After Chicago
My life is split into two parts before Chicago and after Chicago. I obviously preferred one over the other. I didn't realize how much my life would change when Chicago came into the picture.
Jesse and I had broken up and I was sure it was for good this time. Which is why I was sitting on the couch watching mindless movies with Chloe. Since I still didn't like movies, they were good for background noise. Chloe decided to help me drown my sorrows in cheap wine, pizza, and of course rocky road ice cream. Chloe grabbed my hand and squeezed softly as she smiled at me. "I really am sorry Beca I know the two of you had been together for a long time." I just shrugged my shoulders at her. "It is what it is. I know it has been coming for a while we really haven't been clicking for a while." We had consumed a good amount of alcohol and were a little tipsy at this point. Chloe had brushed a few stray hairs away from my eyes and before I knew what was happening, she leaned in placing a soft kiss to my lips. I started kissing back before my brain caught up with my body and realized who was kissing me. When it finally hit who I was kissing I immediately pulled back jumping off of the couch. "Chloe what the hell was that?" Chloe looked at me surprised at her own actions. "I'm sorry Beca I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I kind of got caught up in the moment." Looking at her face I could tell she wasn't telling me the whole truth and then it hit me. "Chloe do you have feelings for me or something." Chloe's face showed embarrassment as she looked down. "Beca I have had feelings for you since your freshman year. I never told you because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. I really am sorry about the kiss Beca I really was caught up in the moment." I was shocked at Chloe's confession confirming my suspicions but I would never have guessed she had feeling for me for so long. "Chloe I forgive you for the kiss but you know I'm not gay right. Actually, I didn't know you had any interest in women. Your friendship really means a lot to me and I really don't want to lose it. I think we both have had a lot to drink to tonight and emotions were running on high. I think it might be a good idea to call it a night." Chloe nodded her head. I could see the disappointment on her face and the beginning of tears forming in her eyes. The tv was turned off and we both disappeared into our rooms. I was drunk enough that I drifted off to sleep shortly after getting into bed.
When I woke up, I was worried about how are morning would go. I was hoping to avoid any awkward conversations. I really didn't want to lose my friendship with Chloe. I really felt bad that I had upset her last night. To my relief we both acted normal as if nothing had happened. The next few months went by the same with neither of us mentioning that night and continuing our usual routines with each other. We were both excited to get out of the apartment to meet up with the rest of the Bella's for Emily's mini reunion. After we arrived it was blatantly obvious to all of us "old" Bella's we had misinterpreted Emily's meaning of reunion. Chloe had gotten excited when Aubrey had arranged for us to perform for the USO tour explaining that she had really been missing the Bella's lately. I reluctantly agreed because after quitting my job I didn't really have anything better to do with my time.
We arrived for the tour and had stepped off of the plane. The minute we stepped off of the plane I could see that Chloe liked Chicago just by the way she was looking at him and I really didn't understand why but it gave me a weird feeling. I tried to shake off the weird feeling because of course I would be happy if Chloe found someone. I caught up with the rest of the Bella's as we walked into the hangar. We all introduced ourselves to the other bands on the tour. Then of course we challenged them to a riff off. While Chloe was singing her part, I caught Chicago watching her with a gleam in his eye. I didn't like that look one bit but I really didn't understand why. I mean I'm not jealous of him, because I didn't want Chloe that way because I wasn't gay. I reasoned with myself I was just being a concerned friend. We lost the riff off which really wasn't a surprise.
It didn't take long for things to change starting the after Chicago part of my life. I didn't realize how much my life would change when Chicago entered our lives. I realized my life pretty much revolved around Chloe. Chloe spent less time with the Bella's and me. She seemed to always be gone off spending time with Chicago. After a few weeks it was really starting to bother me but I kept it to myself. Unfortunately, Aubrey had caught one of my looks at Chicago and Chloe walking off. "Hey Beca is everything okay? You have been acting a little off the past few weeks. I'm guessing your missing Chloe I know you are used to spending a lot of time together and now she's off with Chicago most of the time." I gave her a forced smile. "It's nothing Aubrey I'm fine. I'm just a little home sick." She didn't seem to completely accept my answer but she left it alone for the time being.
