A few months had passed since my second year, and my transformation. I don't remember anything before my transformation, I just remember every event as me. What was I? Was I always this way? I couldn't have been, since Lord Diavolo said I was transformed. It didn't matter, I was so happy with who I was now. Lucifer still had no idea we were in love, I have tried to make exchanges and regain like I did the first time, but this time around it was so much harder. I just wanted to give up, I can't bear not having my darling Lucifer anymore. I made my way down to the dinning hall with the brothers. It was like any other ordinary morning with them. Of course Lucifer was still in the same spot overlooking all of us. I felt him staring at me, but at this point I didn't even want to try and talk or make any contact with him at all. There had to be a way to make him remember. There has too! Since my transformation I have been practicing my abilities I have learned that I have, everyday for long periods of time with Diavolo and Barbatos. They others still have no idea what I have been doing. I am unsure if this was planned or I have just been lucky for the past few months. By now at least one of them should have picked up on something. I am not complaining though, less lies to tell for me and less excuses to make.
I had no appetite again. I wanted to sleep and never wake up. My efforts felt as if they were going nowhere. What was the point of doing this? Why was I even trying so hard. I made this change so my life could be easier with Lucifer not harder. I stayed distant from everyone, I can't tell anyone what is going on. Lucifer is the only one I told everything too. I never realized how lonely this journey was going to really be. I tried to quickly race out of the dining hall. I kid you not everytime I did guess who was right their calling to me? Yes, my darling Lucifer. "Mei?" He called out, I groaned angirly. Come on, why do you keep doing this to me Lucifer? I turned around slowly to face him. "Yes Lucifer?" I asked, "I've noticed you haven't been eating lately, is everything alright?" He asked, my heart ached and my anger boiled. "Why do you keep doing this to me Lucifer! Do you enjoy playing with my emotions and making me spend long nights in my room crying?" I yelled, He looked at me with a shocked response. Oh no….why did I say that? It's not his fault it was the price I paid to be with him forever.
This is not a good way to try and make him fall in love with me again. I couldn't take this anymore, my rage had been fumeing since my transformation completed. "Excuse me? What are you talking about right now Kyung?" He replied, I couldn't stop now I was on a roll. "No matter how much effort I put into this, you don't budge! No matter how many actions I take to get you to notice me you won't!" I continued, "Does it amuse you to make me hurt? Does it amuse you to make me cry?" I started sobbing uncontrollably, what the hell was wrong with me. This wasn't his fault, I don't need to be acting this way, but I couldn't stop. I continued to sob, I can imagine Lucifer was either shocked or irritated or confused or all of the above. I didn't even want to look him in the eyes or anything. Training with Diavolo has really helped keep my emotions in check, I haven't felt myself transform. I didn't expect him to be standing there still when I took my face from my hands, but as I was going to do that the most shocking thing had happened. I suddenly felt strong arms wrap around me. The smell of Lucifer how I missed it. "Kyung, I am unsure what you are referring to, but whatever I have done, or haven't done please forgive me. I had no idea most of your distress was the cause of me." He said, Somehow this should have made it better, but it didn't. I can't talk to him about it because he will think I am crazy. A lot of my hurt and anguish subsided after he gave me this hug. It didn't feel like he used to do it, but my heart hurt less after. I had to brush it off and collect myself quickly. "Umm...thank you Lucifer, but forget what I said, my apologies I had a terrible dream last night and I don't know why I took it out on you." I said nervously, "Is that so? What kind of dream was it that had you in such a frenzy?" He asked, "Oh, well you know the typical kind where you're naked in front of a crowd and they think you are a fool and laugh hysterically at you." I said, Wow could I have thought of something better? That was the bottom of the barrel reply when you really don't have any idea what to say.
