Road to Recovery

by DianneRose2016

Set after 7X10. After being shot once again, Jay is battling his demons. Will and Hailey had no idea just how bad Jay's PTSD truly was. Now he has to take the time to heal, it is the perfect time for Will to finally get his brother to work on not only his PTSD but living a real life.

A/N: So I am very unhappy with how the show did 7x10. I was expecting this huge amazing episode with Jay and all I got was a small ding. So anti-climatic! I loved the Upstead parts that was great, but everything else could have waited for another episode. We didn't even get any Will and Jay moments in this and he was in a hospital! So disappointed. So I am making my own people.

This will take place at the end when Hailey gets Jay home and goes from there.

Summary: After being shot once again, Jay is battling his demons. Will and Hailey had no idea just how bad Jay's PTSD truly was. Now he has to take the time to heal, it is the perfect time for Will to finally get his brother to work on not only his PTSD but living a real life.

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Chapter 1

Hailey pulled up to Jay's apartment and parked her car. She looked over and saw that Jay had fallen asleep during the ride over from the hospital. She knew he would be more tired right now. He just had surgery yesterday, he should have still been in the hospital, but it was as long as Jay was going to tolerate it. Hailey only agreed to it when Will assured her he would only need sleep and fluids. He would also be checking in on him before and after his shift at the hospital. Hailey took this moment to just look at Jay. She had tried earlier at the hospital, but he turned around and noticed her. He always knew when someone was there or when someone was watching. Something she had relied on in the field on more than one occasion. She was finally getting to see him without being hooked up to machines and an oxygen line. She could go her whole life never having to see him lying in a hospital bed, in a hospital gown with oxygen on him. That wasn't the Jay she knew. The Jay she pictured when she thought of him was strong, brave, warm and kind. That didn't mean she couldn't handle him in moments of weakness. She could handle him sick, scared, hurt, struggling. She loved him, all of him. She should tell him, he had the right to know but she was so afraid of what it would mean for them. Her and Adam didn't work while being in the same unit and Platt was right, Adam wasn't worth her career. The problem was, Jay was worth her career. She would leave Intelligence if it came down to it, Jay belonged there. Jay needed the unit, it was who he was. He was set to take over one day, she wasn't going to let him give that up. At the same time though, she couldn't help but think that they would be able to work together and date.

Jay's personality was different from Adam's. When Jay yelled, it was at work for a purpose. He didn't yell just for the hell of things, not that Adam did, but he would often do it in general. Jay had an Irish temper, but it was more about passion than physical anger. It was different and it didn't bother her. Adam had no problems crossing the line, whereas Jay did. He would do it if it was necessary, but he cared a great deal about people and not doing wrong by them. While waiting for Jay to wake up after surgery she got to explain to Will what the hell happened. He had told her how Jay has always cared about people, but it got worse after the military. He said it was a form of survivor's guilt and his PTSD. He had to do a lot of horrible things overseas to make sure his unit and civilians survived, now he was trying to help as many people as possible to try and ease the guilt of the ones he couldn't save or the ones he killed. It made a lot of sense to Hailey and it was something Jay still needed to work through. Hailey knew that Jay was struggling with his PTSD still. Both her and Will had thought Jay was doing pretty good with it, but seeing him in the hospital made it clear that he had been hiding things from them. He barely slept at all. He was constantly being woken up by nightmares every time he closed his eyes. He was anxious, Hailey knew he hated hospitals, but she had no idea how deep it went. She had a feeling there was a story behind it and she was hoping she could get him to talk and open up to her more.

She reached over and placed her hand on his thigh as she spoke. "Jay."

Not surprisingly Jay instantly took a breath in and opened his eyes. He was exhausted, but he still wasn't truly sleeping, just resting. He needed some real sleep. Jay gently rubbed his face to try and wake up as he spoke. "Sorry."

"Jay, you just got released from the hospital after having surgery on your heart. You've barely slept in the past few days, you need sleep."

"It's a good thing I'm back home then." Jay said with a small smile. He was trying to make her feel better.

"Come on, let's get you inside."

Hailey got out of her car and Jay went to get out his side. Hailey could see him moving slow and she knew he was in a good amount of pain. Will had offered to prescribe him something stronger, but Jay was refusing any narcotics. Something that did not surprise Will, but it was annoying the hell out of Hailey. She walked slowly beside him, making sure he was ok. When they arrived at his place Jay went and sat down on his couch with a groan.

"Do you want something for the pain?" Hailey asked.

"No I'll be fine. Will gave me something before you got there."

"What's the deal with you not taking stronger meds? Jay, you had major surgery, you need proper pain medication." Hailey said gently as she sat down on the couch on Jay's right.

"They make me sleep and they keep me asleep. I have to be able to wake up. You don't have to worry about me. I have a high pain tolerance. I'll be fine."

"Jay, I know you don't talk about your PTSD much. I know it's not a comfortable topic for you, and I get that. But you've been struggling more than you've been letting on. You are not sleeping, you were anxious in the hospital. Talk to me." Hailey said gently.

Jay let out a sigh. Hailey knew he hated talking about anything that had to do with his PTSD. She's never even said it outloud before with him. Jay knew he had it, but it wasn't something he was comfortable with having. To him it made him weak, less of a man, screwed up. He didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want to acknowledge that he had it. She knew she was asking a lot from him, but if they were ever going to stand a chance at having a relationship one day, he needed to accept it and not feel like he needed to hide it from her.

"Hospitals and needles trigger me." Jay softly admitted.

"And you just spent two days in a hospital with a needle in your arm." Hailey said with understanding.

"You don't have to worry about me. I'm fine."

That was a thing with Jay that always drove Hailey crazy. He was always fine, even when he was exploding inside. Jay didn't like dragging people into what he calls his crazy. She had no idea if it was something from growing up, being in the military or a combination of both. Jay put everyone else above himself and he always gave himself more shit than he would to anyone else.

"Jay you don't get it, you are my partner, my best friend. I'm always going to be here for you. I don't care that you have PTSD. There is nothing that you could tell me that would ever make me change my mind about what kind of man you are. There is nothing you could have done overseas that would ever make me think less of you or change how I see you. You can talk to me. We aren't doing anything good by ignoring your PTSD. There's no judgment from me Jay, there never will be."

