Be kind, this is my first multi chapter fic. Set in season 7, what if Donna had gone into that hotel room with Mark? Donna angst with Darvey undertones..here goes.
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As Donna closed her apartment door the dam burst and she let out a sob, with shaking hands she poured scotch into a large tumbler and didn't stop until it was half full. She drained half the amount in one gulp and coughed as it burnt her throat. The alcohol quickly gave her the hit she needed as it smoothed over the adrenaline buzzing through her veins.
She continued to take sips from the glass and made her way to the bedroom and into the bathroom to turn on the shower. She turned the water temperature up high before stripping off her dress and underwear and throwing them in the corner away from her bed.
On weak legs she stepped into the shower and stood under the hot spray, scrubbing the shame off her and hoping to erase all memory of the evening, head hanging low and tears spilling freely down her cheeks.
What the hell, Donna. Why didn't you stop him?
Her mind replayed images of the evening until she couldn't piece together exactly what was real and what she had imagined happened. Dizzy and disorientated she slid down the tiled wall to sit on the floor.
...
As soon as Donna knocked on the door she recoiled, her limbs felt heavy as she looked down at her phone.
"I'm sorry, I cant-" Donna stuttered and took a step back from the open hotel room door and went to turn on her heel. Rachel's text message replayed in her mind. I deserve better than this.
"Donna, wait- lets just talk?" She looked down at Mark's hand softly clasping her wrist, the warmth from his skin seeped into hers and suddenly her chest tightened at how lonely she had been.
Donna looked up from behind her long dark lashes and his face softened in return. What do I have to lose? She let her heavy legs move and follow him inside.
"Can I get you a drink?" Mark offered as he shut the door behind her.
"Sure-" She took off her Mytheresa coat and awkwardly held onto it, shielding herself. She could feel Mark's eyes on her before she even turned to face him. Donna took a deep breath to steady her nerves before she turned around to take her drink from him.
"Thanks." She took a seat on the leather couch on the other side of the room and Mark followed closely behind. She eyed the bed in front of them in the small hotel room, images of their past love making flashing through her mind and only adding to her anxiety levels. He is married, Donna.
Mark crept towards her like she was a wild animal he was afraid to scare away, looking around the room he tried to break the tension. "Remember when we went to stay at that place upstate for the weekend, they showed us to our room and-"
"Yeah-" Donna huffed in place of a laugh, looking down at her drink. "I'll never forget that image!"
"We had good times, Donna. I have always regretted how we let things end."
Old feelings resurfaced when she thought about the day he ended it between them. Their 6 month anniversary. Harvey had made fun of her before she went out that evening.
Harvey. She cringed as she thought of what Harvey would say if he knew where she was and immediately her flight instinct kicked in. This was a mistake.
"I think I should go-"
"Donna, stay please." He moved his hand to her knee anchoring her to the couch.
"Mark.. thanks for the drink but this..this doesn't feel right, you're married." She tried to keep her cool as the atmosphere between them shifted, he was looming over her and she was pressed up against the arm of the chair.
She pushed his hand off her and stood up and he mirrored her, blocking her exit from the room. She could see the desire in his eyes and it took her back, he was the last serious relationship she had, if she had stopped working for Harvey her life could have been so different. Her heart pounded in her chest as her heart fought for control over her head. She was caught between running and never looking back and just letting herself go with it.
Her attention snapped back to the current situation as Mark unzipped the back of her dress and despite the urge to run her resistance wilted, she was trapped in her own body as she let the dress fall to the floor . Just go with it Donna.
Mark pulled her towards him, his mouth was on hers and she felt suffocated. He backed her up towards the bed, his hands all over her bra-clad chest and then lower down into her panties before pushing them down. When the back of her knees hit the bed she lowered herself down to the mattress but kept her eyes on the ceiling.
Everything seemed to move in slow motion as Mark's bulk overpowered her and eventually after rolling on a condom, he bit down on her shoulder and groaned his way inside her. It made her nauseous as she realized that to him this was some sordid affair, the thrill of rekindling with an ex-lover behind his wife's back.
To her this had started as a desperate attempt to feel good about herself, to prove someone still desired her but actually this was having the opposite affect on her. She was hurting herself. She wanted to tell him to stop. But she couldn't seem to speak out. She wanted him off her. This was wrong. This wasn't her.
He misread her stiffened body language as pleasure as he grabbed her hips and thrust into her harder, physically hurting her and muttering filthy things to her that she didn't want to hear. What they were doing made her sick. She had lost herself and she didn't know who she was becoming.
"Stop." She whispered, too afraid of his reaction to speak out any louder. "Please Mark."
He mistook her whimpering for pleasure and he reached down between them to help send her over the edge with him, but she grabbed his hand to stop him touching her and clenched her inner muscles around him in an attempt at faking her pleasure and ending this.
