This is an idea that came to me yesterday - I wanted a story in which Ralph is a detective in a plot of a film noir and other Flash characters are playing different kinds of archetypes in these kind of movies. At first I suspected it should be either an AU or a story that Ralph himself is telling/writing. Today I've come to conclusion that it will be far better and far more dramatic, if I use the nonsense from Duet episode and bring back Arroweverse version of Music Meister (I still think they made him nonsensical, but in this story he will be a perfect Deus Ex Machina).

Anyway, I don't know if I continue this story. Reviews will be welcome.

The Big Sleep of Elongated Man

Ralph was sitting in a place that looked like his office… but everything was oddly monochrome – dark and consisting of various shades of black and white. His laptop wasn't on his desk, there was however, an old-fashioned radio on one of the archive cabinets. In fact, most of the more modern equipment was gone and replaced with something from at least 1940s. For example, instead of neon light on the ceiling, there was an electric fan. Moreover, Ralph himself quickly realized that he was wearing white shirt and dark pants with suspenders, and on the rack next to the office door was hanged coat and fedora hat.

And it was this moment when it downed on him.

"I'm in a film noir." He said. "Perfect."

He put himself up from his office chair and started to walk around.

"Okay, Ralph, it certainly isn't the weirdest shit you've ever experienced. Let's think about it logically." He stopped in his pacing and looked at his hand. "But first things first."

He extended his arm towards the door and tried to stretch it long enough to touch the doorknob. However, even though he was focusing really hard on his goal and doing everything he learned about his powers two years ago, his arm stayed the same length. After two minutes of trying to no avail, he put his hand down and sighed, falling back on the chair.

"Well, what did I expect, really?"

He ran his hand down his face and decided to focus on the mystery at the moment. The last thing he remembered before he woke up in this place was that he met a weird guy that just… showed up at the STAR Labs and nonchalantly waved to the security camera in the training area…

"Oh hell no! Not this guy again!" Cisco said.

He, Ralph, Barry, Killer Frost and Iris were at the command center at the time. The rest of the Team Flash and Team Citizen were outside STAR Labs, doing their own things.

"Wait, you know him?!" Ralph turned to Cisco.

"Yeah, he's annoying." Killer Frost replied. "He put both Kara and Barry into coma and trapped them in the plot of a musical."

"He calls himself Music Meister." Iris explained. "He said back then that he wanted to teach Barry, Kara, me and Mon-El a lesson about love. See, we were going through some stuff in our relationships and he thought he would help us resolve them."

"He was draining my and Kara's superpowers to rob a bank." Barry pointed out.

"Yes, baby, but thanks to him you proposed to me. This time properly." She retorted.

"Bottom line," Cisco raised his voice. "whatever he's doing, don't look into his eyes or else he will trap you in a musical and if you die there, you will die for real."

Music Meister was just pacing from one place to the other, probably waiting for some hero to show up.

"Are we going to do anything about him?" Ralph asked.

"We don't exactly know what he is, but he can leave the Pipeline as he pleases, so there's probably not much we can do." Barry replied. "However, Kara told me about Mr. Mxy-something. An imp from the Fifth Dimension who is almost omnipotent. You can get rid of off him, if you make him spell or say his name backwards. Maybe Music Meister is something like that."

"I don't think so. The superpower draining part is hard argument against this theory." Cisco said.

Music Meister was still just pacing nonchalantly around the training area. From time to time he was gazing at the camera's direction.

"I wonder what he wants this time." Killer Frost said.

"I'm glad you've asked." Suddenly their unwanted guest showed up in the room they were in. "Hello, Team Flash! Long time to no see! I would like to have a little chat with all of you, but I have an urgent business with mister Elongated Man here." And he pointed at Ralph, to emphasize he meant him.

Ralph got taken aback by this but then added sheepishly:

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just a private detective."

"Don't bother, Ralph Dibny." Music Meister replied. "I know the secret identity of each and one of the person in this room, and beyond."

