An undefined turquoise, raging, hateful, and burning- meets it's reflection. It's the first time he realizes.
There's something building deep inside. The thing threatens to burst in a colorful mix of emotions. Guilt, determination, anger. Oh, he blinks. A lot of anger.
A hand, skin darkened and disturbed, latches unto a white but dingy sink. He's begging for something to hold, begging for something his hands don't destroy. Slightly unconventional but necessary, the strong stench of citric piss sitting in water for days, the flicker of a handicapped light, callouses the decade-old doorknob attained from dramatic use- it holds him down as well as an anchor.
And now he's staring at himself. Half-empty, some would say half full, and wants to sink into the floor and never rise. He, himself, self-proclaimed Dabi feels his throat dry out even more. He's choking on dust and coughing over sand and drowning in pain.
He hates himself.
He loves that it doesn't show.
Sure, yeah. He's gasping and curling like wet paper and aching and his body is doing everything that he doesn't want it to do-but what does it matter if he isn't crying?
Dabi, since he was young, held his heart on his sleeve. A heart resting under titanium, locked in a vault, and littered with traps, but resting in the open all the same. His siblings were all so bad at hiding their emotions. Dabi felt special, and maybe a little bitter, that it was only after tearing himself to shreds and then stapling himself back together in all the wrong ways was he able to mess up something in the right way.
Maybe he could hide who he was, now, too. Maybe hide who he used to be.
Duck under a shield of dry eyes, shrink under a layer of empty words. Dabi had always been good at pretending, at hiding behind something larger than who he was and who he ever could be.
Blue attacks blue and Dabi lets himself dissolve into nothing. He's grateful invisible streams that pour from his eyes are invisible.
Dabi's glad a bleeding heart is internal.
Release.
"Why don't you release, darling?"
Pale hair, painted silver and lotus white and pale skin, colored snow and apple red that gives it life with dark eyes tell him to let go. To stop holding.
"Just let go, let go and I promise it'll feel better."
Pink lips, and soft hands, and betraying words. Lying words. Words that never say the true thing; Dabi thinks they might be right for doing that.
She says releasing is good. That it's cleansing. She almost makes him want.
"I don't know." He murmurs against her shoulder. Face tucked in warmth and comfort.
She hums, fingers combing through black, almost auburn locks. His roots were starting to show. She doesn't seem to mind; she doesn't seem to mind much at all. Dabi can see that now she just floats through life. A wilted flower carrying secrets she doesn't know she keeps.
"What don't you know?" She asks, it's a question for the sake of an answer, but Dabi doesn't know which answer to choose. He doesn't know a lot.
He doesn't answer. Only stares outside, a place he never wants to enter again. Even though the breeze was nice, so nice in fact thick, rich brown branches liked to dance with it. Black shadows are painted balmy. The sun is nice, pretty looking and purple, casting it's magic unto the sky-hoping it would be just as entrancing as the sun itself was.
The dark eyes trail after his own electric teal. "Isn't it beautiful?" Soft, soft words. Caressing vibrations that Dabi would let echo through him for an eternity.
"Yeah." His words are deeper this time. How beautiful the world was, just enough so that it could fool you into thinking it was beautiful on the inside, too. The world was a lie.
"You didn't deserve it." He whispers. She didn't. She didn't deserve to be lied to.
It's silent, and the fingers pause against his scalp. Dabi mentally curses for speaking his thoughts. He grasps her other hand with his own right one, the one with dirt under its fingernails and blood hot underneath cold skin.
A deep sigh drips from her lips and soaks his ears. He listens carefully.
"You need to let go."
Dabi wants to melt into her and hide. He thinks even if he could, if it was all possible, nothing would change.
"I can't." It means a lot of things.
The night is nice, Dabi notes. He appreciates the simplicity of it. The circles were easy to place the heroes in, all he had to do was perform and a little snatch.
He can feel a relation to the blonde kid, who seems to be consumed by his own anger. Anger fed by fear. Dabi is unaware of what the kid is afraid of exactly, but he knows what it's like to be trapped by it. To lash out all the time and be so blind and alone while surrounded by everyone and the sun.
