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Santana Lopez thought of herself as a badass, and most people around her knew her as such.

There was only one person who didn't think of her as a badass, and that was her best friend Brittany Pierce. Brittany had been her friend since kindergarten, and knew Santana better than anyone. That was because Santana never shared any of herself with anyone but Brittany.

Brittany saw her soft spots, her caring nature, but she was the only one.

That was because Santana wanted to be the Queen Bitch, and she couldn't climb to the top being nice to people.

That was why it surprised Santana when she went to David Karofsky, asking him to be her beard and making sure he had no other choice, because she knew he needed one too. He said he'd think about it, as if there was anything to think about, and she was tired of waiting.

It had been weeks.

She didn't really care about him. She just needed to date someone, even if it was just for show.

She needed someone to date, because she needed to get over her stupid crush on Brittany.

"San, can you help me?" Santana stared up when she heard her best friend's voice, and she couldn't help but roll her eyes when she saw the way Brittany was struggling to get the zipper of her skirt down.

It was down the side and even Santana had trouble getting it down sometimes, but she always managed one way or another.

"Sure, get over here," she replied because she knew it would take too long for Brittany to get out of it, and they needed to get ready for the house party of the year.

Puck threw one every year when his mother went on her singles trip. Alcohol flowed freely and sex was normal at his parties. He usually had a hell of a cleanup, but he always said it was worth it.

"San...come on, you're staring and you said you'd help," Brittany said, goofy grin on her face.

Santana zipped down the zipper before pushing Brittany away gently and standing up. She took a deep breath, and swallowed thickly to hide the feelings that always began to surface when Brittany came too close.

"So I'm just...going to…" Brittany pointed toward the bathroom as her voice faded and Santana pasted on a grin, hiding the way her heart was racing.

"Yea, just go Britt. I wants to get my drink on," she replied, and Brittany hurried into the bathroom.

It didn't take Brittany long to get the shower started, and Santana waited for the inevitable singing that would follow the moment that Brittany got settled.

When the humming started, Santana lay back on the bed and got comfortable.

It had been a while since Brittany had taken a shower at Santana's home. It had been a while since they'd spent much time together at all, and Santana had missed it. Before Artie, Brittany used to come over after school, take a shower and then they would get their mack on.

Santana couldn't remember the last time they'd done that, and she would never admit to anyone that she missed it.

She was so deep in thought that she didn't notice the shower being turned off. She didn't notice the silence until Brittany walked into the room, and she sighed and lifted her head only to close her eyes right away when she noticed that Brittany had just dropped the towel to get dressed.

Something low in her stomach began to flutter at just the thought of Brittany, naked in her bedroom. All she could think about, and all she could see were the swell of Brittany's breasts and the rounding of her ass.

"Don't tell me you're asleep," Brittany muttered a moment later, and Santana startled. "I'm only going to this stupid party because you wanted to go."

She couldn't open her eyes and she couldn't speak, because of all the emotions running through her. The strongest one was arousal and she was fighting her impulse to get up and kiss Brittany.

She promised to respect that Brittany was with Artie now.

"Nuh-uh," she mumbled and then sat up, her eyes still closed. "Are you dressed yet?"

"Why are you keeping your eyes closed? You never close your eyes when I'm naked," Brittany replied, confusion laced in her voice. Santana shrugged, because she didn't know what to say.

She couldn't tell Brittany about her feelings again, because the last time she did that she got her heart broken into a million pieces. She opened her eyes and stared at her friend, keeping up appearances.

Brittany wore a simple tank top and some skin tight jeans, unlike Santana. Santana wore a dress that hugged every curve of her body.

Santana blinked a couple of times to focus before she smiled up at Brittany.

"Are you almost ready?"

Brittany hummed before she turned and began to put some make-up on. Santana had already been done when Brittany had arrived and she still didn't know why she'd come to her place instead of just changing at home. Besides the fact that it would've been faster, it wouldn't have made Santana feel like she had to push a side of herself down.

"Do you think we'll have a good time?" Santana asked, her insecurity showing its ugly head.

Brittany smiled. "With the two of us, how could we not?"

Santana grinned back. She had promised she would be the designated driver, so she wasn't about to drink and that was one of the reasons she'd asked Brittany.

The other reason was because she wondered if they could still have fun after what had happened at school.

After she'd poured her heart out and Brittany had rejected her.

"You're so right." She breathed out in relief and Brittany giggled. She turned and took Santana's hand, pulling her up. "You're done? Finally, I was about to fall asleep waiting for you," she teased, and Brittany rolled her eyes, but giggled again.

Santana loved that giggle, it was so carefree that it sometimes hurt to hear it.

