Songs to listen to: 'Synthesia' by Andrew McMahon and 'Lullaby for a Soldier' by Maggie Siff
When she is born in 2854, Midís the dwarf is small, sickly, and quiet. Illness in her lungs, the midwife who delivered her says, will likely take Midís before the day is through, not to mention that her left leg is crippled and will never work. Sorrow washes over the small household at these words, but the baby's mother resists it.
"No," Dís tells the midwife without a trace of doubt in her voice. "She's a fighter. She'll live- she will."
Dís names her firstborn Midís. The dwarrow-dam's husband, Mili, had been suggesting the name for months. It's a fitting name, Dís decides. A lovely name for her lovely daughter.
Midís survives the night, though her breaths are short and shallow. The midwife gives Dís and Mili incense to burn and medicine to put on the baby's chest to ease her respiration. They don't work. Nothing works. And yet, Midís lives.
When her uncle, the great Thorin Oakenshield, sees her, a deep affection shines in his eyes. Midís has lighter hair than most dwarfs, though it is not quite blonde, though her father's is. She has freckles like him, but her eyes are blue, like Dís's, like Thorin's own, like Frerin's. She is, Thorin thinks, like a tiny angel.
When she's hardly 9, Midís dies. A tiny dwarfling, just old enough to speak in broken Westron. Her weak lungs finally give out on her, and Midís dies.
Mili carves her tomb himself. Tiny flowers cover it- Forget-Me-Nots, peonies, roses, poppies, each flower intricately and lovingly engraved into the stone. Midís loves flowers.
Yet, as her family mourns, Midís does not move on. If anything, she's more there than she's ever been, lucid and fully aware, not limited by a young brain. She watches, invisible, as her tiny body is buried, as her mother cries, as, slowly, Dís heals.
For an indeterminate amount of time, Midís waits. She sits near the cold of her stone tomb, mostly, and waits to go to the halls of her forefathers. Yet she lingers. One evening, though, two cries tug on her consciousness. Slowly, brokenly, Midís goes to her house where a beautiful sight meets her: two new-born dwarflings, blond, lay in her mother's arms.
"She's had twins!" The midwife cries. Midís realizes these are her brothers, so small and helpless, yet healthier than she was in life.
"Kili," Dís says, nodding to the one with brown eyes. She nods to the other, with blue eyes and a longer nose, "And Fili."
They cry, then nurse. Midís looks into her mother's eyes, full of love. Does she remember me? Shall these younglings replace me? Will they ever know I lived? But no one was there to answer her questions.
She sees her uncle, grinning proudly. Her father, love shining in his dark eyes. Midís is glad for them, and yet...she aches. She is right next to them, yet she is alone. Midís is so, so alone.
oOo
Time, Midís learns, means little to a disembodied spirit such as herself. But to her dear, dear family, it does; so once more, Midís summits to the cruel, unrelenting laws of time. She cannot truly age- she has no body- but she is fully aware of hours, days, weeks, years passing.
She watches as her brothers take their first steps. She's there when they say their first words("No" for Kili, "Da" for Fili). She observes as the twins learn Khuzdul, something she didn't live to do. Heart aching with longing, Midís watches it all.
The boys are not told of their dead sister. They have no clue that she's watching, waiting, longing. They don't know that, every single night, a lonely soul sits in between their beds and sings to them. They haven't the faintest of ideas that, day in and day out, Midís protects them as best a spirit can.
When Kili catches a lung sickness one winter, Midís weeps. He is young, he laughs and sings, runs and explores. Kili is a good lad, but now he will die. He will die, just as she did.
Fili never once leaves his brother's side and soon catches it, too. Alongside her mother, Midís sobs, for her sweet brothers will die. But an old dwarf- Balin, he calls himself- comes with Thorin and brings them medicine. But Midís knows medicine will do nothing.
They live. Midís doesn't know how, but they live. However, so soon after, Mili is killed in a hunting accident. Midís is there. Briefly, oh so briefly, she can feel and see his soul as it leaves the mortal earth.
"Da!" She cries, and Mili smiles.
"Midís."
But then he's gone, off to Aulë's halls, and Midís is left to watch her family grieve. He is entombed next to her body, her little stone coffin covered in rock flowers. Fili asks about her tomb, but Dís says nothing.
Thorin moves in with his sister and nephews. Midís watches as they heal. Even as they move on yet again, Midís lingers.