"Interesting, well I still offer my apology." He replied, "Thank you, umm let me head off to class, see you later." I said as I trotted off, trying to avoid any further embarrassment. I cannot believe I let myself freak out like that. This was so out of my character. I guess my emotions are still sensitive from my transformation. All I knew was to quickly get to class. When I got there I sat right down and sank in my seat. Ugh I'm such an idiot freaking out. Lucifer…..if I can just kiss you again, I will be alright. I opened my journal and started to draw hoping I could take my mind off my embarrassment. In the midst of my drawing I heard a familiar voice call me. "Kyung!" The voice said, I looked up and saw Belphegor at my desk. "Belphie! Hey!" I got up and gave him a hug, "I saw you leave breakfast early. I wanted to make sure you were ok. Are you not feeling well?" He asked, "Oh, I am fine Belphie." I replied, "Kyung, I wish you weren't so reserved from me. You know you can talk to me about anything right?" He said,
Oh Belphie. Your kindness was so comforting. I wish I could tell you I really do, but I can't. "I have a lot going on with me Belphie, I wish I could talk with you about it, but I can't. Anymore my life lately has felt like a dark abyss with no hopes of changing." I replied, Belphie sat on top of my desk, and pulled me close for a hug. "I may not know what is going on with you, but I understand if you don't want to talk about it. Just know I am here for you, always Kyung." Belphegor said. "Belphie….." I said softly, I wanted to cry again, but then he would ask why and I couldn't tell him everything. My journal is the one that knows everything anymore. I had to keep my composure. I couldn't figure out if he was planning something or being genuine. Belphie told me at the end of my first year he loved me, more than anyone. If it wouldn't have been Lucifer it would have been Belphie. I hugged him tightly. I just needed to be held for awhile. I just wanted to sit there in silence and feel like I have some grasp on my life. "If you hug me for much longer I might get sleepy." Belphegor said, "I'm sorry, just these past few months have been hard it's good to be held for a moment like this, I'll let go." I replied, I released my grip on Belphie, and looked up to see his gentle eyes staring at me. "Kyung, are you free tomorrow?" Belphegor asked, "Ya, Why do you ask Belphie?" I replied, He started to blush a little bit "Wanna hang out with me tomorrow? I haven't seen much of you for the past few months, and I'd like to spend time with you." He replied, Damn Belphie why are you so sweet and cute. I sighed deeply, It will probably help me take my mind off of my depression, I have to go get some more things anyway. "Sure Belphie, that sounds amazing." I replied, He smiled brightly, "Yay, ok I will see you tomorrow Kyung, I better get to this stupid class before Lucifer yells at me." Belphegor said, He hopped off my desk and headed off to his class. Lucifer….I wonder what Lord Diavolo has you doing right now.
Diavolo had me in the council room today. I find myself submerged in more and more paperwork lately, on trivial things. I continued with the assignments I was given, but a few things have very vigorously been imposing themselves within my mind, one in particular has me concerned the most. I noticed here lately Diavolo has been spending a lot of time with Kyung lately. Kyung….. Her distress and emotional outburst replayed in my head from earlier today. What does she mean? Have I done something I am not aware of? What is the real cause as to why she is so distraught coming around me. She hasn't really been associating with my brothers and I for a set amount of months. She also hasn't been eating the way she should be either, what is really going on? I was unable to identify why such things had been troubling me. I couldn't focus, it kept swirling in my mind. I had to speak with Diavolo right away otherwise I would remain restless. I quickened my pace to where Diavolo's office was. "Diavolo." I began as I crept slowly into his office hoping I wasn't interrupting. "Pardon my coming unannounced but, I must have a word with you." I said, "Oh? Lucifer how unexpected, please do come in, what is it I can help with my dear friend?" He replied, I hesitated before sitting, wondering just how to even begin my inquiry. "I have some concerns about Kyung, have you noticed her acting peculiarly lately?" I began, "Hmm, define peculiar? Each time I have spoken with her she's the same as she always is." Diavolo replied, It took effort to hide the incredulous look on my face. How could he not notice?
