Acknowledge that I yet live, and am still uploading trash fanfics. The Fool of Owari? Oh yes, the story I left in dormancy because I lost my sanity trying to continue the story as it was. Hence, me waiting for an opportunity to fix the crap I noticed was particularly bad for what was essentially another shitty power fantasy fanfic. Only that one, at least, focused on genderbender yuri. Would, eventually, focus on genderbender yuri.

You'll see much of that here, provided I actually get around to it. Highly unlikely provided that I am currently in the cusp of college, but still. I have to try somehow, right?

And here, is the edited version. I honestly should've just uploaded this version instead, but desperation makes you do dumb shit. Am I cheating for deleting the original upload then uploading this version instead? Maybe. Maybe.

For what it's worth, you probably already noticed that I deleted the original and uploaded this version instead. I wanted people to read this version instead since I had the audacity to call the story "worse than first fic, will fix later".

Hyoudou Issei felt scared. More scared than he had ever been in a while. In his honest opinion, not even that one time he was almost caught by the school's Sukeban came even close. Even if he had been scared shitless at the time, they, ultimately, amounted to nothing, because even if he was caught, he'd still be alive, albeit barely. The situation that presented itself to him right now, however, was the complete opposite. Because more than likely, he wouldn't come out of this alive. He silently prayed, eyes closed and teared up at the sudden betrayal. He pressed his hand to the part of his neck where the gift he was given was grafted onto him by magical means, and hoped for a miracle to happen.

Just a few weeks earlier, he was confessed to by a beautiful girl. Yuuma Amano was a student from a competing high school on the other side of the city, someplace so far that his chances of actually getting someone from there to confess to him even if not knowing his reputation was slim to none. Yet she came completely out of nowhere to confess to him. Him! He was one of the great perverts of Kuoh Academy, and proudly proclaimed at that. He was so shocked that he couldn't stop himself from just going along with the flow, since he was too late to argue against it.

After that, she practically dragged him out on a date. He didn't know what to do, for either his friends or himself by simply by simply being so socially inept that he just froze up. And yet, they made it work somehow.

They started going out on a regular basis, her tips on his social life making his reputation start to improve somewhat. For the people who knew about him, their opinions about him improved both locally and within the school that she was from. Though he initially thought friendship with the boys was at stake, he took one look at Matsuda and Motohama, and it told him everything he needed to know.

In short, they were proud of him. He graduated from Loserville, and there would have been no point in trying to pull him down when he was so close to the tip. The tears in their eyes and the salute as they saw him off the school gate warmed his heart enough that he didn't have to worry anymore.

And that, was how he remained friends with two of the biggest losers in school. Though it seemed as if their relationship would begin to deteriorate regardless of his attempts to keep it together, there was no doubt in his mind that they wouldn't hold a grudge on him in any way. They were too well-intentioned for that.

A few hours earlier, he was actually certain that this was it. The way things were going, he would never need to chase after women who wouldn't give him the light of day. And he came this close. This close to getting what he wanted for all these years.

She told him to wait for her, and he looked back at her to see the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life. Yuuma-chan had her hands clasped together almost in prayer, her head facing down on the floor. She was almost beckoning for him to come over and comfort her. 'Of course,' he thought while smiling. She was his girlfriend now, right? He had to take care of her.

He approached her steadily and peacefully, and brushed his hand over her hair, startling her slightly but deep inside he knew she was enjoying it. Putting his other hand behind the girl's shoulder, he'd let her cry into his arms. That was the idea anyway, but her apparent hesitance to do so was making him concerned somewhat. He opened his eyes to look back at her, and instead of warm eyes full of love, he saw nothing but distilled hatred.

"Y-Yuuma-chan…?" A weak voice crawled up Issei's throat, panic running throughout his body. His girlfriend's temperature lowered intensely, almost too cold at that. The grip that she was holding his hand with was suddenly so hard and so strong, that when he recoiled he couldn't actually let go.

Dark energies surrounded Yuuma Amano's body and the conservative private school uniform she was wearing unraveled to reveal a sultry black dress, black opera gloves, and straps all over body. Wrapping all that up was in his own honest opinion, the tackiest pair of panties he had ever seen in his life. She was much taller than he remembered, though, and he was pretty sure that if child protection services found out about his relationship to her, she'd be sent to jail first thing in the morning.