She watches as her brothers are trained as warriors, as blacksmiths, as fine young dwarf heirs. She listens as Thorin speaks of Erebor, the ancient dwarf kingdom taken over by a wicked dragon. When Thorin invites his young heirs to partake in the quest to reclaim it, Midís watches as they eagerly agree. They're not technically adults yet, Dís could keep them home if she wanted, but, sorrowfully, she concedes to let them go.
Midís sees as, tearfully, Dís makes her elder brother promise to protect her sons. She watches as her mother tells her only living family- Thorin, Kili, and Fili- that if they dare die during the quest and she goes to an Erebor void of their living selves, she'll march right up to Aulë's halls and kill them again.
oOo
3 months later, they depart from Ered Luin, all 13 dwarves of Thorin Oakenshield's company. Midís wants to watch over her mother- how lonely the dwarrow-dam will be- but instead decides to guard her brothers.
They travel along, splitting up eventually as some have business to attend to in other places. Midís follows Kili and Fili, all the way to a quaint little place called the Shire, where they meet up with the rest of the company again, in the house of a little creature called a hobbit. His name is Bilbo Baggins and he is the burglar, making him Bilbo Baggins the Burglar.
Not 3 days after they leave the Shire, Fili and Kili dive into a rain-swollen river after a pack pony. If Midís had a body, she would've had a heart attack, then pulled her brothers out and screamed at them 'til her throat was raw. But all she could do was intervene as spirits do and watch as Thorin pulls the twins onto dry land, hollering at them and hugging them. Later, when they encounter the trolls, Midís is once more praying with all her might that they'll live- not only do the lads deserve to, but being eaten by trolls seems a particularly awful death. They do survive, but that has more to do with Gandalf's ingenuity than Midís.
As they ride along, the dwarves sometimes sing. Midís loves this; she can sing along, she knows all the dwarf-songs, and she can almost pretend she's got her own pony and rides alongside them, alive and merry and strong. Of course, though, she is still just a dead dwarfling.
But sometimes, the company will tell stories. Dori, Nori, and Ori like to tell tales of their childhood and all the mischief they got into(it's nothing compared to what Kili and Fili have done). Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur like comedic stories, Gloin and Oin like tales of faraway lands, Fili and Kili like epic poems, Dwalin and Balin like stories with a lesson or moral, but it's Thorin's tales that are the best. He tells of ancient dwarf kings and fearless warriors, of tragic wars and clever heroes. But most of all, Thorin speaks of Erebor.
When the company arrives in Rivendell and the Last Homely House, Midís wishes she'd been born an elf and lived her short life there. So beautiful it is, so warm and pleasant and sweet, filled with exotic flowers and sun-warmed glades. The nights are cloudless, starry, and sweet apple-smoke rises into the dark sky as merry songs are sung around the fire. The company stays weeks, but it's still too soon when they leave. Midís could have stayed there forever.
oOo
Then they traverse the Misty Mountains. It's dreadfully cold and wet, and while Midís is not affected by weather, she is still aware of it. The poor dwarves- and hobbit, she supposes. Gandalf gets no sympathy, though- he doesn't seem cold, somehow.
She observes as her brothers are sent to find a shelter and dislikes the cave they choose. It is shelter, however, and the company is happy to take it.
In the middle of the night, Midís sees a crack growing in the wall, as spirits cannot and do not need to sleep. Desperately, she tries to wake someone, but she is bodiless and can't. Bilbo Baggins the Burglar seems half-awake at least- when goblins, the first of the nasty creatures Midís has seen, jump out of the crack and seize the company, he is more aware than the others. Not that is matters, though. He is still captured.
Midís hates the tunnels of the goblins. She'd been underground very few times when she lived, dwarf though she was. The dwarf settlement in Ered Luin was entirely above ground, save for the mines. And even as a spirit, when she'd drift into the coal mines, they were still better than the goblin tunnels.
Gandalf, Midís decides, is a very fine wizard, always showing up at the last second to save everyone. However, as they sprint out of the wretched goblin-halls, killing the beasts as they flee, he does not notice that Bilbo Baggins the Burglar is nowhere to be seen. He turns up soon after, though, but he does seem somehow different.
Midís, in all her life and afterlife, has never before seen a warg. They're hideous; worse than goblins, even, because wargs remind her a bit of wolves, which are beautiful. Using fire against the dwarves seems cruel, too- it was their idea, first of all, but fire is also supposed to be a smith's best friend. Now it will kill them.
