1
Nope.
Don't like him.
Self-opinionated Yank. They are all the same with their leering, double entendres, winking and crotch thrusting at any and every available person with a pulse, male or female. Nope. Certainly not my cup of tea even if my sister is smitten.
And his brother?
The great Jackson Harkness the Third?
Fucksake!
He was a supped up version of Gray. I mean, don't get me wrong. I love my sister but she was always an impulsive flake of a girl. I mean … the great Johnny Davis is the first time it was her 'forever love' and by fuck he was a dickhead of the highest order. It was a relief when she discovered the barmaid from the Frog and Horse. In their bed … with a strap-on. Personally, I would have liked photos of that but she did get a shot of him in the frilly knickers … but he's such a gormless fuck … now the kids are three and five. That lovely age of 'fuck orf' from their father and 'oh well' from their mother. I, being the generous uncle that I am, have taught them "NO" quite forcefully and they are more respectful of my shit than hers. Something she cannot understand and constantly tells people I am some sort of baby whisperer of something, they just do ANYTHING I say without the language or attitude. Yes sissy. It's called parenting. For someone that will likely never have his own snot monster, I seem adept at this.
Anyway … after less than a year of her wailing and bemoaning the fact no one will ever want an overweight … she's not really. Just nice and chunky ya know? … single mother in her thirties. Now … at 31, I think she is overdoing the middle aged spiel. I myself am almost 26 and if she asks me one more time about my 'baby clock' again I will be forced to explain that I do not have a vagina let alone a womb and no idea how to grow one since I cannot sire one either.
So here I sit, the day of her wedding to her new fella, his best man and older brother currenlty working the room with the same smarmy grin his younger brother is currently giving my sister.
"Hi there handsome"
Oh god. He's here. What do I say?
"Hello yourself Captain Sexy Pants"
What the fuck was that? What? WHY! What? I said that?
Jack's face seemed to change for a moment and I wondered if I had overstepped the mark, the shock evident as I rose from the chair to become eye to eye with the man. Gods, he smells great. His brother doesn't have his… magnetism. It's quite … wow.
"I need to check the kids, it's gone quiet" I think of a good excuse and he nods, and then to my horror decides to come with. Really? Not your problem is it? We head to the back patio doors and both look out, both of us seeing at the same time and I do admit, it was a surprise when we both simultaneously say quietly "fuck."
"DAVID!" I find my teacher's voice "YOU LITTLE SHIT STAIN!"
Said shit stain is moving fast, heading for the tree as his sister sits in the garden unaware that she is sans a pigtail … left side for those wondering . The other little girl sitting with her is equally surprised to be holding said pigtail and if not for the fact we just saw him slap it into her hand this might have played out differently.
The sweet little girl looks at the pigtail and in an act of complete loveliness tries to poke it back onto my niece's head, confused as to how it may have come off in the first place.
"Alice!" Jack swoops and snatches up the sweet little girl with the dark hair, holding her up and asking if she is OK, then accepting the pigtail that she is now clearly alarmed by, her little brain having worked out that this is bad. Really bad.
I get to my 'own' child as her hand reaches up to touch the side of her head, finding little tufts of hair and no pigtail, her eyes widening as she turns to look at the pigtail in his hand with surprise.
David is nowhere to be seen.
I am livid.
I turn and hand off the little one to her mother who now sees the horror that her spawn has inflicted on his little sister.
"Oh my god, my baby!"
"Yes. Yes, the Gods will help for sure" I mutter as I stride for the tree "no doubt they will once their laughter is under control, they may smite the little shit for me. DAVID LEYLAND DAVIES GET YOUR ARSE DOWN HERE BEFORE I COME UP AFTER YOU!"
"You hate heights" came a faint, yet accurate reply.
"Really?" Jack's voice surprisingly close as he rushes past, pulling off the lovely period Great Coat he had pulled on when coming outside "I love heights me. Ready? I'm coming for you."
Maybe I should be worried for my nephew but seriously … that man has a great arse. Removing his suit jacket for me to hold as well, and then starting up that tree, gave me a great view.
Fuck me.
OK.
Maybe he is a bit of fun.