one day phoenix wright was in court like useuel. he was defending this guy (cant remember his name sorry) and the guy was accused of murder.
"help me mr wight" said the defendint.
"Shut up" said edgeworth. "he cant do anything. The witness guy says your guilty so YOUR GUILTY SHUT UP"
But what tat true? wondered ace attorney man Phoenix wrighte. What if witness was telling bad lies again?
"Guess i'm going to get away with it" said the witness.
NO! thot phognox. I cant let the trail end! Not like this!
so phoenix decided to exposed the contradiction in the testimony by presenting his attorney's badge but OH NO AHHHHHHHH NOOO he dropped the badge on the floor and it got a crack in it
"shit" seid phoenix
"Mr Wright!" boomed the judge. "you broke your badge!"
"sorry sir"
"You can't represent peple without a badge!" said judge. "Its inethical, not to mention unlegal"
phohienix was cryin "no no its just a lil crack its still good, its still good"
"Nope i don't accept broken or disfigured badges in my court you trashy fuck, until you get it fixed you arent aloud to defend anyone."
So the judge found the guy guilty becuase no defends attonrey and phoenix lost.
"get owned right" said edgeworth. phenis cryed and run all the way home.
-at write anything agency-
phoenix kicked a chair over "DMAN IT MY LIFE IS OVER"
apollo and trucesy were woried because of phoenix's lack of a badge
"daddy can't you just get it fixed?" asked his daughter.
"Theres only one badge repair place in town" repliecxd phienx. "and its really expensive AND IM POOR and without the income from being a lawer i wont be able to make RENT and we'll STARVE"
"here sir take mine" said apollo "you need it more then i do."
but pheonix took apolo's badge and threw it out the window. "I don't need your CHARITY Justice I'll find a way out of this one myself" and he jumped out the window and ran into traficc and thought about how to fix the crack in his badge
wait a minute...
crack?
Thats it, he'd become a crackhead and make a lot of money doing crack cocaine becuase peple get money from crack all the time. its genuis!
"but first, i need some startup capital" he said, already fromulating a plan
-later-
pheionx stood outside the bank and put his daughter's magic underwear on his head (he was too poor to aford a real mask). He took out his gun and cocked it.
"Its time..." he whispered softly.
He kicked open the door to the bank. "This is a robbery!" he screamed "EVERYBODY DIE" and he started shooting random people. Then he stole a huge sack of money and ran down the street to an abadoned alley way in search of illict drugs.
"hello i'd like crack please" said pheonix to a guy, presenting his sack
"okay" said the dealer and he traded the sack of money for a big bag of crack
after the delaer left, phinicks slid down the alley wall and took the panties off his head. he opened the crack.
"Okay i have crack now" he said. "now to smoke all this crack and wait for the cash to start flowing in" and he smokey every last drop of cack until it was all gone. he underwent cardiac arest an almost died but then he revived.
"wait a minute i smokey all this crack but no money?" he asked. he grew anger. he felt betreyed an lied to by society. it was time for revenge. he took out his gun and hunted down the guy who had sold him drugs and destoryed his innocents.
"whoa put that gun down" said the dealer
"NO" said Phoeinx "Give me my money back!"
"cant bud" say the guy "i already used it to pay off my studint loans"
"YOU PEACE OF SHIT" said phoeinx and he shot the guy. then he heard police sirens so he ran all the way home really fast
when he got back to the Wrighte Anything Agecny, Trucy and Apollo were doing something bad with eachother THAT'S RIGHT they were holding hands. But Pheonix was too concerned about making money to support his family and getting his badge back to notice or quite frankly give a fuck.
"screw it" said phoenix "I'll just steal someone else's badge." And he went to the computer and typed into google search "places where i can kill ppl and steal their defense attorney bagde"
he looked at the results
"hmm this looks promiseing" he said thoguhtfully. he cliked the first link and it took him to the Marten Grossburg law offices webzone. there was a page dedicated to all the lawers working at the office. he cliked on Grossburg's name and it took him to his proifle
name: Martin Grossburg
age: 76
lawer skill: hemmoroids
badge: yes
"jackpot" phoenix said softly as he read this last item. he slipped on his coat and deposited the gun in the pocket and left the office.
-the offices of Marten Grossberg-
grossburg was being fat and old in his office when ALL OF A SUDDENLY phoenix wright kicked down the door and pointed the gun at martle
"Give me your badge" wright said, cryin salty tears of rage. "Give it to me now i need it"
"now now now" said grossburg soothingly "whats all this about my boy?"
"SHUT UP" and there was a gunshot and martin's fignernail blew up. "Next time it'll be more then your fingernail old man NOW GIVE ME YOUR BADGE AND/OR I'LL KILL YOU"
grossburg chuckled "theres no need for that my boy" he said. "i have a little surpirse for you." He took a small velvet box out of his desk
"huh?" asked wright, lowering his gun and momentarily forgeting to murder people.
"I knew your birthday was coming up, and, well, i'd thought i'd get you a little something."
"my birthday?" repeated pheonix. thats right, it was almost his b-day! he had been so worried about his badge that he had forgoten all about it.
phoenix took the box and opened it. it was... a new defense attorney badge?!
"the last time i saw your badge it seemed kinda dirty and stained so i thought you could use a new one enjoy"
"yeah sometimes i use my badge to wipe when theres no tp haha lawer problems" said phoenix. then he grew serious. "thanks, martin. i love it." he hugged grossburg and then his old badge fell out of his pocket. grossburg picked it up.
"hey, this badge isnt cracked at all" said martin. "it just has a strand of hair on it"
"wowie i guess i didnt need to shoot all those people after all"
and they laughed
because it was really funny
the end
epilog
Phoenix went to the Hicksfield Clinic and appologized to all the people who he had shot. they forgave him because the loss of his badge had basically driven him crazy and anyway it wasnt his realyl his fault, so there.
Since apolo's badge had been killed when mr. wright threw it out the window, he inherited phoenix's old poopy badge. he uses it, but he doesnt present it much because it smells
trucy continued to exist
phoenix kept his gun but he wiped his prints off so no one would ever connect him to the gun and by extension his many crimes.
and all was well in the world.
until...
the end 2