QL Reserve League - S6, R3 (90's Nostalgia) - Beater 2 (Love Is All Around Me - Wet Wet Wet) [Optional prompts: (colour) mauve, (object) jumper/sweater]

Are You Crazy Enough To Do It? Challenge: 720. (random prompt) I can't be who you want me to be

WC. 4019

Surrounded by Love

The Dai Lewellyn ward at St. Mungo's hospital cast an eerie silence in the aftermath of the war. Six patients, all war victims, had been brought there due to werewolf-induced injuries. Two had passed shortly after, their injuries too severe to recover from. Two had already been released three weeks later with a potion to continue salving the injuries. They had been lucky to escape with superficial gashes and were expected to make a full recovery. The fifth patient had been actually bitten and by next week, would have to be transferred to an isolation ward to endure his first transformation.

As for the sixth… well, they just didn't know yet. Her face had been ripped apart so viciously no one had been able to identify her until two weeks later. Her throat had been torn out, her hands, arms, legs and body all clawed in a manner that even the Healers considered it cruel to let her live. If she were to recover, if she had been lucky enough to have not been made a werewolf, what fate would await the poor young woman who lay in the far bed? A student, they guessed, for she wore the Gryffindor House robes when they'd received her near-lifeless body.

In the days following the war, many desperate family members — parents, mostly — had shown up desperately, searching for their children they had begged not to fight in the first place. The Healers had taken each and every one to the girl, but all had looked down, appalled, shook their heads, and walked away.

It wasn't until three days after she'd been brought in, when they'd managed to clean her wounds, wash her hair and dress her in a clean hospital gown, did someone come for her. A distraught woman and her just as distraught husband came in, sobbing and asking, "Is Lavender here? Is she here?"

Like every other parent, the Healers had taken her to the girl — the now only unidentified victim of the war. The couple had taken one look at her and broken into loud sobs that echoed out of the ward and down the corridor.

"Our poor girl," the woman had cried. "Our poor Lavender."

Lavender Brown had not woken in the three days after the war, nor had she in the following three weeks. Her parents stayed by her side at all times, holding her hand, helping to keep her clean. The Healers watched on as they cried, begged for her to wake up, for her to not leave them — their only daughter. It was hard to bear, but nothing more could be done for her. Lavender's fate now rested in her own hands. If she woke, then perhaps she would be okay. Or, perhaps Mr and Mrs Brown would now have a werewolf as a daughter. It was hard to tell.

…

Four weeks after the war, only she remained in the ward. The werewolf had been moved away, while all waited nervously as the full moon approached to see what fate was in store for Lavender. With bated breaths, they stood around her bed — Healers with restraints just in case — as the moon rose. They waited, but nothing happened. She didn't move, apart from the slow rise and fall of her chest. As the hours wore on, the tension released.

It was safe to say that Lavender Brown was not a werewolf. Now all that needed to happen was for her to wake up.

…

The very next day, she received another visitor. Mr and Mrs Brown did not recognise the tall, lanky boy who spoke with an Irish accent, but when he introduced himself, they welcomed him into the room.

Seamus Finnigan was a boy Lavender had spoken fondly of over the years, and upon seeing her, he looked on with great concern for their daughter. He apologised for not visiting sooner, but word had only just gotten out that she was here. He'd been told that she had passed in the war, but her body had never been found, which had alerted him to the fact that maybe she was still alive.

It had been Harry Potter, of all people, who had told Seamus that he had last seen Lavender alive, when his friend, Hermione Granger, had attacked the werewolf who had hurt her. Asking around some more, and he had discovered she was in the hospital and had come straight away.

He wasn't repulsed by her appearance — hardly recognisable from the Lavender they all knew — but looked affectionately upon her. He even took her hand in his and kissed the top of it.

Mr and Mrs Brown shared a look. Was this Finnigan boy a friend to Lavender, or was he something more? It didn't matter now, whatever it was. At least she had someone apart from them.

Nodding to one another, they left the room, both of them leaving for the first time in a month.

…

He didn't know where her parents had gone, but Seamus had stayed by Lavender's side for a good hour. He'd sat in the uncomfortable wooden chair, holding onto her hand for the whole time. Occasionally, he spoke to her, telling her how brave she was, how he'd like her to wake up, or other nonsense he was glad Mr and Mrs Brown weren't there to hear.

He was just about to stand up to go for a walk and stretch his legs when he felt a jolt against his hand.

"Lavender?" he said, getting to his feet.

There it was again. The feeling of her trying to pull her hand free.

"Lavender?"

She was blinking. Her eyes were moving through closed eyelids. Then the other hand moved and went straight to her bandaged throat.

Finally, her eyes fluttered open.

"Oh, Merlin, Lavender. You're awake." Seamus looked around the room, but it was just the two of them.