Midís sees that she's failed. Her brothers, her uncle, the whole company will die now, stuck up in trees to be roasted alive- and not even by the dragon! She's failed and her brothers will die young.
Until there are eagles. Majestic, massive eagles, swooping down and carrying the dwarves off. Midís cannot fly to follow them, but neither can she simply grab onto a dwarf- she has no arms. But the wind from the great eagles' wings stirs her.
Please, Mahal, let this work. Midís pushes herself skyward, letting the updraft carry her. She's uncertainly how exactly it works, but it does, and she lands soundly on the back of a beautiful eagle.
The ride is the most wondrous thing she's ever experienced. Wind blows through her, the vast green world spreads out beneath her and she can hear her brothers laughing giddily. A laugh of her own, joyful and whooping, escapes Midís and she forgets that no one can hear it. In those magical moments, she feels as if she still lives. For, surely, this would be it if she survived: she and her brothers laughing. They were young, they were reckless, they were proud and strong and wild. For the first time since death, Midís is truly happy, soaring on the back of a great eagle.
When they land, Midís cries. She's dead. She's been dead, she is dead, she'll always be dead. Her brothers don't know her, her father's spirit moved on, her mother and uncle have forgotten her. Why, then, does she linger? Why is she made to suffer this maddening torture? She watches life go by, but she can do nothing. She is nothing.
Midís is lonely. How long has it been since she's actually had a conversation with somebody? 76 years, at least, maybe more. Others spoke and she could listen, but there isn't a creature in Middle-Earth that can hear her.
That night is the loneliest of her life, though it is spent next to her uncle and brothers.
oOo
Beorn, Midís thinks, she could grow to like. He was a bit like a dwarf- hairy, gruff and hearty. But he's tall, towering above even Bofur, the tallest dwarf Midís has ever seen. He has a charming way with animals, something her brothers have in common with the bear-man. Midís always liked animals, but her feelings, in life, were never reciprocated.
When they reach the border of Mirkwood, Gandalf leaves and the company turns loose the ponies Beorn lent them. Mirkwood, certainly, looks like a dreadfully awful place. It looks, perhaps, a bit like Midís feels.
As the company walks along, Midís wonders if it's possible for her to get lost in these woods, being a spirit and all. When they come across the foul river, swift and dark, she can clearly see the boat on the other shore. Darkness does not affect spirits, nor does age plague them. But it hardly matters; Midís can't help them.
Fili is told to throw a hook into the boat so they can pull it across. Technically, he is the youngest, though Kili is his twin. Fili was born a few minutes after him, and Kili won't let him forget it("Come along, little brother.")
Midís guides his throws as best she can, and on the 3rd try, the hook catches. As they float across the river in groups, though, Bombur falls in. Midís is next to him, she tries to help, but is, as per usual, infuriatingly powerless.
Bombur, at least, is alright, just sleeping. The rest of the company grumbles as they are forced to carry him, but it's only for a few days. The dwarrow soon wakes, spouting his dreams of food. It puts the company in low spirits, as they're low on food, but Midís doesn't quite understand the concept of hunger. She did, once, when she had a body, but her memories of physical sensations have long since faded.
When the dwarves are bound by spiders, the overgrown and particularly nasty type, Midís is less worried than she'd previously been. She still thinks they'll die, but once her family's souls are free, surely her's will move on, too, right? Then they'll all be together, and finally, Midís will be able to be seen and heard rather than just seeing and hearing.
But Bilbo Baggins the Burglar, aided by a magical ring, saves them all. Bless and curse the little hobbit, they all live.
And Midís lingers.
oOo
Midís does not quite care for wood elves. Her people had warred with them in the past and wood elves are just rather unpleasant. They're actually rather like dwarves, secretive and unwelcoming towards outsiders, but Midís mostly dislikes them because they capture the company.
In the elvish halls, little Bilbo Baggins the Burglar thinks he's all alone as he creeps, invisible, down the corridors. But right alongside him, following his shadow, is a young dwarrow-dam who lived nearly a century ago, dead before the hobbit was ever born.
She spends time with Bilbo Baggins the Burglar, but Midís also sits in between her brothers' cells. Sometimes she is silent, at nighttime she sings, but sometimes, Midís speaks to them, pretending they can hear her, like she's not dead. In life, Midís did not fear death, but had she known how lonely it is turning out to be for her, Midís would have been very afraid.