"That's unfortunately true." Cisco said.

Well, that was just perfect.

"Tell me, mister Dibny," Music Meister went on. "how's your search for lovely Sue going?"

Ralph narrowed his eyes.

"You know, I can bring her to you, if you want." The guy proposed.

Everything Ralph heard so far about this guy was telling him that Music Meister was dangerous. Then again, he apparently thought of himself as some kind of a cosmic force that was there to teach puny humans about a thing or two. Nevertheless, Ralph didn't want him anywhere near himself and Sue.

"Thanks but no thanks." Ralph said. "I will find her myself. Now, leave."

Suddenly Music Meister materialized in front of Elongated Man. Barry quickly run to block Music Meister's way to his friend.

"Don't look him in the eyes." Barry warned, so Ralph quickly turned his gaze away from the intruder.

"Move away, Flash," Music Meister didn't seem all that threatened by Barry's presence. "I'm talking to Elongated Man now." And then he said to Ralph: "Pardon me but I have to ask: What will you do when you will finally find her, mister Dibny? Will you yell at her for breaking this heart of yours? Or will you kiss her passionately?"

Cisco was right. The guy really was annoying. Ralph clenched his fists. Others probably noticed it too.

"Just leave, dude. Nobody wants you here." Cisco said, but Music Meister ignored him and went on:

"I'm sure she thinks of you too, you know. And she's very much looking forward to work with you again."

Ralph couldn't take it anymore.

"Shut up! You don't know anything!" He yelled and looked directly at the intruder.

He moved Barry away with one hand and was going to punch the guy with the other, but his target disappeared and then appeared again right next to him. Suddenly Ralph saw a blue flicker in Music Meister's eyes, and a moment later he was really, really sleepy. He could hear his friends calling to him, and he felt someone catching him mid-fall. Then everything went dark.

And now, Ralph was here.

But it wasn't a musical. It was so obviously a film noir. Why would Music Meister put him in film noir and not musical? Especially because his name indicated that he would much prefer to trap people in musical movie.

"Simple." Music Meister appeared, leaning on the wall on Ralph's right. "I don't choose the genre you're going to live in. This is what's in your mind, Elongated Man." He looked around and added: "I guess you're really into film noir. Then again, you are a detective. It was also partly due to consuming all those detective fiction that you wanted to become a detective yourself. And lately you've encountered your own femme fatale and you're obsessed with catching her, so, really, no wonder your mind chose this specific genre."

"This is all cool and dandy, but get me out of here, before I will get shot in the dark alley."

"It's only up to you, whenever you're going to leave this place or not. You have to follow the script and see through the end of this story. Supergirl and Flash had to do the same."

"And what's the script?" Ralph asked.

"Don't worry. You will get it soon enough."

All of the sudden, Ralph heard the sound of footsteps coming from the hallway.

"It looks like it's going to start right about now." Music Meister said and disappeared.

Then a shadowy silhouette appeared behind the door to Ralph's office; unmistakably it belonged to a woman. She didn't even bothered with knocking, she just entered his office.

Ralph probably should be surprised to see that the woman looked exactly like Sue Dearbon in a long, black coat and a hat with wide brim (under which her eyes were shining like diamonds), but somehow it didn't surprise him at all.

Meanwhile the real Sue Dearbon was reading through the analysis of her newest finding, when suddenly the door to her hideout was torn off from the doorframe with a brute force. And before she could even react, a tentacle with a human hand at the end reached for her and wrapped itself around her like a boa snake.

Obviously it got her a little nervous. Especially because she knew only one person who could do that with their body. And that meant he found her, even though she was trying really hard to not be found by him.

"Hello, slick!" She said, trying to sound carefree. "How's life?!"

She wondered if he was very mad at her for leaving him. She still preferred to believe that he would never go as far as actually hurt her.

