Not too far away from Holy City lay a beautiful area within the clouds of Heaven. A floating white sign read "Welcome to Elf City: est. 1981." The sky was blue and the buildings and streets immaculate. Elves of various colors and sizes were chatting among themselves, while others walked around with their families. Many of them were hard at work, wrapping presents for Christmas, saving food to give to the homeless, cleaning a nearby park, and caring for the ill. Some of them liked to volunteer just for something to do. There were also miracle workers, whose job was to travel to different realms and bestow blessings to those on Earth or in other realms in Heaven. Hell was forbidden for obvious reasons. Some elves went around, saving people's lives or healing their wounds once they prayed.
The most well-known miracle bestowing company was located in a tall office building surrounded by golden halo clouds. Posted on a door were the words "E.L.F." Headquarters and on a taped piece of paper, "Meeting in progress" was scribbled on it.
On a white board was a line graph and a bar graph, the line slowly moving downwards from a blue happy face to a red sad face. "Docile is the best, by Docile" was written off to the side. A white Christian Cross was drawn in the center of the wooden table surrounded by black leather chairs.
Up front, a black, white, and blue colored elf paced back and forth. He had large pointed white ears that jutted off to the sides between the sides and top of his head. He had large purple eyes. The left side of his face was blue and the right side of his face was dark gray. He wore a long white business suit with blue buttons and purple circles on the sleeves with a cross in the centers. White boots with blue outlines covered his feet while white fingerless gloves covered his hands. A white hoof-shaped mark lay on his forehead like a birthmark. A little green pin attached to his undershirt had a happy face on it. A black halo with thorns on it hovered over his head.
Docile looked toward his audience of two elves and a humanoid cat sitting on chairs around the table.
"All right, now I know business has been…a bit stressful lately. We've had to keep up demands and during the rush, not everyone can be saved." He pointed toward the graph. "It seems that more and more people aren't counting on miracles from angels and God to help themselves feel better. I don't know how our company will fare if this keeps sloping down. It's no one's fault, okay? I just think that some of us could…help with improving their attitudes… Woxxie."
Woxxie raised her eyebrows. The grumpy imp woman had a blue face, short white hair with a black spot on it and displayed a row of sharp teeth. She wore white gloves and a white tank top over a long white skirt. Her eyelashes extended past her face. Like the others, she had a black wiry halo over her head.
Docile continued. "Now does anyone have any ideas on how we can business drumming up again?"
Willie, the bubbly elf, raised his hand. He had a blue face, purple eyes, and black hair framing his face. Black freckles were present under his eyes, black halo above his head. He wore a light blue bow tie and a white business suit similar to Docile's.
Willie grinned, "What…about…a billboard?"
"That's a thought, Willie, but there are advertisements everywhere in Heaven," Docile mentioned. Then his eyes brightened and he waved his hands. "How about a car wash?"
Woxxie crossed her arms. "We're a company, not a go-to fundraising event, sir."
Docile wondered over to Woxxie and put her in a headlock. "So helpful, Woxxie, I'm really glad you're in the room right now." He gently shoved her aside, sarcasm in his voice. "Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?"
Docile turned on the TV and a series of clips showed up on screen: Docile bandaging an angel's wings, Woxxie helping a man walk, Sunna, the cat purring at a crying girl, Willie saving someone using CPR.
Docile held a bowl of popcorn for everyone to eat. Sunna, the brown furred, black stripped cat, wore a white dress with a sun on it. She wore a gold cross necklace around her neck. She was purring contently while sniffing her last leaf of catnip she brought. A nearby poster showed Docile and his two elf sisters Mia and Tia with an award for being the best care-providers.
"Ah, those were good times," he smiled.
Willie happily ate a piece of popcorn on the table.
Woxxie scowled. "Don't need any reminding sir, considering you blew most of our salaries to help a rival pharmaceutical company with their advertisement, one that you additionally paid to have us hold their hands and sing for three whole weeks on a channel, everybody watches!"
"Hey, uh excuse me?" Docile looked back, insulted. He stood up. "What's so "obnoxious" about generosity and a super fun song, alright? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement's spitting lies." He walked across the room.
