Clarke is sitting on the edge of her new bed staring at the knife in her hands. Her mind can't help but go back to that one other time when she'd found herself in a similar situation. That time Raven had offered her a knife to kill the Commander, but she chose to kill Finn instead, to preserve their alliance. An alliance Lexa has broken, leaving her alone to save her people and to bear the deaths of yet other hundreds of innocent human beings. She's hated Lexa for that and for three months she's tried to blame her for turning her into Wanheda. But, deep down, she does understand why she did what she did and she knows it couldn't have been easy for her to make that choice. She'd seen it in her eyes as they were shining with unshed tears, and she'd heard it in the slight crack of her voice as she told her "May we meet again", before turning and leaving.
For months that little voice inside her head has kept reminding her of the Commander's betrayal and how she was going to kill her if they ever crossed paths again. But right now, looking at that knife, it's like all the hatred she's held for Lexa is gone, and she's not so sure that she wants her dead anymore.
Clarke is so lost in her trail of thoughts that she almost misses the crack of the door of her room opening and the sound of footsteps coming in. It takes her a moment to realize it's Lexa before she all but jumps on her feet, with her back turned towards the other girl and the knife held firmly in her hand in front of her, where Lexa won't see it.
"You wanted to see me? I'm here." As Lexa utters these words, Clarke does everything in her power not to cry in front of her. She will not be weak in front of Lexa again, she can't-
"Clarke?" Lexa speaks again.
That's it. It's now or never. Clarke gathers all her courage and throws herself at Lexa, holding the knife to her throat. Clarke is ready for any reaction coming from Lexa, but the Commander doesn't move. She does nothing but look at Clarke like she'd known this moment would come at some point. Like she's giving Clarke permission to take her life if that'll make her feel better. Clarke starts shaking, because this is not the reaction she was expecting from Lexa. Why isn't she fighting? Why is she looking at Clarke with so much sorrow? Why do her eyes hold so many emotions when she's supposed to be the heartless Commander that's haunted her thoughts and dreams ever since the destruction of Mount Weather?
"I'm sorry". Lexa whispers softly, with her voice almost cracking. And that's all it takes for Clarke to let go of that little strength she had left. She bursts into tears, shaking her head vehemently as if to try and drive those words out of her mind.
Lexa looks at her for a brief second, trying not to cry herself. It's her fault Clarke is so broken right now, and she'll never forgive herself for causing the girl she loves so much pain.
"I never meant to turn you into this." She finally manages to whisper those words so heavy with regret.
Clarke can tell she really means them, so she let's go of all the walls she's built around her heart in these past few months. As all the emotions come flooding in, Clarke moves forward and sinks in Lexa's arms, sobbing hard into her chest. Tear after tear, she let's go of all the hatred she felt for Lexa. She knows the Commander had to put her people first, she knows she's not heartless, quite the opposite in fact. Lexa cares about other people so much. Plus, Clarke is the one who's pulled that lever to let the radiation into Mount Weather, so Lexa's not the only one to be blamed for everything that's happened. But what really gets to Clarke in that moment is that Lexa is actually the only one who's ever asked for her forgiveness and not for her apology. Clarke's saved her people over and over again, and yet they keep asking for her to do more. They say she doesn't try hard enough to protect them, and if that weren't enough, they keep reminding her of all the blood she has on her hands. Even her own mother chose to accuse of the deaths of the people of TonDC, instead of trying and understand she was only trying to save her people. But Lexa's not like them. No. She's like Clarke. She knows what it takes to be a leader. All the hard choices Clarke had to make she's made them too. And now she's here willing to take all that guilt on her own shoulders, so that Clarke doesn't have to bear it anymore.
As she's standing there in her room in Polis, with Lexa's arms wrapped around her shaking and sobbing form, Clarke knows that maybe, after all this time spent barely surviving, she can finally start living again. That's what she wants, to live and not just survive. With that newfound hope, Clarke takes a deep breath and raises her head to look straight into Lexa's beautiful green eyes. Clarke knows how much emotion they can carry, she'd seen it before, but what she sees right now takes her completely off guard. Lexa has lowered her walls down completely, and Clarke even catches a glimpse of a tear running down her cheek. Then, in the moment their eyes lock, something other than sorrow shows up in those green orbs: a sparkle of hope. It's small but Clarke can see it, and she's more than willing to fuel it, so she takes a deep breath to steady her voice and without unlocking her eyes from the Commander's, she speaks for the first time.
"I need you too, Lexa." She takes her time to say the next words, so she can study Lexa's reaction.