Lavender looked up at him, confusion on her face. She opened her mouth to speak, but all that came out was a raspy cough. Her eyes widened with fear.

"Stay there, Lav," he said. "I'll-I'll get someone!" He ran from the room, running into Mr and Mrs Brown halfway down the hall.

"Seamus?" Mrs Brown looked terrified, as if she thought he was coming to tell her bad news.

"She's… she's awake!"

All three of them ran back into the room to find Lavender staring around, petrified. Her eyes fell on her visitors, and once again she tried to speak, but nothing came out.

"Shh," Mrs Brown soothed, hurrying to claim Seamus' chair and hand-holding duty. "Shh, Sweetheart. You're okay. It's okay."

Tears rolled down Lavender's face as she stared between them all. Her hands once again went to her throat before she broke down in silent sobs.

…

It had been his voice that had brought her back. She'd heard it, she'd been waiting for it. The voice that had kept her sane throughout the worst year at Hogwarts ever. The one that had comforted her when she'd been caught smuggling students out of detention, and told her she was important even if she didn't feel it.

The one that said I love you.

He was speaking again, but he wasn't calm anymore. He was panicked, excited. He was gone.

She called for him, but nothing came out. Where was her voice? Her whole throat ached.

Then her parents were there. Her mother hugging her, soothing her. She was a child again.

But why couldn't she speak?

…

She'd never be able to speak again.

The Healers said the werewolf who had attacked her had ripped her throat apart; along with every other part of her body that existed. She wasn't a werewolf, but she may experience some tendencies. Maybe the full moon would bother her. No one knew.

She'd been brave, Seamus told her. She's fought valiantly in the war and against Fenrir. A true Gryffindor.

It had been Hermione Granger who had saved her, apparently. Why? Lavender would never know, but she owed Hermione her life. She owed a lot to Hermione. And to Harry. And to Ron. They all did.

They'd been heroes.

…

She had all the ones important to her, with her, except one.

Parvati came to see her a week after she'd woken up. The war had been hectic, many people had died. Parvati was sorry she'd not come sooner, but that didn't matter.

Lavender may not have been able to say it, but she was grateful for her friend being there now. Tears rolling down her cheeks, she reached out and squeezed Parvati's hand. Parvati squeezed back.

I love you, it said. Thank you.

…

"Hey."

Lavender looked up, smiling as Seamus came into her sight. He'd visited her every day for the past month, always bringing her updated news about what was happening in the recovery.

Hogwarts was still being cleaned and repaired.

Funerals were still being held.

Dean was good.

The media wouldn't leave Harry, Hermione and Ron alone. Harry had gone into hiding from the world for a few weeks to avoid it. Only Hermione and Ron seemed to know where he was.

The world was starting to slowly get back to normal. Diagon Alley was open again.

This time, Seamus held something behind his back. She looked at him, questioning.

He seemed nervous as he sat down in his favourite chair and took out a small mirror.

The panic set in. She shook her head, turning away from him. No. The Healers had already tried. Her parents had tried. Even Parvati had tried.

Now, it seemed Seamus had given in also.

"You're beautiful, Lav," he said, pained by her tears. "Please look."

But she wouldn't. Couldn't. Everything she was told, that her injuries were horrific. She'd be scarred for life. Her looks had always been important to her; a good feature — maybe her only good feature. What was the point except to cause her even more pain?

Seamus set the mirror on the table beside her bed. "It's there for when you're ready," was all he said.

…

"You're beautiful, Lav."

The words had played in her mind long after Seamus had gone home for the night. She'd finally convinced her parents — silently — that she'd be okay alone and they should also go home.

She sat up in her bed in the empty ward and reached for her wand. It had been returned to her a few days earlier, found in the clean-up process at Hogwarts by none other than Ron Weasley. He'd recognised it, apparently. Maybe he actually had paid some kind of attention to her, after all.

She lit it and picked up the mirror Seamus had left there. Part of her was tempted to smash it. Another part was scared. Yet, one small part was curious.

She held it in her hand, flipping it over and over, her heart pounding in her chest. She couldn't avoid it forever, she knew that. Sooner or later, she'd have to look.

She hovered the light over it and then turned it to face her.

The mirror fell from her hand and smashed on the floor. She cried herself to sleep that night.

"You're beautiful, Lav."

…

I believe I have you to thank for saving my life.

She'd taken to writing her thoughts down. Seamus had brought her a simple chalkboard that she could use to communicate. Her hands were bandaged and scarred, but they still functioned.

Hermione Granger stared down at the writing and nodded, tears in her eyes. She did rounds at the hospital, delivering goods to the war victims still here, apparently, and had decided to pay Lavender a visit. It was strange, yet comforting to know that she was still thought about.

Thank you, Lavender wrote.

