Alright bitches, so like basically? dakoolguy and Edgeworth are really serious now, they got an apartment together and they're even engaged. All there friends in the ace attorney world were really happy for them because they were like totally perfect for eachother? And cuz it was good they weren't ignoring there true feelings anymore?
Anyways everything was gooing pretty good until one day Edgeoworth and dakoolguy were in the bedroom (yes in a gay way) for their daily makeout sesh when all of a sudden Edgeowth got a text mrssage thingy on his cell phone. I dont know what it said but Edgy got PISSED. OFF. when he saw it and he slapped dakoolguy on the face!
"Owie wowie" said dakoolguy "Miles my love, why?"
"YUO KNOW WHAT YOU DID YOU TRAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIITTOOOORRRRRRR!" and he kicked dakoolguy out of their apartment adn into the wet streets (the street were wet becuase it was raining, raining water in fact, and water is wet, look at it logically!)
Anyway since dakoolguy's parants were killed in the WAR by ANGLES escaped from HEAVEN, he had to crash at Phoenix's place.
dakoolguy was so depresed that he couldnt even get enough energy to write fan fiction anymore. all he did was sit in Pheonix's kitchen and eat ice cream and crie like a baby.
"MY LIFE IS OVER" dakoolguy cried and ate more ice creme
phoenix was in the living room peeking out at him through the bead curtains. "This guy nneds to get the fuck out of my house," thuoght Phoenix inside his head mentally in his brain. But how? Oh, of course, its obvs, sue Edgeworthj and force him to date dakoolguy again!
"oh wait" Phoenix said "I'm a really shitty lawyer, I can't do that. I need to get someone beter." So he went to the phonebooth in his room and called his sister Mary who was a secret sister he only learned about 4 seconds ago.
"Did you give birth yet you dumb hoe" Pheonix asked
"Yes my brother Phoenix Wright" Mary replied "I gave birth to a healthy baby boy while you said "dumb hoe" just now."
"Cool, looks like banging my sister finally payed off," said Phoenix ace insects attornery. "Now put the kid on the phone, I have to talk to him."
"Yes father?" the baby asked.
"You need to become a defense attorney son," Phoenix said.
"Ha, surely you jest, father? I already did that 0.512173 microseconds ago."
"Wow nice job. Uh by the way" phoenix said sheepishly "don't call me father, call me Uncle Phoenix. We don't want law enforcement figuring out how we're related now do we?"
"I see the logic in your words, uncle," the lawyer baby said. "They are logical words indeed. So Ill call you uncle, but what will you call me?"
Pheonix thought for 2 seocnds "Oh i know... "John" like those guys who are always meeting your mom. Oh and phoenix because my name is phoenix."
And so John Phoenix ace baby man was born into this world. 1 second later Edgeworth was lounging in front of his fireplace in this really sexy robe with his hairy chest exposed while lsitening to "Mr Lonely" on a recordplayer. He was sipping tea and tears were falling into the cup. Anyway suddenly Edgypoo saw a helicopter outside his window.
"What the Edgeworth?" Edgeworth said. Then Gumshoe somersaulted out the helicopter and through the window and then he grabbed Edgy by the throat and stuffed him into a evidence bag.
"Detective! What is the meaning of this?"
"Sorry sir" Gumshoe said sadly "but dakoolguy is suing you for breaking up with him so your under arrest"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" scremed Edgyboy as Gumshoe slowly zipped up the bag.
"Sorry sir... I have no choice." But before he closed the bag he put some oxygen in there so Edgeboy woudln't die. Isnt that thoughtful?
Anyway the next day Godot ace studmuffin went to the detention center which was the physical location Edgeowrth was being held in at that point in time.
"Hey dude" Godot said. "Heard your getting sued?"
"Help me!" Miles begged. "I don't want to date that wretched slut dakoolguy!"
Godot grinned and drank coffee. "Don't worry I'll be the prosecutor for your trial, you can count on me." Coffee splashed out of his mouth as he talked and got all over the floor. "Besides I'd love another chance to trounce that Trite cunt in court. Fuck him!"
"Actually the defense attorney for this trial isn't Wright it is a complete n00b" Edgeowrht said. "It's Wright's nephew."
"Nephew? This should be easy" Godot laughed. "Oh by the way why did you break up with dakoolguy anyway? Cuz you guys seemed totes in love, the last time I saw you, you were feeding the duckies at the park?"
Edgeworth sighed and held his hands in his head. "He cheated on me Godot..."
"What the fucks?"
"I got a text massage from a mysterious stranger that said that dakoolguy was kissing him all the time. I knew it must be true becuase the dude knew about the weird birthmark dakoolguy gots that looks like a third nipple."
"Damn that sucks bro" said Godot. "Well gotta go prepare for the trial bye." He turned around and slipped on coffee juice and hit the floor. "Oww fuckies my body broke"
Anyways the trile started the next day. John Phoenix was a grown ass man now because reasons. He was wearing a green suit and he had hair (don't steal). Dakoolguy was standing next to him at the defense bench. Meanwhile uncle Phoenix was sitting in the gallery and eating popcorn.
