werewolves, We're werewolves, Ahoo, ahoo, ahoo,
My love its quite a thrill, Darling, I'll be your werewolf,
Your werewolf, Ahoo, ahoo, ahoo