A half heart like smooth polished stone,
A calloused tan hand outstretched toward quivering pale limbs.
Two halves make a whole,
And so wholeheartedly he sits down.
...
Its as if in the shade of the tree wordless sentences swap,
"You can stay." Sherwin prompts silently.
God knows he needs someone,
His damp eyes show remnants of hurt.
...
One day fades into the next.
An unexpected voice now greets Sherwin with cordial hellos in the halls,
And his heart begins to melt.
...
A tray sets down in front of him,
It's adorned with an apple.
"Can I sit here?"
Jonathans voice echoes toward his ears,
Did he really look that lonely sitting at this table in the corner?
His simple "Yes." is another way of saying "You can stay."
...
It's a familiar routine,
Jonathans hellos in the halls,
Jonathans tray set down next to his at lunch,
His apple glistens a ruby red under the cafeteria lights,
And then back to class.
...
Its months before there's courage,
Courage to ask a simple "Can you hang after school?"
An onslaught of yes and no and plans to be made arises,
It's all capped off with a "Sure what time."
It's Jonathan's way of saying "You can stay."
...
And it goes the other way too,
It's up a flight of stairs before he enters a homely apartment,
Jonathan's parents seem nice and accepting too,
"There a little overbearing at times, but it's whatever."
'Helicopter parents' Sherwin thinks.
...
And if this was ever friendship it was a damn strange one,
Friends never comforted one another with tight hugs and soft words,
Friends kept distance,
Leaving things with a "Hope it gets better."
Friends never once thought a second moment about the other,
Never grasping at every detail of the others' smiling face.
It never felt like friendship,
But that's what it was right?
...
They walk home together in the afternoon light,
Jonathan's place is only one street over,
Convenient.
...
A pause before parting ways and heading down separate streets,
Heading into separate lives,
Sherwins mind slips back to the moment under the tree
A choice word escapes his lips posing itself as a question,
"Boyfriend?"
The word friend never captured what it really was.
...
Eyes widen and lips quiver into a smile,
Hands are taken up and held a moment,
"Alright."
The word uttered again with reassurance,
"Boyfriend."
The word shared between the both of them.
...
But between His home life and school life,
There's a striking divide.
Confrontation meets him at home,
Angry words stab his ears numb,
And beat him emotionally senseless,
It all hinges on rumored words of "unnatural" love.
...
He wakes up tired,
Tired and hurt.
...
There's no bright response to the hello in the hall,
No casual conversation over lunch,
No smiles,
Jonathan pretends not to notice,
But how far does ignorance go?
...
It's a routine now,
No more cordial hellos,
No more bright smiles,
Halfhearted ones at that.
...
If this is a new normal,
It's the worst normal ever.
...
Texting,
A simple "Hey wyd?" spawns a whole conversation,
Usually ended with an easy "I love u."
The first time those simple words,
Graced sherwins broken ears,
His heart pounded so hard,
It almost felt... like it would turn to pulp.
...
But it always has its downsides,
Every moment he feels like his life is to be censored,
Delete that text, and this one, and the one right there too!
And now his parents can look and check if those rumored words have substance,
"See nothing to worry about. We're just friends."
...
Yet vigilance is tiring,
And it's one slip up that could send him out the door,
With his parents silently fuming at how right they where,
Unhappy he wasn't a better son.
So he keeps a bag packed in his closet,
With everything needed just incase,
He forgets to delete that one texted "I love u".
...
Confrontation meets him,
Ending another silent day at school,
"Are you okay? You've been so quiet lately."
Comforting tan hands grapple for his.
When it comes to explanations,
Sherwin doesn't know where to start.
...
But once he starts,
He cant stop.
Poisonous screams filled with hate,
They trickle through his mind and stab at his heart,
Little reminders of his parents' harsh words.
...
All that can be uttered from Jonathans mouth,
Is an empathetic "Oh...i'm so sorry."
It's not enough to quell,
A heart stretched almost to breaking,
Breaking like it did long ago.
But this time it'll be a million pieces,
Not just two parts.
...
Ginger locks brush aside,
As chapped lips pat kisses on a teary face.
A weary smile edges its way onto Sherwin's lips,
And he hugs Jonathan tighter than ever,
Pulling out of the hug Sherwins hands linger on Jonathan's shoulders.
...
Its an unbridled desire that awakens,
Lips lock,
And it's now up to his emotions,
They guide him fervently through a land of hazy blue eyes and dark hair,
guide lips over one another like waves pulling at a shore,
And momentarily pull a blanket over his sorrows.
...
Every second lips stay held together,
Feels like one more way of saying,
"You can stay,
And fix my broken heart."
...
Things relent momentarily as he takes in a breath,
Lips parted and eyes wide,
The first somewhat genuine smile in ages graces Sherwins face.
...
The walk home takes longer,
But once Sherwin gets there,
Home feels like a lie.
His parents are an onslaught of "Where were you?"
And "Why are you home so late?"
"Oh I was hanging out with a friend."
It's simple enough.
...
His phone buzzes at his side,
He angles it away from his parents.
"You've been so secretive lately,
What's up with you? It's that damn phone isn't it?"
What's up with you,
What's up with you,
What's up with you.
The words echo in his mind.
...
It's a text from Jonathan,
His soft words quell his uneasiness,
Cutting through his parents hurt.
Huh,
Sherwin never thought he'd have helicopter parents too.
...
He's holding out for that moment,
Was today when it should have come?
Because that's when it did.
There's a note by his breakfast plate,
"Grab your shit and go.
We saw that text, He's not your friend.
Also we took your keys and your bus pass.
Don't come back here you fag."
It's a calm sort of shame,
But it still hurts,
It's only fair they take care of the matter civilly.
...
Tears stream down his face,
There are no loud sobs,
No hard sniffles,
No screaming parents,
Just disapproving ones,
It's all as expected.
...
He grabs his phone from the hall,
Where he stupidly left it last night.
Fuck heading to school,
He grabs the backpack from the closet,
The one saved just for now.
...
It's his teary face that appears at Jonathans doorway,
It takes a little explaining,
But Jonathan's parents are kind,
And well it's after a few calls are made,
And his absence today at school is cleared,
He feels a little better.
"You can stay if you need." They say,
They're kind like that.
...
But the words of his parents still sting,
And he still feels betrayed,
It was their job to raise him,
But now they wont.
...
Protective arms envelop his crying form once more,
It's a familiar touch that hugs him tightly,
And a remembered voice that quells him with a whispered,
"It'll be alright."
Jonathan.
...
And it's that dam that held back his wanting inside,
That's now broken.
And now that land of tanned limbs,
Dark hair,
And hazy blue eyes,
is back.
And his lips stay asking for more.
...
If the sleeping bag on the floor is any indication,
Of kind parents,
Sherwin accepts it,
Along with Jonathans kisses that tell him,
"You can stay."