Provided he lived to announce her true nature to the authorities, at least. The chances of that happening was slim to none unless he actually found out a way to activate the Krass Kalds that that scamming old man was talking about all those years ago, but hell if he actually found out how to do that. Not much room to work with when you're near death, of course.

Noticing something behind her torso, however, made his face go paler. The large black wings behind her told the whole story. He didn't have a rosary on hand, but… the few bible studies he followed Shidou into reminded him of a few verses that he picked up on the way there.

Jude 1:6, "And the angels who did not keep their positions of authority but abandoned their proper dwelling- these he has kept in darkness, bound with everlasting chains for judgment on the great Day."

He had common sense in his side, at least. The Western media he had been swallowing by the truckload reminded him that good angels had white wings most of the time, and anytime they had a pair of black ones, then that meant… His girlfriend was a fallen angel. He didn't know how grave it would mean for a fallen angel to target him specifically, but he at least knew that magical beings and the like existed in one way or another. It wouldn't matter much either way, but at least he had that going for him.

The staredown felt like hours but in reality it was only a few seconds long. She smirked, and pushed him down. He toppled over and forcing him onto the floor backside dowm. She smirked, and as she lifted up a white spear, she jeered at him mockingly.

"What a useless, gullible loser you are"

He could only tear up when he felt as if he couldn't move, tied up to the ground and totally helpless while he watches what could only be a monster in sheep's clothing, someone he actually trusted with his life, do the exact opposite. He prayed for someone, anyone, to save him. And with that, somehow, came memories of that faithful encounter years ago. Somehow, someway, he knew what could save him was related to it. As his life began flashing before his eyes, his memories stopped at just the right place.

O_O-O_O-O_O-O_O

Issei Hyoudou, just barely 7 years old, ran around the fair gleefully. His mother gave him 3000 yen to use, her excuse being that she'd be waiting for him to come back in the next hour or two before they went home because she had something to do that evening, but that wasn't the point. She gave him 3000 yen! That was more money than a 7-year old like him would ever use, it was actually unbelievable.

But something still didn't feel right, and that was the conspicuous absence of his best friend Shidou. Shidou went somewhere in that British city of (New?) York after their finals just a few weeks ago, hence his conspicuous absence. Adult words aside, Mommy said that he'd be back by the end of spring break, but that seemed so far away from now that it wasn't even funny anymore. He pouted, but steeled himself into confidence.

He told mommy that he was a big boy now, right? That was the reason why she gave him the money after all. He could handle himself perfectly without any mean adults or babysitters, and honestly, they'd probably hold him back!

And sure enough, that was true. For the standards of a primary school student, at least. He snagged a goldfish with the tennis racquet looking thingies earlier, ate some food, met some of his classmates, and even had some new photos he could show Shidou when he finally came back from America. Or was it Europe? Issei wasn't so sure. The reason why so many American cities had the same name as European ones was something, he honestly forgot the reason to.

But what was he doing thinking about boring school stuff? He wanted to explore! It was a very fortunate thing for the young Issei that consistently year after year, the normally just barely maintained shrine up the mountain near Kuoh City had itself cleaned up before a new year began. Because otherwise he wouldn't be here, the shrine always gave him the creeps.

His interest was especially piqued when he passed by a peculiar looking stall. It had a sign that read "The Throne", and that didn't make much sense to him at first. Kings sat on thrones, didn't they? But there was neither a fancy chair nor a king, so that name didn't make much sense. The thing that did interest him, however, was the suspicious lack of people who came by to be entertained by the European looking old man handling the stall.

He grinned, running after the old man's stall with a loud and shrill "Old man…!" He stopped just short of bashing his head into the table's pointy edge, but he still looked excited. "What's this stall for, old man"

The old man grinned, and he turned his head over towards him. On closer inspection he seemed to be wearing a turban and an eyepatch. He certainly looked the part of a fortune teller or whatever, even if the eyepatch that he was wearing made him look a bit more like a pirate. Ha… He really didn't look Japanese, though.