He was waiting on it and within seconds he was groaning his own pleasure and her name down her ear as his movements shuddered to a halt. He hovered over her, panting into her hair as he rested his head on her shoulder. His rough beard scratched at her delicate skin there.
"You were much quieter than I remember." He laughed, kissing her cheek before moving off her and closing his eyes as he lay on the bed. Donna felt empty, she couldn't think of anything except how she needed to get out of that room. Anxiety clawed at her chest and the nausea she felt made the room spin.
"Donna, where are you going?-" Suddenly she was half dressed and rushing for the door.
She slammed it behind her before he could finish his question and she ran to the nearest elevator and repeatedly pressed the door close button. Only once she was inside and the elevator started to move did she feel safe, she glanced up into the mirrored wall unable to hold her own gaze, she smoothed down her ruffled appearance and slid back into her pink coat ready to face the lobby and hold it together until she could get back to the safety of her apartment.
...
The next morning Donna was uncharacteristically late for work, she shuffled straight from the elevator to her office avoiding eye contact with anyone she passed on the way. Her head was pounding and she half wondered if she could get away with wearing her sunglasses indoors and passing it off as a migraine.
Paranoia was eating away at her and it was easy to feel like everyone was watching you in a goddamn glass building. Donna had decided she was going to keep a low profile today, she was fairly sure Harvey had a busy day and as he was mostly avoiding her these days the chances of her seeing him were slim to none.
She settled in her office and fired up her laptop to check her emails and hoped some normality would take her mind off things.
"Good, you're here." Harvey appeared in her doorway causing her to jump. Goddamn it, he would have arrived before her today of all days. "Do you have a minute? I could do with your input on something."
"Umm, sure Harvey. What do you need?" She stuttered and looked up briefly meeting his eyes over her laptop screen before staring down again at the keyboard.
"Are you ok?" He sat down in the chair opposite hers, noting her blood shot eyes and lack of coffee cup on her desk meaning she had been running late.
She bit the inside of her cheeks to stop herself from bursting into tears. Embarrassed, ashamed, mortified.
"I'm fine." She lied. " I've got a shit load of emails to get through so can we? Is this urgent?" She raised her eyebrows hoping he wouldn't see straight through her.
He didn't say anything but rubbed his palms against his thighs and tilted his head to the side and she could tell he was trying to decide whether to push her on it or not.
"It can wait. I'll catch you later, Donna." He stood and she exhaled a breath she didn't know she was holding.
...
Later she was in the bathroom washing her hands are staring in the mirror, giving herself a silent pep talk in the mirror. She just needed to forget about last night and move on. Her talk was interrupted when Rachel appeared around the corner.
"There you are, I was looking all over for you."
"Wh-what for?" Donna avoided her friends stare and looked down for a paper towel.
"I know you were being a little secretive about your date last night, but I care about you and I wanted to know how it went?"
"It didn't." She lied.
"But you said-"
"I know what I said, I wanted a night to just feel good about myself but I realized that last night wasn't going to do that so I called it off." She reeled off, guilt coursed through her at lying to her best friend.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No, Rachel I don't." Her eyes stung as tears pricked them and threatened to fall, she marched past Rachel and back to the safety of her office.
...
Donna stared at her phone as it rang and for the fifth time that day and she ignored it based on the caller ID. She had hoped Mark had taken the hint when she didn't return any of his texts over the past couple of days, she knew he should be heading out of town by now and thought if she could just keep her cool until then this terrible mistake would soon be a distant memory.
Her phone stopped finally stopped ringing but buzzed shortly after with another text.
Mark S: I don't know why you're ignoring me. It's really starting to piss me off. I just want to talk to you. Call me PLEASE.
Heat rose from her chest and swept over her face and down her arms and she dropped her phone back onto her desk. He was starting to freak her out. Why couldn't he let this go? Didn't he get the hint when she practically ran from him after they slept together? Couldn't he tell that she hated every minute of it? Didn't he hear her asking him to stop? She already felt ashamed of herself, the last thing she wanted was him thinking it was going to happen again or worse that he could just hit her up every time he was in town. She deserved better and she only wished she had remembered that sooner. Maybe if she just told him how she felt he would leave her alone, her hands were shaking as she typed out her reply.
D: The other night was a mistake, please don't contact me again Mark.
M: In case you forgot, YOU got in touch with me after all these years. YOU used ME. Bitch.
Donna sat open mouthed staring at her phone, she definitely hadn't seen this side to him before and if she had there is no way she ever would have got involved with him again. Her skin prickled as she re-read his message and realized it was true. She was the one who initiated them meeting, although she didn't know he was married and he hadn't exactly been open about that at first. She regretted the whole thing and wished she could make it all go away.
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Thank you for reading. Please leave a review, chapter 2 will be along shortly.