"I did what anyone would have done," Hermione whispered. "I'm glad you're okay."

I'm alive, was what Lavender wrote. She wasn't okay.

…

"You are well enough to go home now, Lavender."

"Oh, that's wonderful news!" her mother cried, hugging Lavender's father. "Our baby girl, finally coming home."

Three months she'd been here, and in those three months she'd gone through daily doses of awful potions, three full moons that made her feel like death itself, and intense therapy. She now went on daily walks through the hospital, accompanied by her parents, Seamus or Parvati. She'd come to know many of the patients, including war victims who were expected to have longer stays than her — or some who would probably never leave. Part of her felt grateful that she could at least live a partially normal life. But at least the others didn't have hideous scars all over her body.

The mirror had become easier over time, but she still hated what she saw every time she looked into it. Once upon a time there had been a confident, pretty girl staring back at her. Now, all she saw was a mess of cuts, bruises and sadness that would never heal.

Where's Seamus? she wrote on the chalkboard. He should be there to hear the news. So he'd know not to come to the hospital to see her.

"We will be sure to let him know, Sweetheart," her mother said. "In fact, your father will go and send an owl right away."

Lavender couldn't help but smile as her father sent her mother an accusatory look, before slumping out of the ward to go to the hospital's personal post office.

Her mother helped her back her bags and before she knew it she was leaving the Dai Lewellyn ward for the very last time.

I hope I never have to come back, she thought as she stepped over the threshold and into the hall.

…

"So, it's like this?" Seamus made the hand gesture for 'hello'.

Lavender nodded, smiling. They sat on her bed, legs crossed and facing each other. He was looking rather nice in his mauve Gryffindor sweater.

Six months and she rarely used her chalkboard now. She could sign. Her parents had gone to the Muggle classes with her. It was only Seamus who still needed to see it in writing.

"And, have I got this one right?"

He signed again.

She nodded and signed back, her smile widening. Trust him to know that one before a basic hello.

He kissed her.

I love you, too.

…

I can't be who you want me to be.

"Lavender, Sweetheart, we aren't —"

I'm not the same as I was. Please accept that.

"We think it will be good for you."

No.

"All your friends will be there."

I only have Seamus and Parvati. I see them everyday, almost.

"What about Harry Potter? And that Hermione Granger? They were in your House, your year."

They aren't my friends. Never were.

"Yes, but didn't you and Ron Weasley -"

I have no other friends. I'm not going.

Seamus and Parvati would tell her about the one year memorial service. She couldn't face the school she had once loved, again.

…

"People were asking about you," Seamus said that evening. He was looking a nice sight in black dress robes and his hair slicked back. It was a change from his usual scruffy look she loved so much.

"You should have come, Lav," Parvati added. She was also beautiful in a blood red dress and her hair tied back in a tricky braid. Lavender would have given everything to look like her.

I couldn't.

Seamus and Parvati shared a look. Sad, unsure. They'd tried. Her parents had tried. They had all failed.

She was ugly. More than ugly.

Hideous.

…

"When will you accept it?" Seamus said. He sat on her bed, watching as she applied all the Blemish charms she knew, all over her body. It made little difference, but it made her feel slightly better.

She turned to face him. Accept what?

"That you're still beautiful. People think you're brave, you know… Lavender, it's been eighteen months and you haven't left the house once." He reached out his hands, which she accepted, and he pulled her onto his lap. "You won't even let me see you."

Lavender turned away, shamefaced. He had been nothing but supportive of her. He'd stuck by her, and she trusted him more than most. But she still didn't trust him enough to see her completely. He'd hate what he saw. The criss-crossing of bites and permanent scratches all over her body, leaving more injured skin than there was unharmed skin.

He traced a finger down the side of her face, following the scar all the way down to her neck, her throat. "You can trust me," he murmured, kissing her.

You will hate me.

"I could never hate you, Lav." He'd become so good at understanding her sign language now, there was no hiding. He kissed her again. "I love you more and more each day. Your bravery astounds me. I just want you to see yourself for who you are, not what you think you are."

She watched him. She let him kiss her, his lips touching each point a new scar started on her face, on her neck… She jumped up.

"Sor—" But he stopped, watching as she slowly removed his mauve sweater, the turtle neck. She stepped out of her jeans. She was so exposed, so vulnerable, but he was right. She could trust him.

He stared up at her, his eyes scanning every inch of her. She waited for the repulsion to come, but it didn't. Instead, he stood up, took two steps towards her and engulfed her in a deep, passionate kiss that she had never experienced before.

Her heart lurched into her throat, as she knew what he was asking her. He wanted her. Why?

"I love you," he murmured as he pulled her onto the bed. "You are so beautiful, and I love you. Never forget that."

…

"Harry's getting married. To Ginny." He waved the invitation in front of her. "You can come."