"I don't like talking about it. I just want to forget about it, only I can't. I hate that I have it. I survived. I didn't lose a limb, I survived when a lot of people, good men with children and a wife died. Shit happened, but I survived."

"You spent eighteen months in a place called Hell on Earth, at twenty. I was out drinking and partying and you were out fighting for this country. You don't have to have lost a body part to have scars. You saw horrible things over there. I'm sure you had to do horrible things, things you would normally never do if you weren't at war. I know you hate having PTSD and I know you wish it would just go away, but unfortunately it won't. You have to find ways to cope, to live with it. Part of that is talking about it. Letting someone be there for you to help you carry that pain. You're not alone."

"It's not a pain you should have to deal with."

"I know you are used to people walking away when things get rough. But Jay I'm not going anywhere, no matter how big and rough the waves get. I can handle it. You know about my past growing up. You know about Garrett. We all have demons in our past. I know you have a hard time opening up to people, you keep things very close to your chest. But you don't have to do that with me. I'm a big girl, I can handle the darkness. You need to talk to me or eventually we'll be hitting a wall and I don't want that. And I know you don't want that either."

Jay let out a slow breath as he got everything sorted out in his mind. He knew what Hailey was saying was true. He did need to open up to her more if they were ever going to stand a chance to be together one day. Jay had a strong feeling he knew what Hailey was going to tell him earlier, but she got cold feet, and he figured his hesitation to not answer the phone call didn't help him any. He had to work through some stuff first so he didn't screw things up. He knew Hailey wasn't Erin, she was very different to her. What Jay felt for Erin was nothing compared to what he felt for Hailey. He had been avoiding confronting his PTSD ever since he left the war. He had to talk about it two years ago and he had opened up about it slightly since to Hailey, but he never talked about what was giving him the nightmares. If they were ever going to have a relationship she deserved to know what she would be getting in for.

"I did two tours in the Korengal Valley, eighteen months total. When we weren't on tour we were doing missions all over Afghanistan. We were a week away from going home on the last tour. I was in a convoy of three units, we were heading off on a mission. The area had been cleared for travel three days ago, but since then a terrorist cell had covered the area with IEDs. All of our Humvees ran over them and gunfire started almost right away. We were pinned down, the Humvees were on fire. I was in the front passenger seat, Jax was our driver in the unit. When the blast hit, it hit his side first. I woke up a few seconds later to the gunfire and Jax's head was in my lap, that's all that was left of him."

Hailey could hear the raw pain in Jay's voice and she wished with everything in her that she could let him stop, but they needed this. They couldn't move forward until everything was placed on the table. Hailey moved so she was facing Jay more and she placed her left hand on his right thigh and her right hand in his.

"I was pinned down, the dash of the Humvee was sitting right on my hips. Mouse got to me first and we had no choice but to pull me out. The weight of the dash shifted and it crushed my left hip. He dragged my ass over into the tree line, we were all being fired on. There wasn't any time to think, all we could do was start trying to kill them off, but they were coming from everywhere. A grenade was thrown at us and we got out of the way, but not fast enough. Mouse took the brunt of it, but it knocked us out. They must have thought he was dead or too injured, because they only took me."

"They took you?" Hailey asked shocked.

"Ya. Um… a second unit came by roughly ten minutes after we got knocked out. Mouse said he was taken right away to a chopper and brought to Germany for the hospital. We were the only two that survived the ambush. Mouse gained consciousness in the chopper and asked about where I was. He told them I was with him in the blast. They sent out a search for me, but they didn't find me right away."

"Where were you?" Hailey wasn't sure she really wanted to know the answer to that. She knew he was ok eventually, he was here, but that didn't change what could have happened to him.

"They had created a basecamp in the base of one of the mountains. I was there for a month. They ah...they tortured me the whole time. They made sure someone was always there to try and keep me awake. They gave me water and fed me I don't even know what every three days. Just small amounts and it was always drugged. They wanted intel, but I never gave them any. They would heat needles and put them through my fingers. By the time I was found I was really sick. They weren't sure I was going to make it. I fell into a coma on the chopper ride over to Germany. I woke up three weeks later, I was still intubated. That wasn't fun. I didn't get to leave until about a month later."

"I'm so sorry. I hate that you had to go through that. I know there isn't anything I could say that would take the pain of those memories away. And I'm really sorry for the shit I gave you about being afraid of the flu shot." Hailey said with a small smirk.

Jay gave a small huff of a laugh before he spoke. "I know you were only teasing. I do what I can to avoid the triggers and manage them the best I can. Nights are the hardest. I tend to only sleep four hours, but it's been like that since I got out. I'm used to it. The anxiety is better, before I couldn't even walk into a hospital without feeling like I couldn't breathe."

"Are you still getting anxiety attacks?"

"Sometimes after a bad nightmare. Just depends on how tired I am and what it was. Flashbacks are gone."

"Maybe you should try therapy again?"

"It didn't help. Talking doesn't take away the nightmares, it doesn't make it easier to relax and sleep. It brought up the memories more. I just haven't figured out what works yet."

"You will. We will. I'm always going to be here for you Jay."

"I'll always be here for you." Jay said with a warm smile.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I could seriously go for some Chinese food." Hailey said with a smile. She was trying to get the conversation back to something lighter for Jay.

"Oh honey garlic chicken sounds good. I haven't eaten since the morning when Will snuck me in some pancakes." Jay said with a smile.

"That man spoils you." Hailey said as she reached for her phone.

"Only when I'm hurt and sick, otherwise I'm on my own."

"You want rice or noodles?"

"Don't matter to me." Jay said, shrugging his good shoulder,

Hailey out their food order in before she got up and grabbed them both a water. She spoke as she walked back over.

"You know for a man that is supposed to be moving in three weeks, you have nothing done."

"There's not much to pack really."

"Did you find a place yet?" Hailey asked, opening the water for Jay, sitting back down.

"No."

"Jay." Hailey started shocked.

