Disclaimer: The characters of Supernatural do not belong to me.
A/N: So, this story literally came to me in the form of a dream and wouldn't let go of me until I wrote it. As is the case in 80% of my stories now, Sam has left hunting and has a family. In this version, his daughter is seven, and is waiting for a kidney transplant to save her life. Sam rolls through a few memories as he's waiting through Natalie's surgery, before finally meeting the person that donated their kidney to Natalie.
I am planning to continue this story, but it will take some time. I pictured this chapter taking three days to write, and it ended up taking three times that amount of time. I also have to work on another story I'm still finishing. For those that read my Kayla story-I am still working on it, I swear. I'm getting back to her after posting this.
Thanks and enjoy!
The room had been full of visitors every day. The sound of Natalie's hospital monitors didn't even faze him anymore. The first time Natalie had spent a few days in the hospital, Sam hadn't slept for nightmares in which he couldn't get away from the sound of the constant beeps and buzzes and intercom pages. Now, he didn't care. All he cared about was the precious little girl lying on the bed.
Sam and his wife, Jackie, had become accustomed to spending days and nights apart. Sam worked as a night class professor at the local law school, spending almost all of his days with the sick Natalie. Jackie was a nurse in the very hospital they were in now, so she would stop by on her breaks and spend time with Natalie and Sam.
Natalie turned a little on the bed and squeezed her stuffed shark, and Sam's nerves caused him to jump out of the chair. He was standing next to her bed, checking all her monitors, before he realized that Natalie had simply adjusted her position on the bed. She wasn't waking up, she wasn't in distress, she wasn't having a nightmare. Even though the past two years had been spent more in hospitals than at their own home, Sam marveled at Natalie's ability to sleep on a hospital bed. She was as comfortable as she could possibly be there, while Sam still found it impossible to get any rest.
Sam sat at the edge of the bed and took a long look at Natalie. Their lives were at a turning point now, and Sam found himself almost fearing the possibility of having the normal life he'd craved for so long.
Natalie had not one, but two rare conditions. She'd been born with only one kidney. Natalie's pediatrician had told Sam and Jackie, over and over, the first year of Natalie's life, that she was a perfectly normal baby that just happened to not have one of her kidneys. As long as the kidney remained healthy, Natalie had a good chance of living a perfectly normal life.
The problems started after Natalie's first birthday. With Jackie working day shifts at the hospital, and Sam teaching at night, he became the one that changed the majority of diapers. At first, he thought he was just seeing things. Natalie didn't seem too uncomfortable, and was happy and smiling every day. But there was a noticeable decline in the number of diapers Sam changed. Natalie went from five to six diaper changes a day down to three. The diapers Sam did change were either bone dry or so full they were leaking.
Doctor after doctor told Sam the same thing. Every baby was different. Natalie was growing up, and her diaper habits were changing. One doctor had even told Sam that he should be happy about it, as less full diapers usually meant a child was ready for potty training. Jackie, being a nurse, was frustratingly calm about the entire thing, telling Sam he was worrying over nothing.
Things had come to a climax the night before Natalie's second birthday. Sam had finally decided he was being overprotective, and was making an effort to relax. He'd planned out Natalie's birthday party and had all the decorations up, when their lives came to a screeching halt. Natalie woke up, screaming and calling for her daddy. Sam had picked her up and tried to comfort her, but the phrase she kept repeating when he'd accomplished the Herculean feat of calming her down haunted him to that day.
"Hurts lots, Daddy. Hurts lot"
"Hurts lots" was certainly a fitting description of their life from that point forward. Natalie was in the hospital for nearly a week after that, as the doctors tried to find out what was wrong with her. The diagnosis was so simple that Sam had to seriously resist the urge to turn to everyone, from the doctors that had told him Natalie was fine to Jackie, and say 'I told you so'.
Natalie's one kidney was failing.
It was failing slowly but steadily, little by little every day. The doctors had no idea why, and even as Sam adjusted Natalie's blanket that night, there was still no explanation. Natalie had woken up screaming that night because her body held so much waste it couldn't get rid of that Natalie's kidneys were bursting at the seams.
