Fandom: SVU
Title: American Dreams
Chapter 1: Forever
P O V: Amanda Rollins
The Pierre Hotel2 E 61st, New York, NY 10065
A/N: For Explicit sexual scenes between two females in the first two chapters. I own nothing from Dick Wolf's world. Just any original characters.
"Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love—Olivia Margaret Benson from the moment I laid eyes on you in real life. I knew someday you would be mine. Even when your words were bitter and under-minding dismissive, I held onto hope. I clutched that American Dream of love, equality, happiness. Over time I earned your trust, respect, I gained your confidence which eventually lead to you speaking those three words that would change both our lives forever.""I Love You"
"Olivia, I have often said you are my anchor, my rock- supporting me on many journeys and steadying me with your love. On this day, in front of our kids, I pledge my steadiness to you."
My gaze turns for a quick second to look at the faces of our four kids. The oldest is fifteen year- old Solan Oisin Rollins-Mac An Aba, his girlfriend Riona Radha Aja, also fifteen. Next to him, his younger sister at age thirteen Mackenzie Ryanne Rollins-Mac An Aba. All three teenagers are smiling, proudly looking exquisite—Solan in his new tux the traditional black pants and jacket. On the back, the word love written in rainbow neon colors. His Dress shirt is kelly green, and his tie is a multi-color splash. He's even fixed his hair today, so the blond bangs curl over his left eye; the rest sways back gelled into place. Hanging down just past his ears, he's grinning at me. I see nothing but love in his eyes for me and for his soon to be step-mom Olivia. They've hit it off, which can't make me happier; I am blessed with this boy he's a good kid who has always encouraged me to put my happiness first he is accepting of my sexuality without question. I never have to worry about him. Solan still gets impressive grades, gets praise from teachers for taking his studies as seriously as his dance and music. He started dating Riona two years ago, but from day one, he swore he would put school first, and he's never let me down.
Mackenzie, well, she's a handful as any teenage girl is. Still, for the most part, she's been a great kid smart and funny with a definite sense of me in her, she's full of questions rebellion and natural curiosity about life, environmental climate, social injustice. Mac has an ear for music and a soul for songwriting. She's more into any of her passions than finding a boyfriend or girlfriend something I am so grateful towards. At Eleven years old she came to me and told me without hesitation she is Pansexual but doesn't want to date until she's at least seventeen she wants to focus on her future, what kid does that? Only mine. When I first started dating Olivia last year, she was the most difficult to accept, not because she doesn't like Olivia. Because she's fired up over the fact that our relationship has to be a clandestine romance, no one can ever know we were dating just like we can't tell anyone we are getting married unless one of us wants to transfer jobs.
Olivia's my Captain, which makes any romantic relationship between us strictly against the rule-book. She could become demoted or fired face a lawsuit from the department be accused of favoritism, stripped of everything she earned. Of course, I would face endless accusations from my coworkers. MacKenzie has never let this go for the longest time she would go after Olivia about not fighting this old as time rule. It's only been in the last few months when Solan convinced her how happy Olivia makes me that she's relaxed, giving me her blessing.
Now she looks lovely in her mint green flora dress which comes to her knees; her blond hair is swirled back into a loose-fitting bun a few strands fall over her luxurious creamy tanned check. Her Gorgeous emerald green eyes sparkle in happiness for me.
Next to her, our youngest kids Seven-Year-Old Noah who is ready for this wedding to be over so he can dance at the reception, he's trying really hard not to tear his suit off which he swears itches. Noah is a neat kid who had really changed the most over the last two years, going from an angst-ridden angry kid who use to take baseball bats to anything that got in his way when he got angry, from pushing his mother when she didn't give into him. To the young man, he is now a happy kid who is always looking for a place to break out his new dance moves, so he can record them and post them to youtube. Ever since Noah found dance, he has made a 360-degree turn. Last month he won a competition to get free dance lessons for the next two years at one of the most prestigious dance schools, Ghost Dance Studio NYC. With one of the most sought after dance choreographers in the industry Shaw Ghan. Noah gives me the thumbs up, grinning his eyes are smiling at me, but I see them already focusing on where he can record himself as soon as this thing is over. Still, he tries to give us at least his attention.