"I know. When I was in the military I stayed in a military one bedroom apartment, that I spent maybe twenty days out of the year in. When I got out I moved into a small one bedroom and that was it. Then Erin and me started to get serious and I thought about buying a condo, but then she wanted me to move in with her so I did that. And then she up and left and the place was only in her name and she was selling it, so I moved in here. I don't want to keep moving from one place to the next. I want a place that feels like home. I just haven't figured out what that is yet."

"I get that. I know you said growing up things were hard with your dad. Plus your mom worked a lot and she died when you were seventeen. Most people go out and find themselves and build a life in their twenties, but you were overseas. Now you need to figure out what you want in life and what a home looks like to you. What about a condo?"

"I thought about that, and I looked at a few but they were all fancy and I am not fancy. I don't care to have fancy things. I'm simple and I have a hard time understanding why I would pay half a million in a mortgage for basically an apartment."

"Ya you are definitely more of a simple living kind of guy. What about a house?"

"I kinda wanna do something, but it might be crazy."

"What is it?"

"I reached out to a buddy of mine that's a realtor and he sent me over some old houses for sale that need to be fixed up. Some are in good areas, but they are just rundown. I thought about maybe buying one and fixing it up myself."

"That's a great idea. You could make it into your own home and design it to who you are. Jay that's a great idea. Do you have the listings?" Hailey said with a smile.

She knew Jay was a simple man. He didn't care for any of the fancier things in life, not like Adam. He was happy with a comfy couch and a cold beer. She could see how it would be hard for him to find a real home that matched who he was. Him making it was brilliant. Jay pointed to a folder on his coffee table and Hailey picked it up and started to look through them.

"Damn these are cheap."

"That's because of how much it'll cost to repair em. I'll probably have to double it for a mortgage so I can have the cash to renovate it. I'm not real interested in the first couple."

"Ya they are in some rough areas. Not sure how good it would be to have a detective living there." Hailey agreed.

"I've been thinking about the last one. It's more outside of town, but it would only be another fifteen minute drive to work."

Hailey moved to the last one and saw that it was a ranch style home with a double car garage. It also had two acres of fenced in land. It was in rough shape and even the yard looked like a jungle. But the whole house was six thousand square feet and had five bedrooms and three bathrooms. They were small, but Jay could easily combine rooms together. Even in the picture, it felt like Jay. She could picture Jay sitting on the front porch drinking a beer.

"You should see it in person. This looks like a great place to fix up. And I'll help you with it. I'm a killer painter." Hailey said with a warm smile.

"Ya Will said he would help too. He liked it. I like being in the city, but having my own piece of land is also appealing to me. Sometimes things around here get loud and I liked that at first after the war. But now, I'm liking the quiet more."

"You should call your buddy and check this place out. I think you could make a real home here and it'll be yours with your own style and touch. Where will you stay while you are working on it?"

"Will said I could crash in his spare room. He actually called it my bedroom. I'm fairly certain he got a two bedroom knowing I would eventually end up there."

"He's a good brother. You should definitely see it. And I wanna be there."

"Fine by me. I'll text my buddy tomorrow. Now I just have to figure out how to move with one arm. Good times." Jay said with a smirk.

"It's a good thing you have a whole unit to help you." Hailey said warmly.

"Seems wrong to make them help. But I'll probably have to. I'll have to put most of it in storage for now."

"I think there's a game on tonight." Hailey said, as she put the folder down and picked up the remote.

"Hawks are playing tonight against L.A."

Hailey put it on the right channel and then sat back curled up with Jay to watch the end of the before game as they waited for their food. It was a few hours later when Hailey looked over and saw that Jay was asleep. They had eaten and watched the game, but just before the third period Jay had fallen asleep. Hailey had continued to watch the rest of the game, happy to let Jay finally get some sleep. At some point Hailey figured she must have dozed off herself, because the next thing she knew she was waking up to the sound of Jay's whimpers. She was curled up against his side with her head on his chest and his good arm wrapped around her. A quick look at the clock told her it was just after one in the morning. Hailey sat up slightly and she looked over at Jay. He was clearly having a nightmare. She knew better than to shake a sleeping soldier, so she placed her hand on his chest and went and kissed his cheek as she spoke.

"Babe, wake up."

Hailey brought her hand over to his cheek and rubbed her thumb along it. The contact is what finally did it and Jay took a sharp breath in and his eyes snapped open. Jay quickly looked around to get his mind back in order and he saw that he was in his apartment and it was just after one.

"You're ok." Hailey said softly.

"Sorry." Jay said, his voice still gravelly from the tube he had down his throat.

"Don't be. Come on, let's get to bed." Hailey stood and held her hand out for Jay to take it.

After a moment Jay did and he stood up. They both headed into the bedroom, turning off the lights as they went. Once there Hailey helped Jay to get out of his sweater before she removed her sweater before they got into bed. They had never shared a bed before and they both knew they shouldn't, partners don't sleep with each other, but after everything that happened they both needed this. Jay got in first and Hailey went around to the other side so she could be on Jay's right. Once in bed Hailey didn't even hesitate to curl up against Jay, who wrapped his arm around her.

"Is this ok? I'm not hurting your chest?" Hailey asked, always cautious about Jay's injury.

"No you're good."

"Good night." Hailey whispered.

Jay turned his head and placed a gentle kiss to the top of Hailey's head. "Good night."

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Hailey was the first one to wake up in the morning. She looked over at the clock and saw that it was just after nine. Jay was still sound asleep, something he desperately needed. She knew it took him longer than her to fall back asleep, but at least he did fall asleep. Hailey slowly moved away from Jay and got up. She needed to pee and she also wanted to get breakfast started. Gently closing the door behind her Hailey quickly went pee and then headed into the kitchen to see what Jay had for food. She had noticed that Jay often didn't cook. He tended to have take-out and when he did cook it was either a pasta dish or some type of meat and potatoes. She loved to cook and would often be the one cooking and getting him to try new things. Thankfully Jay was the opposite of picky, he would eat anything. She guessed it had to do with having to live off of MRE food for so long. Jay being what some would call simple, might have bothered other women, but to Hailey she loved being able to show Jay new things. She loved seeing his face when he tried something new for the first time.

