Author's Note: Hello everyone. It's been a long time since I actually wrote a Sonic related story, and I thought this would be the perfect time to do so. Now, when it comes to Sonic pairings, I'm more of a Sonaze guy. However, Shadamy is like in the top three pairings I kind like and read the most of in terms of stories. Reading a lot of Shadamy stories, I've notice a large amount of cliches that authors do when writing Shadamy stories and its kinda still happening now. Not to say cliches are bad of course, but I now have a checklist of all the stuff to look for in a Shadamy fanfiction.
Now this isn't to attack anyone who writes the pairing or anyone who likes the pairing (because I like it myself). I just thought this would be a funny joke to write for April Fools of a pairing I enjoy. Not trying to offend anyone so don't take this too personally. Or go off if you get upset, your life.
It is night time in Green Hill Zone. The full moon shining over the grassy fields. The animals of South Island are currently sleeping and everything was quiet and peaceful, until a very ear grating voice echoed loudly across the island.
"SONIC!" A high pitched voice screamed.
That's right. Once again, Amy Rose the Hedgehog is chasing after her long time crush and said to be "future husband", Sonic the Hedgehog. Ever since she met the Blue Blur, all the pink hedgehog ever wanted was to marry him, have many hedgehog babies, and then die together of old age. She's spent years obsessing and stalking Sonic, attacking him with her infamous Piko Piko Hammer whenever he tried escaping her or reject her advances, or attack any other who she thought was trying to "steal" Sonic away from her (which was basically every other woman who unfortunately decided to talk to Sonic). Now her friends and Sonic have expressed multiple times that Sonic just did not see her romantically, but that totally understandable reason always went through one ear and out the other. Amy swears that Sonic is just nervous to confess his love to her, she was sure of this. This hedgehog is a lost cause.
Having Amy constantly chasing him around and stalking him was driving Sonic crazy. Not a day goes by without Amy trying to give him a death hug or kiss him. No matter where he ran or how long he ran, Amy always found her way to him. While he obviously could out speed Amy, it wouldn't stop his obsessed fan girl from chasing after him. He couldn't stand it anymore. The blue hedgehog felt himself reaching his breaking point. He was getting pissed off. He's had enough. It was time to tell Amy that enough was enough.
Sonic stops himself. He turns to Amy and sticks his hand out in front of her, causing her to stop when she finally catches up to him.
"You've stopped Sonic! Have you finally decided to stop running away from your feelings and confess your love to me?" Amy says with hearts in her eyes and her hands clasps. Her fantasies were running crazy in her hand. Was Sonic going to confess? Was he going to get down on one knee and ask her to marry her? The excitement was killing her.
Sonic rolls his eyes and facepalms. "Amy. How many times do I have to repeat myself? How many?! I've told you already! I do not love you! I'll say it slowly to you this time so you can comprehend the words that are coming out of my mouth. I! Do! NOT! LOVE! YOU!" The blue hedgehog yells, pointing at Amy saying the last word. "What is it that you don't get woman?!"
"You don't mean that Sonic. You love me! You're just scared to admit it! That's it...right?" Amy reaches into her pocket and takes out her Piko Piko Hammer. Giving Sonic a threatening expression to make him concede.
Sonic snatches the Piko Piko Hammer from Amy's hand and chucks it aside. "Your intimidation tactics won't work on me this time. I've had enough. Listen Amy, you're a stupid dumb bitch. I hate you you fucking whore. What is it about that that you don't understand? All you do is stalk me, beat me up, beat up innocent women, even your female friends, for just even looking in my general direction. You think I want to date you?! No! I don't! I don't want a stalker like you! You're annoying, you're childish, you're ugly, your boobs are also small. What does that have to do with anything? Nothing, but I need a reason to act totally against my character towards you."
Amy can feel her heart slowly cracking apart inside of her. She clutches her chest with tears slowly welling up in her eyes. "S-Sonic...please...please say that this is only a joke and say you love m-"
"Noooooooooooooo!" Sonic shakes his head and waves his hands in front of Amy's face. He really wanted to emphasize how he felt about Amy. "I will never love you! You dummy! Now if you will excuse me, I am going to find Sally Acorn and have a really hot make out session with her. Then we're most likely going to have sex and talk about how trash you are. Because you are. If you wanna watch and let your heart get broken, you're welcome to. Sally is better than you because she's actually well written and she's much hotter than you. Now go run away and cry. I'll regret my decisions later and run back to you." Sonic boosts away from Amy.
