J. A. Barnesley Presents:

The Grimmer: The Opera of Pyrrha Nikos and Dandy Jaune

A What-If tale about a red-haired warrior armed with a silver spear and steel sword. A tale of Grimm and the warriors who were made to slay them. An Alternate-Universe tale combining RWBY and The Witcher 3: The Wild Hunt. Another wonderful adventure/humor fanfic written by Mr. Barnesley who is once again being forced to write this for his significant other. Expect some weird humor, crossover madness, and some returning OCs from the Ballad of Pyrrha Nikos and Handsome Jaune.

Actual Fanfic Description: A What-If Tale combining RWBY and The Witcher into one horrible amalgamation of weird humor and fun. A tale about Pyrrha Nikos, the invincible girl, if everyone violently hated her in every town and city across Remnant. Pyrrha has done her job as a Huntress for a long, long time and is completely exasperated by the time she finally finds Beacon Academy and meets a Dandy named Jaune.

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Chapter 1: Lullaby of Whoa

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The trail was long and dusty. Dirt was kicked up by the wheels of a speeding motorbike; an old Mistrali V-twin motocycle rumbled down the road. Its rider was tall and slender with a solid build. She had long red hair, the color of the setting sun, that was tied up into a long ponytail. She had piercing emerald eyes like a snake. A golden circlet adorned her brow, it was simple and showed her of belonging to an older school of warriors. Small green gemstones hung from her circlet behind her ears. She wore standard leather armor that consisted of a bronze bodice accented with pure gold, leather bracers similarly adorned and a set of sturdy leather greaves. A golden gorget protected her throat and all other possibly exposed flesh had been covered with chainmail. A crimson sash was tied around her waist, almost looking like a skirt. A long spear sat beside a steel sword on her back and a small buckle shield with her School's crest was clipped to her belt. She kicked the bike down a gear and sped up, the sounds of commotion behind her began to soften.

Pyrrha Nikos sighed, she'd been run out of town again. She'd fulfilled her contract, had gotten paid entirely in potatoes and when she'd asked for just a teensy bit more, out came the torches and pitchforks. The locals had called her a she-devil and she'd run and mounted Rouge, her trusty steed. This had happened before, but usually didn't result in the entire town becoming aggressive. Her reputation had preceded her, apparently.

She sighed again, such was the life of a Grimmer. She was, despite appearances of being completely human, not quite. She was a Grimmer, an ancient warrior who had helped humanity and their struggles against the Beasts of Grimm. The Beasts were terrible creatures that had been let into this world from another; she'd had enough literature on this subject to become a professor in one of the many Huntsmen Academies in the world and she'd considered becoming one until this little incident. She was effectively immortal and no longer aged, which was nice. What wasn't nice was the fact that she'd forever be seventeen years old and would presumably have her ID checked for the rest of time.

Pyrrha checked her heading and kicked the motorbike down a gear again, it would still be some time before she made it to the largest city in Vale, a city also named Vale for some reason. She thought idly about how she'd gotten into this mess. She had once been a normal child in Mistral, particularly Argus until one day her father had been out hunting and nearly died. His life had been saved by one of these so-called Grimmers and the savior had demanded the first thing he laid eyes upon when her father came home. She probably shouldn't have rushed into his arms when he finally arrived; she was taken immediately and thus began her long training into becoming a Grimmer herself.

She shook her head, it really didn't matter anymore, it'd been hundreds of years and any chance of going back to see her family was gone; they'd all died almost a century ago. Her training was simple combat training at first, then came the Trials, after the Trials came the Mutations. Her life had changed forever. The Trials had made her a formidable foe in combat and the Mutations had altered her biology, she'd received enhanced strength and speed, slower metabolism, reflexes and eyes of a snake. And she would never age.

She continued to reminisce, she'd asked her master once, how the world had become the way it was. Her master had just sighed and told her it was a mistake she'd made a very long time ago. Her master, known only as Salem, was one of the first Grimmers. As she'd explained it, she had once been a powerful sorceress and had been in love with another. One tragic and sudden death later, she was attempting to use black magic to bring him back. One miscalculation later, horrible creatures were pouring though the portal and into the world. After several hundred horrendous mistakes, Salem had become the first Grimmer after attempting to figure out some way to reverse the portal. The portal had shut on its own, but not after overrunning the entire planet with creatures that had no natural enemies and preyed upon the negativity of others. Salem knew the portal would open again, and she'd created the School of the Taijitu to protect the world from her own mistakes, she was the few who knew how to make more Grimmers. Pyrrha chuckled lightly and imagined her own master stumbling around and knocking things over as a portal opened and unleashed hell on the world, it really wasn't that humorous in reality, but the image of it was.

Pyrrha thought of Salem for a moment. Salem was much older and very different from the few Grimmers she'd ended up creating. Salem had pure white skin with twisting black veins covering her body, her eyes the color of burning embers. Salem usually wore some kind of fine black dress and kept her very long ivory colored hair tied up in some kind of ridiculous headgear. Pyrrha had asked about the headgear, but the reaction Salem had given her implied that she either couldn't or wouldn't untangle her hair from it; it had sentimental value of some sort.

