Chapter One

"What are we gonna do?"

"I really – don't want to talk about it, Amanda," Olivia mumbled somewhat awkwardly. The detective was clearly just looking out for her, and she appreciated that, but Olivia was not ready. Even though he had been gone for almost a year, she really hadn't sorted out her feelings in her head, much less talked with someone else about it.

Amanda looked over her shoulder at the bustling squad room, before closing the door to Liv's office,

"Look, Liv, I get it. Okay? Believe me, I get it. But if we don't do anything to help him…"

She paused and dropped her eyes. It was hard keeping eye contact with her boss when she was staring so intensely.

"…he's going to prison."

Olivia sighed. Amanda was right. Acting out of anger was not right. Deep down, she knew that. But forgiving him would not easy either. That day, back in February, she almost told him… She wanted to tell him. But he didn't let her. Don't say it. It repeated over and over in her head. He walked away before she even had the chance.

"Look – I don't know what happened between you two, and it's none of my business – I'm just saying; if you don't help him now, you might regret it."

Against her better judgement, Olivia found herself headed towards his apartment after her shift ended. She shook her head as she pressed the button in the elevator. It wasn't fair. Even after everything – after he broke her heart – she still would do anything for him.

She knocked on the door before she could convince herself to turn around. Amanda was right. She would regret it.

The latch turned and Olivia felt her heart rate increase. It had been 11 months. She hadn't seen his face, heard his voice, in 11 months. The door opened. He looked somewhat shocked. Surprised that she was standing in front of him. Olivia briefly wondered if he didn't want to see her. But he ushered her in anyway.

In his foyer, she felt the beginning of tears start to form but she pushed them down hard. No way was she crying right now. He looked at her a bit awkwardly. Fragilely.

"Can I uh – offer you something to drink?"

She turned to face him, but didn't make eye contact, "No. I, uh, I'm not staying. I just wanted to tell you… that…" She paused. Olivia could feel his eyes on her. They were burning into her.

"I will… lie – for you. Tell me – tell me what to say, and I will say it." She finally got out. She still didn't look up at him. She honestly didn't know if she could. Even so, she knew what he was thinking. Or at least she used to always be able to tell what he was thinking.

"Liv…" he said in a whisper. He was ducking his head trying to meet her eyes. "You are not going to perjure yourself for me" he said slowly. She finally looked up. His eyes were wide. Serious. A little shocked as well.

"There's no other way! I have to Barba."

"No. You don't." He was not backing down.

Now it was Olivia who looked seriously into his eyes. She had to do this. No matter how angry he made her. No matter how badly he hurt her. She had to do this.

"If I don't, you go to prison. I will not be the reason you go to prison. I can't."

"No, Liv. I will find another way. I'll be okay, Liv."

She looked away from him. The tears were forming. She hated this. She hated the hold that he had on her. She shook her head slightly. Then, she turned towards the door,

"Good night, Barba," she said in barely a whisper.

And she was gone.