When the Shadow Ends
"There's a great unknown from you to me
And when your prayer's unheard and you don't believe
So put your faith in the devil and the deep blue sea
Put your trust in the light that you cannot see" ©
Banners – When the Shadow Ends
There is darkness everywhere. Emptiness, hollowness, nothingness. As if one could stare into nowhere until his head is spinning and his eyes are stinging from the darkness, pressing on his temples. There is nothing else to do here but stare and think.
Not that Lucifer has time to stare. He chuckles to himself, descending. His whole "King of Hell" mood is on. He is ready to take vengeance, to punish, to rule and to keep everything and everyone at bay. Not that he has the desire to do so.
There is the silence surrounding him. Somewhere hidden behind the doors, forever stuck in Hellish loops, ridden crazy by their own guilt struggle sinners and murderers, betrayers and wrong-doers. Deep in the past, Lucifer used to have a strange kind of satisfaction when he heard their screams and cries. Everything is different now. Screams remind him of crime scenes, leaving her brokenhearted. Tears remind him of some mischievous Urchin. Heavy sigh reminds him of his forever-right-and-wise brother. Blood reminds him of his own humanity, hidden behind the mask of the King. So, he commands the silence to appear.
There is the night. There is the grayness. There is the sky empty of stars. So, Lucifer spreads his wings, wincing when pearly-white light nearly blinds him and flies up to this parody of the night sky. Oh, the great irony of his current state: he sacrificed his chance for happiness, he got his white wings back in the process, he received her acceptance. He lost his life in the end. So, he soars through the grey clouds, desperately trying to touch this proverbial silver lining with his fingertips.
There is residual shine there, coming from the stardust. He remembers those times when he created the stars, how golden dust was shimmering on his fingers, how unspoken yet tongues helped him to come with a proper name, how humanity marveled the heavenly light of a burning fire. He was happy that time, Lucifer guesses now and closes his eyes. He misses his stars. He misses that big and hot one they call the sun with its breathtaking sets and rises. He misses wind. He misses waves of the ocean. So, he flies up from his throne.
There is solid ground under his feet, his expensive shoes forgotten, for now, there is night surrounding him. There are waves. Lucifer takes a deep breath, tasting salty splashes on his lips.
There are thoughts always screaming loudly inside his head, no matter how hard he tries to silence them. There are howls of agony in his soul. He craves for his life on Earth. He aches for humanity raging an endless war with rights and wrongs. He longs for her. So, he lets his thoughts rage.
Lucifer walks the shore, breathes salty ocean wind, and admires the stars. He has just mere minutes before the stars dissolve into the brightness of the sunrise, so he catches himself, silences his thoughts and spread his wings. He has to be careful.
A silent figure appears cautiously at Chloe's slightly open window. Lucifer knows about the times she hides in Penthouse, about the times she sleeps in his t-shirt, about times she cries herself to sleep and feels ashamed about herself. His only desire is to soothe her pain and to lighten her mood. To give her a tiny bit of hope, but it's too early to come back to Earth. So, he watches over her and tentatively leaves his shiny wing-feather by her pillow.
And then, there are her prayers, ringing like bells in his head. Chloe talks to him at first, she retells him her daily routine, difficult cases, mutual jokes. Chloe mutters her insecurities to him, chokes her tears, shares her confessions at nights when she is drunk and lonely, sitting at Lux. Chloe cries for him, standing on the balcony and staring at the stars:
"Lucifer! Get your arse up there for I could punch you in your smugly face! How could you dare leave me? Two years, six months, three days and sixty hours…I love you, you great bastard! Please, Lucifer…"
He wants to rush to her this instant, to scoop her in his arms, to hide her from everything and everyone that dares cause her pain. He closes his eyes instead. And then there is pain. Pain, suffering, aching and agony, his very soul bleeds from his craving for her. He lies on the cold ground and stares at the sky where a tiny ray of light could be seen. Irony or not, but there is always this tiny bit of shine, even in this godforsaken place. There is a wish to forgive himself under his burned red skin. There are scars under his wings. There is stardust under the ash. There is white snow under the ground of Hell. There is hope in his heart.
There is always light in the shadows.
Earth calls him home like a beacon calls a wrecked ship, and he follows. To catch a glimpse of Chloe. To watch over Trixie and Charlie. To visit miss Lopez. To follow Maze in the very deep of bloody hunting and to make sure she gets out there safe. To check on Amenadiel and to see Linda re-reading his gift of Freud's diary ever and ever again. To admire the stars. To feel the sand and the waves under his bare feet. To taste life he is forever in love with. To touch sleeping Chloe's hair. To leave her another feather with an unspoken promise to return one day.
"Call me pathetic but I keep all your feathers. I make sure your home waits for you and I still refuse to agree for a new partner. You want me to believe in you, I know it, so when you cannot believe in yourself anymore, just feel that I believe in you. I want you back home, Lucifer. You don't belong there, you belong to the Earth and the stars" he hears Chloe's whispering one day.
"I belong to you, Detective," he thinks back.
The shadows will pass and the stars will shine, for there is always a glimpse of light even in darkness.
The End.