He approached the old man even more, making sure that he was the only important thing staring straight at him. With a great big smile, he leaned over his small counter to greet Issei. With a booming deep voice, the old man asked. "Whatever did you come to this stall for, young one? Wondering what this old stall of mine was for, well…" The old man's bright smile grew even brighter, and he began emitting lights as bright as the lanterns hanging all around the fair. All that happiness was directed towards Issei, as he saw the young boy begin to have stars in his eyes.

While staring at all the bright lights that popped out of nowhere. They began floating around the old man's shoulders, and slowly pulsed. They were gorgeous, and Issei could instantly distinguish him from all of the other magicians he'd seen in his short lifetime. This wasn't a trick, there was nothing that could convince him that it was just a trick.

"How did you do that!? It looks so cool!" The old man, still smiling, took a wooden box from under his table and displayed it to the young boy. Opening it, the lights began to fade. Underneath their glow, he could finally see what was actually floating. A deck of cards, all a bright gold or silver, he wasn't so sure with the dim lighting, assembled piece by piece on the little openings of the box.

"These," He pointed towards the box's contents. "Are class cards. Each representing a known 'class' of warrior from antiquity and the feudal eras." Putting a hand over each, they were pulled into his palm like a suction, with no effort from him whatsoever. Clutching one on one hand, he handed the golden card on the young boy's open palm.

"What I had just done was Magecraft. Magic, young Issei, but that's not the whole story that I'm going to tell you." His gaze became fierce, and showed that the floaty characteristics of the Class Cards were not an inherent characteristic. With a snap of a finger, Issei could just about see a swordsman, a spearman, an archer, a knight on horseback, an assassin, a mage, and a goat… thing, on each of the Class Cards. He didn't know what they all meant, essentially, but he was pretty sure that they'd be pretty damn cool.

"Do you want to be a superhero, young Issei? These Class Cards could show you exactly how to do that." Issei's excitement turned from thinly veiled to exuberant, and his hands couldn't stop shivering the moment the old man gave him one to examine. He felt electricity run through his arms the moment he touched it, and of course that was the cue. He knew this was real, and not some strange scam that was being offered to him.

"Do I!? Of course, I want to! Old man, please, I'd love to!" His excitement reached its peak, and he jumped up and down on the floor. His imagination would've given him such a cool appearance, calm and cool, doing awesome henshin poses like the Kamen Riders. And yet, in retrospect, he saw something completely different. He felt a strong pull into the card, and he suddenly he was somewhere else.

She stood in a large and empty white void. She held onto two white blades of eastern origin, slowly releasing great energy in green and red. She had white hair tied behind her, and had on a red and blue kimono. She was a swordswoman, one of the strongest, and beautiful, his traitorous mind described for him.

It told him of her nirvana, the void, the sacrifices she had made all this time to get this far. And yet, her face was darkened, something telling him that this wasn't right, she wasn't like this all the time. Something told him that not even in her darkest hours, she was like this. When she slowly moved her head look at him, he could almost see the melancholic smile on her face. And yet, before he could respond-

The vision ended as quickly as it began, and the image of a swordsman flashed before his eyes, appearing right where the card he had received. He looked down on the card he just received, and a mature look on his eyes that he's never had before flashed before his eyes. An understanding was made, but…

"Why did you choose me?" His face crunched up in confusion. "I'm just a kid, an unproven kid. I've read stuff like this from the shonen manga I read sometimes, but something inside of me is telling me that this shouldn't be, I guess…" He felt a little shame and self-consciousness by how generous the old man seemed to be for him. It was an offer he could always refuse, from what he could gather, but still…

The old man chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. Still, he composed himself and continued. "Well… To be quite honest… I just needed someone to take them for me, you know. I wasn't so sure who could, to be honest, until I saw you come by and gave me an idea." Before Issei could retort, the eyepatched old man cut him off. "You're a special kid, Issei. I see potential in you that I haven't seen in a very, very long time. Believe me." With a mirthful smile, any protests that Issei might have sputtered were drowned out and overruled.