Dialysis, doctor's visits, a seemingly endless mountain of prescriptions and insurance paperwork and phone calls, and a struggle to raise Natalie in as normal a way as was possible with her condition became their life. Sam cut back to two night classes per semester and took on extra work as a grader for several other professors. Jackie kept her full time job as a nurse so that the two of them would have connections at the hospital if Natalie's condition worsened.
Medications and dialysis slowed the progression of Natalie's condition immensely. But, for Sam, it was almost like slow torture. While Natalie was doing slightly better day to day, she was still getting worse and worse as time went on. The worst was the fatigue. Natalie was so tired some days that she slept upwards of twelve hours or more. Sam had to force her to wake up to eat meals or bathe or work on her schoolwork. The ultimate goal in Natalie's treatment was a kidney transplant.
But even the kidney transplant came with complications. The doctors had adamantly refused to perform a kidney transplant until Natalie was at least fifty pounds and six years old. She just wasn't, in their opinion, strong enough to survive surgery until she reached that age and weight. Another problem came with the fact that Natalie was adopted. She was the biological daughter of Jackie's best friend, who'd been struck by a drunk driver while out taking a walk at nine months pregnant. Jackie had begged Sam to become Natalie's foster parents, and keep her until they found a family for her. Sam, who was already attached to Natalie after a mere few hours with her, had shocked Jackie with his response of she's already found a family. Natalie's biological mother, Tina, had no other family of her own, so finding a match from a biological family member was out.
"Hey."
Sam jumped and was surprised that he didn't wake Natalie. "You scared the hell out of me."
"Sorry."
"You done for the night?"
"Yep." Jackie said. She handed Sam a cup of coffee that was in her hand. "I brought you this. Had a feeling you weren't sleeping."
"Thanks."
"How's she doing?"
"She fell straight to sleep." Sam said. "The doctor came to see me a couple hours ago. She goes in for surgery at eight."
"That soon?" Jackie asked, checking the clock. It's not even been half a day."
"He said they had to go on and do it. The longer they wait, the less viable the kidney is."
"Wow." Jackie smiled. "Just think. Everything's about to change."
Before Sam could respond, a small voice came from the bed. "Mommy?"
"Hey, you." Jackie said. "How you feeling?"
"Did Daddy tell you?"
"He did. You go into surgery in a little bit. You scared?"
"No." Natalie said, though she squeezed her shark, a sure sign to both her parents that she was scared.
"I know you're a big brave girl, but can I lay down with you?" Jackie asked.
"Daddy? You too?"
"You got it, kiddo."
Once the three of them were lying down, Natalie started picking at her stuffed shark. The clock was winding down to the time for the surgeon to come in, and Natalie was trying her best to put up a brave front.
"Hey. How you feeling?" Jackie asked again. "You sure you're not scared?"
"I've had surgery before, Mommy." Natalie said. "It doesn't scare me."
"Well, talk to me. Please. What's going on in your head?"
"I just don't want to be sick anymore."
"I have an idea." Jackie said. "Natty, tell me something. What is the first thing you're gonna want to do?"
"When?"
"When you get out of the hospital? Come on, think of something. Anything you want to do that you couldn't do before."
"We'll do it?"
"We'll see." Sam said. "We'll see if we can."
"Think about it. You want to go on a vacation? You want to go out to eat somewhere? Maybe ice cream? Come on, tell me."
"I don't want to hurt Daddy's feelings."
A surprised Sam sat up slightly and looked down at Natalie. "You don't want to hurt my feelings? What does that mean?"
"With what I want to do. Once I'm better."
"What is it, honey? You can't know if you don't ask."
"I want to go to school." Natalie said. "Real school. With other kids."
Sam and Jackie took a look at each other. Sam had homeschooled Natalie from the time she started kindergarten. It was much easier for Sam to keep her at home and organize her education on top of her medical condition and his own job rather than pulling her in and out of school. Sam knew she wanted friends, that she wanted to be around other kids that weren't sick like her, but it just wasn't practical. Not then, anyway.