"I need you. But it terrifies me. I'm afraid because… if you leave me again, it will kill me." Regret comes flooding Lexa's eyes all over again, but Clarke doesn't let that vision stop her from finishing.
"For three months I tried to hate you, I wanted to hate you, and I hated that I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself that it was your fault, that it was your choice that forced me to kill everyone in the Mountain, I… I did understand why you did it. And I knew you were right. I would've saved my people too if I had the chance. Because that's what it means to be a leader. You taught me that. Leaders must put their head before their hearts. It's our job to save everyone, because they're our people and we owe them to. Even though everyone doesn't include the one person we truly wish we could save. I understand that now. But I still can't go through all that again. So… if my people agree to join your coalition, you can never turn your back on us again. On me." Clarke pauses again to give Lexa time for those words to sink in. Then, with a brief smile, she takes Lexa's hand into hers and she concludes.
"I'm ready for you now, Lexa. If you promise not to betray me again."
Lexa is now crying profusely, not even bothering to try and hold back her emotions. A ghost of a smile makes its way on her lips, but it's only a second before her expression changes to a dead serious one. She looks down at their joined hands, then straight into Clarke's eyes.
"I won't."
Lexa let's go of Clarke's hand. Then, as if trying to prove her that she really means it, she sinks to her knees and, never breaking eye contact, she continues: "I swear fealty to you, Klark kom Skaikru. I vow to treat your needs as my own and your people as my people."
The Commander bows to no one, Clarke knows that. At least, no one but her. She's at a loss of words, and she can only hold her hand out for the other woman to take. With a gentleness only reserved for Clarke, Lexa takes her hand and rises back up. Blue orbs lock on green ones and Clarke knows she can really trust her now. But most of all, she knows she can finally live again, so she takes a few steps forward to be standing only inches away from the Commander. No, not the Commander. Lexa. The person standing in front of her right now is just Lexa, not the leader of 12 clans. She takes a deep breath before offering her the softest of smiles. Only when she sees Lexa's shoulders relax as she releases a sigh of relief, Clarke makes the final move to close the gap between the two of them. Her lips meet Lexa's, but it takes the other woman a few seconds before she responds to the kiss. Clarke doesn't rush her. She stays still, because she doesn't want to overwhelm Lexa, who has yet to realize what's really happening. When she finally feels the slight pressure of Lexa's lips on hers, she starts moving her own ones slowly and tentatively. They kiss gently for a few seconds, until they need to part for air. Neither of them moves too far away, though, not to break contact completely. They press their foreheads together and their eyes stay closed a few more moments. When they make eye contact again, Clarke is surprised to find they are both crying. But it's happy tears this time, because they're not alone in this cruel world anymore. They have each other now. Clarke moves her head back a little, and she notices Lexa's offering her the most stunning smile she's ever seen. God, she's so beautiful when she smiles. Clarke can't help but smile back with the largest and brightest smile she can manage.
It's hard to tell how long they stay there smiling at each other, but a sudden knock on the door breaks them out of their reverie. Both Clarke and Lexa respond to it with a groan and an amused shake of their heads.
"Yes?" Clarke gives whoever it is at the door the permission to enter, not even bothering to put some distance between her and Lexa.
"Heda. Wanheda." Titus, Of course, he had to be the one disturbing them.
"I'm sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to let you know that Abby and Marcus of the Sky People have arrived, and they are ready to meet you when you're done." The bald man eyes them suspiciously for a moment before Lexa dismisses him.
"Thank you, Titus. You may go now. We'll meet them in a moment."
With a small nod for each woman, Titus turns and leaves. As soon as they are alone again, Lexa looks back at Clarke and talks to her softly.
"Your mother's here. I'll give you some time alone to catch up before we talk about Skaikru becoming the 13th clan." And with that she moves for the door, only to be stopped on her tracks by Clarke's voice.
"Wait! I have a better idea. We can catch up and discuss politics at the same time. Let me talk to them about joining your coalition. Hopefully they'll listen to me."
"Alright. Let me know their decision then." Lexa agrees with a slight nod of her head before turning back towards the door and making her way out of the room.
Clarke keeps staring at the door until she can no longer catch sight of the other woman. With a deep sigh, she leaves her room as well to go meet with her mother and Kane. She has absolutely no idea how she's going to convince them Lexa is trustable. It's not like she can tell them the Commander of the Grounders is not going to betray them again because they're in love with each other. Wait! Woah, love?! Where does that even come from? I mean, of course she is aware of how much she cares about Lexa, but… love? She's so busy worrying her mind with these thoughts she almost misses the door to the room where her mom and Kane were waiting for her.