But when she heard footsteps and a moment later the person who the tentacle hand belonged to came through her non-existent door, she realized it wasn't Elongated Man, but some other guy; someone she didn't recognize.

Sue got worried.

"Obviously I'm not Ralph Dibny." The guy said. "Now let's go."

And he started to drag her towards the exit, but she put all her effort into resisting him. She began to struggle and look for some way to free herself. Considering that the actual Elongated Man could withstand blades, gunshots and various other things normal human couldn't, it would be hard to penetrate this guy's skin.

"I don't know, who do you think you are but I'm not going anywhere with you."

"Ah, but you must." The intruded said, however, he stopped dragging her. "First of all, as you can see, I'm holding you in a tight embrace and you won't get out of it. Secondly, it just so happens that I borrowed this power from Ralph Dibny himself. He's in coma right now, dreaming a very dangerous dream. Moreover, there is a really high chance that he may die in his sleep."

Sue's eyes widened. Somehow she felt that her mysterious attacker was telling the truth. Ralph's life was in danger.

Her face became fierce as she gave her assailant a cold stare.

"What did you do to him? And why?"

"I've already told you. I put him in coma. The funny thing is that his friends can't help him. Only you can."

"Me?!"

"Yes, Sue Dearbon." He said and released her from his embrace. Then he came deeper into her hideout. "You. And no one else." He stopped and looked her in the eyes. "So what do you say? You will come with me and try to save Elongated Man? Or will you stay here and let him die?"

There was a slight possibility that it was a trap. Maybe this man was a Black Hole operative, who created a device that was able to steal powers from metahumans and give it to others. Even if that was the case, Ralph was still in danger. Maybe he really did need her help, as in – he needed a help of someone who was a non-meta.

But she wasn't going to go there unprepared.

"Wait for me. I need to get few things."

Few minutes later she exited the hideout with a backpack and couple of useful gadgets. Interestingly enough, when she turned back to look at her place, the door was on its place, as if the stranger never torn it off the doorframe. That was odd.

Sue turned back at the guy, looked deeply into his eyes, and asked:

"What am I supposed to do to save Ralph?"

"Oh, my dear," He smiled and put his hand on her shoulder. "you will have to figure this out on your own."

And then she was transported into STAR Labs and the stranger was nowhere to be found.

The not-Sue woman came closer to his desk, looking around the office.

"So," She began stopping few meters from his desk. "you are that famous detective, Ralph Dibny?"

Famous detective? If she says so…

Ralph put his elbows on the desk, smiled to the not-Sue and leaned closer.

"It is I." He said with a feigned confidence. "How can I help you, miss?"

She smiled too.

"Oh, you know." She came even closer and then sat on the edge of his desk. "There is a little something you could do."

He tried to remember that this Sue probably wasn't the Sue he knew… but it didn't change the fact that it was so hard to look at her. Then she opened her purse, took out a pack of cigarettes, got one, put it in her mouth and looked down at Ralph. From the moment when she entered his office, he knew it – she was supposed to be a mysterious, beautiful woman, dressed in black, with seductive gaze and ulterior motives. The kind of woman who comes to private eye with a case and then get him into trouble. The kind of woman that probably had men fall for her so she could later use them to her ends. The kind of woman that detective, sooner or later, see through, but more often than not, he is ready to die for her.

She was supposed to be a femme fatale.

"Would you mind light it up, mister Dibny?" She said, taking her cigarette out and holding it between two fingers.

Ralph knew what he had to do.

"Of course, miss…?" He took out a lighter which he somehow knew was in his pocket.

"Diane Simmons." She introduced herself.

Ralph lit the lighter and then put the flame under "Diane's" cigarette.

"It's not a very good habit." He pointed out.

She puffed a smoke and smiled to him:

"What can I say? I guess, I'm not a very good girl."

Yes, he suspected she might say something like that.

"So, miss Simmons," He turned to her. "what brings you to my humble abode?"

"Well," She crossed her legs and looked at him. "I suppose I should start from the beginning."