"Hey. Look at me."
Natalie looked up towards Sam, daring herself to be hopeful.
"If you promise me that after your surgery's over tomorrow that you'll work hard on your recovery, and if there's no complications from it that make the doctor say it's not a good idea, then we'll enroll you in school in the fall."
Natalie smiled. "You promise?"
"Promise." Sam said.
"You wouldn't miss me?" Natalie asked. "I could stay home if you want me to."
"If that's what you want, baby, that's what we'll do." Sam said. "I will miss you at home, but if that's what'll make you happy, I'm happy."
The minutes seemed to tick by faster and faster from that point. Half an hour before eight, the surgeon came in. As Natalie was prepped and Sam and Jackie took turns holding her hand, Sam was suddenly bombarded with flashbacks. He knew almost every moment of Natalie's seven years of life so far, and they were all flooding back.
Four Years Old
"Daddy?"
Sam looked up from his lesson plans, down to Natalie, who for once was feeling fine. Her color was good, she wasn't nauseous or hurting, and she was actually wanting to play. Sam had sent her outside a few minutes before to play, promising to come out with her when he was done preparing for his class that night.
"I'm coming in just a minute, sweetie. Promise."
"Can I ask you a question first?"
"Of course. What is it?" Sam asked, sorting his notes together as he talked.
"What's a kidney?"
Sam stopped what he was doing immediately. "What was that?"
"What's a kidney?"
"Why do you want to know, baby?"
"I heard you and Mommy talking while you were making me lunch." Natalie said.
Sam could've, as Dean would've put it, kicked his own ass at that point. He'd called Jackie while making Natalie's peanut butter and jelly for lunch. Jackie hadn't answered, and Sam had simply left a voicemail asking if Jackie had heard anything about a trial medication for kidney failure he'd seen on an ad in the middle of a magazine. Apparently, Natalie had not only been listening, but her little brain had been turning ever since.
Sam picked up Natalie and sat her on the kitchen counter. Natalie was a little afraid at first. Daddy sat her up here when he had to talk to her about something serious, and usually it was when she was in trouble for something. Sam explained that she wasn't in trouble, he just wanted to show her something. He pointed at her back, and explained that her kidney was located back there. It was supposed to take all the bad stuff out of your body and clean it when you went to the bathroom. Sam prayed she wouldn't ask what she asked next. But Natalie was smart, and that brain continued to turn.
"But I don't have to go to the bathroom a lot."
"I know." Sam said.
"So, you were asking Mommy about a medicine for my kidney."
"That's right." Sam told her. As much as he dreaded it, he decided now was as good a time as any to tell Natalie the truth. "Most people are born with two kidneys, but for some reason you only have one. And the one you have…"
"Doesn't work."
"It works a little, but not like it's supposed to."
"Is that why I have to go to the doctor so much?"
"Yes." Sam said. "That machine the doctor uses? It cleans your blood like your kidneys are supposed to."
"So, if my kidney worked, I wouldn't have to do that?" Natalie asked. "I wouldn't get sick like that after we get home?"
Sam's heart twisted. Natalie dreaded going to dialysis. She put on a brave front when they were leaving, but after nearly every session, she went to bed crying because of an upset stomach. On the worse nights, she'd vomit and have no appetite for at least a day afterwards. Natalie had never refused to go, but there had been times where, if the consequences for not going hadn't been so dire, Sam might have refused to take her.
"Yes, baby. That's right."
"And is that why I can't always eat what you and Mommy and everybody else eats?"
Again, another heart twisting for Sam. He and Jackie did everything they could to eat Natalie's diet so she wouldn't feel excluded. But with her list of restrictions, it was nearly impossible to completely cut everything out, and there were times Sam had to deny her simple pleasures and it killed him.
"That's right."
"Why can't they fix me?" Natalie asked.