"People love musicals, sir," added Willie.
"Exactly, Willie," Docile smiled, "and we're basically doing a musical." Docile did jazz hands before during to Woxxie. "Are you gonna criticize my musical theater dreams like my dad did?"
"Sir…" Woxxie began, but Docile cut her off.
"Because all I see right now is my Dad and his angry eyes glaring at me, criticizing my dreams of being, who I truly am inside." He turned his head away.
Willie leaned in toward his wife and spoke in a teasing tone, "Are you trying to crush his dreams, Woxxie?"
"I…what?" she stuttered.
He leaned in closer, eyebrows raising up and down playfully. "I thought I knew you." Woxxie rolled her eyes.
Docile turned back to Woxxie, tears in his eyes. "I can't believe you, Woxxie. And after I made you Employee of the Month." He held up a picture of Woxxie with a large grin of sharp teeth.
Woxxie threw up her hands. "Okay, sir, I'm sorry, but a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theater. Nobody actually likes the jingles."
"I liked it!" Willie popped up.
Woxxie turned to him, finger shaking. "Do not…do not agree with him in front of me."
In a commercial, Docile spoke in front of purple curtains. "Hi I'm Docile, the "e" is silent and I'm the founder of E.L.F." Docile leaned against the L in the logo, with Willie and Woxxie posing on either side. Docile continued, "Are you a piece of gold that got yourself sent to Heaven?" The picture showed Docile dressed in a superhero outfit with a red cape. "Or are you a conflicted convict who just happened to have your life cut short by someone else?" The next picture showed Docile dressed in a red devil costume choosing whether or not to quit smoking and drugs.
A blue winged angel with a tiger's head spoke, "After defending myself against my psycho brother and preaching about God, you could imagine my surprise when I wound up here, after the coronavirus killed me. I really wish I could give my family well-wishes and advise them to kick my brother out."
Docile continued, standing in a church with Willie and Woxxie nearby.
"Well, luckily for you, thanks to our company's special access to the living world, we can help you take care of your unfinished business by saving anyone who may have helped you out when you were alive!" Docile happily climbed up a flight of golden steps.
Then the jingle began:
"When you want somebody saved
And you wanna go behave
Call the Efficient Lifesaving Fellows
Whether First Aid or CPR
We'll make sure you all go far
Efficient Lifesaving Fellows
We do our job so fine
'Cause we come straight from Cloud Nine
We'll save your husband or your wife
We'll even help extend your life
The Efficient Lifesaving Fellows
Pets live for freeeeee"
A brown haired woman stole a guy's wallet and kicked him in the groin. She ran off and then got shot by police. Yet she only went unconscious. The doctors took her to the emergency room while the imps waited. A doctor walked in on the elves in the waiting room.
"She's in stable condition, but she'll need rest. Now what kind of insurance do you freaks have?"
"God's chosen don't need insurance," Docile said.
The elves and the woman were promptly kicked out of the hospital and sent back to Heaven.
The jingle ended with "Pets live for freeee!"
Woxxie spoke up, hands in front of her. "I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Sunna's fault. Dispatch is supposed to give the right info on the client. It's very simple."
"I'm sorry, Woxxie, I did the nest I could," Sunna said.
Woxxie fumed, stuttering "'Sorry' doesn't cover it…do your job!"
"Hey, now we don't blame screw-ups on Sunna, okay?" Docile said. "She didn't do anything wrong." Sunna walked over and embraced Docile in a tight hug, Docile straining to break free.
"Are you kidding me, sir? She's awful!"
Sunna thought back to the time when she was a receptionist at a desk. The old rotary phone rang, sounding like cats meowing. She picked up the fish-shaped phone.
"Thank you for calling E.L.F. How may we bless you?" Sunna asked.
Willie was on the other end. "There's a customer ranting about Satan. He wants to commit suicide…"
"Tell him that suicide will not make things better."
"He wants to rant and curse to you…"
"Just got a call on the other line, apologies."
Sunna hung up the phone, glancing back at her Fancy Feast Feline magazine.
Another memory came back to Sunna, which took place at her house.