The cards still on his palm, he passed them all over to Issei's hands, still smiling. Still cheerful. Looking down at them, his eyes widened as the cards slowly evaporated into bright golden lights, flowing straight into Issei's body. He blinked owlishly as the lights blinded him, and as the light slowly faded, he could see that swordswoman's beautiful face smiling at him. She didn't seem as doubtful this time around, he could tell. If this was his destiny, then…

The old man with an eyepatch stared at him for a moment, and realized his mistake. He sighed, and looked to the side. "For what it's worth, you won't be able to use these powers correctly, if at all, until you actually need them." Looking back at him, he smiled. "Either way, kid, you've got a lot of things ahead of you, so for now it's an irrelevant point." His firm, strong hand patted Issei's head. "You should study, do great at school, and make a lot of friends. Don't ever give in, you hear me?"

Issei nods, understanding his point. "Don't disappoint me." With that said, he left, walking to the forest behind the fairs and disappearing entirely. The table slowly disappeared, and everything he just witnessed along with it. And as the hours passed, he too would forget what had just happened.

"Kids these days…"

Only a few years later did the child meet the stress and pain promised to him. A great evil will still his heart, and only then could he learn to use what was gifted to him. And from there, his journey would begin.

O_O-O_O-O_O-O_O

Issei didn't know what the old man meant by that, exactly. The actual requirements of course, not some cryptic bullcrap about "waiting for the right time". Or, that his powers will only come under great stress and pain. He could probably get it to work, this time. But he was heartbroken and betrayed, and it felt like he had lost the life within him, yet there was no other choice within him, was there?

He just, had to focus. What kind of godforsaken energy did that old man need him to do!? He didn't say shit, he just, left him to fend for himself and hope to god that something miraculous would happen to him, right? God damn it, that wasn't helpful at all! What the hell was he going to do? There had to be something, because if there wasn't, he'd just be a paste smeared on the ground.

Breathing slowly, he glanced at the spear of light floating in an almost mocking manner. He could just about laugh, because this could really be where it all ends. There wasn't much strength left within him, after all, and even if he got out of this situation, stuck to the ground, almost glued to it at that, where else would he go? He was going to die either way, because if the fact that she pulled that stick out of her ass so quickly, then no doubt could she use that speed in chasing after him as well. Whether it'd be using that speed to throw another one or just plain chasing after him, he wasn't sure, but he'd find out somehow.

All that was left, was accepting his defeat it seemed. It was unfortunate that it had to end like this, but things happen. There's not much else he could do about it anyway. He breathed in and out, and fell unconscious. The blood loss he had sustained had taken its toll, from all of the spear hits he hadn't noticed somehow.

The boy hadn't noticed it yet, but he actually had a blade cutting through his arm and his leg, a light spear cracked in half essentially. It started bleeding profusely as the boy fell to the ground, the blood going all over his body and coating the floor thickly.

His mouth moved despite this and with the blood bubbling up his mouth. As it turns out, it was subconsciously geassed into him. The summoning spell that he was meant to use finally erupted from his mouth. They were all muffled and incomplete, but it was enough to make him burst into a light bright enough to cover the evening time park with light.

Raynare smiled. Her job was done and she could finally leave, so she prepared to leave the park center. The boy was foolish, and desperate, and it made this operation so much easier on her. If he had to hear his loudmouth whine out again, it would have been too soon.

But before she could bother, she craned her head back to identify the strange sound behind her. She went on alert, looking back on her "boyfriend's" corpse with growing horror. The blood pooled around the teenage boy's body, forming a glowing magic circle that slowly grew ever brighter. The light was strong enough for her to get thrown off instead of just killing him entirely. It forced her to go on the retreat to avoid the divine light that enveloped the entirety of the empty park.

As the lights stopped glowing, she slowly stood up from the bush and walked back, her hand covering her face as she tried to nurse a growing headache. She immediately prepared a few light spears to make sure she was ready for whatever the kid did. Was it a summoning, or a conveniently timed last minute transformation into his tenant? Just as she stopped by where Issei was lying down the first time around, she paused, feeling the increasing pressure around the air and the chill she was feeling.

Despite being a supernatural being far beyond human comprehension, it was as if she couldn't sense him anymore. Worse yet was that she was hurt in the process of the transformation, so she had that to take into account as well. But despite that, it was like he wasn't there at all anymore, or anyone at that.