"The doctors are working on it." Sam explained. "You have to get a little bigger before we can try it, but you'll have an operation one day. We're going to look for someone with two healthy kidneys, who has the same type of blood as you do, and see if they're willing to give one to you so the doctor can take out your bad one and replace it."
"And I'll be able to stop going to the doctor so much? And stop being tired and sick all the time?"
"If it works, yes."
Natalie didn't say anything else, and Sam watched her digest the information. He expected more questions, but all Natalie asked was,
"Can we go play now?"
It was the moment of truth. Natalie was in her gown, prepped and ready for surgery. Sam had though he was prepared for this moment, but he wasn't. Natalie's main doctor, Dr. Emerson, stopped just outside the door to the OR.
"Okay, guys. I'm going to double check and make sure everything's ready. You've got two minutes."
"Thanks." Sam said.
"Thank you." Jackie said.
"Listen, Jackie, I hope you understand what I said about not watching the surgery…"
"I get it. You're right." Jackie said. "I'll stay with Sam."
Dr. Emerson headed towards the operating room, as Sam and Jackie took their positions next to Natalie. Both Sam and Jackie were well trained on smiling when they were terrified, so the smiles on their face hid the terror going through them.
"Hey, girlie. How you feeling? You sure you're not scared? Not even a little bit?" Jackie asked.
"I'm a big girl, Mommy. I'm not scared."
"You are a big girl." Sam said, offering Natalie a kiss on the cheek. "And Mommy and I are very proud of you."
"I'm not scared." Natalie repeated. "But Polo is."
Sam and Jackie shared a look, carefully hiding a smile. Polo was Natalie's stuffed shark, that she was still holding underneath her arm, and Natalie often claimed that he was scared when she didn't want to admit she was scared herself.
"Well, Daddy, I guess we need to say something to Polo so he's not scared."
"I guess so." Sam said. "What should we say, Nat?"
Natalie shrugged.
"Well, I would tell Polo" Jackie said, turning the battered shark towards her so she could look in his eye, "that in a minute, you two will be going to sleep, and that the second you wake up, Mommy and Daddy will be the first thing you see."
"Promise?"
"Promise." Sam and Jackie said together.
"Alright, folks." Dr. Emerson had come back out of the operating room. "We ready to go?"
"Nat, you ready?" Sam asked.
"Ready."
"Mom, Dad, one last kiss and 'I love you'." Dr. Emerson prompted.
Jackie leaned down and kissed Natalie's cheek. "I love you, kitten. Daddy and me are right out here waiting for you. Okay?"
"Okay, Mommy. Love you too."
Sam took his own turn. "Love you, kitten."
"Love you, Daddy."
"Okay. Let's go."
Natalie was wheeled into the operating room, leaving Sam and Natalie standing there in the hallway, holding on to each other. It occurred to them both that it was the first time they'd been alone in months, and despite both of their assurances to Natalie earlier, they were both scared and uncertain of what the future held.
"Let's go sit. She'll be in there a while." Sam suggested.
Coffee didn't help, breakfast didn't help. For Sam, the minutes crawled by, and for Jackie, it was the same. Jackie, who had worked all night the night before, eventually fell asleep with her head in Sam's lap, leaving Sam to sort through more memories and battle his struggling feelings.
Six Years Old
"Daddy! Daddy! Look!"
Sam turned from the stove and smiled. Natalie had just comeback from a playdate with a mom from the homeschool group Sam attended with her every week. Sam was learning to let go of Natalie a little more. Let her play with other kids, let her do things when she felt up to it that he'd been reluctant to do before. It made Natalie happier, and though it increased his anxiousness, in the end it made Sam happier too.
"What's up, kiddo?" Sam asked as Natalie gave him a hug. He took the paper from her that Natalie was so excited about. "What's this? Hey, Janice."
"Hi, Sam. Thanks for letting Natalie come over today."
"Was she good?" Sam asked. His heart sank as he read the paper-a birthday party invitation.
"She was an angel." Janice said. "The best playdate we've ever had."
"Daddy, can I go? Please, please, please?" Natalie begged.