"Happy Adoption Anniversary, Sunny," said Docile. "I got a little something for you." He showed her a gift in his hands.
Sunna smiled. "Is it spiders to play with?"
"I…uh…"
"Then I want it!" she exclaimed happily, tearing open the gift. She took out a white pill and looked in confusion.
"I'm sorry, it was a cure for syphilis," Docile said, moving toward the wall.
"Docile, it's a placebo!" Sunna cried, crushing the sugar pill in her paw. "There is no cure!"
There was one other time when Sunna watched Caroline singing/screaming "Inside of Every Angel is a Monster." Woxxie walked over, holding a piece of paper in her hands.
"Um, did you just send me an ad for beauty makeovers?"
"Yes," Sunna replied.
"Is it because I'm so gorgeous?" Woxxie asked with a grin.
"Come on," Sunna teased. "Just the opposite."
Later, Sunna rummaged around, looking for something in the kitchen.
"Who left this tuna salad in the fridge?"
"Wasn't me," said Willie. "It was there from yesterday."
"Is this yours Wox?"
No answer.
"Well, I'm taking it because I have the best feeling right now."
She closed the door and gulped down the food.
"Now why would you get happy on a work day?" Willie asked, nearby.
"I'm happy from this morning, Willie Nilly," she giggled.
Woxxie walked inside. "Is that my lunch?"
"I'm so sorry!" Sunna said, then brightened. "You know what? I'll just go get you another one before work! Time to enjoy my tenth life!"
Sunna raced outside with a "Wheeee!" and helped an elderly elf cross the street.
"Docile!" Sunna called in the office, "Your privileged boss's on the phone. Says it's urgent and wants to talk to you. Sounds a little DTP y." (Down to Punish)
"Oh no that was one time!" Docile yelled, splashing water on himself in front of Woxxie.
"We wouldn't have access to the living world if I hadn't let myself get punished by him.
"You what?" Woxxie asked, concerned.
"I stole a Bible after getting whipped for the sins I did."
"Docile!" Sunna cried.
"I heard you already!" Docile yelled before stomping into his office to play with bobble heads of himself, Woxxie and Willie.
"So, what can I do you for, Stolos?" Docile asked on his cell phone in his office.
The brown owl kind spoke from his castle, wearing a crown, white top hat and blue robes. "There's a politician who's causing lots of trouble on Earth. He wants to convince people that the coronavirus isn't dangerous."
"Isn't it?"
"Well, it is, but more people die when no extra precautions are taken. And it gets crowded here."
"Well that makes sense."
"You know what happens when I'm stressed, Docy?"
"Oh no…" Docile began.
"When I'm stressed, I become angry. And when I'm angry, I have to whip your back and **** strike your **** with a flaming sword, cast you into a windy dessert, freeze you into ice in the lowest level, make you swim in the lake of fire for 1 million ******hours, hang you on a wooden cross for sins you didn't commit and leave you begging for His mercy like an imperfect mortal!"
Docile hung up the phone and tossed the pieces to Sunna. "Here play with these. And you know after you put it in your mouth?"
"Yeah?"
"Vomit it off a bridge."
Docile continued, "Look, the point is, Sunna is a valued member of our family and we don't get rid of families."
"We aren't a family, sir," Woxxie pointed out. "You are the boss. We are the employees. You treat her like she's some hyperactive teenager. She's more like a catnip addicted spoiled woman you let man the phones."
Sunna stuck out her tongue at her.
"That is offensive," Docile said. "Without rich people, I wouldn't have half the joy and laughter I do in this life." Docile opened the blinds and saw an angel dressed in a golden suit getting his picture taken by a crowd of people. Docile waved at a lovely white-haired blue-faced elf woman wearing a white dress with little white feathery wings on them before closing the blinds.
Woxxie crossed her arms. "While we're on the subject of "family," can you stop finding Willie and me outside of work?"
"Come on, it's not that big a deal," Willie said.
Woxxie's eyes grew wide. "Excuse me…what?! I asked Willie for some lemons, he said "sure, honey." Docile was suddenly fixing our oven just when we were about to make angel's food cake!"
Willie laughed, "Docile said "the best aide is lemonade when life gives you lemons." So funny!"