Pyrrha passed a road sign, roughly fifteen miles until she hit the city outskirts. It wouldn't be much longer. She sighed. She thought of the other conversations she'd had with Salem. There were other Grimmers, few and scattered across the world. Only three others from her own School had survived, Cinder, Tyrian and Hazel. Tyrian was bizarre, another strange race of people inhabited their world naturally and Tyrian was one of them. An animal-human hybrid known as a Faunus, he was half man and half scorpion. Hazel was just large and brutish. Cinder was roughly the same age as she was, but was trying too hard to be 'cool and edgy'. If anything, Cinder was a little jealous. Pyrrha didn't know where they were right now, probably in the same boat as her; being run out of town and being paid in potatoes.

Pyrrha thought of her rival Grimmers as well. Several hundred years after the so-called Conjunction of the Spheres that had caused the Grimm to enter, another Grimmer School arose, the School of the Corvus. She was slightly aware that she'd soon be entering into their territory and hoped that she wouldn't be killed on sight, her School and this one weren't exactly on the best terms.

Master Ozpin, the original Grimmer of the Corvus had some kind of history with Salem, that exactly, she didn't know. She only knew they hated each-other. Master Ozpin was eerily similar to Salem in some ways, he too had pale white skin and hair but lacked the twisting black veins. His eyes shone out in brilliant silver like the sun hitting morning dew. Master Ozpin had founded several Huntsmen Academies with other Grimmers, no longer creating Grimmers themselves, but training warriors out of normal men and women. Salem was excluded from this group for some unknown reason, probably since Salem's castle stood in an area not many would be able to get to in the middle of a blighted crucible. Ozpin's castle stood in a bright and grassy valley and looked so much more inviting than the constantly-red-and-purple skies over Salem's.

Pyrrha stopped for a moment, squeezing the brake handles on her motorbike. She was only a few meters from the front gates of Vale City, the capital city of Vale. She pulled out her Scroll, a small cell-phone like device that held all of her files on Vale, her Grimm Bestiary, and some contacts. She also had some other apps installed on it, but those were for another time. She opened up her journal and scrolled down to Vale. Master Ozpin had several more Grimmers on staff than the School of the Taijitu had. Port, Oobleck, Goodwitch, and Qrow. Four Master Grimmers against herself. That certainly wouldn't end well, she'd have several more holes in her body than belonged if they figured out who she was. They probably already knew, though; she couldn't really hide her eyes from them. Snake eyes were specific to her own School only. Silver eyes were specific to Ozpin's. She'd stick out like a sore thumb as soon as she walked through the gates.

Pyrrha groaned and begrudgingly staggered towards the gates to the great city of Vale. She turned and walked over to the gate guards, they were heavily armed with guns, not that it mattered.

"State your name and reason for entering.", the guard growled.

"Pyrrha Nikos, I'm a Grimmer."

Perhaps she should've said travelling shoe salesman instead, the guard just eyed her. She sent him an awkward smile back.

"You can enter. I don't want any trouble out of you though, Grimmer. Otherwise you'll be choking to death on three pounds of steel."

"Nope, no trouble at all.", Pyrrha responded as politely as she could. No need to be cut down in the streets before she could even get close to her target.

The guard grunted and pressed a button. The gates began to open, allowing the red-haired Grimmer into the sprawling marketplace of Vale City. The city was a portside enclave, a large wall surrounding the entire structure, presumably to fend off the encroaching Grimm. Pyrrha stood in the marketplace, several large ships entering from the east and depositing what appeared to be future Huntsmen and Huntresses; Beacon was to start its new classes today. A row of market stalls lined the walls behind her and the road north went towards the School of the Corvus itself, now integrated into Beacon Academy School of Huntsmen and Huntresses.

Pyrrha sighed even longer. She just needed to meet with her contact and then take his contract and leave, immediately, before Ozpin found her and gave her a sudden and violent tracheotomy. She stole several glances before she'd realized that yet again, her reputation had preceded her. So much for just blending in, the world's most in/famous Grimmer had just walked through the front gates and her motorbike was outside of that. She just started walking towards the tavern, the one her contact was supposed to be in, not just because she wanted something to drown out the events of today. She turned and glared at a particularly aggressive crow perched on a nearby lamppost before continuing into the abode.

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A man sat behind a desk, hands folded in front of him. He appeared deep in thought. He idly stirred his coffee and slowly took a sip. He wore a green pantsuit and had a small walking stick clipped to his belt. His hair was white as snow just like his skin. A small set of glasses were perched on his nose. He just sighed and looked up to his devoted.

"She sent one of her own, Master Ozpin.", the other man noted. His eyes were also silver, but also had hues of red in them. He had short black hair and held up a rather nasty looking crow.

"Yes, Qrow. That's fairly obvious. Do we have any idea why?"

"Couldn't tell you. Maybe she's here to enroll in the Academy?", Qrow mused.

"Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds? She's a Grimmer, why would she be enrolling at a Huntsmen Academy!?"