"You're in a hurry...are you meeting someone special there?" Brittany asked, wiggling her eyebrows. She knew that Santana wasn't meeting anyone there, and Santana didn't like the way she was looking at her while asking.

She just shook her head and walked out of her room, not waiting to see if Brittany followed her.

She only stopped when she was at her car, and she looked up before she opened the car door to see Brittany frowning at her.

"Get in," Santana murmured loud enough for Brittany to hear her, and then proceeded to get settled into the car. Brittany narrowed her eyes the moment Santana pulled away from the curb. "What?"

"Was it something I said?"

"No. You didn't say anything wrong," Santana replied, even though she was still upset.

Brittany knew her too well to know that she was lying, but she didn't want to make it into a bigger deal than it already was.

"It's your night."

Brittany was upset, that much was clear. The way her eyes clouded over and the joy left for a moment hurt Santana more than anything else could and she swallowed before she dared another glance toward the blonde.

"Britt…"

The silence stretched and before she knew it, they had arrived at Puck's and the beat of the music playing inside was felt even in the car. Brittany didn't hesitate for a moment and got out of the car, slamming the door behind her.

Santana rushed to get out, even as she called out to Brittany. "Thanks, leave me behind," she murmured when she realized she couldn't catch up. Brittany had disappeared into the crowd and there was no way she could push through that many people.

Mr. Saxobeat drummed through the house and she grinned when she saw teenagers already drunk and grinding with strangers.

She was just about to go to the kitchen, knowing Brittany would go there first, when she heard his voice behind her.

"Hey, Lopez...did you just get in?"

She turned, her grin fading from her face as she looked up at Dave Karofsky. She shrugged, and narrowed her eyes at him. He already had more than enough to drink and he was nursing another drink. She didn't want to be anywhere near him when he was drunk.

She'd only offered to be his beard because she knew how much his reputation meant to him, but she just needed to find Brittany.

She turned on her heels and left him standing there, her mind only focused on finding Brittany and finally getting the words I'm sorry out.

"Hey, San! Come over here and have a drink." Quinn's voice called from behind and she turned to see her sway on her feet, a red cup in her hand and a grin on her face. Santana knew Quinn was already well on her way to being drunk and she smiled before she shook her head, declining the offered cup.

"No, I can't."

"Aw, come on," Quinn begged, and Santana chuckled.

"I'm serious...I can't. I promised I'd be designated driver for anyone who needed it." Santana gently pushed against the hand Quinn held out, and rolled her eyes. "And you...are well on your way. Have you seen Britt?" She asked even as she sat down next to Quinn.

"Um...I saw her when she came in but she didn't even stop to say hi," Quinn pouted, and Santana sighed.

She knew she'd upset Brittany, but she normally didn't stay angry as long. She just didn't know how to fix it.

Brittany never really got angry. She was a sweet and loving person and whenever she was angry, she would pull away for a moment and then be okay again. She didn't like fights, and she did everything in her power to avoid them.

Tonight wasn't any different. She was upset because of Santana and she didn't like the way Santana always wanted her to be there. She sometimes didn't understand what Santana actually wanted from her.

"Hey Britt! Come dance!" Brittany turned around at the sound of his voice and smiled when she locked eyes with Artie. She shook her head though, because she had seen Santana sitting next to Quinn in the living room and she just wanted to get drunk. She didn't want to think about Santana if only for a little while.

So she made her way into the kitchen and didn't falter even when she saw it was filled to the brim with the food all team. "Where's the booze?"

Someone pointed her toward the alcohol and she quickly poured herself a shot, slammed it back and poured another. She glanced around and shivered at the sight of Dave Karofsky. He had always given her a bad feeling and she hadn't been able to explain why.

He smirked at her and glanced around. "Where's your superhero? Did you two get separated?" He asked, and Brittany shrugged before she took another gulp of her drink and made a face. She hated the taste of alcohol before she got drunk. "Why aren't you looking for her?"

"Back off, Dave." Brittany pushed away from the counter and moved around him. "It doesn't concern you, so just back off."

She had the feeling that he was going to look for Santana, but she tried not to care about it. She was about to have the night of her life and she didn't want to think about Santana for a while.

She stood there for a while, sipping her drink and refilling it once again, enjoying the relative peace. She wanted to get drunk before she even wanted to think about Santana. Even though she felt lonely without her best friend, she wanted to enjoy the night.

She sighed, because the kitchen was too quiet. Her thoughts kept moving back toward Santana and she didn't like that, so she filled her cup one last time before she made her way back into the crowded living room. She stared at the dancing people for a moment and then she heard Artie call out to her again.

"Hey Britt, you ready to dance now?" he asked, and she rolled her eyes. She loved Artie, she really did, but she hated the way he treated her. He sometimes treated her like a child, and Santana never would.