Willie and Woxxie remembered the song they sang, while Willie played on guitar:
"Of all the perfect elves,
It's with him, I'm myself
Oh Willie."
They leaned in for a kiss when Woxxie whirled around toward the window. Docile had a video camera outside.
"Are you bucking filming us right now?!"
Back in the present, Woxxie seethed. "Just. Stop. Doing that."
"I don't see what the issue is," Docile said. "Just love good classic romance, holy matrimony…and the honeymoon bonus scenes."
Sunna rolled her eyes, while Woxxie fumed.
"Sir, what you say and how you act is totally INAPPROPRIATE!" Woxxie stood up.
"Calm down, Wox," Willie said, pulling her back down. "You're gonna have another panic attack."
"I AM CALM!" Woxxie yelled before Willie patted her head. "Shh there, there," she said, while Woxxie whimpered.
Docile spoke again. "Look I don't judge what you do outside of working hours, so don't judge me."
Veins popped out of Woxxie's eyes. "Oh I do judge you, sir. Quite a lot, actually."
She crossed her arms while Willie gasped in fear.
"Wox, he's our boss!"
"No, it's fine, Willie," Docile mentioned. "Your wife is just…how do I say this without being offensive…bossy."
"Does immaturingly insulting me make you feel better about your sad single life?" Woxxie asked.
"Not really, but it's still fun," Docile admitted.
Sunna added to Woxxie, "Even though you can be a grump sometimes, I still appreciate your company."
"Please don't call her a grump, kitty cat!" Willie protested.
"Do not criticize my assistant that way," Docile said. "She's sensitive."
"Yes I am," admitted Sunna.
"You guys are freaking amazing!"
Everyone turned to look. A pale spirit of a brown-haired teen girl floated nearby, wearing a prisoner uniform.
"Oh thank you, kid," said Docile. "It's something for you to witness this."
"Ugh, this company's such a mess," Woxxie exclaimed.
"Alright, let's get back to talking about my outfit!" Docile said out of nowhere.
"Nobody was talking about that," Sunna mentioned.
"Which is why I'm trying to get that ball rolling, so how does it look? It's good, right?"
The spirit pointed her finger at Docile, "It was heaven being able to rest after being shot by police for mugging a guy, but now…I miss my family. I want life!"
"You," she said pointing to Docile, "You're a selfless frugal clown. And I'm a young teen. We're not supposed to like clowns."
Woxxie scoffed, "Calling us clowns are ya…"
The spirit added, "If I wanted to talk to a pretty, organized woman, I'd look her in the eye and ask, "How in the world did I get here?"
"That's my wife you're talking to," Willie said proudly.
"I figured you for an athlete but I didn't know you'd get even luckier. And you."
"Yeah what about me?" Sunna asked.
"You're just purrfect. I was never a dog person."
Sunna purred.
"Wow you really are kind of a nice slab of diamonds," Docile said.
Woxxie rolled her eyes. "Such a flirt trying to make herself innocent."
Sunna spoke up. "Hey guys, I just got a text from our client, says she's the right one after all."
"Who?" Docile asked.
"Her."
"Me?" asked the spirit.
"Yep."
"They wanted us to save an actual convict?" Docile asked.
"That's what they're saying."
Docile frowned. "Well Satan in a heater, I guess there is a Devil." He waved his hands, supplying oxygen to her and she woke up back on Earth in the hospital.
Docile spoke about E.L.F.: "You know folks, with this company, I really wanted to prove that we're capable of doing the same things anyone else can, like saving people. So from us here at the Efficient Lifesaving Fellows group, we promise to settle your unfinished business or your money is gone and you're never getting it back and you can write us a bad review but we'll play dumb to it because it's Heaven and business is business."
Everyone wrapped Docile in a hug, whole he rolled his eyes. Then he said, "Even though the kid was a client, she's still a convict. It's important that we've handled this going forward, respectfully." Everyone smiled in the hug.
Back on Earth, the elves cornered the escaping woman and sent her to a juvenile detention center. The police looked up at the elves through a portal.
"You're welcome!" Docile called with a wave before the portal closed.