We had been on the tour a couple of months and the Chloe situation was really starting to take a toll on me. I was having trouble sleeping and would spend most my nights with my laptop making mixes until the morning. I could barely recognize myself. I was starting to resemble the freshman year Beca the longer we were on this tour. I was walking the streets one evening when I noticed Chicago and Chloe strolling on another nearby street. I could see his arm wrapped around Chloe in a tight loving hold. I really didn't understand what was happening as I felt tears start to streak down my cheeks. All I knew is I needed to get out of here fast and back to my room. After I entered the motel, I was in such a hurry to get to my room I didn't notice Aubrey in the hallway. She took one look at my tear stained face and I could tell by her face she was instantly worried. "Beca are you okay? Is something wrong you're not hurt, are you?" I shook my head at her. "Do you want to come talk to me in my room." I thought about it for a few seconds before I followed her into her room. We both took a seat on the edge of her bed. "Beca what's going on? I know something's really wrong with you. You know we are friends and you can talk to me about anything right?" I smiled and nodded at her. "I really don't know where to start Aubrey. I have made a huge mess out of my life and I don't know if I can fix it. A few months before we all met up at Emily's mini reunion Chloe kissed me. I had just broken up with Jesse she was trying to cheer me up and we were both a little tipsy from drinking too much wine. She told me she had feelings for me for a long time. I sort of freaked out on her and told her I wasn't gay and that I wanted to stay friends. We woke up the next morning as if everything was normal and have never talked about that night since. The thing is Aubrey after seeing her with Chicago I think it might be possible that I have feelings for her. I'm having a hard time with all of this Aubrey because I keep telling myself I'm not gay so how can I have feelings for her but I do. Th worst part is I am realizing all of this to late when she has already moved on Aubrey. Before you saw me, I saw them walking on a nearby street and Chicago had his arm around her. I literally felt like my heart was breaking." Aubrey looked at me sympathetically. "I did know about Chloe's feeling for you Beca. I have been trying to tell Chloe for years that she needed to move on from you because you didn't reciprocate her feelings. I'm really sorry Beca but I think your right that it's too late. It's getting pretty serious and I think Chloe is really falling for Chicago. There have been some discussions about possibly moving in together when he gets back to the states. I know all of this seems like a lot to handle right now but I think you have discovered something important about yourself. I'm going to tell you something that no one else knows not even Chloe. Stacie and I have been seeing each other for a while now. It took me some time to come to terms with my feelings for Stacie too. You might not be gay Beca you might be bisexual or maybe you don't need to label yourself and that's ok. I will always be here for you." I knew Aubrey was right about everything. I started sobbing as Aubrey held me. I ended up crying myself to sleep in Aubrey's arms.
The fallowing weeks had been a whirlwind. The Bella's got kidnapped by fat Amy's dad requiring Amy and I to rescue them. Then I found out the Bella's had not been chosen by DJ Khaled but that I had. I did my best to avoid Chicago and Chloe instead spending most of my time with Aubrey. I took Aubrey's words to heart and decided that I needed to get over my feelings for Chloe. I started going out to some clubs at night when the rest of the Bella's had gone to bed. The first few times I just sat on the stools at the bar looking at my surroundings. Then one night a young pretty blonde named Megan sat down next to me. We started talking and I realized we actually had a lot in common. We got so lost in our conversation that by the time I looked at my phone I realized it was early morning. I decided to take a chance and asked her if she would like to meet here again the next night if she didn't have plans. It didn't take long for her to agree. We both said goodnight and I rushed back to my motel room wanting to get back before one of the Bella's noticed I was missing. We actually met back at the club the next night and several after. I finally got the courage to go out on the dance floor when she asked me. We were dancing to a slow song when she leaned in passionately kissing me. I realized then and there that my feelings for Chloe was not a fluke that I really did like women no matter how I labeled myself. The kissing became more intense and I decided to ask her back to my room. We walked through the motel hallways with our hands interlocked. I stopped in front of my room getting ready to unlock the door with my key card when Megan spun me around pressing me tightly against the door passionately kissing me. I heard a loud gasp causing Megan and I to separate. I looked up to see Chloe's face staring back at me.
