Preface The following will contain adult themes, including sexual content (lemons), minor violence, and coarse language (18+ only). This is a parody of the Percy Jackson series, and not meant to be taken seriously (this is lol what do you expect). Written in the style of the Heroes of Olympus (3rd Person, varying perspective)

Chapter 1 The Wager

PIPER

The day had started off like any at Camp Half-Blood. As per usual Piper woke up to the sounds of fiendish squables as some of her half-siblings argued about the ethics of using charmspeak to get deals on snacks. She had learned to tune out stupid arguments over the years, and quickly got ready before heading out to a Cabin leader meeting. Piper's definition of 'getting ready' was haphazardly throwing on a long-sleeve green crop top , a pair of worn black jeans and a fluffy white winter coat over the rest of the ensemble (When Piper was late for meetings hairstyle and makeup were the least of her concerns).

Piper made her way quickly, but carefully, across the frosty common grounds and entered the big house. She and a gust of chilled wind entered as she opened the door.

"Well this whole situation is getting out of han-", Chiron paused and waited as Piper took a seat beside one of the Stoll brothers (she still had trouble telling them apart). "Especially when cabin leaders are tardy."

"Sorry." Piper blushed.

"With this whole situation getting out of hand, Rachel's prophecy seems in line."

"Woah, what! Hold up!" Piper cut in, "What situation?"

"This is what happens when you're late." Chiron sighed. Across the table Percy grinned widely.

"Well it involves your mother..." Rachel started.

"Of course it does.." Piper muttered to herself.

Chiron continued, "Someone managed to steal from her mansion, and as usual the gods have started blaming each other. Ares belives Hephaestus is scheming. Hephaestus couldn't care less what Ares thinks, and said it was likely one of Aphrodite's lovers - though remarked his accusations with some more crass language."

"Ha! What a slut!" Clarisse roared, cracking up with the Stoll brothers. Piper rolled her eyes.

"Hera blames Hermes or one of his sons." The Stoll brothers shut up when their dad was mentioned. "Though that's probably less to do with him being the God of thieves, and more of Hera's many gripes with children her husband had without her. Much to Hades' dismay both Aphrodite and Athena have blamed Persephone because of the wager."

"What wager?" Piper asked.

Thalia was the first to answer, "Aphrodite and Persephone had a wager over who could seduce the most gods. Athena thinks Hades made Persephone challenge Aphrodite for some sort of plan to overthrow Olympus. So Athena made it so none of the male Olympians have been allowed to fuck mortals in case Persephone disguised herself. So yeah, all of Olympus is horny and they're about to throw a tantrum. That's apparently why the Hunt has to stay here. Artemis is worried that one of the gods will go for the huntresses."

"So what stupid thing did they steal from my mom?" Piper sighed. She'd never been a fan of drama, and the gods were somehow even more petty than her siblings.

"Aphrodite's favourite necklace, her 'special occasion' perfume, and her..." Chiron paused.

"Her favourite dildo." Percy chiped in, his hands covering an obvious grin.

"It all lined up with a prophecy I had." The red-headed Oracle recalled in a sing-song voice,

"You will find love's four treasures far and scattered.

Journey to four domains fallen, in tatters.

To one is whom shall be the treasure's heir,

Will be with friend, exposed to air."

"Wait, Rachel mentioned four treasures. Aphrodite's only lost three."

"Many prophecies have deeper meanings we can't comprehend." Chiron remarked, "Perhaps the fourth has yet, or already been lost - unbeknownst to Aphrodite. Regardless, Rachel came to Percy with the prophecy, so he'll be leading the quest."

Both Percy and Rachel suddenly blushed, and didn't meet each other's eyes.

"Uhmm... I guess that means I get to choose who'll be questing with me..." Percy looked around the room and took a long deep pause. Piper understood why. She knew he would've chosen Annabeth and Grover, but both were away. Annabeth was in Norway and Grover was busy with a lead about a supposedly extinct species. A lot of the gang was away, Jason was on his own quest with Hazel and Frank, and Leo said he was taking a sabbatical to learn gardening from Calypso.

"Thalia?" Percy askedd, "Come on, we'd be a pretty OP duo."

Thalia laughed, "It'd be a hell of an excuse to get out of this lousy camp, no offense Chiron."

"None taken, you did your part for this camp during your tree days." Chiron smirked.

"Well... one more..." Percy's eyes settled on Piper, "I'm pretty exposed to air - being Poseidon's son. So my friend is the heir... they are Aphrodite's treasures, who else would inherit them?"

Piper grinned, "Hell yeah! Let's do this!"