"Yes," she replied loudly, pushing away any thoughts about Santana, and then made her way over to him. She really needed to get her mind off of Santana for one night, and in the morning everything would be fine.

She hoped.

"Could you please stop leaning on me?" Santana pushed Quinn off of her for the fourth time and stood to her feet. Everyone around her was having fun and dancing, and she felt lonely without Brittany next to her.

The party had been going for hours, and she was bored.

She normally would have been drunk within moments of walking into the house, and by the time the first hour had rolled around she would have been crying about something. She wanted to cry, about her fight with Brittany, but she wouldn't.

She had caught glances of Brittany, dancing with Artie, and it killed Santana to think that the two of them would ever get back together again, because she wanted Brittany.

Artie didn't deserve her.

"Hey, dyke! Care to-"

Santana turned around, her eyes wide and her heart in her throat.

"Let me stop you right there, meatball," Santana interrupted through gritted teeth. "I'm not a dyke." She glanced around to see if anyone had heard either of them, and then pushed against his shoulder. "Now you need to get the fuck out of my face because you're annoying me."

He grinned at her and she wondered what was going on in that tiny little brain of his, but then he grabbed her arm.

"I'll leave you alone after you dance with me," he said, slurring his words and Santana knew it was a bad idea to give into him. She also knew she would have to do it anyway because she didn't want him to keep hanging around her, so she nodded.

He pulled her onto the makeshift dance floor roughly, and then pulled her against him. She wanted nothing more than to pull away, but she needed to keep up appearances.

"Enjoy...babe," he murmured into her ear before he began grinding against her. She rolled her eyes and pulled away, but he was stronger and he tightened his grip on her hips painfully.

She regretted agreeing to dance with him the moment she could feel him harden against her and she tried to pull away again, but he was too strong.

"I don't think she likes what you're doing, Dave," Brittany's voice said from behind her and Santana closed her eyes in relief before she turned around, finally able to because Dave had loosened his grip.

Brittany stood with a small smile on her face, staring at Dave with her blue eyes and Dave grunted something before he sighed and moved away. Santana watched Brittany for a moment and opened her mouth to thank her, but Brittany didn't give her a chance.

"Not yet."

She didn't give Santana a chance to say anything, but turned and walked away without another word.

"Thank you…" Santana mumbled, even though she knew Brittany wouldn't hear her, and then turned around and made her way to the stairs. She needed some time alone, she needed to calm down.

She needed Brittany, but Brittany obviously didn't want or need her.

So she moved up the stairs slowly, pushing away everyone that didn't move when she walked by, and sighed when she was on the first floor. It was a lot less crowded and she took a deep breath before she opened the door to Puck's bedroom.

It was dark and empty and felt safe as Santana sat down on the bed and then closed her eyes.

She was tired of fighting her feelings for Brittany, she was sick of acting she was someone she wasn't. She wanted to have fun and have what she wanted, and that was Brittany.

She was just to scared to admit it and she knew Brittany wanted her to be brave, but she couldn't. Thinking about coming out and dating Brittany scared the hell out of her and she knew it would be worse when she actually did it. No, she wouldn't come out, even if it meant losing Brittany.

The door opened, and she opened her eyes even as her annoyance grew.

She just wanted to be alone for a little while, and deal with her overwhelming thoughts and feelings about Brittany.

The music filled the room, just as the outline of the guy filled the doorway. He was big, that much she could see, but she didn't care who it was as long as he left.

"Find another room," she snapped, even as he stumbled inside and closed the door behind him with surprising grace, considering the drunken state almost everyone at the party was. "Did you not hear me, you idiot?"

He didn't reply, but stumbled forward and chuckled.

He took a moment, staring at her, before he moved and suddenly she found herself pinned on the bed, his bodyweight crushing her. She gasped, and was about to tear into him when he sighed and kissed her roughly.

The smell of alcohol permeated the air and she gagged at the taste of alcohol and cigarets on his breath. She punched his back, pummeling her fists into the muscles in his back but it was of no use.

He pulled back, and she breathed in deeply. "Get off!"

"You asked me a couple of weeks if I wanted to date you," he said, and Santana shook her head, ready to reject him. "Here's my answer."

He kissed her again, his teeth scraping her lips. She tasted blood when he bit her and she struggled to get away from him, to get him off of her.

This was not what she had in mind when she'd asked him out.

When he pulled away to breathe, she screamed. "No, stop it!"

"Hey, you wanted this, you asked for it."

"Fuck you!"

"That's what I'm planning, babe," he grinned before he pinned her hands above her head, and kissed her again. Her legs were pinned beneath his, and with him holding her wrists she had no way to get away from him, and the dread settled into her stomach.

