Disclaimer: I don't own Gintama.
"Why are you looking at me like that, China?" The Shinsengumi First Division Captain asked lazily.
It was a quiet sunday at the Okita Household. The sadistic couple are busy lazing down at their veranda since they have nothing to do. If the finished watermelons lying beside them is not an indication then you can go.
"I was just thinking..." Kagura run her delicate finger on her husband's eyebrow. The policeman is lying down with his head on her thorax. She is half-lying down, half-sitting with the wall as her back support. The policeman opened his eyes.
"Whatever you're thinking, drop it. I won't do it." Sougo deadpanned.
"Wha-- you bastard, I haven't even said it yet." The vermilion head pouted and crossed her arms like a tsundere.
"Yeah, I'll pass." The policeman shrugged off her tantrum. "Last time I listened to your creative thinking, I can't see for two weeks. Not gonna happen, brat." The husband tweaks his wife's pouting lips. Said wife just grimaced.
"Hmph!" Kagura is still unhappy with his answer so she refused to speak to him anymore.
Sougo smirked sardonically because of his wife's expression but he toughened his resolve. He won't be swayed by Kagura's beautiful pouty lips. Last time he did, he suffered blindness.
He was not overacting when he said he can't see for two weeks.
They were lazing around just like now when the vermilion head suggested to cut his "long eyelashes" and see what happens next. Being the stupid husband that he is, he agreed as he is curious himself but turns out... it was a disaster.
Kagura was laughing so hard until day three but then his liability became inconvenient. He was forced to take a leave until he can finally see.
By day six, Kagura started to feel guilty and tried her best to apologize to him. He flicked her forehead in retaliation. He could only sigh in his mind and bitterly admitted "the things I would do for this airhead woman."
"Come on, Sadist, I won't do that. This is totally safe. Pleaseee?" Kagura holds Sougo's head on her stomach since he is lying down and she's his pillow.
"No and that's NO." Sougo replied. He doesn't care even if she's convincing him or more like seducing him to accept her idea. Come to think of it, she pleads him like a behaved girl but when he finally gave in and suffers, she'll laugh like a villain on a horror movie.
"Oh, come on, Chihuahua, I promise I won't cut your eyelashes like last time. This is totally different. Just this once? Hmm?" Kagura put on her puppy dog eyes that made Gin-chan and Umibouzu gave in to her wish to wed the Shinsengumi captain back then.
Snap.
Do you hear that? That's his last chain of resistance disintegrating before succumbing to his wife's wishes.
He'll definitely kill Hijikata-san if he'll go blind again.
"Screw it." He muttered under his breath and pulls Kagura's head with his right hand by her neck. The bloody woman had the gall to smirk at him triumphantly.
She really knows which button to push. He was a bit appalled as to why this petite woman can twirl him on her small palm. He'll never tell her that though.
"No funny business or else... I'll dispose all of your sukonbu onto the canal in front of our house." He threatened the smirking woman.
Kagura's smirk turned into a full-blown smile. She cooed in his face. "Aww... Chihuahua is so cute when he is being obedient." She grabbed his cheeks with only one hand that made him look like a duck. He is still handsome even with his duck face on.
She gave him a quick peck on his pouted lips and hurriedly stood up, not caring if he accidentally bump the back of his head on the floor, and went inside to get a... razor?
The woman is finished shaving the small portion of her husband's eyebrow with the razor. She put down the sharp blade and looked at the policeman who is calmly sitting across from her.
After looking at the handsome face of her husband with his new eyebrow on, she squealed like a fangirl and put her arms around his neck, pulling his head next to hers as she grabbed the medium size handy mirror Sougo has been holding.
"Eeekkk. So handsome." Kagura wiggled her eyebrows on their reflection in the mirror.
Sougo snaked his arms around her waist and positioned her on his lap before looking properly at his new look. He groaned internally.
"I told you it's safe this time." Kagura said proudly.
"Yeah, safe from a certain handicap but my reputation as a respected policeman is now threatened thanks to you, China." He replied sarcastically.
Kagura laughed so hard. "Aww... is Captain Okita complaining?"
"With you, China, it's called stating a fact." Sougo deadpanned.
"You're a sadist, you'll live." The wife encouraged her husband insincerely. She laughed again after seeing his stoic face in the mirror.
If only the Shinsengumi could see that their First Division Captain is a laughingstock at home, they would probably cough blood.
They won't believe that the man who loves to torture them everyday is being tortured at home too by his wife. Who said life is fair?
The sadistic captain exhales sharply before tightening his hold on his mischievous wife. "Now we're done with your fun, how will you compensate me? Hmm?"
That made the woman stop for a second before pondering on what she'll do for him in return.
"Umm... I'll cook for you...?" The vermilion is unsure. Her sentence even sounded like a question.
"Haha. Funny. You can't cook a decent meal, woman. Next." Sougo heartlessly brushed off Kagura's suggestion.
Kagura glared at him, getting annoyed with him insulting her cooking. "I'll wash your clothes for one week...?" She snuggles her vermilion head on his neck.
"Hmm... tempting." He looked down at her with a sadistic grin on his face. Maybe it's his boyish eyebrows but he looked so handsome and more annoying to look at when he is vexing her. "But remember when I let you use the washing machine? You almost blew up our kitchen."
Kagura blushed hard after remembering that embarrassing memory in their early marriage life. She almost blew up their new home when the washing machine exploded for some unknown reason. (Or more like the fact that she overloaded it with a one month worth of laundry).
She ran all the way to Shinsengumi in panic to report it to her husband and Kondo being Kondo, called the Fire Station and deployed the SWAT team thinking it was an attack on Okita Sougo.