He's having the time of his life, no matter how tedious the task is. Staring at fearful faces, children who would-should know the terror they would eventually face again.
But a rebellion ignites in him. His gut refuses to allow his calm, his joy is screeching and howling as fire drags it out of his soul.
There it was, deep icy eyes that met his own blazing ones. Jealousy spreads through Dabi like green ivy when he realizes his cerulean blue is steadier than Dabi's blue could ever be.
His grey almost onyx colored eye is weighted also-hard to move and difficult to break.
Many, many words want to shove their way past his lips. Scenarios run through his head, wants and shattered dreams zoom away, and he is reminded of everything he couldn't do. Everything he did wrong.
Dabi remembers hair ruffles and hugs that lasted to long to not be significant. The squeezing tug he felt when he could protect instead of harm. He remembers chugs of words he used to say to placate-words he learned from his mother. But there nothing he can offer, not anymore.
Dabi can feel an old fear, enveloping and present, that creeps up to the back of his shoulders. It raises the hair on his neck.
Dabi watches as a hand reaches out to desperately catch his lifeline. A red-eyed wolf sitting in a tiny, tiny ball that could be stolen so easily.
The Tokoyami kid is saved by big hands that cradle him. Dabi decides he won't be lenient.
"That's sad," poison. The words drip like a poison that overfilled his mouth long ago. He's been leaking acid for a while. "Todoroki Shouto."
And sad it is. That they're both trapped after so many attempts to escape, and that Dabi has to be the starving man that takes bread from another starving man-is sad.
"Katsuki!"
Dabi can hear the despair in Shouto's voice, hear the deep ocean stir into a hurricane and it only fuels his own anguish. Sharp and rugged-edged Dabi snaps his gaze away and allows a stretch of lips that shelter his shock.
Shouto's starving, he hasn't been fed properly in a long while. Blood and steel are all he's ever known a finally the kid's got a sweet piece of cake. U.A, friends-time away from destruction had been good for him, Dabi acknowledges.
Unfortunately, Dabi is stubborn and selfish, so Shouto will be left starving again. Dabi won't allow anyone, especially not Shouto, to finally feel peace when he still hasn't.
Dabi will empty the day Shouto's ice thaws; a false future.
And if his eyes don't exude liquid diamonds like expected, Dabi won't mention it.
"Hypocrite."
Dabi spares an entirely condescending glance at Shigaraki, who's glaring at him as if he killed his mother.
Dabi hums and raises an eyebrow.
"Hy-po-cri-" Shigaraki stiffens from his spot on the couch when he's cut off.
"Ya'know we use big words here, kiddo. Are you referring to me? You're supposed to say, 'You are a hypocrite'." Dabi exposes a grin he really isn't feeling as he over enunciates each word.
Shigaraki narrows his eyes, surprisingly opting to ignore Dabi's comment in exchange for finishing his point. "You tell me I should get my priorities straight and stop focusing on 'selfish expeditions'," Spit flies past chapped lips, "but here you are. A permanent stick up your ass about Endeavor."
"Looks like you've gotten a little too comfortable, confronting me like that." The grin falls from his face and Dabi lets his expression go flat.
Shigaraki rolls his shoulders. "How about you just address the confrontation?"
Dabi's hip leaves its spot from the damp wall but he leaves his arms crossed. "I'm finishing what Stain started."
Shigaraki frowns. "He was an idiot. And his goal wasn't to murder the number one hero."
"So, fucking what? I have my own ambition-it's not like you'd understand." Dabi is feeling a heat spread through his chest, sparks are clawing at his throat. A bubble of excitement rises with the urge to burn.
He doesn't know why this hits so hard. He'd guess it's because of the already so many failed attempts, the pain that came with having to wait. Shigaraki didn't know. He had no idea.
Shigaraki didn't spend his childhood in torture. Any moment he spent chained down under someone else's power was enjoyed. Any situation he couldn't let go of he could just destroy by turning it to nothing. Dabi didn't have that same luxury-what he destroyed left ashes.