It seemed as if the dwindling population in the park disappeared completely, scared away by the light. That was something she had to report to her superiors. The smallest chance of a normal person becoming exposed to the supernatural was not something they wanted to risk, so they needed to make precautions. Perhaps they could frame a terrorist attack as the reasoning behind it?

She could suddenly hear the sound of grass rustling behind her, so she braced herself. Feeling tense, she didn't know what or how Issei could have possibly gain a second wind after showing no traces of knowing his draconic powers, but she couldn't take any chances. She had to take him out now, especially when she was practically unharmed and raring to go while Issei had to deal with almost dying and not having any experience with his powers to begin with.

Just as suddenly as it happened, the wind stopped and she was left somewhat confused. Where the hell was he doing? What kind of intel was she working with if this was all she could gather from the situation? She didn't know, but if she just moved up a little bit, and…

She stood up straight, and prepared to counterattack. She would spread her range a little bit, and hopefully hit the brat with at least one of the spears. Or that was the idea anyway, because just a second afterwards, the pommel of a blade smacked her right on the back of the head. She was knocked out instantly.

O_O-O_O-O_O-O_O

Saber smiled. After so many years since that fateful day that she first met her master, she was ready to go. Her master was facing off a dark angel from what she could gather, and if she went out of his way to try and harm him while he was unguarded and unaware of her true nature, then no doubt she knew of her master's true nature as well. The dragon he had imprisoned within… That was one explanation for the Kaleidescope's choice to make him their master, at least, the rest she wasn't so sure about.

Regardless, she stood up within the empty void. The empty expanse that she found herself was large, and vast, representing her perfection of emptiness itself. All she had to do now was wait for the cards to fall into the right place.

"Let silver … be the essence,"

Ah, so there it was then. He was reciting the summon even as he slowly bled to death. A morbid way to describe it, but in her lurid state it felt appropriate.

"Let stone and … be the …

Let … be the … that I pay … to.

Let … a wall … that shall fall."

She lost track of most of it midway, but she was still excited to go. It was strange. After all this eternal time preparing herself for the child that seemed so idealistic and unnaturally mature, it felt just like a dream. She felt the magics of the card begin to pull her out.

Let it … now; your flesh shall serve under me, and my fate … with your sword.

Yes. Her sword. It was only natural. It was here that she finally focused, hearing it in its entirety without any feeling of being sidetracked.

"Submit to the beckoning of the Holy Grail.

Answer, if you would submit to this will and this truth.

An oath shall be sworn here

I shall attain all virtues of all of Heaven;

I shall have dominion over all evils of all of Hell."

"This was it," she smiled melancholically. "I hope he's ready to feel a little breeze below his torso, though. This contract was a lot weirder than the other ones, but I wouldn't have it any other way." She chuckled awkwardly, already considering the implications. She just hoped they had something to make him back out or whatever, because if he was actually going to be a girl nigh permanently, it would've been a lot more awkward.

As the portal to let her out slowly manifested, she stared at it momentarily. She mentally prepared to introduce herself to him afterwards, because just a brief explanation from a decade ago wouldn't have been enough for most people, him included. As she stepped just once, she paused.

TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP

Confusing. Why was she hearing footsteps? She was in her master's inner sanctum, and she was the only one to awaken so far. So one else should have been here but her, so why... She looked left and right, but couldn't find what she was looking for. A chill went up her spine as Shinmen Musashi-no-kami Fujiwara no Harunobubu (ah, she fwubbed it again) realized that someone was running after her. With the fictional air chilling her, she slowly craned her head to the direction behind her.

Just in time for a certain Demon King to clock her right in the face, knocking her into the ground in a daze. The attack caught her off guard, and left Musashi in a dazed and pathetic state. Nobbu took most of the summoning energy into herself, and left in a hurry, leaving Musashi wondering what the hell just happened.

With what little comprehension she had left, she notes that just as her master said something about the protector of the holy balance, Nobunaga left the room with a pair of peace signs heading her direction. Unbelievable.