"Well, for starters she is gone for long periods of time, much longer as time has gone on. She also doesn't associate with myself or my brothers, and she is refusing to eat. I believe she is under some sort of distress." I continued, My good friend Lucifer. Being as observant as always, Even with altered memories you still show so much care for her. "Hmm, that is concerning, have you tried to speak with her? Or are you aware if she has any exams coming up that she is placing all her focus on?" Diavolo asked, "Well, that is what is most peculiar. Each time I make an attempt to approach her it is like she avoids me. Even this morning she broke down and cried when I was simply asking what was bothering her." I replied, "I think….I think she is upset with me for some reason, "Really? That is odd, have you done something to her by chance That would be the only reasonable assumption if she is so called avoiding you." Diavolo replied, "Not that I am aware, I even tried to ask her just that. I do not know how to help if she won't let me in." I continued, How very troubling, I had no idea that Mei was taking this so hard. She smiles at me kindly, but behind it her heart is broken and continues to break. Maybe it wasn't the best choice to alter all of Lucifer's memories. "Lucifer, I have known you for a very long...long time. I don't recall you ever taking such an interest in someone so intensely, But I can assure you Mei, is fine." Diavolo stated, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Does he really believe she is fine? I've watched her enough to know her behaviors and this was far beyond being fine. "Fine…? No, she is far from fine. Diavolo; I have seen her break down in tears myself! If she has told you something in confidence I would be more relieved but, she is very much distraught and not opening to anyone." I said loudly, I could feel my rage beginning to spike. I leaned forward to look my good friend in the eyes, pushing my pride aside for the second time to ask this burning question.
"She is deteriorating, and yet you believe she is well upon hearing about it. I have to know...do you know something I do not?" I said loudly, Lucifer...I feel much remorse keeping this from. Even if I told you what we have done you wouldn't believe me, and if you did believe me you would be very unhappy, not in the slightest bit. My dear friend's eyes burned, his anger was radiating. Even after doing this all over he still loves her to some degree. "How fascinating, you look very scary Lucey. Are you angry with me" Diavolo asked, Was he trying to infuriate me? Did he have a reason for taunting me like this? "Even if I did know something, out of respect for Mei I wouldn't speak in her place." Diavolo replied, Since when has Diavolo ever called her Mei? I was the only one she disclosed this too, and was allowed to call her by it. "Mei…?" "Since when have you ever called her Mei? I don't understand what is going on here Diavolo, but I would like some answers!" I said loudly, "You have never kept anything from me in the many years I have been by your side. And now you throw vague explanations at me like your trying to placate a child, and I would assume the next king of the Devildom would show more concern for his subject!" I yelled,
Now I was yelling. What has come over me? No, the question was what was it he was hiding. This is a serious matter and for it to be brushed off like some annoying fly was outrageous! He would never do such a thing. Normally in these situations I don't crack or give into pressure. But seeing my good friend like this was getting harder by the moment. I searched my head to try and find the words to say next. Because absolutely no exceptions can Lucifer find out what we have done. "Hmm? I have always called her that. Isn't that what she prefered?" Diavolo began, Looking up at my friend he wasn't kidding. He even was raising his voice at me, and he has never done before. "Lucifer, you are right. I have never kept anything from you , and it isn't the case that I am doing now. Hypothetically what I am saying is that if I do know something it isn't my place to speak on Mei's behalf." He continued, Lucifer's anger continued to rage, if he continued he will cause himself to transform, forgive me my dear friend. "Are you doubting your future King of the Devildom Lucifer? I thought all those many years ago when I saved you your loyalty was going to be sworn to me, and not speak on as to why or for what reason I had for doing something. Have you forgotten that already?" Diavolo scolded, Lord Diavolo's response hit me like a slap to the face. I hadn't forgotten, not even for a moment that he held a proverbial chain around my neck; But not once in all these years did he ever remind me of it being there, pulling on it like an angry master scolding a misbehaving dog. But then, that is my place….and try as I might deny it, I may stand at Diavolo's right side, but I will forever be under his foot. I recomposed myself from speaking out of line.
"Forgive me sir, I have forgotten my place and thus spoken out of turn. I will not press the matter further." I replied, Saying those words to Lucifer stung. In all my years of knowing him I have never seen him as under me or myself superior to him. He has helped me out in so many ways and done more for me than I will ever be able to thank him for. Seeing first hand him submitted like that so easily….it felt as if my gut had been punched out. "Hmph, Very good; it does appear that you still do know your place. Lucifer, listen to me, I understand how concerned and upset you are, and as your long time friend I apologize for seeming as if I am brushing this under the rug. But I am asking you not as my follower, but as my best friend to continue to trust in me as you always have." Diavolo finished, "Yes sir." I replied, I excused myself from Diavolo's office, there was much more to this, there had to be. If Diavolo will not discuss it, then I will have to solve this myself.