The thing about coming back home is that people always assume you're running away from something. I'm not though, or at least that's what I thought. I was on my way home. Rather to a hotel where I'm from, because like I thought, I'm not here running from anything, I'm here for my high school reunion. So in short, I'm just visiting.
I had no problem looking forward to the reunion, I actually liked the place. Chloe, Amy and I took all our classes together but always found ourselves hanging in the music room. When I was there I played the drums in music class, at rehearsals, did audio for shows and presentations. I always worked with Emily, she wasn't in the same graduating class as us but she was cool. She was always singing what we wrote together, her and her guitar on stage captivating the entire audience. We always took advantage of any opportunity to be creative. It's funny cause she always thought I should be up there with her and now I get up on stage with a guitar for a living.
The screen on my dashboard changes, incoming call from Chlo.
Hey," I answered.
"Hey," Chloe responded, I can hear Amy in the background as well, " You get in yet?"
"Uh yea. I just picked up my car."
"Oh good. We're gonna go visit some of the teachers today, you wanna come?"
"Sure. What time?"
"We're both already here," Chloe laughed.
"Oh. Alright, um, I'm on my way now."
"Okay bye," Chloe hung up excitedly.
That brings me to being at the school an entire week before the reunion. I pull into the parking lot and meet up with Chloe and Amy, who are of course happy to see me. We walked up the marble staircase and through the first set of doors. I paused in the corridor filled with a student created mural. I wondered if we needed a pass, the answer to that was yes. The good news? We were right next to the front office. My name pass or sticker stuck to the chest of my hoodie, we went to meet with our homeroom teacher. We talked for 30 minutes...she didn't have a class at the moment. After that pleasant experience, I instinctually made my way to the music room. Down the main flight of steps to the bottom floor, then off to the left, the first door on the right.
I noticed the room hadn't changed much, but there were vinyl covers hanging on the walls, throughout the rectangular room, Different posters from different concerts, recent ones mostly. I even saw one of mine, which was a little embarrassing. There were rows of chairs starting from the door over towards the other end of the room. The desk and storage in the corner against the wall, where the chairs ended. In the front was a stage, on it a keyboard, a drum set, and dj area. There was a nice rug on there too. It's almost exactly how I remembered it, except with newer equipment. There were 15, maybe even 20 kids in the room. Chloe and Amy were already over by the desk, waving me over. I claimed my spot by the desk. I didn't realize who the teacher was until I made it all the way over next to Chloe. The nameplate on the desk said Junk. Yea, that Emily, I had no idea. Everyone thought we would make it, well I guess I did technically, but I'm not surprised she stayed behind to teach music.
"Didn't know you'd be here," I said to Emily, she had come into the and walked straight over to us.
"Beca! I can't say the same, they texted me," Emily pointed to Chloe and Amy, "So, you know, I knew you'd be here," she rambled back to me. Nothing had changed, she still rambles when she's caught off guard. It's still adorable as hell.
Like dude, all the feelings just came rushing back. I didn't even know what to do or say. I stood there taking her in. She was seated, her bright green polka dot shirt on full display, her long brown hair flowed over her shoulder, her eyes almost the same shade of her hair peering up in my direction, her lips a light shade of pink smiling at me. What eventually happened? I smiled, letting out a little laugh, and tucked my hair behind my ear.
"Oh my. Beca, you couldn't even make it 10 minutes," Chloe slapped my shoulder, interrupting my thoughts.
"I tried, I swear."
"No you didn't."
You felt that too? Yea, I realized it was going to be a long week. I couldn't take my eyes off Emily, as I saw her walking over to the stage.
"Alright, let's get started. Should make good use of this hour, am I right?" Emily chuckled, "As you can see we have visitors today.
We all took that as an opening to wave around the room.
"You have to give us a song," Amy said. Never failing to let her opinion be known and rile up the room.
All of the kids in the room pretty much agreed in unison, you could see their eyes lighting up. Chloe even went far as to grab a guitar and bring it over to Emily up on stage.
"You can even stay where you are, " Amy pointed at me.
I had to give in. I'd never hear the end of it.
"Okay, okay. I actually have a draft that I really like, so I gestured to Emily with my hands unnecessarily.
Emily started strumming, I let her lead for a moment, finding her rhythm.
"So I paid off my debts but I found the world boring
So I called my old friends but they only ever ask me how tour is
And there's still weight on my back, I just try to ignore it
I guess the stage was my mask
I forgot the way I looked before I wore it
And I would prove myself wrong
That all along, the problem was me
With all my bitterness gone
Happy, I'll be."
