Should I be a joker? (a story by Luan Loud)

Another TLH fan having another one in process and a collection of Dtabbles to come? Yes, since while I am developing other projects, I like to start others so as not to stay in my comfort zone and go much further. This time we find ourselves in a story focused on Luan Loud, a story not NSL, or Loudces, or Yandere. I repeat, I will leave my comfort zone to advance in literature, and in general, life. What is this story about? Well, the plot is in the description of the work, neither more nor less, to avoid spoilers.

I just want to tell you from now, that some scenes are inspired by one of my favorite movies of 2019 and history, although of course narrated in my own way and according to the plot. Nor is it that I will make a massive copy-paste, heh.

Clarified everything, continue with your reading.

Chapter 1: Prelude.

In this story Luan Loud is twenty years old, and is the oldest of the Louds The rest of his brothers and relatives have exactly the same canonical age of the series. So, in this story, Luan Loud is the oldest of all Louds.

"Luan, are you all right?" Your psychologist, the good "Howard Patrowski" asked following the process of his daily interrogation. The family of that patient had frequented visits to his presence daily, instead of doing it weekly as, until two weeks ago, they used to do it.

"Yes, I feel very well." He replied with a totally dry apathy.

The psychologist, although that was the natural behavior that his patient, Luan Loud used to show, had never responded as he did. Shortly. So he inquired that something serious had happened to his patient that day. Something very, very serious.

"Well, what happens is that I notice something more outgoing. You are usually with your iconic smile and letting go of a joke, today you have not smiled at anything, or launched a joke, and that is to me ..." He paused to measure his words. "Uncomfortable. What's wrong? You know we are in confidence, okay? Whatever you want to tell me, you are free to do so. Nothing will come out of my mouth.

"Not from his mouth. From your fingers yes, to fill the report with the multiple confessions that I have made to you, right?"

Howard for a few moments sudo , his right hand began to shake and he released the pen with which he had been writing.

"Since I entered this place three months ago because of my pathetic family ... You have been telling them everything that comes out of my mouth, and today they rubbed it in my face, and they punished me greatly."

"Lu-Luan, don't talk about your family like that." "The psychologist said in a soft tone, so soft that he even seemed paternal. "They love you. They brought you here to find a solution to your problems."

"Do you know what my day to day is like?"

Haword was silent. Not because I didn't know how to answer him, but because I wanted to hear her. Rare, or scarce was the time Luan took the initiative to establish a conversation with him. Usually he took the initiative.

"My family doesn't love me ... I've told him many times, because of my silly carelessness. I lost my motivation, for my fucking passion, and for that ..."

Any normal person would be sentimental or at least his voice would tremble wanting to cry. That was not the case of Luan, the girl with the brakes spoke as if it were the most natural thing in the world, moreover, she had a smile on her face. Not an evil smile, no, nothing like that; It was a laugh of ... Jubilo? Was he funny, or was Luan playing a damn joke?

"Could you tell me how you feel about this fatal neglect today? Don't you feel that your perception has changed since yesterday?" Ask following the schedule that the Loud family had given to Howard, by legal obligation (after so much fuss from the family) Howard was forced to follow the same questions strongly. Luan Loud had already begun to suspect it, for that reason, that day she was prepared.

Howard looked at his watch, he had seven minutes left to finish the visit. Usually, in their early days they tried half an hour, but the government had forbidden that for employees in psychiatry and their derivatives to work less, occupy less space with old patients to give priority to new patients, obtain more income with them, fucking to those who are really bad in the head, so that in the end, all those gains are left to politicians. Obviously, those last details had not been discussed with the employees.

"… You will never change the pace of our consultations, right?"

"Sorry? "Howard didn't understand

"Yes, I have noticed that ..." Luan's legs began to shake, as if adrenaline were entering. "Since two months ago, you haven't heard me ... Maybe you haven't noticed, I don't blame you since we all have a lot of things around our minds, but I always try to tell you about how I feel, every time I try to tell you about me routine, the good things I think and do to contain all the depression I have on a daily basis ... You try to change the course of the conversation. Have you had any bad work experience? Do you have negative thoughts? I always say no, but he always moves things around at a pace that drives anyone mad.

The last thing is said in such a gloomy tone that he even wanted to go to the psychiatrist to go to the bathroom.

"Lu-Lua-an, have you been taking your pills?" He ignored her. He should do it, not for your morality, but rather for your safety.

"Yes." I answer more naturally, but keeping his tone serious. "I take my medicines. Not because I like it, but because my family forces me, practically.

"Hkph." It bothers him that his patient criticized his methods, and refused to improve on his own. "Well, and," he held back his anger, he had to continue with the procedure. "Didn't you think of a joke?"

"Well, since you mention it ..." From between her feet, she took out a notebook that said: "Luan's diary", a notebook of about five hundred pages, where all of Luan's records were, according to her. "There are some jokes, they are not so good, since they are drafts. Currently I also use it as if it were a newspaper, and I write, you know ... Thoughts." She said apathetic, pulling a cigar from her pocket. Howard took it as a gesture of "shit are worth whatever you tell me."

Howard, who had been leafing through the notebook page by page, surprised at everything Luan wrote, reached the last page. Among all the jokes, bad for certain, that he found, he saw two sentences that left him with much to think about.

Will my death make more sense than my life? I think so.

Many people want you to act as if you do not have a disorder such as bipolarity, when all you expect is to be accepted and valued as it is.

This intrigues Howard a lot. He would have continued in his trance had it not been because the alarm indicating the culmination of the interview rang.

"I spent the last five minutes reading this?"

-Apparently. " Luan gets up from his seat and, without saying anything, takes his diary from the psychiatrist's hands. "See you tomorrow, Howi."

She was already used to entering and leaving that place with poor lighting that her family had submitted for days to weeks ignoring her psychiatrist's complaints. As he walked he lit the cigar and started smoking.

His family was not in the waiting room, why? For what? They didn't want to bread with her, not after the "accident." When I left, it was cloudy, that psychiatric center was located in a not so wealthy area of Royal Woods, nor so safe. It was dangerous, very dangerous; but his family had no choice, and if they had one, nothing would change.

Luan Loud just wanted to see the society where he lives laughing, but he turned his back. There were good people with her, yes, but they had been killed ... And trusted friends there were only two left: His co-workers.

The job?! It is true! He had to get to the company where he worked as soon as possible.

It's me, or ... The world is rotten, and it's crazy out there. He thought, as he walked away from that place that bothered him for a long time, since he knew they couldn't hear her, that he really didn't want to help her. He suspected that everything was controlled by his parents, and that increased his hatred of that place.

But that place will be a paradise compared to what is coming in the life of Luan Loud.

To be continue…

Was the chapter short? As they will be longer, the number of words will vary greatly, I can publish one thousand and one with more than five thousand, whatever I consider necessary for the chapter: "The book rules." I also clarify that the pace of updating like my other projects will be abnormal, I don't know when I will update or worry about it, I will take all the time I consider to develop my chapters since I have very good ideas for this story full of drama, disappointments, suffering, bad words, betrayals, unfortunate sexual events ... And a lot of psychological pain.

All your comments will be answered in private

Tomorrow or this week, I will upload a serie of Drabbles of LOUDCEST, some +18, another not.