More than Ayra Nicole Rollins-Aramo, who is also seven, she's currently trying to rip her dress off her body, which took me two hours to get her into. She hates dressing up I shoot her a warning look I can't figure her out for the life of me. This kid is never happy she gets whatever she wants from me, but she always has to argue with me, throw tantrums, break the rules, or cause a scene. I've tried getting her into sports to release her energy. She hates being athletic; I tried music; she hates practicing; she doesn't want to read any more than school makes her, so book clubs are out. Tried swimming, she refuses to wear the typical girl's swimsuits only wants boxers, so she was kicked out of classes. "Knock it off, Ayra, or I swear." Liv gently touches my lips sweetly smiling at me she has way more patience than I do.
Kissing my hands which are laying in hers, she lets go so she can get down to Ayra's level takes her hands looking into her eyes. "Sweetie, I know the dress is uncomfortable and makes you unhappy, but we are only asking you to wear it for a short time more, we brought a change of clothes for you after the wedding." Ayra sniffles as tears fall down her face "I hate this dress, I want it off now! Why do I have to wear a stupid dress? Solan and Noah, don't!"
"I hear your feelings, honey, I get that you think it's unfair, and we will discuss this, tomorrow baby, for now, to make your mommy happy can you please just smile a little bit longer and not rip off your dress. You look really pretty in it, and mommy wants us all to look nice for the photo's."
Olivia reaches over, wiping the tears off her cheeks, hugging her to my surprise Ayra nods, sniffling, still wiping her runny nose with the back of her hand, which Olivia gently washes with a sanitizing wipe. "Noah, sweet boy, can you hold Ayra's hand and try to distract her from her dress phobia?" "Course mommy, you both look beautiful."
Olivia and I both smile at him as she gets back up. I extend my hand towards her as she gently brushes his cheek with her palm before turning back to me. God, she is breathtaking. Her Silver sequins dress, which comes to her knees, sparkles as it catches the glimmering lights from the chandeliers. Liv's hair is done in a french bun keeping her gorgeous face hair-free.
"May we proceed?" My cousin Shay who is officiating the wedding directs the question at both of us, so Liv and I smile equally as eager to continue. There's nothing either of us wants more than to be joined together forever. "Yes, Sir, we may thank you so much for your patience."
"Aw, no problem I have three little ones myself I get the deal." He smiles towards his wife, Jem, who grins. Their kids Jerrica 8, Dan 7, and Jim 10 all stand by her side, looking bored but dashing. "Amanda, you were saying to Olivia."
"Yes, right." taking a deep breath, I step closer to my almost wife breathing in her eau de Cologne a lovely fragrance of roses and cinnamon. I have learned so much from you- your honesty and integrity have taught me to be true to myself and others. Your thoughtfulness and generosity have taught me to live with intention. Your playfulness in the light of my humor has taught me to expand my definition of 'silly,' and your willingness to try new things has taught me to broaden my definition of adventure. You make me whole, Liv."
"You may not know this, but I have had a crush on you since I was seventeen with God and Shay as my witness, I swear on the holy bible. From the moment I looked at you on the cover of People's Magazine in 1999 and saw the headlines. Sexual Assault Victims have a new Police Advocate. I saw your smiling face; I knew I was forever changed in so many ways."
"Amanda, do you promise always to take these vows seriously? Do you promise to hold Olivia when she's scared? Stressed, promise always to remember that she is indeed human. That you both may make questionable decisions? To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do you part."
Shay smiles at us, both turning to both of us the bible in his hands. I'm shaking inside, trying so hard not to let it show on the outside even as my stomach is rolling in violent waves, sweat drips down my back, and my head feels light-headed.
"Olivia, I need you to know, I do not say these things lightly. After much consideration and soul-searching, I am certain that I am ready to make this kind of commitment! My love, I promise to hold you lightly, but firmly as we venture through life together."