I saw kids, tapping their fingers on their chairs, tapping their feet on the floor. Everyone either looked at me or Emily. Emily looked down at her fingers intricately picking at the guitar strings. We made eye contact and it was just like when we used to sing before. The song started to make sense at that point.
"I'll move back home forever
I'll feed the dogs
And I'll put all my pieces back together
Where they belong, and I'll say
"I'm a mess, I'm a mess, oh God, I'm a mess"
And I'll take 89 to Boston
See my love
And I'll help her set up her new apartment
And we'll get drunk and she'll say
"You're a mess, you're a mess, good God, you're a mess"
"Oh, you're a mess, you're a mess, good God"."
The room fell silent after Emily's last strum and we were just staring at each other. I hadn't seen her in years and yet I felt like I was singing about her.
"Thanks," I said.
Emily walked over to me, guitar in tow and sat it down leaning it against the desk next to me. She leaned towards me and all I could do was bite my lip, in anticipation of what? I don't know.
"I like what you could do with that one." She said low and light.
To be fair, it didn't feel like an hour. One minute we're laughing it up, the next minute everyone was filing out of the room; students were off to their next class. I somehow turned out to be the last one out.
I turned on my heels and noticed Chloe and Amy were still hanging by the door.
"What's up?" I asked, officially across the threshold of the classroom away from Emily's attention.
"We're getting dinner later, hang with us?" Chloe asked me.
"Sure," I slipped my hands into my pockets, trying to keep my composure in case Emily was looking. People do that right? "The hotel I'm staying at is supposed to have a nice little restaurant."
"That's a great idea," Chloe said.
"I love the entire amount of effort you put into that for us," Amy snickered.
"You're welcome," I said, "I'll text you. You can just come meet me at my room."
"Okay," They both said.
I took that as my cue to leave. At no point was I told there will be extracurricular social activities.
Long story short, I took a nice drive to my hotel, checked-in and took a nap. I could tell I was going to need as much as possible this week.
X
You know that feeling after you wake up from a nap and you can just tell you got the perfect amount of sleep. Its euphoria. Even when you wake up to a group text letting you know your friends on the way.
I had no other choice but to start getting ready. I got up from the bed, tossed my tee across the room. Dug through my backpack from my two make-up bags, one with a joint i plan to smoke, and the other is actual make-up.
It was a nice bathroom. It deserved to be enjoyed. So I gracefully grabbed the joint and my favorite lighter from the bag.
"Hey siri, play bathroom smokes, " my phone beeped and Siri responded letting me know she's playing my playlist, dedicated to the very thing I'm doing.
I spend the next few songs washing my face and moisturizing. It tends to be an easy process for me as I try to save a lot of makeup for super public outings. Plus, it's not like I plan on meeting anyone tonight. Just me and the girls.
Right on cue, I hear a knock at my door. I opened up the bathroom, naturally a small trail of smoke followed me, I definitely chuckled at it. I grabbed the first shirt out of my open luggage. It was a low cut henley,, it was a little tight around the...well everywhere, but it had to do. I got to the door and I was greeted by Chloe, Amy, and Emily. She stood behind the two of them.
"Way to start the party without us," Amy said, she sniffed me as she passed by.
I smiled at Chloe and Emily especially when they came in as well.
"I just finished getting ready, actually," I said, I pointed at Emily, " Didn't know you'd be here."
"Is that your go-to line?" Emily said.
"No, but does it work?"
"More than it should honestly," Emily looked me up and down, her eyes pausing at my chest then back up to my face. My eyes followed her as she walked past me, I tried to hold back a smirk.
Emily sat on the bed, Amy was already rummaging the mini-fridge and Chloe moved to the window.
"Did you smoke it all? Chloe asked.
"Nope. Want a hit before we go?
"Absolutely."
We finished the joint, cracked the window, left the bathroom vent on, and left for the bar. The four of us stumbled out of the room, laughing about what? I don't remember. But we made it to the restaurant ready to order too much of whatever special they were having.
The restaurant had a simple design, which was nice for a change, don't get me wrong they still had their theme, with the exposed brick walls, hanging lights, plants shelved everywhere. Our hostess brought us to a section enclosed by said sheleved plants, booth seats on one side of the table and couch-like seating across from it. Before we ordered, everyone was a little quiet but we talked about the past few weeks and what we had been up to. After the waitress brought us our drink, we switched seats and I ended up next to Emily in the booth. Eventually, it was Emily and I, trying not to make too much eye contact. I think she even touched my hand a couple times. After we ate, we stared directly into each other's eyes. She laughed and touched my knee at one point even. Everytime we all focused on each other, I found myself excited to get back to Emily. After we had dessert, she leaned closer to me.
"I think I left my bag up in your room and I wanna go get it. Right now," she whispered in my ear.