Ugh, it was horrible. Sougo never let her forget it for one week. He kept reminding her the annoyingly embarrassing incident. He only stopped when she threatened to divorce him immediately.
"Y-you b-bastard! The one time I be a nice wife and I got humiliated for it." Kagura fumed but her rosy cheeks are the dead giveaway that she's embarrassed.
"Hai, hai." Sougo chuckled at her defensive behavior but he can't help himself. It was truly funny. The memory of his wife hugging him like a shaking cat as soon as she saw him is still fresh on his mind. It was almost like a scene in a movie. Minus the romance, add the thriller and multiply the comedy.
He was reading some documents he needs to finish when he got distracted by a commotion outside his office. Just when he is ready to ask what's going on, his sliding door was opened roughly and came his wife's afraid face.
"Soougoo!" She screamed and launched herself at the dumbfounded husband.
He panicked for a moment before hearing her say that their washing machine exploded. He was like "what the fuck". He thought something bad had happened to her. Knowing his wife and her strength, he assumed that she won't get scared by simple things. Hoo, that was a revelation.
Maybe Hijikata-san was right when he said marriage life made him a clown but with his sadistic tendency, his comrades never dared to laugh at him. At least not openly and even if they do, their everyday torture from the sadistic captain pays for it handsomely.
But if being a clown meant he get to see a lovely side of his tomboy wife, it's all worth it.
That's why he always let her do what she wants with him. If she craves to make him bald, so be it. It's not everyday he could make Kagura, the Kabukicho Queen, convince him adorably.
And she's so goddamn beautiful when she would squeal at him like she's a giddy fangirl. His heart would change its rhythm everytime she would snuggle at him commenting on his new look.
Just being like this with her on a lazy sunday makes up for all the tiring work days he have to face on Monday thru Saturday.
He snapped out of his monologue when he heard Kagura's voice once again. "How about you suggest since whatever I say means nothing to you, idiot." She grumbled.
Hoo. That's more like it.
With a mischievous smirk on, he pulled her on his chest and whispered in her ear. "How about you give me a son?"
Kagura's eyes widened. She looked up at her husband before blushing furiously again. She pulled away from him and points her finger at him accusingly. "That's not fair! 'That' for an eyebrow?!"
Did he mentioned that Kagura looks so cute when she blushes like a tomato?
He smirked at her and coolly replied. "Come on, China, my coworkers will laugh at me when they see my new look and I'll probably be scolded by Hijikata-san so the compensation would make up for it."
He knows it's a blackmail but can't a guy wish for a son?
"and besides... you're too late to ask for that." Kagura continued and avoids his eyes.
"What?" Sougo's eyes slightly dimmed. What did she meant by 'too late'? Is it an amanto disease? Is she unable to give him a child? He felt insecure all of a sudden.
Kagura pouted and slowly met Sougo's crimson eyes. He looked confused and... afraid.
She bursts into laughter after realizing he completely misunderstood her.
She put her hands on either side of his head and he automatically pulls her on him, making her straddle him. The shit eating plastered on Kagura's face is intense.
"Don't jump into conclusions, idiot." She chuckles and the crimson eyes looked at her in annoyance. She sighed.
"When I said you are 'too late' to ask for a son, I meant I'm already pregnant, you baka." She smirked at him condescendingly.
Silence.
Kagura rolled her eyes while controlling her laugh at his shocked expression.
More silence.
"So dramatic. Text me when you finally recovered, I'll just wash the dishes. Shinpachi might visit us later and might nag at me again." Kagura stood up from his lap and brushed her clothes from imaginary dusts. She looked nonchalant as she went inside their house.
One minute later. When she's starting to wash the plates in the sink, Kagura could hear footsteps running towards the kitchen. She shook her head in amusement. He's really a baka-sadist.
"Eh?!"
Was Sougo's verbal reaction after finally snapping out of his reverie.
The next day.
"Oi, Sougo, what the hell did you do to your eyebrow?" Hijikata Toushiro asked the flaxen head next to him while lighting his cigarette nonchalantly.
"None of your business. Die, Hijibaka-san." Sougo's reply as usual. The Demonic Vice Chief of Shinsengumi is immune to this behavior so he just scoffed.
Toshi exhales a large puff of smoke before speaking again. "Heh, I would be irritated by your jesting if this is an ordinary day but with you looking like a halfassed pop idol with your eyebrow, nah, nice try though."
The sandy hair ignored his superior and pretended to snore.
"Tch. Just like what I said back then. Marriage life made you a clown, Sougo, admit it." Hijikata teased the sadistic captain. He received no reply. "That Yorozuya girl is one helluva woman. Making the Prince of Sadists succumb to her wishes like an M."
One moment the Shinsengumi compound is peaceful then the next moment, the meeting room exploded loudly. There was a suspicious flying object from the roof where the black smoke are coming from.
"So noisy." Was Sougo's careless words before putting down the bazooka next to him. As if he didn't blew up his superior. He is still lying down while poor Hijikata's charcoal body is unconscious somewhere.
"We just repaired that room one week ago." Kondo face palmed. The rest of the Shinsengumi sweat dropped. Yamazaki gulps. He is not mistaken, the only people inside that room are Captain Okita and Vice Chief Hijikata.
He can already tell that the sadistic captain is the one who pulled the trigger of the bazooka.
The end.
A/N: Hihihihi. I'm back again with a new entry. What can I say? I'm inspired to write. I have to apologize for the plot tho... er I don't think you could call it a plot since the story is all over the place I mean it's 'sunday veranda' then 'washing machine explosions' and then it ended with a pregnancy plot twist.
Anyway, review or criticize. Unedited.
#StaySafe_OkiKagus
~OK Enthusiast