It isn't addressed to me. She pointed at the single name in black ink. Seamus Finnigan.

"But I can bring a date," Seamus said. "And you're my date."

She hesitated. A wedding would require her to wear something that revealed everything. Exposing herself to Seamus was one thing, but three years had not given her enough time to want to do that for everyone else. Still, when she went out she covered herself. People would still stare.

He knew what she was thinking. "These people are different, Lav. They're our friends. They won't judge. They ask of your wellbeing often."

I don't really want to go.

He was disappointed, and she hated letting him down. But he nodded. He knew what it was like to be with her. She was hard work, but he chose to stay anyway.

Maybe next time, yeah? he signed.

Maybe.

…

Four years together. He'd loved her for four years without running away. It had been somewhat of a miracle.

Now he was in their room on bended knee, asking her an important question. He had a stunning ring and everything.

"Last year, you said maybe to the next wedding. Now you have no choice."

I could say no.

He smiled, because he knew she couldn't say no. Never.

I'll marry you.

He kissed her.

…

She had always dreamed of a big wedding with everyone there to see her on her special day. She'd pictured herself in a beautiful dress, her hair all golden and flowing. Flowers in her hair, her makeup charmed to stay.

That had been a teenage fantasy.

She had everything she needed now. Her dress was beautiful, and her golden hair flowed down her back in soft ringlets. She'd handpicked the flowers in her hair.

But it wasn't the big wedding she'd always dreamed of. Seamus, Parvati, her parents, and Seamus' mum - the only ones she had to courage to let see her as she was.

It was perfect. They were married now. She couldn't have been happier.

…

He handed her the invitation without saying anything. This time it was addressed to both of them.

"You're not just my date this time," he said. "You're my wife and you're coming."

Five years she'd managed to avoid letting people see her, but that had been enough. She was still self-conscious, still terrified, but Seamus had been right. These were people who knew her. Friends, if she must (though she was only invited because she was married to Seamus, she was sure of it). No one looked - well, not in the way she expected. They looked because they were glad to see her.

She'd still dressed modestly, but not like she once had. The marks on her arms were visible, and those on her face were always there.

"Thank you for coming," Hermione Granger (or was it Granger-Weasley now? Weasley?) had said to her late in the evening. "You look great, by the way."

Lavender smiled and nodded. Thank you, she signed. She wasn't sure if Hermione could understand, but she seemed to get the gist.

There was a lot more Lavender wished to say to her, but she simply couldn't without Seamus to translate for her. And he was off somewhere.

But she could never forget (and never would) that Hermione was the reason she was here at all.

…

Jasmine Aine Finnigan.

Her birth had been a miracle within itself. Not because people who had been bitten could not have children, but because every part of her had been destroyed that the Healers had said carrying children would be near impossible.

Little Jasmine was a miracle. But the love of her life.

My sweet, little girl. I will love you forever.

…

Three years later she was blessed with two more miracles. The Healers had been even more shocked than the first time.

Twins!

Lucian Seamus Finnigan and Quenton Patrick Finnigan were the apple of her eye. Sweet little boys who smiled and gurgled at every little thing. Oh, how she loved her little family that a few years ago had been considered impossible.

Jasmine would run up to her, hug her and plant kisses on her cheek.

"I love you, Mummy," she would say. She didn't even notice how Lavender looked. Lavender was just Mummy; her Mummy.

"See," Seamus would say as Jasmine fell asleep curled up against her, the twins in their cots. "You are so loved."

And she would smile. This was not how she'd thought her life would turn out, but Merlin was it good. Ten years ago, stuck in a hospital bed and revolted by what she looked like, she wished this Lavender would have gone back in time to tell her everything was going to be okay.

As she laid with her husband and little girl in bed with her, her boys a short distance away, she fell asleep without thinking about how ugly she was.

Tonight, she fell asleep knowing only how lucky she was to have so much love in her life.

…

He laid beside her, hands touching every scar on her. It didn't hurt anymore, and it didn't bother her anymore either. He'd seen them over and over and over again.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered, pressing kisses on her forehead, her temple, her chin… her neck. "You've always been beautiful."

So many people had said that to her in her life. First her parents, then Parvati when they had met at Hogwarts. Now Seamus.

Twenty years ago she had been given a fate. For the years following, she had allowed it to control her. Now, she knew better.

She turned over to face him, smiling. He placed a kiss on her forehead and as if his point hadn't been made clear before, he said again, "You're beautiful."

It had taken twenty years, but she was at a place now where she was happy with who she was. Entirely.

As he resumed his kisses, she closed her eyes and signed, I know I am.

Thank you to Shay for beta-ing for me and picking up all the times I forgot Lavender couldn't talk (was only twice, I did well). I really like Lavender. She's one of my favourite characters, so this was fun to write. I hope you enjoyed it!