I shifted in my seat.
"Hey guys, Emily left her bag upstairs. I'm gonna go walk her to get it."
"Yeah, okay," they said, then looked at Emily, "Aw , are you leaving us?"
Emily nods, she got up and left cash on the table. She walked over to Amy and Chloe to hug them both.
"Are you coming back down?" Chloe asked me.
"I don't know," I shrug my shoulders, pretending like I didn't have a warm feeling in the pit of my stomach over what I was pretty sure was about to happen.
"Alright well, see you later."
"Yea, I'll see you guys later."
Not a moment later, Emily turned around and whisked past me, I followed behind her. She might not notice on those long, gorgeous legs, but she moves fast and I definitely notice it.
We turned the corner to get to the elevators, she grabbed my hand and somehow managed to walk faster. She pressed the up button before I even came to a complete stop. On the elevators we both stared at the doors. At some point, she made eye contact with me and gave me the shyest smile ever. The elevator stopped, the speaker dinged and the doors opened. Emily was once again passionately leading me to my hotel room.
She stopped at the door and looked at me.
"Oh right, the key," I said.
Fumbling around my pockets, I found the card shaped key in my back pocket. I pulled the handle and pushed it open for Emily to follow. I turned around and pushed hoping that the door would close faster. It didn't. Finally the door closed and Emily turned around and pushed me to the door. Our hands were firmly linked together above our heads against the door. Hips pressed against each other as much as they could be. She was breathing heavily, our hair in our faces.
She kissed me. It was everything I remembered it to be. I almost forgot how much I loved her more dominant side. She left my face, she trailed kisses down my neck to my chest. I guess she was frustrated with the lack of skin, not for lack of trying. She dropped my hands and she pulled my shirt off me. Her hands were warm and soft to the touch. She placed kisses anywhere she could. I was very aware of who I was with but did nothing to stop it.
X
"Beca...Beca," Emily whispered, waking me up.
I groaned. I swear waking up is the worst part of the day. That also might be the most privileged thing you hear me say. I'm also very dramatic, let's just move on.
"Can you give me a ride?"
"Mhm," I grabbed the blanket and pulled it back over me."
"Like soon. I'll buy you coffee." She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.
She had me. I slid my feet out first, pushed the blanket off of me and dragged myself out of bed.
"There she is."
"Ha Ha," I forced a smile.
"I had so much-"
"Not yet," I threw a pillow at her.
Do I get ready for the day, I thought to myself. I have no idea what day is about to look like and with Emily taking control of my morning, I'm sure I've lost my whole day already.
"You know what," I said pointing at Em, " Give me a few minutes." I grabbed a black tee and a pair of jeans from my bag so that I could disappear into the bathroom.
"Of course," She smiled.
One simple morning routine later, you know, I washed my face, brushed my teeth and I was ready to go. I just needed to grab my keys from my other jeans and the hotel key which was apparently left on the floor by the door.
'You okay?" Emily asked me. She snapped me out of the day dream.
"Yea, um... Let's go."
The day was uneventful, I dropped Emily off at her place. I made it back to the hotel in one piece. I had a facetime call with my manager to talk about what I was working on, I did some writing. Chloe and Amy even stopped by for a visit.
X
I woke up at noon the next day. Judge me all you want but that is something I do quite frequently.. This day was also lowkey, I went to visit my dad, I once again convinced him I would eventually clear out my stuff in the attic, I might've actually convinced myself as well. But at like nine p.m., I got a text from Emily:
u doing anything right now?
Not really what's up?
I could use a smoke buddy.
I squinted at my phone in contemplation, but I knew I was going to go over there. My phone vibrated, interrupting my 'thoughts', it was another text from Emily:
Cause this is def too much to share.
I'll be right over.
I also sent her the combination of the emojis with the car and the smoke coming out from behind it.
I got to her house and rang the doorbell, the anticipation got to me, I thought it could've been a mistake that she texted me or that she had changed her mind. All of that went away as soon as she answered.
"Heyyy," Emily had the biggest smile on her face, " Sorry I was all the way in the den, she pointed behind her, people usually text me when they get here.
"It's cool," I smiled, "gave me time to evaluate my life."
"Come on, lets go," She grabbed my hand and pulled me into the house. I'm lucky I was even able to close the door on my way in, " I'll show you around later."
Her hand still holding on to mine, I'm pulled down a short hall and down some steps into a room. The light was low, one lamp, with stringed lights going around the ceiling. There were a couple of big plants, a giant couch, a table in front it, filled with her paraphernalia and a speaker made to look like an amp. There were windows across the room, all open, the walls white with different framed art works scattered around, some hung on the wall, others leaning against it on the floor. Two guitars mounted over in a corner, and books stacked almost as tall as I am in another.