"Maybe she got bored? I dunno, she's nowhere near where we've seen the other Taijitu Grimmers, maybe it's just a coicidence?", Qrow pondered.

"Or maybe she's plotting something. Something that White Witch can't do… Hmmm… Keep an eye on her, Qrow. And please intervene if she does anything… rash."

"Uhh… Do you want us to engage and bring her back alive or… Just her head?", Qrow asked.

"Whichever is easiest for you. She's a Grimmer just like you, though. Gods I hope not exactly like you, though. Stay off the White Gull, please. I need you sober for this."

Qrow didn't hear him, he was too busy drinking the strong alcohol, White Gull from his hip flask. Ozpin groaned loudly.

"Qrow, the task at hand, please! Keep an eye on the Grimmer that just entered town, Pyrrha Nikos, the Butcher of Vacuo. If she keeps to herself and causes no trouble, perhaps I'll let her go for now. If she causes trouble, well we all know how that ends, don't we?", Ozpin concluded.

There was a loud belch in agreement as Qrow stumbled out of the office. He tripped over his own feet and fell down the tall staircase leading downwards. Several moments of banging and crashing later came a small cry of 'I'm okay!' from far below. Ozpin facepalmed.

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Pyrrha Nikos slipped through the front doors of the small drinking establishment. Or at least it looked small on the outside. Inside was a large light-up dancefloor and large speakers blasting club music, the thumping bass caused her circlet to vibrate on her head, the small green gemstones seemingly dancing to the tune. Pyrrha sighed and went to find her contact. She skipped past a girl with fiery blond hair attempting to order from the bar, the bartender having none of it. The girl wasn't a Grimmer, too young and not disciplined enough, probably a future Huntress if best, otherwise probably a future dancer in the club; she certainly had the body for it. Her eyes wandered over to what she assumed, god forbid, was her contact.

Her contact also had blond hair, but looked a little dopey. He wore the most extravagant outfit she'd ever seen, blue and silver lace gloves alongside a matching ruffled tunic. He wore a tabard depicting a rabbit, particularly Pumpkin Pete of the aforementioned cereal brand. He wore baby blue tights and if she didn't already know it was a kilt, a frilly skirt of some kind in the same hideous color scheme. He was also waving to her like an idiot.

"Hello.", Pyrrha noted.

"Hi! I'm Jaune Arc, short and sweet. Rolls right off the tongue. Ladies love it!"

"I'm sure they do. Now, do you have a contract for me?"

"Yep! I'm your contract! It's me!"

Pyrrha scoffed. Either he knew who she was or he didn't understand what exactly Grimmers did for work.

"You buffoon! I'm a Grimmer not a prostitute!", Pyrrha exclaimed, Jaune reeling back slightly at the outburst.

"Oh, well… I was hoping you'd train me? Teach me how to Grimm?", Jaune stuttered.

Pyrrha sighed even harder. Did he really want to become a Grimmer? She'd have to drag him all the way across the world and back to Salem for that to happen. Or… She could maybe convince Ozpin to do it. She shook her head, if she tried that she wouldn't have a head to shake.

"How exactly do you expect me to do that?", Pyrrha asked, now slightly annoyed.

"Oh you know, like teach me to fight and stuff. I was hoping to enroll at the Academy, but you either need to have attended a combat school or know a Grimmer as a personal reference. And you're a Grimmer!", Jaune stood in front of her with puppy-dog eyes.

"That's not how that works. You need a Grimmer from the School that runs the Academy. That's not going to work with me. I'm from a… different… school."

"Well… You can still teach me to fight though, right? I could pay you!"

"With what?"

"I have money! I have a lot of money, you see, I'm a bard. I write songs! I could write a few for you. What's your name?"

"Pyrrha Nikos."

"Aha! I'll write a grand tale about you! The Ballad of Pyrrha Nikos and Handsome Jaune! How's that sound?"

"That sounds grand. I'm sure we'll make a great team, Jaune.", Pyrrha said completely sarcastically.

"Great! I'll get started on it right away! You'll love this! I just know you will! How about we get right onto training?"

"Sure, good idea."

And with a sudden move, Pyrrha punched Jaune straight in the gut and caused him to double over in pain.

"First lesson is learning how to dodge."

Pyrrha just stared at Jaune Arc, world renown poet and bard as he lay writhing on the floor. This day just kept getting better and better. This wasn't the day she'd ever waited for. Pyrrha sighed and picked up the clumsy bard and hauled him out of the establishment. Training, huh? Yeah, she could do that.

Chapter end. Hurrah. Yes, okay. Salem and Ozzy know eachother, that's already assumed. This bizarre tale will more or less consolidate the entirety of RWBY into a hopefully short and fun filled adventure with Witcher aspects mixed in. It just makes so much sense. It's a Pyrrha-centric fic, but Pyrrha is apathetic, sarcastic and just overly done with being a nice person. Two hundred years of being nice to people has taken its toll on her, it's time to not be nice anymore. More alternate characterizions and weird humor to come, I promise you that!