"I promise to remember that our highest values of community, spirituality, justice, environment, and levity always come before & above material possessions. I promise to be your playmate who finds life a juicy treat and to be your lover who makes passion delicious. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love and honor you, and our kids all the days of my life."
Olivia's hands are steady as they hold mine tightly but not squeezing them too hard. "Take a deep breath, my beautiful love, I am right here, you are safe, it's only family here. No need to worry. I got you."
"Amanda, my love, you have changed my life. You have taught me to love with abandon and to take the risk of vulnerability. I love you not only for who you are but also for what I am when I 'm with you. Not only for what you have made of yourself but for what you are helping me make of myself. I was pretty set in my ways. Honestly, I had become numb to the idea of ever finding someone to call my someone, my baby, after a string of failed relationships burned bridges and broken hearts. I started to think I wasn't enough for anyone, that I was flawed. Not strong enough, pretty enough, soft enough. I went through phrases of starving myself, self-forcing vomiting, thinking if I were thinner, I would be pretty enough."
"It got to the point I was at Jedi level self-sabotage my voices inside my head made up my entourage blocking out my friends and coworkers who all tried to tell me. I was good enough, pretty enough, smart enough. None of them could break through to me; I tried counting my blessings as I got older, smarter. I had an amazing job, an incredible son, great friends, none of it ever filled that aching pain inside my heart. I hadn't been loved by a significant other since my teenage years. I thought Elliot would be the one, but he used me and abounded me, leaving me bitter, angry, and deeply wounded. I took it out on you for that I am so forever deeply sorry. You did nothing to deserve that; it wasn't your fault you came into my life at the worst of my self-sabotage, I have never been as depressed and relentlessly easily provoked as I was that year."
"Elliot's leaving left me sacred and tempestuous for far too long. Our relationship was never given a fair chance, as I rose in ranks, my aggravation only grew. In a way, I suppose I was jealous of you; in my view, you were younger, gorgeous, more in tune with the latest procurers and technology. You were quicker on your feet, related to the younger victims easier, which became the growing number of our victims. Plus, you were a single mother to two amazing kids; in my book, you had it all. I, of course, had no way of knowing that you were struggling to hold it together. That you were hiding your sexuality for fear of repression or that you had been violated, so brutality leaving you sacred. Until you got caught by Declan, I had no idea you were sinking and in need of help. Instead of reaching out, I punished you, rejoiced in silence. I am humiliated in how I reacted, Amanda, you have inspired me to be a better, more generous, and loving, you've believed in me when I have not believed in myself."
"I love you for the part of me that you bring out, I love you for showing me the light past the defensive, sabotaging walls. You didn't pass me by, you dove in and didn't quit till I opened up so thank you, Amanda. I want to laugh, cry, plan, adventure, and live a zestful life with you. This commitment is very serious to me. I am so very delighted to be standing here today. I promise to share my life openly with you; To cherish your uniqueness; To honor your spirit and to listen intently; To hold you gently when you are afraid; And to softly kiss you when you are hurting. With patience and compassion, I promise to support you through the changes and challenges of our lives together."
"Olivia, do you promise always to take these vows seriously? Do you promise to hold Amanda when she's scared? Stressed, promise always to remember that she is indeed human. That you both may make questionable decisions? To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do you part."
"I, take you, Amanda, for my lawful wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part."
"Amanda, Olivia, have you come here to enter into Marriage without coercion, freely and wholeheartedly?"
"Are you prepared, as you follow the path of Marriage, to love and honor each other for as long as you both shall live?"
"Are you prepared to accept children lovingly from God and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?"
Olivia and I smile fondly at each other, holding hands. "We have, we are, and yes if God shall grant us more children, we are ready to prepare a place for them."
"What God joins together, let no one put asunder" "Now I shall read from Ecclesiastes 4:9: "Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?"
"Solan and Noah, will you please come forth with thy rings? 1 Corinthians 13:4-5: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. It does not dishonor others; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. May these rings be blessed as a symbol of your union. As often as either of you look upon these rings, may you not only be reminded of this moment."