He moved his mouth from hers and started kissing and sucking on her neck, and she breathed in deeply.

"Get the fuck off of me, you big fat idiot," she grunted out even as she struggled against his hold. "Do you think this is going to prove that you're not gay?"

"After this, you're going to be my girl," he slurred between kisses and she shivered.

"Do you actually expect me to want to date you after this?" she asked incredulously, before she tried to get her hands from his grip again. "Get off of me, and I won't bust your nuts!"

She pushed against him and was more than surprised when he faltered and let go of her wrists. She pounded on his back and renewed her fight, but his patience faded and he grunted before he elbowed her in the stomach.

She grunted out in pain, and blinked against the stars in her vision before she gasped for breath.

"You'll enjoy it, I promise. I know what I'm doing."

"Please, you don't have to do this to prove anything," she pleaded when he started to pull at her dress. She pushed it back down, only to have him tear it in his haste to get it out of the way.

"That's where you're wrong," he breathed in her ear, even as he worked on getting rid of everything that was in the way. "Everyone thinks I'm gay because I haven't had you yet. You're supposed to be easy and you're supposed to say yes to everyone."

She closed her eyes, and for the first time she felt tears streaming down her face. The panic throbbed through her body, and she wished for once that she hadn't been so promiscuous.

There was nothing she could do to stop him and when got rid of the last barrier and pushed into her, she screamed.

Brittany pushed away from Artie, who had just tried to kiss her for the third time that night, and stared at him with a blank expression. She loved him, but after he'd called her stupid she didn't think he loved her enough. She didn't want to be with him anymore.

But Artie did want to be with her and he tried to show her every chance he got.

Santana had always told her that people who love you wouldn't insult you or hurt you intentionally and he had hurt her, because of Santana.

"I don't want to kiss you Artie...not even when I'm drunk," she murmured as she moved away some more. "You shouldn't take advantage of me."

"Britt," Artie tried, but Brittany just shook her head and moved away from him, stumbling as she went.

When she found Quinn, she sank down next to her on the couch and whimpered. "I want to go home."

"I would bring you home if I wasn't a little tipsy," Quinn slurred, and Brittany giggled. "I don't remember who my driver was supposed to be...maybe Santana is willing to drop me off too."

"We should go find her," Brittany said, but she didn't move.

"Yea."

"Do you know where she is? I saw her dancing with Dave earlier...but she disappeared after that." Brittany glanced around to see if she could find Santana, but it was too crowded. There was no way she was going to find her sitting on the couch like that. "I know I should get up and look for her but I can't seem to move."

"I haven't," Quinn replied, her words slurring but her gaze alert. "She left to go look for you earlier."

Brittany stood to her feet, worried that something might have happened to Santana, and pulled Quinn from the couch. The music was too loud all of a sudden and she wanted to find Santana and go home, but before she could figure out where to start first there was a commotion at the stairs.

At the same time it dawned on her that Santana might be up there, Quinn tightened her hold on her and pointed with her free hand. Brittany followed her gaze and gasped when she saw Santana, stumbling down the stairs as if she was drunk, with tear tracks running down her face.

Brittany knew Santana wouldn't drink, because she was responsible.

Santana looked up, and Brittany heard Quinn gasp. It took her only a moment longer to see the way that Santana's eyes seemed hollow and empty, and she frowned as she took in everything about her best friend.

Her dress was wrong, but Brittany couldn't see what was wrong with it. Santana seemed to have a hard time breathing, her nose was clogged and her face was pale.

"What happened?" Quinn asked softly beside Brittany, but Santana ignored the question. Dave stumbled down the stairs and Santana tensed, and then swallowed thickly before she turned to Brittany.

"Who's driving with us? We're going home." Santana's voice was extremely raspy, and Brittany frowned. Not even after crying had Santana's voice ever been this raspy.

"I am," Quinn said, obviously seeing something that Brittany didn't. Santana nodded her head and began moving toward the door. The throng of people moved as she moved and Quinn once again asked Santana what had happened, only to be ignored again.

When they got to the car, Santana got in slowly, as if she was in pain, and Brittany climbed in the back before Quinn plopped in the passengers seat.

"Put your seatbelt on...I want to go home and take a shower," Santana murmured. Brittany rolled her eyes when she realized what had happened.

"You hooked up with him didn't you?" she asked, and Santana clenched her jaw, the muscle jumping, before she turned toward Brittany.

"And what of it?"

"I just...I don't like it," Brittany murmured, and Santana huffed.

"I don't care if you like it or not, because we're dating," Santana snapped, and then pulled away from the curb.

Brittany widened her eyes, wondering where the girl she loved so much was.

This wasn't the Santana she knew.