"Oh wow. I'm digging the room Em." I said, still looking around. She's already sitting on the couch. Our eyes met and that's when I heard an easy guitar driven beat come through the speaker, smooth vocals following shortly after. No Judgement by Niall Horan was playing. "Oh, I love this song," I glanced at the speaker then back at Emily, we both smiled.
"Me too,' Emily had closed her eyes, her head nodding to the music. The chorus started and there was a whole new kind of tension in the air.
I walked over to the couch and sat beside Emily. A joint perched on her lips and a lighter in her hand. She flicked the lighter to the other end, inhaled, and immediately passed it to me after.
"Hold onto that," she motioned.
We sat and we talked. We talked about so much.
"So how's L.A?" she asked.
"You know, everyone's still trying to find their best angle." I mimicked taking a selfie. Chloe bursted into laughter and coughing fit not too soon after. I moved closer to her to pat her back," Easy there,"
"But you like it out there?"
"Um, yea,"
"You hesitated," she had to point out.
"It's nice. I paused, Emily looked at me like she knew I had more to say, "I mean that. I know I've gotten lucky with everything, it is a little much for me at times. Nobody hangs out anymore. I'm always out with my team. Those are my friends now. There's always something to talk about with my manager and whoever he has around to bounce ideas off."
"Aren't you independent?"
"Nope. My music is light and easy but I am very much not independent."
"Well how would they feel about you working from, I don't know, somewhere else?" She lit another joint.
"Another one," I asked.
"Of course. I knew you were coming over so I had to be prepared," Emily laughed. She got up and walked over to grab a guitar. Now it was her, the guitar and myself on the couch, " You know, I really liked that song from the other day," she leaned over and turned the speaker off and started playing the same melody to my draft. She started humming what she could remember, "I think I know where you going with it. Tell me if I'm right?" She continues strumming her guitar.
"If I could give this all back
I would be home in the morning
I'd wake up in a cold sweat
Take a flight back to the city I was born in
And I would wipe myself clean
Of what I knew was unimportant
I'd want typical things
I'd try to fit back into all my old clothing
And I would prove myself wrong
That all along, the problem was me
With all my bitterness gone
Happy, I'd be"
I didn't even let her finish the rest. I prop myself and lean over in Emily's direction, " I'm going to kiss you now. Okay?"
"Okay."
And just like that our lips were pressed together. Her hand on my back, she broke away to set her guitar down and came back and cupped my face, kissing me again, passionately I might add. She moved her hands down to my shoulders, caught a hold of my hoodie and began pushing it off me. She got it off without breaking the kiss and threw it across the couch.
"You know what? Let me show my room next." She smirked at me.
"I missed you," I watched her get up and close the windows and then come back to grab my hand, "Is there going to be an activity for each room?" I managed to get out, being led up the stairs to her room now.
X
We finally made it to the night of reunion the whole reason I'm here. I invited Emily so we could all have a good night together of course. Chloe brought her boyfriend, and just like in high school Amy and Bumper made their grand entrance together. We all stood together huddled around a tall table draped in a green tablecloth. Eventually Amy and Bumper broke off to go dance, Chloe and her date went off to get us drinks.
"What are the chances we could sneak off to my class for a little bit?" Chloe whispered to me. I didnt even think twice about her offer. Chloe was going to be a while anyway, she knows too many people here. That time I was the one leading her down a hallway into whatever room we could from.
When we got back to the table Chloe and her boyfriend were waiting for us.
"Hey guys. Where'd you go" Chloe asked.
"Um," I froze. Chloe just looked at me waiting for an answer.
"I left something in my class, figured i grab it while I was here." Emily saved me from utter embarrassment but lets face it, it might've been too late for that.
Chloe looked over at Emily then back over to me up at my hair, "Oh. Okay. Well I got you both ciders."
I patted my hair down. Chloe knew. I could barely hold it together, that usually happens when I get to spend that kind of quality time with Emily.
The rest of the night went off without a hitch. Amy and Bumper eventually came back to the table, only to tell us they were leaving. We don't need to discuss how the rest of their night went but trust me, Amy didn't spare the details. Chloe and boyfriend took their turn at the dancefloor. Leaving Emily and I alone again. Not that I didn't mind.
"I'm going to stay." I blurted out.
"What?" Emily responded. I could hear the surprise in her voice.
"I'm going to stay."
"I-," she paused, "You sure?"
"Yea. My manager will have to deal. Also he likes to travel. He'll be fine."
"You're a mess, you know that?"
"I know," I smiled at her. Her hand rested on mine.
She might've been the one to help me move into the apartment but I'm glad I'm back home.