She truly did love that Jay was simple. He didn't need anything fancy. He didn't need high-end restaurants. Jay loved his guns and his truck and that was the only fancy things in his life. He was a true American man, down to the country music. Hailey had dated complicated guys in the past and she was so over it. Even Adam and her had problems. She thought dating someone within the unit wouldn't be that big of a deal in terms of him knowing what she was capable of. But once she got a little hurt Adam was treating her like she wasn't a good cop. Jay was never like that with her. He knew she could handle herself and if she couldn't then he was there to jump in. He knew she didn't need him to defend her honor when someone said something to her. He was always a silent support right there for her should she need her, but waiting until she said she needed him. It meant everything to her.

Hailey found some bacon and eggs in the fridge so she started to cook up some bacon. Just as she got it into the pan she heard Jay's front door being unlocked and she knew Will was here. He walked in and she turned and gave him a warm smile as she put her finger up to her lips. Will quietly closed the front door and made his way over to the kitchen area.

"Morning." He said softly, just above a whisper. He knew how easily his brother woke up.

"Morning. Want some breakfast?"

"Ya sure, sounds good. How was he?" Will asked, moving to get some coffee.

"Not too bad. We had a chance to talk more about his PTSD."

"He actually talked about it?" Will said surprised. Jay had been refusing to even admit to having PTSD anytime Will had talked to him about it.

"He didn't say he had PTSD, but he did in a roundabout way. He hates having it and he believes he shouldn't have it. Like what he went through is nothing compared to what others have been, so he doesn't have a reason to have it. I tried to get him to see that he went through something horrible, and saw horrible things that happened. I think he just wishes he could wake up one day and be fixed. I think he sees his PTSD as something he needs to fix to be happy and loved."

Will let out a sigh. "He's always been strong and confident in himself. Before the military he was always happy. He joked around, he was smiling all the time, he loved crowds and people. He played basketball, baseball and hockey. He's always been a team player and he would be out all the time with them. He was never afraid of a crowd. That was my baby brother and he died overseas. I didn't handle it well after that first tour. When he came back he was different, he was darker and broody. The light that was always in his eyes was just gone. He didn't smile, he didn't joke, he had no interest in being out in crowds and it got worse after the second tour. For the longest time I would avoid him. I couldn't handle seeing everything that was special about him being gone. And that hurt him even more. He's come a long way to trying to be happy and find his place now. But it's his PTSD that is holding him back. He's not living with it and he needs to figure out how to live and not let it define him."

"That's exactly it, but I don't know how to help him. He's having nightmares every night basically and he's not sleeping with them. Do you know what he went through?"

"He's never told me, but I'm his doctor so I have seen his medical file and I know some things from Mouse. He's been through a lot. I have an idea for him today that I want to take him to. I'm hoping he's open to it and will do it. I think it'll be really good for him and help him heal."

"What is it?"

"I'll leave that up to him to tell you. I don't know how he is going to handle it, but I talked to Dr. Charles and he recommended it. I'm hoping Jay is willing to try. You slept over, but no pillows on the couch." Will said with a nod over to the couch and a smirk on his face.

"Adults can share a bed." Hailey said, now more interested in the bacon cooking than Will's face.

"Did you two finally admit it yet?" Will asked, leaning his back against the counter with his eyes on his brother's bedroom door just across the room.

"Admit what?"

"That you both love each other."

"Of course we love each other, we're partners."

"Really? Come on Hailey, you and I both know you love him. He knows you love him. Just like you know he loves you. Everyone knows it. Hell even Voight does. Why else do you think he let you stay at the hospital the whole time when everyone else was forced to work that gun case? What harm would it really do for you two to finally say it outloud?"

Hailey was quiet for a moment, focusing on getting the cooked bacon out of the pan and into a bowl with some paper towel in it to soak up any extra grease. After a moment she finally spoke.

"It'll change everything."

"But will it really? You already work together and spend all of your free time basically together. You are always crashing at each other's place. You go out for meals, you go to the gym together, he picks you up most mornings. He brings you coffee every single morning. You both worry about each other. You both open up to each other when you don't with anyone else. So really, what changes? You're still going to be you, only you'll be getting so much more. You'll be able to kiss him, to sleep curled up together. You two are already dating, the only difference is you're not getting the really fun stuff."

"It feels so official though. And I don't know if he wants that right now. If he's ready for it."

"Jay's not going to make the first move, not with you. He cares about you too much and he's too afraid to risk what you have together by jumping the gun. It has to be you to make the first move, he cares about you that much. You are the first woman he has never made the first move with. I know my brother, you're it for him. But he's always going to have PTSD. He's going to have times where he struggles more with it. It's always going to be a part of him. If you can't see yourself being able to handle his PTSD for the rest of your life, then you need to walk away. You can't keep getting closer to each other only to never cross that line. Stay as partners and let him try and find happiness with someone else."

"Him having PTSD doesn't bother me. I don't think of him in that sense. It's just a piece of who he is, it doesn't define him. I know at times he'll struggle, and I'll be there for him when he does, just like he'll be there for me when I'm struggling. I don't need him to be strong all the time. I just need him in my life. I want to see his smile more. For him to have some fun in his life. I'm not walking away from him. You say I'm it for him, well he's it for me. I just don't want it to start and it turns out it was the wrong time and we screw up our chance."

"And I get that, but what if you miss your chance waiting around for the right time? He almost died two days ago. If that bullet had been a couple of millimeters in the other direction, he would be. He would have died on that basement floor. Don't miss the time you have left together waiting around for the right moment, because it's never going to be there. I'm not pushing anyone, I'm just saying, if he's the one for you, then don't wait. Life has no guarantee."

Before Hailey could say anything to that, the bedroom door opened and Jay walked out. He looked exhausted still, but slightly better.

"Hey, how are ya?" Will asked with a warm smile.

"I smell bacon." Jay said, as he slowly made his way over to the kitchen.

"I'm cooking up some eggs to go with it. How do you want em?" Hailey asked.

"Don't care." Jay said, not that she was expecting anything different. She went over and poured him a cup of coffee as Jay sat down on a stool he had on the small kitchen island counter area he had.

Hailey gave him a warm smile as she put the mug in front of him.

"Thanks."

"So, you are definitely not ready to move in three weeks." Will said, as he took everything in.

"I've been told."