"Baby, I'm sorry. You can't. You have dialysis that day."
Natalie's shoulders slumped, and Janice appeared regretful. "Sam, I'm sorry. We should've talked to you first…"
"It's okay." Sam assured her. "Thank you for the invite, but she can't miss that appointment."
"No, it's not okay!" Natalie objected. "Daddy…"
"We'll talk about this in a minute." Sam said. "Janice…"
"Yeah. We'll go. I'm sorry." She said again.
"Daddy, please."
"Natalie, hold on, honey." Sam turned off the pot on the stove and knelt down to Natalie. "Honey, I'm sorry, but you can't miss your appointment."
"I've never been to another kid's birthday party before. Daddy, please, please let me go."
"No." Sam said, firmly but not without compassion. "Honey, I'm sorry. I know you want to do this, but we can't miss your appointment."
"We can go do it at the hospital that night." Natalie said. "Dr. Emerson said we could if we needed to."
"That was only in an emergency." Sam pointed out. "If you were sick on a day when you weren't supposed to have a treatment."
"Can we ask him? Call him and see if we can go Sunday instead of Saturday?"
Sam wanted so badly to say yes. He wanted to tell Natalie she didn't have to go, that she could wait until her Monday treatment. He wanted to give her that two hours to be a kid, to play around with a group of other kids and have fun, rather than having to be at the dialysis center with a needle sticking out of her as a machine cycled her blood and cleaned it. Feeling like a true bastard for denying this to Natalie, but having no other choice, Sam swallowed back a lump and told her again.
"No. You can't go. I'm sorry. If you're feeling up to it, we can go to the park Sunday…"
"NO!" Natalie screamed.
"What is going on in here?"
Natalie pulled away from Sam and ran to her mother, clinging to her leg and blubbering in a way that Jackie couldn't understand.
"Natalie, calm down, honey. What's going on?" Jackie asked.
"She got an invitation to a birthday party Saturday." Sam explained. "I told her she couldn't go because of her appointment."
"Oh." Jackie frowned. "Honey, I'm sorry, but Daddy's right. You have to go…"
Natalie pulled away, stood in the middle of the kitchen and let out another scream. Sam and Jackie were stunned. Though she was seven years old, Natalie had never thrown a full blown tantrum. She was like any other child, and at times refused to do as she was told, didn't act very nicely, and did other childish things. Sam didn't hesitate to act. He grabbed both of Natalie's arms and spoke clearly, his voice firm and decisive.
"Natalie, you have two choices. Calm down and listen to me or get sent to your room for the rest of the night. What's your choice?"
Natalie continued to fight against her father, trying to get away and continue her tantrum. Sam tried another warning, but when Natalie still continued, Sam did something he'd only done a few times before. He swatted Natalie, three times, just hard enough to finally force her to pay attention.
"Natalie, stop it. Stop it and stop it now. Are you ready to listen to me?"
"Daddy…"
"No. Listen to me or go to your room for the rest of the night. What's it going to be?"
"I'll listen." Natalie said.
"I get that you are frustrated. I know you why you want to go to this party. I do understand. I am not saying no to be mean. But we can't move your appointment. The dialysis center is full, and if we don't go when we're supposed to, you do not get treated. If you don't get treated, you get sicker. Do you understand?"
"I'm gonna get sick anyway. Why can't I at least have some fun first?"
Sam nearly faltered. He couldn't deny it. Natalie never failed to be nauseous and achy after dialysis. It had been a grueling process for the entire three years Natalie had gone. She'd be treated, be okay for two to four hours, then be sick that night and sometimes into the next morning. Her doctors had tried to give her medication to lessen the severity of her side effects, but it still happened every time.
"I know you'll be sick, honey. I know. And I wish I could do something to stop you from being sick afterwards. But if we miss your appointment, you will get even sicker. I'm sorry, baby. You can't go. Okay?"
Natalie nodded. "Okay."