"No eating in my courtroom" the judge said and he threw his hammer like a boomerang and knocked the popconrn out of Wrighto's hands. "Anyway, opening statements?"
John Phoenix went first. "Your honor, the defense proclaims that Edgeworth is guilty and must suck my clients dingdong," the logical lawyer said. "Any objections?"
"Nope you're logic is perfect," the bald old guy said. "I find Miles Edgeowrht..."
"OBJECTION!" Godot shouted. He was in a wheelchare because he broke his feet with coffee. "Hey what kinda of clown show is this, I didnt even get to talk yet?"
The judge laughed. "You don't get to talk biiiiiiiitch" The judge took off his wig and he was actually JOHN PHOENIX THE GREATEST DEFENSE ATTORNEY TO EVER LIVE?
"SPEEEEEEWWFT" spat godot. "What the fuckccc? HOW the fuck?"
"Easy you simpleminded simpletin" said Jodge Pheonix "while I was giving my open statement I replaced the judge with a bodydouble while everyone was destracted." He slamed his gavil. "So I win! A lawyer of my caliber never loses. Better luck next time. "
Godot took a sip from his godot blend 69. "Heh. I gotta admit that was an impressive legal stratagem, but you're forgetting one thing, FUCK YOU" And he threw the coffee cup at John Phoenix's face!
"AHHHHH! MY FACE! MY EYES HURT!"
"Oh shit" said Phoenix Wright because he hasnt said anything in a while.
"Hurry, Edgeworth!" Godot urged. "Get out of here befoere its too late!" Godot was basically sacraficing himself cuz he knew his wheelchaire was too fucking slow to escape with. So the handcuffed Edgeworth did a backflip and kicked both the guards flanking him IN THE FACE and the key landed in the handcuffs so he twisted his wrists IN THE AIR and unlocked himself and then he runned really fast to the doors.
But there was one problem, the door WAS MISSING ITS DOORKNOBS.
"How?" Edgeworth said, pounding on the door. "This makes no logic! Doors are suposed to have doorknobs!" But on closer inspection the doors weren't actually doors at all, they were giant human teeth?
"What..." Edgeowrht said, getting fairly fucking freaked out. Suddenly evel laugherter echoed throughout the courtroom. Edgeworth turned around and saw dat all the walls and ceilings were actually made out of John Phoenix's skin and body parts!
"Hahaha" said the courthouse aka JOHN PHOENIIIIIIIIIX. "I was the district court all along you fool. You never stood a chance. Now, kiss!" Two gigantic hands burst out of the walls and grabbed Edgyboo and dakoolguy and smushed them together.
"Yuck! Phoeey!" Edgy said. "I don't want to kiss this cheating bastard!"
"EDGY PLEASE" dakoolboy cried. "I'D NEVER CHEAT ON YOU MY LOVER"
Godot wheeled his chair over to the giant hands. "Oh yeah, THEN EXPLAIN THIS. TAKE THAT!" And Godot presented his cellphone. "See, this text massage from the real killer clearly states that dakoolguy is a two timing hoe. Edgeworth deserves better."
"Objection!" Phoenix yelled. "Godot you stupid fuck thats your cellphone. That means YOU sent the message and YOUR the real killer!"
Godot's wheelchair exploded. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo" he screamed in agony. All his skin melted off and it was grossie as fuck. But underneath the skin was...
"Race Attorney?" everybody in the whole wide world said.
"YES!" Race Attorney cried. "I did it! I sent the text message! I wanted to frame dakoolguy so Edgeworth would brake up with him and get together with Phoenix. It's... it's my OTP!"
"lol, me and Edgeworth?" repeated Phoenix incredicklously. "I'm banging my sister dumbass. Uh whoops I mean forget i said that."
Judge John Phoenix Courthouse let go of dakoolguy and Edgeworth and picked up Race Attorney. "Ha you can't fool me you little fucknugget" laffed JOHN PHOENIX. "I know exactly who you really are, the only person on this planet who could hold such TOXIC and NON-CANONICAL OPINIONS." And he used 1/100000000th of the strength in his pinky finger to tear off Race Attorney's skin and reveal the TRUTH! Race Attorney was actually none other than...
"Takeshi Yamazaki?" said Edgeworth's dog.
"YESSSSS" cried the evul Takeshi Yamazaki, aka reddit as a human being. "I DID IT BECAUSE I SUCK AND IM BAD"
"Case closed" said John Phoenix. Then the floor of the courtroom opened up and John Phoenix used his gigantic fuxcking hand to throw Yamazaki into his floor-mouth and ate him up.
"Yucky that taste bad" said John Phoenix. Everybody laughed. And then Edgeworth and dakoolguy got back together and started making out right then and there.
Not gonna lie... it was pretty hawt ;)
epilog
trucyfan finally got shipped with john phoenix like she wanted
but then she died of illness disease
john phoenix layed a rose on grave
"For my bride to die so young... is simply... illogical." He cried a single tear.