"You gonna call your friend later?" Hailey asked, she was trying not to push, but at the same time she didn't want Jay missing out on a great opportunity.

"Ya I'll send him a message about it."

"What's this about?" Will asked.

"One of the houses I've been thinking about."

"So you decided to renovate one?" Will asked, pleased that Jay was looking to take on a project like this.

"Ya, I think I'm gonna go with the last one. I'll check it out sometime this week."

"I liked the last one. It's got some land, that's good. It looked like a nice area. Let me know when you are gonna see it so I can try and be there." Will said supportingly.

"You sure you're good with me crashing at your place though? I won't be able to start working on it till my shoulder is healed."

"Jay you'll always have a home over at mine. I like living with you and Kohl loves it when you're there. Besides, until that shoulder is healed, you are going to have a hard time doing much of anything with one hand. I gotta work tomorrow, but then I'm off for two days. Why don't I come by with some boxes and I can help you pack up and we'll get a storage unit sorted out. And then you can crash with me and we'll spend the next few weeks packing everything and cleaning up. This way I'll be able to make sure you have food to eat. Your cooking is going to be extremely limited with one hand."

"You sure?" Jay didn't want to put Will out. He knew Will was cool with him staying with him, but this was a different scenario then they had thought.

"You're my kid brother, of course I'm sure. Plus I have to check your wound and change the bandage twice a day. At least this way we'll be under the same roof."

"Alright, works for me."

"When you are ready to move stuff, let me know and I'll get the others to come by and help." Hailey said, as she plated the scrambled eggs and bacon for everyone.

"A couple of people would be good. I'm not looking forward to me and him trying to move his furniture out of here." Will said.

"The team will help." Hailey put the plates down on the island counter and they all began to eat.

"You work today?" Jay asked Hailey.

"I do. I texted Voight to let him know I would be late, he was fine with it. He said he hopes you are feeling better. He'll probably come by in the next day or two."

"Got a case?"

"Not yet, but I'm sure it won't be long." Hailey said with a warm smile. She knew that Jay didn't do well when he sat around doing nothing, but he wouldn't be able to return to work for a couple of weeks and that would only be light desk duty. It would be two months before he would be cleared to work in the field. Something that was going to drive him crazy.

They spent the next hour just talking about little things and how work was going for Will when Hailey had to head out. She put on her coat as she went over to Jay, who was still sitting on the stool.

"Ok, I'll come by later tonight." Hailey said.

"You don't have to if you don't want. I am capable of being alone." Jay said with a smirk.

"I know you are, but I'm not going to get to see you all day now. Can he have beer?" Hailey asked Will.

"Ya a couple, he's refusing narcotics so." Will said with a pointed look at his brother.

"You love me anyways." Jay said back with a smile.

"Always." Will easily agreed.

"I'll bring some beer." Hailey went over to Jay and placed a kiss on his cheek as she spoke. "I'll see you tonight Babe."

"Be safe." Jay said, as Hailey headed out.

"Always." Hailey called out as she opened the door and was gone.

Will gave Jay a smirk as he sat in the chair.

"Shut up." Jay said with a smile.

"Sure… babe." Will teased.

"Don't you have your own home?"

"It's much more interesting being here. How's the pain?" Will asked, in a serious voice as he got up to look at Jay's shoulder.

"It's not too bad. Worse than the last time I took a bullet to it."

"The last time it was a through and through below it. It didn't hit anything. This time around it hit your bone and your heart along the way. It's going to be sore for a good few weeks."

"When can I go back to work?"

"Jay, you just got shot and released from the hospital. You're homebound for a couple of weeks at least. You take it easy and you can be back to light desk duty in two weeks. But if you stress it will take longer to heal. You need rest and sleep, which seems to be very difficult for you." Will said gently.

"I'm fine."

"I know, but if there is ever a time when you are not fine, you can always talk to me. There's nothing you could tell me that would ever make me think differently of you. You're my kid brother, I'm always going to love you."

"I'm sorry about what happened. I know seeing me being brought in like that wasn't easy on you." Jay said with a few tears building in his eyes.

Will continued to change Jay's bandage as he spoke. "It felt like I was going to have a heart attack. You probably don't remember, but I was there when they sedated you and rushed you into the hybrid OR. I intubated you, I refused to let anyone do that to you. I kept thinking about how all the ways they could get it wrong. I was in there for your whole surgery. At one point you were losing too much blood and we were running low on blood to give you. So I sat down and did a direct transfusion to you."

"Marcel said you had donated blood, that without it I wouldn't have made it off the table. I didn't know you were there for it. I'm sorry you should never have had to see that."

"I didn't have to do anything. I wanted to be there with you. You are my kid brother and I gave up on the idea of being the one that protects you a long time ago. But I can be there when you are hurt and help get you better. I wasn't leaving you alone, not on the table and not when you might not have made it. If you were going to die that day, you were going to do it with me there and not people you barely know. And this wound is looking good. No infection and it doesn't look irritated." Will said and he helped Jay get his sling back on.

"Good."

"I'm glad you are going to be staying with me for a little while. You're struggling more than you have been letting on." Will said gently. He was never sure when to push with Jay, but he also knew that sometimes he had to take the risk.

"Some nights are harder than others." Jay softly admitted.

"Have you been getting anxiety attacks again?" Will asked, as he sat down so they were on equal ground. He didn't want this to feel like he was interrogating him.

"They never went away. I'm fine when I'm at work, but at night it's like everything that happened over there comes slamming back. Sometimes it's the middle of the night or it happens right when I was through the door. It's been almost ten years since my discharge, it shouldn't still be happening. Sometimes I can even smell it, that smell of the bodies being burned. A couple months ago kids were letting off firecrackers in the street and all of a sudden I was back there. I couldn't breathe, flashes kept going through my head from over there. By the time I snapped out of it, it was morning and I was on the kitchen floor." Jay finally admitted. He knew he could have told Hailey, but what they had was different. He didn't want her questioning if he could do the job and he didn't want her to think he was broken. Will was different. He was his brother and he already knew that he had been struggling and had seen some of it himself when they roomed together.