"But also of the vows you have made and the strength of your commitment to each other in front of Christ, your family, friends."
"Solan, you wish to say something?" "Yes, I do, Sir' thank you."
"Mom, Olivia, first I want to say thank you for everything you have done for me over the last 15 years. Mom, you've raised me through no fault of your own; single handily, it hasn't always been easy. You faced many sleepless nights while you struggled to go to classes work two to three jobs, so we had food, clothes a roof over our heads. You faced judgments and discrimination. Rumors and harassment, you were assaulted and treated in ways that are beyond the human comprehension of cruelty. You never showed it with Mackenzie or me your smile; your laughter got us through the hardships. We never even knew for the longest time that we were in danger of being evicted or starving. You dried our tears taught us to hope through songs; you encouraged us to follow our dreams, to treat others with respect, and to work our asses off for what we want and never take any bullshit."
"Mostly though mom, you taught us that Love is Love. Love, cannot be killed or swept aside, Mom you are the reason anything gets done. You nudge me towards promise, acceptance; you taught me that no one should ever be judged by gender, sexuality, color, religion. You let me explore who I am, what I love, and what I hate without yelling or eye-rolling. When I came out as bisexual, you high-fived me and told me don't get a girl pregnant, use protection no matter who I sleep with and get good grades. There was no shaming, no shock, no tears. Being bisexual was no more differential than someone yelling they are straight. You made me feel loved, accepted, and completely normal even when you warned me not everyone would accept me, you made sure I knew, you love me regardless because love is pure. Love is so strong waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned."
"So Olivia, thank you for loving my mom for being her castle of walls, her safe place to fall. For seeing who she is inside and loving her flaws and all. I can not wait to see our future together as a family of six. With these rings, I give thee Olivia permission to marry my mother." Solan hands Olivia her ring, which she smiles at both of us as she slips the ring onto my finger. Shay turns to Olivia, "Olivia, please repeat after me. "I, Olivia, promise to love and support you, Amanda, and live each day with kindness, understanding, truth, humor, and passion. With this ring, I thee wed."
"I, Olivia, promise to love and support you, Amanda, and live each day with kindness, understanding, truth, humor, and passion. With this ring, I thee wed."
Solan hands me the other ring as he kisses my cheek. "With this ring Mama, I give you my blessing and my delight to marry Olivia, to make her my step-mom."
"Amanda, please repeat after me. I, Amanda, promise to love and support you, Olivia, and live each day with kindness, understanding, truth, humor, and passion. With this ring, I thee wed."
"Dearest, Olivia, I Amanda, promise to love and support you, Olivia, and live each day with kindness, understanding, truth, humor, and passion. With this ring, I thee wed."
"Friends, I now present to you the perfect symphony of one. May they always chase the melodies of the songs until they've finished playing them. Go now in peace and live in love, sharing the most precious gifts you have- the gifts of your lives united. And may your days be long on this earth. I now pronounce you wives. You may kiss each other."
Taking Olivia's face in between my hands, I feel the biggest sigh of relief escape my lips, which twitch into a smile of complete contentment. "I love you, Olivia." tipping my body weight heavily onto my left foot. I push myself up, so I am almost eye level to Olivia, who's already a good five inches taller than I am without her five-inch heels. I'm thankful I choose my high pumps today, giving me at least a five-inch boost. Her arms envelop my back, tipping me unexceptionally. I squeal as I feel her piquant tantalizing lips chaste my desiccated doll-like lips.
My hands grip Olivia's lower back in shock and slight fear of falling after all this isn't a Disney movie where everything goes perfect, and nothing bad ever happens. It would be my luck to fall flat on my ass on our wedding day. I pull her to my chest feeling her breasts press against my chest—her heartbeat racing as a four-wheel ATV up the final stretch of the backcountry race.
We can feel every curve of each other's luscious bodies; she's the only one who I ever want to touch or have touched me. Breathing her scent in, I feel my body relax her lips move in perfect timing to the tempo of my soundtrack that my lips have set the pace too. For all the days of my past where I have felt broken, empty lost in my quest for love and sexual satisfaction I know when I kiss Olivia why I had to go through that journey, because if it weren't for those days.