Why did she chose to knock her out instead of waiting for her turn to go out there on her own time? She wasn't sure, but it certainly made her feel a lot worse about herself. Groaning deeply, she pushes herself up and walks away. Hopefully she could find an Udon shop somewhere in this empty brain of his…

She could've asked, at least… A little context would've helped, she'd (hopefully) gladly let her out first. Honestly, that warlord.

O_O-O_O-O_O-O_O

Oda Nobunaga stared at the incapacitated fallen angel, and sighed. This wasn't the first or last time this crazy bitch tried to take out Issei like that, but it was basically the first time she even tried in this universe. Even when considering the fact that Issei didn't have the time to synchronize with his heroic spirits as much this time around. She attacked him earlier if he did, at least. Probably risky either way, but oh well.

Raynare would be out of the count for the meantime but just in case… She plopped the Grigori agent over her shoulder and started walking away from the fountain. She would kill her, but she proved her usefulness in the last world she was in. It would be more satisfying to see the angel girl to humiliate herself instead.

She took herself to a familiar empty clearing, and sat down to meditate. It was here that she let Issei's personality resurface, feeling the familiar energy of his soul go through his body again.

His eyes blinked, processing what he was looking at. He was clearly in the park earlier, and fell unconscious, so why the hell was he here in a forest? He was sitting down in a seiza, so there was that, but…

He stood up, looking for something to tell him where he was. He felt a bit stronger. And shorter. And he was pretty sure his hair wasn't this long either. Something caught his eyes, however, and as he approached the puddle to make sure he wasn't hallucinating, he saw someone else. The initially unmoving image moved on its own, contorting its features to greet him.

"W-Who… what?"

"Hello again, Issei." Archer greeted. "There's a few people I want you to meet, but I'll have to greet myself first." She stood her ground, and did a silly pose. "I am the Demon King of the Sixth Heaven! The Fool of Owari, and great unifier of Japan. Pleased to meet you! I hope we have a great relationship together once again."

As it is, this shit ain't even worth the salt it's made of, but it'll have to do for now. If you've been following the mental breakdowns on my profile, then you prolly already know why.

For what it's worth I'll try to remake The Fool of Owari in a moderately realistic time frame from May to August, since that gives me just enough time to remake a chapter in 2-3 days. Every time I have free time basically. Given that the first 5 chapters were where I had the most fun writing it because I didn't have to make my own shit, just rewrite a story that was dead and dead, then yeah… That would've sounded about right.

It's going to have all sorts of reordering, grammar fixing, concept changing, and adjustment of dumbassery that I've observed while reading through it again. I'm also going to incorporate some of the side stories into the main story , while replacing them with batshit insane counterparts that make more sense as omakes rather than stuff that really, really should've just been part of the main story.

If anyone wants to beta in the future, then just contact me through a PM. I refuse to use Discord if you don't already know.

Not promising any upload schedule this time, by the way. I won't have to be pressured by a hobby anymore. Should've done that all the way…

Short Omake-

Issei Hyoudou, pervert extreme, stared blankly at the sudden harem of fox spirit twins that called him master. They were all extremely beautiful women in their own right, the pink haired one in particular bringing him to a time when has particularly into hot women in spandex. He'd be losing a lot more blood if it he was actually in a room, in real life. The implication here being that he was somewhere else.

His mind, to be exact.

The fact that they were all various levels of submissive and loving towards him was very nice and all, but there was a completely different problem for him here. He could only enter the room as a girl. A girl, much the same as the other fox girls that were stationed here.

And worse yet, even as a girl, he wouldn't be able to do anything because whenever she'd enter, the other kitsunes would just stare at her and tell her to leave. She couldn't do anything with them at all.

Something told him that he inherited this sense of aimlessness, but Tamamo told him much of the same. That, as he was, he was a pretty bad husband to be with, but he was her best shot either way. And something about the foxgirls already having a low opinion of her in the first place.

It was his worst nightmare, not being able to do anything with a bunch of hot women who didn't want anything to do with him, or her. And that was terrible.

Yes. That was a Nobu that went through most of Fool of Owari. I just wanted to write something new with something familiar. Just wanted to write about Kenshin and Nobbu, was all.