"You should have told me Jay. That was a flashback, it was triggered, but it was a flashback. I know you can do your job, I'm not worried about that. I know you have the training to handle yourself, you have more training than any cop on the street. I'm worried about what you are like when you are home. Jay, you know I love you, but you need to understand that you have PTSD and it's not going to go away. Not after everything you've been through and if I could take it away from you I would in a heartbeat. I would gladly take your place just to free you from this. You can't keep this to yourself, you are never going to be able to reduce your PTSD and live with it that way."

"I don't want it. I just want it gone." Jay said as a tear escaped and rolled down his cheek.

"I know you do and I wish I could make that happen. But you can live with it, you can reduce the anxiety and nightmares. You don't need fixing Jay, you just need support. I want to take you somewhere that I think will help."

"Take me where?" Jay asked, clearly thinking that Will was going to take him to some facility.

"It's not anything like you are thinking. I'm not taking you somewhere that will keep you. It's not a medical thing or anything like that. It's just a store. You trust me right?"

"Of course I do."

"Then trust me now. We're just going to check it out, you don't have to do it. We're just getting info. That's all, I promise."

"Ok." Jay said, still very unsure, but he was trusting his brother.

"Why don't you get dressed and we'll head out." Will said with a warm encouraging smile.

"I can shower right?"

"Ya you're good, just be careful and make sure you wear the cover for bandage."

Jay gave a nod and he stood up, he was a little stiff and sore still from the beating he took.

"Let me know if you need any help and if you get dizzy call me."

"You haven't gotten enough of my private bits in the last few days?" Jay said with a smirk.

"I've been seeing them since you were born. I changed your diapers remember. And potty trained you." Will said with a smile.

"The joys of being older."

"I mean it, call me if you get dizzy." Will said again as Jay went into the bathroom.

Will let out a sigh as he got up and went over and started to wash the dishes and get the kitchen cleaned up. He was glad that Jay had opened up to him a little bit more about what he had been going through with his PTSD. He was feeling even more confident in his decision to take Jay to this place today. He was also going to be making sure Jay stayed with him until his house was ready. He wanted to make sure that Jay was getting better with his PTSD and was able to fully embrace his new home. He really liked the idea of Jay having his own place a little bit in the country so he had some land, but he also had the quiet that he needed. It would be perfect for him and he would enjoy the work to build it himself.

It was fifteen minutes later and the kitchen was clean, when Jay came out of the bathroom in just his sweatpants, his clean shirt and sling in his hand.

"It hurts too much to get my shirt on." Jay said, as he went and sat down on his coffee table.

Will went over to his as he spoke. "It's going to hurt before it gets better. Here, I'll help."

Will gently helped Jay get his long sleeved shirt on. Will had a lot of practice with it from being a doctor so it wasn't as bad as Jay was expecting. He then helped him get his sling on once again.

"I got some T3s for you to take. I know you don't want narcotics, but these will be stronger than the Advil you have been taking without the effects of a narcotic."

Jay gave a nd and Will went and grabbed him one of the pills along with a water bottle. He opened the bottle and handed them over to Jay.

"How far is where we're going?" Jay asked.

"Not too far, about twenty minutes. You good to go?"

"I'd feel better if I knew where we were going."

"If I tell you, you will over think it and I don't want you to do that. So relax and trust me. I've never done anything to cause you harm."

Jay let out a breath as he gave a nod. Once Jay got his shoes on they headed out and down to Will's car. It was only a few minutes later when Jay felt his eyes getting heavy and that tiredness was creeping in again. Jay closed his eyes and figured he would just rest them a minute. Will looked over and saw that Jay was falling asleep once again. He wasn't worried about it, it was common after surgery, especially when his heart was affected and his blood loss. Plus he had barely been sleeping four hours a night for close to a decade, it was all catching up to him now. Will continued to drive and let Jay rest on the drive. Once they arrived Will parked and then turned to his sleeping brother. Even in his sleep Jay didn't look peaceful. Will was praying that Jay would be open minded about this, he truly believed that this would give Jay a lot of help. Will went and placed his hand on Jay's knee as he spoke.

"Jay."

Jay's eyes instantly opened and he looked around.

"You're in my car, you fell asleep on the way here."

"I don't know why I'm so tired."

"You just had surgery. You're gonna be tired for a few weeks while your body recovers. Especially because your heart was involved. It's normal for you to feel tired randomly while you are healing."

Jay gave a nod, as he looked around. "Where are we?"

"We are at a facility for service dogs that specialize in PTSD."

"Wait what?" Jay asked, turning around slightly to look at Will.

"Dr. Charles had noticed you were having trouble sleeping at night. He mentioned if you had ever thought about having a service dog that could be there for you to help wake you up at night and help with the anxiety. He gave me some information for this place and I thought maybe it would be good for us to check it out and see."

"I don't need one. I wasn't injured over there."

"Jay, your PTSD is an injury, it shows up on your scans. It's a physical injury to your mind. A service dog can wake you up from nightmares. It can help calm you down from anxiety and prevent anxiety attacks. It can bring you out of a flashback. It can even be trained to call me if something is wrong with you. So if you do get dragged into a flashback like the time you just told me about, the dog can call me and I can come and help you. This is not about you not being strong or you being weak, it's about you having someone there for you that can help you and reduce your PTSD. And no one needs to know. You don't have to tell the CPD you have one, because you don't need the dog around you at work, it's only for when you are off duty and if anyone asks you can say it's your dog."

"I just don't see how a dog is supposed to help."

"You know when you have a hard case or you haven't slept for a couple of days and you come over and you can sleep for eight hours at my place? When you go to bed and you wake up, who's there?"

"Kohl."

"That's right. He stays by your side the whole time you are there. He curls up in your bed with you and stays the whole time. And when you have a nightmare he comes and gets me and I wake you up. He does that because he senses that something is bothering you. And you take comfort in having him around to the point where you can sleep. Jay if you could have something that would reduce your nightmares and let you sleep more at night, isn't it worth having?"