Those lost lackluster kisses and lovers, I would have never been able to fully appreciate just how ravishing Olivia's lips are, how her kisses make me feel elevated to a higher plane of existence. Her kisses ignite my whole body, setting it ablaze. Our bodies melt, our hands room freely over each other's bodies. I stumble she gasps, catching me my lips smack into hers for round two unwilling to be starved any longer.
Intoxicated by her love, I gasp, pulling myself taller her hands grip my lower back, sliding shyly towards my butt. In my life's journey, I have never seen a sunrise or a sunset that had more passion or brilliant color schemes as this kiss. Our feet move in perfect harmony to the song playing; the guests have all melted away dancing with each other. Liv is the only one I care about right now; our arms encircle around each other's bodies. Our hearts burning with love's desires the way moonlight glows over a river top. She's my perfect melody, my sunset hanging off a purple hue from the mountain top view.
My fingers weave their way through her hair, tracing down her lovely neck. Tiny delightful gasps eliminate from her perfect lips, which never break contact with mine. Every kiss has me falling in love deeper and deeper. When we do pause only, so we don't pass out from lack of oxygen we can't breathe; all we can do is stare into each other's eyes. I don't care what actress graces People's magazine or who tops the hottest 100 no woman will ever compare to my queen.
We hold each other as we dance. Both of us slowly slightly winded now as we come back to the center. Laying my head on her shoulder, I allow myself to fall into her embrace, have her carry my weight for a few breathless gravity challenged moments. My eyes take in the scene the stunning and timeless space of the ballroom in the hotel, which is owned by the family of one of Shay's Marine buddies. The extravagant silver and gold ceiling drops down coated in rainbow flags and banners. Candle light
ing makes the room feel more romantic and less expansive. Each table is decorated with floating candles, flower petals, and cranberries are scattered all over the floor. We dance closely, feeling the rhythm of each other's hearts, exploring each other's bodies. Slipping out when everyone is busy eating our lips devour each other's mouths as our feet somehow know the way to our hotel room.
The room is beautifully decorated and ours for the night, so we take our time exploring each other's bodies with our lips. Hers attach themselves onto my aching sore neck, which I turn to the left side, giving her undivided space for her lips to massage, suck, and her tongue freedom to lick. Small moans escape me; a slight chill hits my sweaty skin as my dress drops, her hands sit on my hips as I step out of the dress, leaving me bare ass naked except for my laced velvet thong. Her hands ever so gracefully slide down my back, massaging softly, increasing with soft, slow speed. "I've waited my whole life for this, Amanda. I don't want to rush it, but damn I need you."
"I feel the same way, Olivia." I don't turn my whole body just crank my neck around, so our eyes connect. Her breath on my neck sends shivers down my spine even if she wasn't touching me; she's affected me. "Make love to me, Amanda. Make love with me tonight; I want to touch, lick, tease, and please every inch of your amazing body as my wife."
Smiling, I take her hands, leading her over to the gorgeous bed. It's almost too beautiful to mess up, but we will most definitely be messing this bed up. "I would love nothing more Olivia than to make slow passionate love to my wife." laying down; I pull her on top of me. She wastes almost no time; her eyes linger over each inch of me. Her hands gently start by lightly brushing themselves over my fully engorged bust. Every woman thinks of their breasts at some point in almost every day.
How can we not they're there with us all the time, reminding us of their existence? I am not ashamed to say I love it when a woman fully appreciates my breasts, even if I am not the most significant cup size. Breasts, after all, are a vital part of who we are as women, sure they aren't everything, but they do matter. Especially in bed, my breasts are already becoming aroused by her sharp tongue, which has begun to descend my left chest.