Dabi's face doesn't show it, (he's gotten better at hiding) but he's heavy inside. Something is being delicately snapped but nothing shows.
"I'm just trying to find where your loyalties lie." A gloved hand tugs at grey ash hair.
"I have no loyalties!" He's so tired of going over this again and again.
Shigaraki tilts his head, his fist curling. "Do I need to take precaution?" The threat is obvious.
"Do you want to burn?" Dabi retorts.
"Would you two put your dicks back in your pants?" Spinner grits between closed teeth, sharp and ready to pierce.
Lightning azure eyes run over green scales and dry hands. They study the creaking ceiling and wet floor. Dabi focuses on the scent of mildew and watches the glint flicker on Toga's knife. Crazy Toga who was staring at them with quiet giggles.
The crow haired man slouches and stuffs his hands in his pockets. "Whatever."
Dabi welcomes peace when it reaches him; forgetting Shigaraki's hissy fit and listening to the quiet chatter of Twice and Toga.
"You piss me off." Dabi hears later in the day, when no one else is there and the man is close enough for it to be comfortable, and a smirk wiggles it's way past his defenses.
"Same here, leader." It's a child in a man's body, but who is Dabi to judge? He's crying on the inside, too.
Red, red, red. There's red everywhere in the area. How destructive the new Nomu was-making everything red with blood and fire.
Dabi hates the color red.
He wants to drench It in black and blue. Ash and fire, fire hot enough to make everything into absolutely nothing-he was the only one who could do that. It was the only thing he was ever any good at. It's what made destruction fun.
Dabi crashes down in an angry, loud, aggressive swirl of blue (navy, teal, sapphire, Egyptian, sky, lapis-) and is aiming to kill. Death. Red deserves death.
For once, Dabi is glad he's dangerous. He's a flaming meteor in its entirety, demolishing the world with no regrets and no look backs. The thick tension is suffocating in the house. Worn down stone walls and cold floors distract Dabi from the outside world. He forgets the Nomu, he forgets Miruko. Dabi is feeling swell.
The devil black assesses the setting. Twice seems to almost be down for the count, and well, that just won't do.
His foot meets flesh and under flesh, bone. Dabi can feel his amusement rise in response to his fury, and his eyes rake over golden locks and bruises. Ragged red feathers.
"Looks like sentiment tripped you up, after all, hero?" He teases.
He leans over his knee to peer over at Hawks and look him in the eyes. He feels his grin, this time. Thin and evil-they both know he's insane.
Dabi 'tsks', shaking his head in disapproval. This is what happens when you use red against him. Hawks deserves this; the bitch.
How high and mighty Hawks was, calling Twice unlucky. Hawks just didn't get it. It was his arrogance along with his ignorance that would get him killed, Dabi could understand that. Hawks' standards were impossible and otherworldly, maybe that's what made him so appealing. The primal want to be able to meet someone's unreasonable standards.
Dabi wanted it more than anything, a familiar but dreaded distraction from who he was and who he was to become. His ambition would inevitably destroy him.
He flinches when Hawks, with Twice, slid from under his boot. The blonde's hand was grasping unto a tiny feather, a feather that dragged him from Dabi's clutches.
"How…?" Dabi speaks, bewildered.
Hawks has a rough landing, though. Tumbling on the ground before slowing into a ball of limbs.
"Whatever." Dabi rises from his crouch and stares at Hawks critically. "You're mostly defenseless, anyway."
Hawks huffs, wobbling his way up into a standing position. Dabi thinks Hawks looks gorgeous, covered in burns and cuts and all dirty.
"…and you nearly burned up your friend…" Hawks finally speaks, eyes darting around the room. His words sound almost sad, but not enough so where Dabi can't tell it's false reprimands.
Worth it if it means you get burned up, too. Dabi thinks, but it's too blunt so he says something else. "Nah…" he offers a lazy smirk, "I knew heroes always gotta be ready to save a life."
"Such cutting sarcasm…" Hawks comments, sarcastic himself. "And the force of that attack, it was almost like you knew about me already," he pauses to finally meet Dabi's gaze while he wipes away trickles of blood with the back of his hand, "what gave me away?"