Jay didn't know what to do. His mind was telling him that he didn't need a service dog, he wasn't that bad. At the same time though, he knew he couldn't keep going like this. He couldn't keep going with only a few hours of sleep. He was exhausted, had been before he was shot. His body was reaching its limit and he needed to do something. He wanted a future, and he couldn't have that if he was having anxiety attacks and random flashbacks because of some kids messing around with firecrackers. How was he ever supposed to have children one day if he could harm them because they woke him up in the middle of the night? He didn't know if a dog was the magical solution, but if he was honest with himself, he did feel better when he was around Kohl. He could fall asleep and stay asleep all night when Kohl was curled up beside him. So maybe it was something he needed.

"I don't know, but I'll go in and see." Jay finally said.

"That's all you have to do. We are going in to get some information and if you want to move forward then we can."

"How does it work?"

"From what I understand, they have different puppies of different breeds that are better to be trained as a PTSD service dog. You look at the dogs and see if any connect with you, the one that connects the most to you would be the one you get. You are Ex-military so the dog and the training is covered by Wounded Warriors. You would take the puppy home today and we would set up a training class with their partner facility that will train the puppy first on basic commands and then once it passes they would then focus on the specific training you would need for your PTSD. It takes around eight months for the puppy to be fully trained."

"Wow, you did your research."

"I got it off their website and I wanted to make sure it would work. I'm not sure how training works, we would need to ask. Are you ok to go in?" Will didn't want to pressure Jay, but he was also hoping that Jay would be open minded because he really thought this would help him.

"Just looking."

"We can go at your pace." Will easily agreed. He was getting Jay in the building and that was all he could ask for.

They both got out of the car and headed inside. They were instantly greeted by the woman at the front desk.

"Hello, how can I help you both?"

"Yes, I had called yesterday and spoke to a woman and she said that we could come by without an appointment to see about a service dog." Will said.

"Absolutely. Which one of you is it for?"

"My brother, Jay. He's an ex-army ranger and is currently a detective."

"I'm Melissa, I can show you around and answer any questions you have. Would you like to go back and see the puppies?" Melissa asked Jay.

"Can my brother come?" Jay asked, he really didn't want to be alone for this.

"Absolutely. We encourage everyone to have a support system in place. If you both will follow me we can begin."

Melissa took them around to the boarding area where they kept the puppies.

"Right now we have labs, a boxer, german shepherd, labradoodle, a couple border collies and poodle. What you do is go around to the cages and see if any of them react to you more than others and see how you react to them. It's hard to explain, but basically when you find the right one you just know it. If none react to you or you don't react to them, then we can put your name on our list and when we get a new puppy in we call you and you can come and see if that puppy is meant for you."

"Say he does find one, I saw from your website about the training, but how many days a week is it?" Will asked.

"Basic puppy training is one day a week for two hours. You would continue the training at home. It should only take eight weeks to complete basic training. Afterwards you would meet with a specialist and go over what you would need the dog to be trained for and from there a custom training plan is put together based on your needs and your schedule. It can take anywhere from eight months to eighteen months. It all depends on what you need and your availability."

They walked into the boarding room and instantly the puppies all started to bark. Jay was instantly overwhelmed by the number of puppies in the room and the noise.

"I know it can be a little loud, their barks are small but they echo with the walls. They will calm down in a minute." Melissa said.

Will stood off to the side slightly as Jay went looking from cage to cage, but he didn't feel anything. Jay had no idea what he was supposed to be feeling, but to him they were just puppies. Yes they were cute, but all puppies were.

"You can go into any of the cages if you want." Melissa said with a warm smile.

Jay didn't have any interest in going in any of the cages, that was until he came across a long haired german shepherd puppy. Unlike the other puppies, this one wasn't barking, but actually sitting there, tail wagging with a rope tug toy in its mouth. Jay couldn't help the small smile that appeared.

"Nice toy." Jay said, as he opened the cage to go in.

The puppy moved back as Jay walked in and then went and placed the toy down in front of Jay and sat there waiting. Jay bent down and picked up the toy and tossed it to the other side of the cage.

"That is our newest girl. She was given to us just a few days ago. She is a purebred long haired german shepherd and she is three months old. She's up to date on her shots and we have our own vet that we use for the remainder of the shots and getting her fixed. She doesn't have a name, we make sure that all of our dogs are named by their owner." Melissa explained.

"You're cute and pretty smart." Jay said more to the puppy, not really paying attention to Melissa.

The puppy brought the toy back and went over to get a pet from Jay. Jay was happy to pet her. Will smiled at seeing his brother actually interacting with one of the puppies. It was suiting that the one puppy Jay showed any interest in was a german shepherd. He would have been around them while in the military.

"Is she cleared medically?" Will asked.

"She is. We do extensive genetic testing on all of our puppies to make sure they are healthy and won't die young. She is fully healthy and cleared of any genetic disorders. Now each breed has their own health problems naturally. German shepherds can have trouble with their hips later on in life, but they are very good otherwise. Incredibly smart and they love to work. They are also very protective of their owner."

Jay continued to pet the puppy for a good ten minutes before he got up and headed out of the cage.

"What do you think?" Melissa asked.

"Um… can I think about it?" Jay said still unsure.

"Of course." Melissa said.

They all headed out and the brothers thanked her for her time. When they got to the car, Will was about to get in when he noticed that Jay was standing on the passenger side of the car still just thinking. He watched as Jay looked back at the building and Will could see he was conflicted.

"You know it doesn't have to make sense."

"This is crazy. The timing is horrible."

"Why, because you were shot? I could argue this is the perfect time, because you aren't going to be able to be in the field for at least two months. By then she'll be puppy trained and she can be with Kohl during the day while you are staying with me. I'll be able to help you with her with us living together. Look, the only thing that matters is what you felt around her."

"Quiet." Jay admitted.

"Quiet how?" Will asked, not too sure how to take that answer.

"It feels like there's a storm in my head all the time. The only time it stops is when I'm busy at work. Even right now, my mind is thinking about something that happened on one of the tours. Flashes go through my mind in the background of people being shot or blown up, always in the background. I'm used to it, it just becomes white noise after a while. The second my eyes landed on her sitting there, everything went quiet. There were no bodies being blown up, no children screaming, it was just us. And now everything is loud again."

Will moved around over to the other side of his car and he spoke as he placed his hand on the side of Jay's jawline.

