A/N: This is a part of my post finals celebration (yeah, definitely something to celebrate XD) and I am not quite sure how we ended up with this but it sure as hell is emotional for me so I hope that effect came through.
"You'll wake her with the nervousness spilling from you," Faragonda's voice snapped her out of her thoughts, startling not only with the suddenness but also with the words it formed themselves.
She whirled around to look at the fairy who had that look of warmth and comfort on her face again but it didn't help calm the worry she'd put in her mind. "Is it possible?" Griffin asked, the alarm apparent in her voice but she couldn't find it in herself to care when her attention was focused on making sure she wouldn't disturb the baby. She turned back to look at Bloom who was still sleeping peacefully in her crib and she felt her heart melt from the reassurance that she hadn't managed to pull the small thing from her sleep and from the sight itself too.
Bloom was so adorable with how little and soft she was, smiling at all the people gathered around her and helping them do the same with her cuteness even when their circumstances were pushing at them hard enough to shove all memories of happiness out of their heads and making it impossible for them to feel joy ever again. It was an astounding power that Griffin couldn't comprehend but was immensely grateful for anyway. It was enough to combat the impact of her own actions.
"Well, I suppose it could be," Faragonda said as she approached her and Griffin did her best to focus on the baby and get everything else inside and around her under control so that she wouldn't be a threat to Bloom's peaceful existence. "I just wanted to know what's gotten you so on edge," Faragonda spoke again as she placed her hand on Griffin's shoulder, forcing her to suppress the impulse to jump at the contact. Not because it was unpleasant for her to have Faragonda touch her, but because it only fed the thoughts in her head. Just like every other show of kindness from anyone else in the palace was doing when she knew she hardly deserved it.
"I just..." she hesitated, wondering if perhaps they didn't have to move. She didn't want to disturb the atmosphere in Bloom's room with the negativity pouring from her mind but she couldn't make herself move away from the baby. That was her place now. Marion and Oritel had trusted her enough to let her not only hold their newborn daughter but also entrust her with the protection of the baby–not really officially but that was more than she could've ever hoped for anyway–and she would do everything in her power to make sure they hadn't been wrong in their judgment of her. Especially after they'd taken such a risk with opening their home and their hearts to her. "I'm afraid it might be too late to save her. To save anyone," she said, crossing her arms and clutching at her own flesh to keep herself together as well as to punish herself for her mistakes. She'd caused so much death. How could she believe she was capable of giving life a chance to thrive?
"We'll save them all, Griffin," Faragonda started with her naive optimism, and hope was about the last thing Griffin needed at the moment. She needed a solid dose of logic and realism. They all did. They had to think clearly if they didn't want to end up defeated, if they didn't want to end up in pieces. "Together," Faragonda added as if she was reading her mind in some sort of backwards fashion where she mirrored her negativity with its opposite, pouring more positivity on her than she could handle. She was a witch, after all. Positive emotions only made her magic weaken.
Griffin chuckled, the sound scary even to her with how devoid of humor it was which only made it some paradox drained of all life and she had to shrug Faragonda's hand off her shoulder to make sure it wouldn't infect her more than it already had. "Sometimes I wish Marion had never given birth to her," she said, moving her gaze away from Bloom, for it was too cruel to let the meaning she was putting in the ugly words touch the small bundle of joy, and turned to look at Faragonda, but when their eyes met, she wasn't surprised to find there was no judgment in the blue irises. Of course there wasn't. Faragonda was her friend. She knew when she hadn't finished her whole thought and was poking the bear purposefully in hopes of getting her head bitten off. She'd never fall for that and hurt her, no matter how hard Griffin pushed. "When I look at her, I see only life, vast and endless," Griffin said, her gaze turning back on the baby now that she was admitting her real feelings for her, and how deep they ran. "It makes me wish, it makes me hope that we can win this war and finally have all the happiness we deserve." Griffin unfolded her arms and grabbed at the crib, holding on while the feelings were trying to sweep her away as they flowed aggressively, spilling from her eyes already.
She looked at the small form of Bloom that looked so fragile, and yet, was so full of life and felt the smile pulling at her face even through the tears. She couldn't stay impartial when it came to the baby. Her very existence was tugging at her heartstrings and the fact that Marion and Oritel allowed her to touch the joy and tenderness woven in Bloom as well as the baby's own fascination with her as she reached for her hair or held on to her finger and cried the moment she tried to pull away made her feel like she was at the right place. She wanted to be there, share their happiness and finally find peace and care for Bloom, but she couldn't do it until she'd paid for her sins. They were all in danger she'd helped put them in and she wanted to make sure it would never touch any of them. Only then would she be able to live without regrets. And she was far too scared she'd fail for her to remain calm as she watched Bloom sleep peacefully, unsuspecting of the mess she'd created around all of them, and reach for her like she was her own personal wonder when she was the source behind all of Marion's worries for her daughter that she'd never had to go through when she'd been pregnant with Daphne.
"We'll get through this, Griffie," Faragonda said as she wrapped an arm around her shoulders, her hand resting on her arm far more gentle than Griffin's own grip on herself had been. "We have all the more reason to now," Faragonda said and Griffin didn't need to look at her to know her eyes were on Bloom, watching the baby and drawing strength from her to protect her and the people she was a princess to, and the rest of the worlds. And perhaps it was selfish to get your strength from a baby but she knew they were both motivated to do their best not only at defeating the Coven but also at putting all their efforts in taking care of Bloom and making sure she wouldn't miss anything. It was the one sure thing Griffin knew she wanted to do with her life if they were to survive.
"I'm hoping with everything I have that you're right," she whispered, scared to put more of her voice in getting out the words, for they were already too loud and she was risking too much with that admission. Everything inside her would crumble if she lived to see them lose. And it would be more than fair to give her life for the cause. But she hoped, against all her instincts and against every right she had left, that she'd survive. She wanted to be there to see Bloom grow up. Helping nurse a life was the only thing that could make her own life meaningful and the baby filled her with the need to love and be loved again, filled her with the need to bring happiness and feel happy herself, breaking even through the walls of guilt she'd built around herself. She had to save that. She had to save them all. And she'd need help to do so.
Faragonda laid her head on her shoulder to ground her there and remind her she wasn't alone. She still had friends who wanted her around and could love her. And she wanted to love them too, wanted to return to her self that was capable of that instead of paralyzed in guilt and fear, and hate, for others and for herself. She'd spent too much time suspended in that state and she had to snap out of it. For Bloom's sake as much as for her own. She had no idea what had prompted Marion and Oritel to believe she could take care of their daughter but she would do her best to deserve that trust. That she vowed to do as she watched the calm breathing of the baby when there were no nightmares to disturb her dreams.
Head over to my tumblr (darkpoisonouslove) if you're interested in my celebration and sending me a prompt. It's tagged "in conversation".