"One more thing." Sam said. "You can be as mad at me as you want. You are allowed to be angry, you are allowed to be frustrated, you are allowed to feel however you feel. But you are not, for any reason, allowed to scream at me or your mother. If you do it again, I don't care how mad you are or how bad you're feeling, you will sit in time out. If you keep doing it, you will get a spanking. A lot more than the three swats I just gave you. Do you hear me?"
"Yes, Daddy."
"Do you have something to say to me and your mother?"
"I'm sorry."
"I forgive you. Mommy?"
"Apology accepted."
"Okay." Sam gave Natalie a hug, but it didn't escape his attention that she didn't return it. Attempting to cheer her up, he pointed to the pot on the stove. "I'm making your favorite."
"Chili?" Natalie asked.
"Yep."
"Thanks." Natalie said with no enthusiasm.
"Why don't you go wash up? You want to help me plan next week's dinner?"
"Sure."
"Go ahead." Sam said. "Dinner in ten minutes."
Natalie left to go to the bathroom and wash her hands, sniffling on the way out. Sam and Jackie eyed each other, neither one speaking. Sam stood up and went to finish up, then decided to follow Jackie out to the bathroom. What he overheard twisted his heart all over again.
"I just want friends, Mommy."
"What about Erica? The girl you went on a playdate with today? She seemed nice."
"She's mean to me."
"What do you mean she's mean to you?"
"She picks on me 'cause I don't go to school and I'm sick all the time. She pokes my scar on my arm."
"Why didn't you tell Daddy that when he asked if you wanted to go?"
"He was so happy I was going to play with somebody that I didn't want to hurt his feelings." Natalie said. "She only invited me to her birthday party because her mommy made her."
"I'm sorry, honey."
"I'm never gonna get better." Natalie said, crying again. "I'll always be sick and I'll never get to be a normal kid."
"Shh. Listen to me, sweet girl. That is not true. You will get better one day. We will find that special person that Daddy and I told you about. You just have to hang on until we do, okay?"
"You keep saying that."
"I know. I know it's hard to believe that sometimes. But we will." Jackie promised. "If Daddy and I could give you ours, we'd do it in a heartbeat."
"I'm tired of this, Mommy. I'm tired of being strong all the time when I don't feel it."
Sam didn't think it was possible for him to feel worse about telling Natalie she couldn't go to the party. But that did it. Natalie never, ever complained about her illness. She cried when she was sick or hurting, but she'd never expressed such displeasure about what her life had given her. No longer able to stand at the door listening, Sam stepped inside the small bathroom, where Jackie was sitting on the edge of the bathtub with the distraught Natalie in her lap. Sam reached up and wiped Natalie's face.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know Erica was a bully. Did she hurt you?"
"No. Just picks on me." Natalie said.
"You don't have to play with anyone that picks on you. Okay?" Sam said. Natalie nodded, and Sam continued, "And you don't have to be strong all the time either. You're still a brave kid, no matter what. Braver than me or mommy ever could be."
"Really?"
"You bet." Jackie said. "Daddy and I could never have gone through what you've been through."
"You feeling better?" Sam asked. "It's okay if not."
Natalie shook her head and made a confession she'd been afraid to make. "I'm lonely, Daddy. The only friends I have are all grown-ups. Everybody we meet my age is either mean to me or scared of me. I'm tired of being all by myself."
"Sam?"
Sam was knocked out of his daydream by Jackie, who he didn't realize had woken up. "What?"
"What are you thinking?"
"About Natalie."
"What about?"
"Just thinking about her being able to be a kid…I was about to say again, but I guess for the first time, really."
"Can you imagine? Being able to let her do stuff? She's gonna be so excited!" Jackie said with a big smile.
"We can't hope for that yet." Sam said. "We need to get through surgery first."
"Sam, come on…"
"Sorry." Sam said. "Just feeling a little guilty."
"Guilty? For what?"
"Just can't help but think about the times I yelled at her."
"Sam? What are you talking about?" Jackie asked, sitting up. "You never yell at her."
"The fight about the birthday party last year?" Sam pointed out. "The one where she pigged out on the French fries and chocolate milk two weeks ago?"