Dabi shrugs and repeats Hawks' words in question. "Gave you away? Nothing." He smiles and knowingly recognizes the expression on Hawks's face, "I never believed anything from the start."
Hawks hardens. "Right."
Dabi patiently waits for Hawk's cogwheels to turn. He cracks a smile when Hawks snaps at the movement of Twice. "I said don't move!"
Hawks was never one to hide his sharp edges.
"Light him up!" Twice screeches as he crawls away, replications fusing into each other like slime.
Dabi chuckles and lights a burst of fire aimed at Hawks. The force of the attacks blows his back; causing his hair to whip the other way. It's pretty hot but his scars cover his weak spots as an armor.
Dabi addresses Twice as the man passes him. He can feel the exhilaration in the meat of his bones, a new reality settling in with this face-off. It could happen, a true manifestation of his ambition started now.
"With you alone, we can get rid of these heroes!" Dabi is completely ecstatic. Hawks is finally burning.
Twice's answer is delayed with his huffing and puffing. Dabi doesn't notice the liver-eating expression on Jin's face. "…Yeah."
"Go wild!" The glare of blue fire rested on the outline of Dabi's skull. "The others are waiting for you!"
"Okay!" Twice sobs as he drags himself across the floor hurriedly. He wants to make it.
No. Dabi narrows his eyes and growls, Hawks was gone. His eyes seem to move to slow by the time he sees the winged man behind him- a sword in hand as he brokenly zooms toward an escaping Twice.
"You're too fast," Dabi mutters, ready to redirect his flames.
"Takami," He spins around, his hand pulsing with heat. Pearl whites show as he plans to obliterate. "Keigo!"
Hawks eyes widen and Dabi imagines the man's heart is pounding. He contemplates the surprise, maybe fear that overtakes Hawks as he sees the bigger picture. Sees that Dabi is kidding around.
Burning ember that fell from the sky, directly from the sun-Hawks eyes were. The sun is a lie.
All heroes were selfish liars, Dabi is sure he's right; because what kind of hero can murder. What kind of ideal hero abuses and controls licks up the first drop of blood they cause. Every kind of hero, Dabi thinks as Hawks sword pierces through clean through Twice.
This is why Hero's are disgusting. They are just as bad as Dabi is, but at least Hawks doesn't pretend to be innocent. Maybe that's why he pitied the man dressed in red; because there was no such thing as a real hero.
"Fuck," Dabi swears as he aims his fire at Hawks. He makes sure that it's at it's hottest.
"Damn it!" Hawks yelps as Dabi's foot is positioned once again in its rightful place. On the back of a traitor. Utter trash.
Dabi snorts in amusement at Hawks's predicament. "Good work hero!" Dabi praises. "You killed Twice!" The last three are guttural, a sound made to cover the breaks in his voice. So he laughs instead.
"Is that..." Hawks rakes over the appearance of Dabi; who was sporting a deranged grin as smoke literally climbed from the caverns of his ears and dripped from the corner of his mouth like a dog with rabies. "The face of someone who's friend was just killed?!" Hawks only sees' delight.
Dabi thinks of pain. "You've gotta mouth on you, huh?" He thinks of hate. "Your words hurt!" He screams over the sound of combustion and lays himself bare for livid fire that would never stop.
Dabi lets his quirk consume him. He wants to be coughing up exhaust by the time this is over-he wants to be crippled to witch dark cinders. Even if it takes exploding into non-existence, Dabi wants to finally be vacant.
He doesn't really know the difference between misery and rage, anymore.
"My tear glands are burnt so I can't cry, ya'know!" He's still smiling and apart of him wishes Hawks could see that this was his way of weeping.
"Of course, I'm sad about it!" Dabi denies all other assumptions. "With Twice around, my dream would certainly be seen through!"
Dabi's being honest when he speaks. He isn't sure it's about Twice's death, but he knows he's been feeling it since the purple on his body was raw and blistering; charred.
"I'm heart-broken."
Dabi wonders what color blue his tears would be.