Jenny's dad hadn't been the same since they laid her momma to rest in the ground. He stopped tending to the field of corn and showing up for work at the mill in town. The small two-bedroom house they lived in was looking more run down than usual. He took to drinking heavily thinking it would ease his pain but it only ailed the problem. That evening Jenny lay awake in bed looking out the window to admire the starry filled sky. It reminded her of the nights when her mother used to sing to her before she went to sleep. She recalled her having the sweetest singing voice she'd ever heard, the last song she sang before she got sick was 'Bye, Bye Black Bird'.
Her momma used to say, "That's our song baby. One day, God's gonna give us wings like a beautiful bird to fly far away from here." She opened her eyes as an unfamiliar sound disrupted her reminiscing. She sat up in bed and listened more intently as it almost sounded like whimpering just outside her door. She left her room to investigate taking cautious steps with hopes of not stirring her father awake. As she stood in the doorway though, Jenny was taken back to find her dad sulking in his bedroom. "Daddy never cried though," she thought. Yet, there he was reduced to tears balling like a baby and disheveled looking as she approached him.
His hands were covering his face with his arms bent up resting on his knees. The wood floor creaked beneath her feet with uneasy steps causing him to jolt as he looked up and quickly wiped his tear filled eyes. "What are you doing out of bed girl?" he asked sternly trying to compose himself. Jenny stared blankly at her father still trying to register the sight she'd witnessed just seconds ago. She drew her attention to the half empty bottle of whiskey that sat at his feet. There was a moment of pause that lasted long enough to try his patience, "Well!" he shouted breaking her fixated trance.
His raised voice caused her to startle, "I heard a noise so I got up to see if you were alright," she replied softly. Even from where she was standing there was a strong smell of booze on his breath. He sat up softening his demeanor and reached a hand out for her to take as he placed her on his lap. "I'm sorry I raised my voice," he said apologetically. He stroked her short blonde hair and gently kissed her forehead. His daughter gazed upon him with forgiving eyes as she wrapped her little arms around him tight. "It's okay Daddy. I miss her too," she said. Her words only caused him to weep more as he reciprocated the hug holding her tight.
"I just miss her so much," he said sobbing. Jenny got up from her dad's lap to return back to her room until he firmly grabbed her wrist. "No, stay. Stay here with me tonight," he said patting the bed. She hesitated at his offer before saying; "But I only slept with you and Momma if I got scared when the thunder rolled in." He caressed her arm with his thumb and pulled her closer towards him. "It's okay because we'd be keeping each other company. We're all each other's got now and you don't want daddy to be lonely do you?" he asked. She looked into his half glazed eyes as some unknown feeling began to build up inside her.
Though Jenny couldn't place what it was she didn't want to disappoint her father and sat beside him on the bed. "That's my girl," he said pulling back the covers. As she settled into bed he came around to tuck her in like momma used to. "Comfy?" he asked. She nodded in response as he walked back to his side upsetting the whiskey on the floor. A look of anger rose on his face as he fumbled to the kitchen to fetch another bottle. Jenny rolled over to face the wall until she was overwhelmed by a familiar scent on the pillow; it smelt of lavender, just like momma's hair used to.
She buried her face into it, which brought her comfort as she closed her eyes trying to imagine momma singing by her side as she fell asleep. She woke up with an odd sensation as the sleep paralysis began to wear off causing her to become aware of what was going on. Her dad was sweating profusely and reeked of alcohol as he sat on top of her thrusting she felt a piercing pain. Then she realized something was stabbing- no, penetrating her. It was nothing like she'd ever felt before as if she was being ripped in half on the inside.
"Stop it!" Jenny pleaded as she winced and squirmed from the unpleasant sensation. But there was no response. She looked up into her father's vacant eyes while whimpering before crying out, "Daddy!" The violent rocking motion ceased in an instance as her father grew alert of his actions. He gasped releasing his grip, pulling out and away from her realizing it was his daughter occupying the bed. He stood back from her bedside as she coiled away in fear of what he would do next. "I thought- I thought you were her," he slurred in a soft whisper. She adjusted her nightgown pulling her knees to her chest all the while and cried.
He looked down at his erect form quickly pulling his overalls up from around his ankles to cover himself. He re-directed his attention back to his daughter who had a look of sheer terror on her face. He fell to his knees and said, "I'm sorry baby. Daddy's so sorry," in a shameful tone. He planted his head face down on the bed and cried some more. Wanting to comfort him Jenny drew closer placing a shaky hand on his back. He lifted his face from the tear soaked sheets and stood up scooping her into his arms.
As they both lay there woven together the unpleasant aroma of his warm whiskey breath washed over her. Eventually his soft sobs subsided into steady even breaths as her daddy began to snore Jenny carefully slid out of his grasp and quietly crept back to her room. Little did she know that would be the first and last time he would apologize for his inappropriate drunken behavior. Every night since then she would find ways of avoiding his advances and unwelcomed intentions by running away.