"Sam. Stop. You are a fantastic Dad."
"Thanks. I can't help it, though."
"Sam, when she told you she was lonely you got her a dog." Jackie said. "Most dads would've had no clue what to do about that."
"I lost it with her over the food she snuck at the party."
"Because you were scared." Jackie reminded him. "And you apologized to her and meant it afterwards. Sam, she knows you love her."
"I know." Sam said. "I'm just…"
"Scared? Me too." Jackie admitted. "Why don't you get some rest? You're the one that's really been run ragged lately."
"I'm fine."
"Sam, lay down for an hour." Jackie insisted. "It won't do Natalie any good if we haven't had any sleep either."
"I'm really fine." Sam said.
"I had a feeling I'd find you both here."
Jackie smiled at the doorway to the waiting room, where one of her coworkers were standing. "Hey, Jane."
"You two come with me." Jane said. "Both of you. Come on." Jane led the two of them back towards an empty patient room, where there were two beds pushed together. "You two take a nap. I'll have the doctor wake you the second Natalie's out of surgery."
Sam started to object, but Jane spoke over him. "Thank you, Jane."
"My pleasure. You two deserve it."
Jackie tried to hold a conversation with Sam, but five minutes later she was asleep again. Sam's mind drifted to the fight he'd mentioned to Jackie.
Seven Years Old
The sun had barely come up, but Sam sat in the ER like a seasoned veteran. As the years had passed and he'd learned more about how to manage Natalie's illness, their visits had decreased drastically. But this time it was definitely necessary. Natalie had woken up saying her feet and hands felt 'too big'. When Sam examined her, he noticed they were most definitely swollen. She was also complaining of a worsening headache, and Sam had immediately gotten dressed and put her in the car.
Not knowing which doctor they'd end up with, Sam had a folder beside him that contained an abbreviated version of Natalie's medical history. The real files took up an entire file cabinet drawer at their house. Next to the folder was a notebook with everything Natalie had eaten and drunk for the entire month. Sam had sometimes wondered if he'd ever drop the habit of tracking everything in Natalie's diet. He'd had a dream one night about Natalie being on her first date, with him sitting between her and her date, writing in his little notebook everything she was eating. It had amused Jackie to hear about it, but even the humorous was always mixed with a hint of sadness these days.
At the moment, Sam wasn't concerned with any of that. In his lap was the most important thing of all. Natalie whimpered slightly and buried her head inside of Sam's jacket, but otherwise showed no signs of being in distress. She didn't cry anymore. They were at the hospital nearly every day to every other day. Natalie had test after test, dialysis treatment after dialysis treatment, and the day in, day out monotony of her constantly feeling sick. Her kidneys were now nearly completely shut down. Dr. Emerson had made it clear on his last visit that finding a donor was their 'only option that had a remote chance of working now'. Despite having been tested years earlier, Sam and Jackie had both asked to be tested again. The results had, of course, been the same as before. Neither was a match.
"Hey, guys."
The familiar voice walking towards them drew Natalie out from her father's coat. "Hi."
"The nurse paged me. Come on, let's go to an exam room."
"You think you can walk, kiddo?" Sam asked.
"I can walk."
Dr. Emerson knew almost right away what was wrong with Natalie. He looked over Sam's journal of what Natalie had eaten and drunk over the few days prior, and knew there was a puzzle piece missing somewhere. He placed the notebook down, grabbed a stool, and sat in front of Natalie.
"Natalie. I'm going to ask you a question, sweetheart. And I need you to be completely honest with me. Can you do that?"
"Sure."
"Have you eaten anything that's not on your father's list? Or had anything to drink that you didn't tell him about?"
Natalie immediately looked guilty.
"Come on, honey. I need to know."
"Natalie?" Sam asked. "Is that true?"
"Yes." Natalie said.
Dr. Emerson nodded. "What'd you eat, honey?"
"French fries and chocolate milk."
"A lot of it?"
Natalie nodded again.