I just stood there staring back at Chloe not knowing what to do. I felt guilty like I was cheating but I knew I wasn't because Chloe was with Chicago and not me. I turned towards Megan telling her that it might be a good idea if we called it a night. She gave me an odd look before she agreed and left. I turned around and fumbled with my key card until the light flashed. I tried to rush in my room and close the door, but before the door could close Chloe had pushed her way in slamming the door behind her. "What the hell Beca. I thought you wasn't gay So were you trying to let me down easy. Was it that you just didn't want to be with me? I can't believe I had feelings for you." I started sniffling as tears streamed down my cheeks. "Shut up Chloe and quit yelling at me. You really want to know the truth.? I didn't realize I had feelings for you until the tour when I saw you with Chicago. I realized that I had fallen in love with you too late after you had already moved on with Chicago. I have been struggling with accepting myself these past few months. These past few weeks I have been trying to move on and start dating and that's how I met Megan the woman you saw earlier. I never meant for you to think you wasn't good enough. It was me who wasn't good enough." Chloe's face had changed from anger to sadness as she had started crying as well. "I'm sorry Beca I didn't mean to yell at you but I was hurt seeing you with her. I know I have no right since I am with Chicago. I owe it to you to be the one to tell you Chicago and I have started talking about the possibility of getting married when he gets back to the states. I really wish things would have turned out differently. No matter what happens Beca you will always be my best friend." Chloe turned leaving the room shutting the door softly behind her.
The next day I stood in front of the mirror getting ready for my first solo performance. I couldn't believe how much my life had changed in such a short time. My performance went perfect. I even had the Bella's join me on stage knowing that it would be our last performance together. My heart dropped as I walked back stage seeing Chloe in a passionate lip lock with Chicago. Even after all of this time it still bothered me. After separating Chloe saw me her face changing to a look of sadness and sympathy. I thought it was best if I skipped the celebration and went to my room to rest. I realized no matter how much time passes I will never get used to seeing Chloe with Chicago. After I changed in my night clothes, I sat on the edge of the bed making a call to Megan. I knew I had tried my best to move on but it apparently was still too soon. I knew it wasn't fair to Megan or me to start something when I was still in love with Chloe. After my call I tucked under the covers eventually drifting off to sleep.
I woke up with a jolt as I realized someone was banging on my door. I glanced at my phone and realized it was 2:00 in the morning. Why in the world would someone be banging on my door this early. I reluctantly got out of bed to answer my door. I was so tired I stupidly opened the door before glancing through the peep hole. As I opened the door, I saw it was Chloe standing on the other side. Before I knew what was happening, I had been shoved back in the room as the door was slammed shut. She turned around pressing me tightly against the door staring into my eyes before kissing me. I kissed her back for a few seconds before I pushed her away. "Chloe what are you doing? Why the hell are you kissing me you're with Chicago. You guys are going to get married." She brought her hand up to cup my cheek. "I broke up with him Beca. I really liked him and I'm sure I could have learned to love him but I can't marry him when I am still in love with you. I want you that is if you still want me." I leaned in to kiss her as I flipped our positions pressing her into the door. Eventually I grabbed her hand pulling her down onto the bed. I hovered over the top of her interlocking our hand as I stared into her eyes. "I'm so in love with you Chloe and I will never waste this second chance. I leaned in passionately kissing Chloe before surrendering ourselves to each other until we drifted off asleep in each other arms.
After we woke up and got dressed, we joined the Bella's in the motel dining room. Chloe and I decided it was best if we were honest with the Bella. We gave the Bella's an abbreviated version of what had been happening the last several months. We got several congratulations and I knew it's. It was Aubrey who shocked us both when she walked up to us. "I am truly happy that you guys worked things out. I have never met two people in my life who belong together more than you guys do. I can't wait to see what the future holds for the both of you." She gave us both a quick hug before returning to her seat. I realized Aubrey was right we had a lot to figure out together but I couldn't wait to see what the future held for us.