Her right hand lingers at the top of my tong lightly stroking me and gently kissing my neck, her kisses gaining feverish movement. Softly stroking my inner thighs, forcing my legs further apart, Olivia lays fully on top of me as her hand rests against my center of arousal. Her lips move towards mine. I lean back arching so I can fully take her lips onto my own, but she smiles naughty and pulls away only ghosting my lips. I gasp in shock and heated desire. My need is so primitive it's scaring me. Her strong and gentle hands began to stroke me, my legs tremor I know I am in for the most epic lovemaking nights. Every part of me feels it, craves it. I'm not frightened at all, even though part of me feels like my teenage self the first time I had sex. I was drunk back then; now, I am fully stone-cold; I should be scared worse. With Olivia, though, I know I am safe, loved, and desired for all I am.
Nerves play a tiny part in my stiffness tonight; I want to please her. My rising nipples startle me; both of us laugh as it shocks us, our checks fill with color. "Relax, Amanda, will go as slow or as fast as we each desire. I am not pressuring you; I know you will not pressure me."
"Shhh, it's all right, don't worry, just relax and listen to your body." She is slow, rhythmic, gentle, moving down my body, down till she gets to my warm wet arousal. She goes to my butt and runs her hands down my thigh, pulling my legs up and wrap them around her waist, we slowly start grinding, moaning softly.
Our eyes stay connected as she keeps teasing me with her near kissing only to pull away. I decide I need to start playing along, taking my free hand that isn't gripping the bed-sheet. That free hand now runs along her gorgeous curvy body; her stomach clenches in teasing tantalizing ministrokes. A finger tickles her darkened nipples, which shake as her fingers get revenge. One enters my hot core, causing my back to shiver. Not satisfied with my reaction, she shoves two inside. I grip her nipple hard as she glides three inside. Teasing my clit, she groans as my lips now cover that hardened nipple. "Amanda, I want to taste your juices, my god you are a fountain, I'm going to lick you now," she spreads my legs further I close my eyes to enjoy this moment fully.
She passes over my neatly shaven bush this time with her mouth, seeing where the tan stops, and where the hair begins. My legs are spread wide, so she kisses inside one knee, and then across to the other, and up, back and forth, and at the end of each kiss she gives a little upward lick with her delicious wet rough tongue, she licks up, back and forth, moving closer and closer to where my thighs meet. Till she suddenly enters me hard, I'm so wet, she's fast, not stopping even as my clit tightens, tremors.
I bite, lick and tease her erect nipples running my own hands down her generous body teasing her mound. Both of us moan in pleasure, I reach behind the pillow and pull out my vibrator her eyes widen in delight. With one hand that had been clutching the bed-sheet, I apply the lube, turning it on for a few minutes letting it get speed as my fingers trace and tease her warm wet entrance still coated by her tong.
She wants me; she needs me; it feels incredible. I can't wait any longer, not if we have any hopes of climaxing together. I am so wet so heated I am so close I won't be able to hold off much longer, my moans have become soft screams. "Do you want me to fuck you, Olivia? Do you want to feel me inside of you?"
"God, Yes, Amanda, Oh my god, yes."
"How much, baby?" "My whole heart, my life, my everything Amanda, I need you to please me, baby slow and long. I want to remember this night for always. The way your eyes shine like the Arizona sky, beautiful Amanda, they will burn inside my soul forever." I enter her slowly as she asked me to she slowly grinds onto it moaning. Her eyes stay locked with mine. Lovers in the coating of night fallen sky.
No words needed; we are too choked up to caught up in the simplicity of love's natural glow. Her cheeks are rosy. There are no words that could ever define how phenomenal this feels. "I love you, Olivia, cum with me, please, baby. I can't hold on any longer."
"You don't have to, my love, I have you. Shatter with me, Amanda, we won't break."
"Do you love me, Olivia?"
She smiles, kissing me thoroughly, no teasing our walls shatter in a million brilliant colorful hues of sunsets, sunrises. I see stars dancing on night skies so picturesque they have to be a dreamscape there's no way even God made anything this beautiful in this world, I'm falling, but I know she'll catch me.
How do I love thee, Amanda? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach when feeling out of sight For the ends of being and ideal grace. I love thee to the level of every day's The quietest need, by sun and candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I love thee purely, as they turn from praise. I love thee with the passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death."