"Natalie Grace Winchester!" Sam snapped. He wasn't yelling, but was close to it. With the worry he'd been going through that morning, the news that Natalie may have done this to herself made the normally patient Sam snap. "You know better than to sneak junk food behind my back!"
"Sam." Dr. Emerson's calm demeanor was a nice counter to Sam's simmering anger. He turned back to Natalie. "How much did you eat and drink? A lot?"
"Yes."
"Do you know exactly how much? It's okay if you don't."
"Two plates of fries and three big cups of chocolate milk."
"How the hell did you sneak that much food?"
"At homeschool group." Natalie explained quietly. "I snuck in the closet and had it."
"Why would you have so much?"
"Sam. Step outside with me, please." Dr. Emerson asked.
"Why can't we talk in here?"
"Because I don't need to speak to Natalie. I need to speak to you." Dr. Emerson said. "Come on. Natalie, we'll be right back."
Sam stepped out in the hall, his temper already starting to subside. He took a deep breath, and Dr. Emerson waited patiently. When he thought Sam was calm enough, Dr. Emerson spoke in a low voice.
"Sam, I know you're upset. But you have to remember. She's seven years old."
"She's a sick seven year old…"
"And you have done a fantastic job taking care of that sick seven year old. But you're too hung up on the sick part. You need to remember what I said. She is seven years old. She snuck some junk food. She snuck some junk food and it made her sick. She's going to have to be admitted to be treated. I'll explain to her what happened and that this is why she can't sneak food. But she's already scared and sick. Don't blow it on her. Keep your perspective here, okay?"
Sam nodded. "You're right. Thanks."
"You cool?" Dr. Emerson asked. "I can tell Natalie you went to get a cup of coffee or something."
"No. I'm okay." Sam said.
"Alright. Let's do this."
Sam walked back inside, where Natalie was looking downcast and studying the floor. Dr. Emerson took his seat back across from Natalie.
"Natalie, listen. I get wanting to have some junk food, okay? But this is why it's so important not to eat anything without telling your dad. When you eat a bunch of salt, like was probably in those fries, it's even harder for your body to get rid of all that bad stuff it needs to get rid of. Got me?"
"Got it."
"Okay. I have to admit you. We have to give you dialysis to try and get all this stuff out."
Natalie nodded. "Okay."
"No more sneaking food. Promise?"
"Promise."
"You're a good girl, Natalie. Remember that." Dr. Emerson said. He turned to Sam. "I'm going to get ready to admit her. I'll be right back."
Dr. Emerson left, and Natalie still refused to look at her father. Sam took the seat that had just been occupied by Dr. Emerson, but Natalie still refused to look at him. Just as Sam was about to try and break the silence, Natalie spoke up.
"I know I did it to myself, Daddy. I'm sorry. You don't have to hold my hand this time if you don't want to."
Sam's heart broke again. He grabbed Natalie's hand and forced her to look at him. "I will always be there to hold your hand. Always. Okay?"
Natalie smiled. "Okay."
Sam checked the clock, and realized that only two hours had passed. He stood up and went to the window and tried to think about other things than the crushing worry about Natalie. A nurse came and updated Sam and Natalie, then left again. Finally, four hours later, Dr. Emerson came to the room with a smile on his face.
"Is she okay?" Sam and Jackie asked at almost exactly the same time.
"She is fine, guys. She's in recovery right now. We're gonna monitor her for about a half hour or so, then we'll take you guys to see her."
A powerful relief swept over the room. Sam and Jackie shared a hug, before Jackie asked, "Can you tell us anything about the donor? Is he okay?"
"He's fine. In fact, he's been out of recovery for a while and he's already woken up. He said that he'd like to meet you guys if you're up to it."
"You bet we do." Jackie said, and Sam followed close by.
When Sam approached the room, he stopped dead in his tracks. A familiar head of blonde hair and set of green eyes met him at the door to one of the rooms. Sitting up in the hospital bed was another familiar face, one Sam assumed he'd never see again.
"Dad?"