The pink hedgehog is left in a state of pain. Her heart was now shattered. She begins to cry. Sonic got sick of her bullshit and is now he was going to shag that cheap slut whore she hated, Sally Acorn. Amy begins to run away. She didn't know where, but away. Away from heartbreak, away from love, away from Sonic, maybe away from the world.
Night Babylon, Club Rouge
The biggest club in all of the city and the home of Rouge the Bat and her teammates, Shadow and E-123 Omega. The club is closed. Team Dark had just returned from a mission given to them by G.U.N. Shadow and Omega are sitting at the bar watching Rouge making them drinks over the counter.
Rouge walks up to her teammate and gives them their drinks. "Here you go boys! Whiskey for Shadow and uh...oil for Omega. I wasn't sure what you would want Omega, you don't ever drink or eat anything."
"Affirmative. I am not required to consume items that are maybe considered edible to my database. However, I will accept this oil because it was offered you. You are appreciated, Rouge." Omega says. He grabs the cup of oil and puts it in his chest compartment.
Shadow takes his cup of whiskey and drinks it. "Thank you Rouge."
Rouge pours herself some red wine in a wine glass. She raises her glass up. "Cheers to another successful job today." The bat girl drinks her wine.
Shadow shrugs. "It wasn't anything we couldn't handle. Just an average hostage situation. The only thing we had to worry about was stopping Omega from mutilating the criminals." The black hedgehog glares at his robotic partner.
"Low life scum deserve to be eliminated. Had I not been ordered by Rouge or the commander, I would have unloaded many bullets on all of them. However, I was tasked in doing things in a less violent way. Well, less violent than what I am usually used to." Omega says.
"Well at least we got the job done. The President said he was going to reward us handsomely after another job well done." Rouge sighs happily. She leans on the counter and begins to fantasize about jewelry. "I can just imagine all the jewels I can buy with all of those rings. I am going to look absolutely stunning." She says as her eyes glow.
Shadow rolls his eyes at Rouge obsessing over jewels. He takes another sip of his whiskey. His eyes widen as he begins to feel...a disturbance. Like he needs to go and comfort someone poor sap. He stands up from his stool. "I need to go." He says.
Rouge and Omega are confused by this. "Go? We just got back home. Where do you need to go at this time of night?" Rouge wonders.
"I just feel...a disturbance. Like...I need to simp. I don't even know what that word means, but I need to do it. For Amy Rose. I'll be right back." Shadow teleports out of Club Rouge.
Omega turns to Rouge. "Rouge, what is simp?" The robot asks.
"I'll discuss with you another time Omega." The bat did not want to explain such a term to Omega.
South Island
Near a cliff on South Island, Amy is crying her eyes out under a tree. She just couldn't understand why Sonic didn't love her. Now he was going to fuck Sally Acorn just to spite her.
Amy wipes her red eyes. "I can't believe Sonic broke my heart. I've been nothing but good to him and he hurts me like this! My heart hurts so much!" She says clutching her chest. "Welp, now that Sonic has broken my heart. Let's decide what road I should take after this heartbreak." The pink hedgehog takes a notepad with a bunch of scribbles on it. "Let's see...Become very depressed, ignore all your friends, and try to forget Sonic? Sounds like a safe option. Move away to a place and come back a new woman five to ten years later, but still having some love for Sonic? Debatable. Option two, but coming back with a child? Well that's out of the picture. Become a rebellious girl and change my entire personality to be a goth? That's a tough transition. Become suicidal and killing myself. Perhaps. I am definitely in that mood."
Shadow teleports beside Amy. The pink hedgehog screams as she jumps in surprise.
Shadow turns to Amy. "Amelia Rose. I have come for you." He says.
"S-Shadow?! What are you doing?! And did you call me Amelia? That's...really hot." The pink hedgehog admits.
"I felt a disturbance. That maybe you were hurt. What happened? You can talk to me. My social skills have greatly improved now that I'm here with you. So I can now talk to you like the smooth talker I am."
Amy looks down to the ground. "Sonic broke my heart...He said he didn't love me. Told me I was too obsessive, clingy, and a stalker. That I was annoying and that my boobs were small." She says sadly.
"Well...all those things are true." Shadow mutters to himself. "Anyways. That idiot faker doesn't know what the hell he's talking about." The black hedgehog walks up to Amy and cups her chin. "He doesn't see the beautiful pink rose that I see. You're beautiful, caring, sweet, and I don't care how your body looks. That faker just doesn't understand that you love him. After all the time and dedication you spent chasing after him, he threw you away like garbage. I would never do such a thing to you Rose."