Then, the hobbit makes an escape plan. As he tucks the dwarves into barrels, Midís simply watches. When Bilbo Baggins the Burglar leaps into the water after them, she follows.
Water, Midís thinks a few days later, is an accursed substance. Every second she was in it, it tugged at her, seemed to try and pull apart her very being. She very nearly let it- at least that would relieve her from this never-ending horror. But Midís held out hope that one day, one day, she'd go with her family to the halls of Aulë.
Apart from being bruised, sickened, horridly waterlogged, and Fili now hating apples, the company is alright after coming out of the barrels, though Thorin is profoundly unhappy with the hobbit.
They enter Laketown almost merrily. The Lonely Mountain is close, Erebor and a dragon await them.
During their stay, Midís is terribly bored and lonesome. She hates Laketown. Thankfully, they're soon on their way, off to reclaim Erebor. And slay a dragon.
oOo
The dragon is gone. Erebor is reclaimed. All of the company survived. Midís should be happy, but she is not. Trouble is brewing like malicious coffee- Thorin is too greedy, war is coming, goblins are approaching, yet her uncle refuses to see anything other than his treasures.
She watches unhappily as Bilbo Baggins the Burglar finds the Arkenstone and gives it to Bard of Laketown. A noble attempt, but Thorin will find out and almost certainly kill him.
He does. Well, Thorin finds out about the Arkenstone, but Gandalf shows up and stops him before he can kill the hobbit, thankfully.
Then the goblins arrive. Midís watches them, then witnesses as her uncle realizes his madness. Then Midís sees something she never would've wanted to: her little brothers preparing for war. It's awful, and Midís cries.
When the 13 dwarves charge out of the mountain, no one knows that there's a 14th one, dead for years and yet lingering still. But she's there. When the company splits up, Midís goes with her brothers and uncle. Doom weighs heavily upon her, but Midís refuses to abandon her brothers.
Her brothers. Kili, with his dark eyes and stupid humor. Fili, with his long nose and reckless ideas. Both are brave, both are blond, both are young and the most selfless lads Midís has ever seen. They die defending Thorin. Even as Midís fights with all she has, her dear, dear little brothers die.
For a fleeting and beautiful second, their souls see her.
"Brothers!" Midís calls, but then they are gone and she is not.
It's alright, she tells herself. It's because Thorin still lives.
He is just barely alive when Midís finds him in an infirmary tent. Bilbo Baggins the Burglar is with him.
The dwarvish king apologizes, his breath weak and flecked with blood. A crushing sorrow shows in his eyes, regret and pain. He led his nephews to their untimely deaths. But then he, too dies.
"Uncle!" Midís cries happily, ready to finally, finally, move on. But Thorin only smiles as he drifts up.
And Midís is left to linger.
oOo
When her mother arrives at Erebor, Midís has crumbled. She id defeated; if possible, she's somehow more dead than before. She cannot move on. Midís will remain a lost soul until the end of days.
She watches as Dain Ironfoot becomes king. Tearfully, she watches Dís mourn the last of her family.
The poor dwarrow-dam lives another 48 years before passing quietly. Midís watches every second of those years, two lonely souls finding respite in each other, though neither knew it.
"Mother," Midís signs, world-weary, as her Mama's soul passes on. That's it. There's nothing left in Middle-Earth for her now.
She sits. She cries. She's given up.
"Midís!"
She whips around- no one's said her name in over a century. But there, behind her, is her mother. She does not appear old, nor young; Dís looks simply ageless.
Then her brothers are there, and her uncle, and her father and even Frerin, whom she has never seen but simply knows. They're all ageless, smiling, beckoning to her.
"Come, my darling," Mili says. "Linger on this earth no more."
Midís takes his hand and her mother's and, family surrounding her, walks into the Halls of Aulë.
(1)- So I know Kili and Fili aren't twins, but it's pretty confusing on who's older. In the book, Thorin says Fili is the youngest, but in the appendices of The Lord of the Rings, it says Kili was born after him. I didn't feel like figuring that all out, so I just said they're twins.
(2)- This is part of a lil' series I'm working on called The Tales of Midís centering around, you guessed it, Midís. While they're not really sequels, the other two will be about what her life could've been if yada yada yada happened.
(3)- Also yeah, this takes place in the book-universe, because I only saw the 1rst Hobbit movie and wasn't very impressed.
(4)- I'm fully aware of the low quality of this story. Still, though, I'd appreciate constructive criticism.
Please review, and have a wonderful day/night!