"Then you need her in your life. We need her. I know this is a lot for you to be taking in. I know you don't want to admit to yourself that your PTSD is really bad and this is kinda a slap in the face to you. But Jay, if she helps, does it really matter? She's your dog, she's meant for you. Forget about the rest, forget about the timing and what could happen later. We will handle it. Just focus on getting to feel that quiet more, on getting healthy mentally and emotionally. She's your weapon to fight your PTSD."

"Ok." Jay said with a shaky voice.

Will gently pulled Jay into a hug, being careful of his shoulder. "I'm proud of you."

"I don't want to feel like this anymore." Jay said, as a few tears escaped.

"We'll get you through this. I promise."

Will pulled back and wiped at Jay's cheeks to remove the few tears. "Let's go bring your girl home."

They head inside and Melissa gave them a warm smile once again. "I was hoping you weren't going to make it out of the parking lot. She's a sweetheart and is going to

be so good for you."

"I think so." Jay said.

"I'll get the paperwork started, why don't you go back there and get your girl." Melissa said with a warm smile.

Jay and Will headed back to the boarding room and headed straight over to his new puppy. Jay opened the cage and walked in to see her running right for him, tail wagging. Will bent down and picked her up, so Jay wouldn't have to with his injury. The puppy stayed in his arms, but she was much more interested in Jay than him. Jay started to pet her.

"You wanna go home girl?" Jay said.

"We need a name for you." Will said.

"I'm thinking Angel."

"I like that." Will said with a big smile.

"She's fluffy as hell."

"She is. I've never seen a long haired german shepherd before. She's adorable."

"Let's go bail you out."

"We'll stop at the pet store on the way back to get her what she needs. You'll need to get a small puppy crate for night for now."

"What am I supposed to tell people?" Jay asked, worried about what everyone was going to think.

"Tell them what you want. They don't have to know that she is a service dog until you are ready. Jay, you gotta stop thinking that having a service pet means that there is something wrong with you. Don't worry about what other people will think or say. Focus on what she makes you feel, that is the most important. And if you are worried about Hailey, you know she loves you. She's going to be supportive of you the whole way."

Jay let out a slow breath before he spoke. "Ok."

"Come on, let's get the paperwork in order and then we'll hit up a pet store." Will said with a warm smile.

He was very proud of his brother right now. This was a huge step for him and he couldn't be any happier for him. They headed out and Jay got all of the paperwork filled out and signed while Will held onto Angel, who was trying to get to Jay. once the paperwork was in order Melissa spoke.

"Ok, so here is her harness, she needs to wear it when you are outside. You want to get her wearing it right away so she gets used to walking with it. She doesn't have to wear it in your home or in a safe spot."

"Safe spot?" Jay asked.

"It's a place where she doesn't have to work. So when you are at home, she knows she has to work and that comes with training. But if you have a spot where you aren't affected by your PTSD she doesn't need to wear the harness. Like at your job."

"How does it work if he stays over at my place, would she need the harness then?" Will asked.

"No. The harness is all about her knowing she has to work outside and around people. If there are people in your life Jay that will be a constant then she needs to get used to them being around you so she knows she doesn't have to worry about them. So if you are crashing at your brother's place or if you have a girlfriend, she will learn that she doesn't have to worry about being petted or distracted. The training will be what teaches her how to work all the time, but the harness tells her no games are to be had."

"Ok, he works with a unit, so they should be around her as well?" Will asked.

"Ideally, if she is going to be at your work. If she is strictly after work service dog then it's not a big deal."

"Is there a certain food I should be feeding her?" Jay asked.

"We feed her Blue Puppy that has everything she needs to keep her healthy and energetic. It's obviously your choice what you feed her, but we find that it works the best, especially with german shepherds. If you have any questions you can always call us and ask. We're here as a support system for you and for this little sweetie. With your arm, are you ok to start training this Saturday?"

"What does training look like for basic puppy training?" Jay asked.

"It focuses on basic commands, so sit, stay, come, down. It also covers walking, so she will learn not to pull. She will be wearing her harness there and the training will be with other service dogs. There isn't anything that would involve you needing two hands."

"It'll need to be the same day and time for eight weeks?" Jay asked.

"Yes."

"Saturday will be fine, if it's early morning." Jay said trying to figure out how to work it with his schedule.

"We have an eight am class. It's sixty minutes, would that work for you?"

"Ah, ya that should be fine."

Jay went through the forms for the training and once everything was booked up they were finally ready to head out. Will placed the harness on Angel, as Jay's arm was still too sore to move. It was an army camo colored vest with military service dog written on both sides with a purple heart medal. Jay didn't know how he was feeling about all of this, but he was already through the looking glass. They headed out and Will held Angel while Jay got into the car and then he passed her off to him. Angel immediately sat in Jay's lap and wagged her tail. Jay pet her with his good arm while Will got in.

"How are you feeling?" Will asked. He knew he had to be careful with this. He was a doctor by nature, but he couldn't treat Jay like a patient. There was a balance and he had to make sure he kept it.

"I don't know yet. It's a lot, but I'm sure I'll get into the routine of it. Are you sure you want me crashing at your place though? I'm kinda a mess right now, I'd get it." Jay said doing his best to keep his voice neutral. Angel immediately picked up on the hurt though and she put her paws on his chest to cuddle into his neck.

Will turned in his chair to give Jay his full attention.

"Jay, I know we've never talked about it and I know me not being there for you when you got back from your tours hurt you. I'd imagine you felt betrayed and abandoned by me. I messed up, I should have been there and I regret it every single day. But I'm not making that mistake again. I'm not going anywhere. I don't care how bad it gets. I'm always going to be there for you. I'm always going to be on your side. So ya I'm sure I want you staying with me. I don't care how long it is, you stay until you are ready. I don't care if it's six months from now or six years from now. You leave when you are ready."

"We're gonna be two old guys living in an apartment together eh?" Jay joked.

"No, we're gonna be two old guys living in your house." Will joked back.

"Oh that's true, that makes it less sad." Jay said with a smirk.

"You good?"

"Ya, I think it's just gonna take some time to get used to."

"You will. Remember, it's how she makes you feel that matters the most."

Jay gave a nod and Will started the car and they made their way to the pet store. They needed to get some things for Angel and then they would head back to Jay's until Will needed to head in for work.