"Y-You really mean that Shadow?" Amy puts her hands over her chest.
"I do Rose. You are the one that helped me realize my true purpose, and you remind me so much of Maria. Except you're really not, but we're not going to discuss that." Shadow puts his hands over Amy's hands. "I will treat you right my beautiful rose. My eyes will only be for you. My heart is yours. I will help you mend your broken heart if you accept me as your love." Shadow turns away with a somber look on his face. "However, I'm afraid you may not accept me."
Amy tilts her head in confusion. "What do you mean Shadow? Why would I not accept you?"
"Because I know deep down inside you still have feelings for Sonic. Also...I have a deep dark secret." Shadow let go of Amy's hand and turns away from her. "I...am a vampire."
Amy's eyes widened in surprise. She gasps. "A vampire?! You?!"
Shadow nods. "That's right. I am a creature of the night because I am a character with a dark color scheme, so I'm guaranteed to be a vampire." He turns Amy. "Will you accept me for who I am?"
"Of course I will. You showed me the love Sonic didn't. How can I say no to you? Vampire or not, I love you Shadow the Hedgehog."
Shadow walks up to Amy and caresses the side of her. The pink felt chills going down her spine. Shadow's warm touch was making her heart pump.
"Let me suck your blood Amelia. Become a vampire with me. We will be together forever. Please."
"STOP!" A voice yells.
Shadow and Amy turn to see Sonic appear. Amy gasps. "S-Sonic?!"
"Amy! I'm sorry! I've realized the error of my ways...I think. I had no interest in you before, but seeing you with Shadow of all people?! I can't accept that! Also, Sally was being a totally bitch for some reason and just really hated you. She doesn't usually act like that, wondering what was up with her. Doesn't matter, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I love you Amy, please don't date Shadow."
Amy looks down to the floor conflicted. Sonic is now confessing her love to her, just like she always wanted. However, after he hurt her and Shadow came in to give the love that she once desired from her long time hero. Did she want to accept Sonic's love? "I-I...I…" The pink hedgehog stutters.
Shadow stands in front of Amy. "Back off faker! You had your chance and you hurt Amy! She loves me now!"
"She only loves you because you're acting like me! I mean come on, since when has Shadow the introverted Hedgehog suddenly learned how to talk like such a smooth chad?! You are not a smooth talker. You are not a player. You are not a pimp. You're a simp. I don't want Amy dating no vampire either. Also because...you're black. Characters with dark color schemes are always associated with evil, so I'm obligated to get in your way and be the hero."
"Bite me Sonic! I know what you've done to her! I won't let you beat her again!" Shadow yells.
Sonic stares in confusion. "Uh, wrong alternate universe Shadow. I'm not the abusive boyfriend this time."
"Oh right. Sorry. Let me try again." Shadow clears his throat. "You may be the most popular jock in high school, but you're just a bitch!" He yells.
"Again, wrong alternate universe Shadow. We're sticking with the game and comic canon here. I know I'm an asshole in a lot of these stories. People feel they should destroy my character so you can come off as some prince charming. I can still reject people and be a decent person you know." The blue hedgehog shrugs.
Shadow folds his arms. "Hmph. That is correct. Why are you even doing this Sonic? You didn't care before, but now that you saw me with her you do?"
"I-I don't know! I'm not usually someone who gets jealous. Especially over relationships. Not my thing. You know what, you can have her. I'm happy she's moved on."
"Actually I don't want her either. She's a pretty deplorable character. I don't know what came over me."
"What?! Are you kidding me?! This isn't how things are supposed to go! You're supposed to beat up Sonic and help me move on! We were going to grow up together and become a family!" Amy yells at Shadow as she clings on to his arm.
Shadow pushes Amy off of him and makes her fall to the ground. "Not interested. I'm going back to Rouge. I'll see you around Sonic." The black hedgehog teleports away.
Sonic looks down at Amy and shrugs at her. "Welp, so much for that. Hope you have a goodnight Amy." The blue hedgehog waves at Amy and dashes away.
Amy is not left alone with no boyfriend. She sighs as she places her hand on her face and pouts. "I really need to improve my character and stop being a Mary sue."
Author's Note: I'mma just say this though, please stop making Sonic out to be the most deplorable person ever. It is just terrible how often people write Sonic off to be the most horrible character. Also I see Shadamy writers doing the same demonizing of Sally like Sonamy does, just not to a bigger degree. Y'all gotta stop being petty.
Happy April Fools Everybody!