The Kiss She Deserves
Summary: Jared, reader and Jensen are cast members, close friends and live together. Jared kisses the reader and she tells him she needs more than a one night stand, does he want more too? I suck at summaries.
Notes: My first attempt at a Jared fic. Would love some feedback. No offence meant to wives and families. This is purely fiction.
Warnings: implied smut, angst, fluff.
Word Count: 18k over 3 parts.
Characters: Jared x Reader, Jensen, Daneel, Misha if you squint.
Jared POV
Have you seen those videos online of someone doing something completely stupid that's going to end in personal injury, then it pauses and the voice over says "it was at this moment they knew they fucked up!" ?
Well I can tell you the exact moment the narrator of my life would have uttered those words. It was also caught on thousands of cameras, from multiple angles. I've watched it a bunch of times and it makes my heart sink every time. Not that I think anyone else noticed it.
I get home after yet another disaster of a date, throwing my keys on the table in the hallway next to Jensen's and Y/N. I follow the sound of their laughter and find them in the kitchen. Jensen sat on a bar stool at the breakfast bar, a bottle of beer in his hand. Y/N is on the counter top eating peanut butter Ben & Jerry's ice cream straight from the tub.
"Wow, ten thirty. You really know how to wine and dine 'em," Jensen quipped at my early arrival.
I kiss Y/N's cheek in greeting, then steal the ice cream from her hand turning to face Jensen leaning on the countertop beside her.
"She got super drunk on wine," I tell him, rolling my eyes. It's a regular occurrence, my dates get nervous or whatever, they need too much liquid courage, they over do it and then it ends prematurely. "She threw up in the bathroom so I put her in a cab home."
"At least she went to the bathroom. Could have been worse," Y/N shrugs.
"I'd at least like to make it to dessert just once," I groan, scooping out some of the peanut butter delight.
"But then you wouldn't get to steal my ice cream."
She makes a move to grab it from me, but I put my back to her scooping more out quickly whilst she tugs on my arm to try to get me to turn back to her.
"Jared it's my last tub, save me some!" She moans like a child.
I take two large mouthfuls as she moans for Jensen to help her.
He stands up laughing and stretching, "I know better than to come between you and your peanut butter addiction! Jared on the other hand, clearly has a death wish."
"Jared I swear to god do not make me get off this counter!" She threatens. I surrender and give it back to her. She looks down into the tub and then pouts at the amount I've managed to shovel in my large mouth. "I don't know how or when but you're going to pay for that!" she promises with a squinted, evil glare.
Me and Jensen laugh at her, but I know I'll pay for it in some form or another. Jensen chuckles, "I'm calling it a night," he tells us walking around the breakfast bar to kiss Y/N's cheek before disappearing to his room.
"What time are we being picked up tomorrow?" I ask Y/N.
Y/N always knows our schedules by heart, whereas I always have to check the calendar on my phone. We are going to San Diego tomorrow for Comic-Con and I would bet my life she knows our schedules, hall numbers, flight numbers and drivers name without looking.
"Eight," she tells me crunching a large peanut cup.
Maybe my date ending early is a blessing in disguise, I can get some extra sleep before the hurricane of Comic-Con.
She smirks at me. "So that's means you need to be up at seven to pack."
I hate packing, so I leave it until the very last minute. I sneer playfully at her, she knows me too well.
She nods her head and smirks, "real mature Padalecki!"
"Real mature Padalecki," I parrot and snatch the ice cream from her and eat a spoonful before she's hopped down from the counter to attack me.
I hold my arm above my head, the almost empty tub is far from her five foot seven inch reach.
She hangs all her body weight on my bicep but I manage to tense in time so that she is only able to pull it down a centimeter or two. She paws at my arm, tries to jump for it, she even tries to literally climb up my body but I twist and her feet land on the floor.
"Jar, stop being mean," she whines comically out of breath from her attempts.
She figures out a plan of attack. I watch as she hoists herself up onto the breakfast bar, then gets on to her knees, stretching her back straight, she's now eye level with me but she still can't quite reach my hand.
She sighs loudly, resigned to the fact she can't beat me. She pouts, and as her bottom lip protrudes so far out I can't help the belly laugh that breaks out of my mouth.
"You suck!" she tells me.
"I know. But it's worth it just to see that pout," I grin down at her. "I'm being a good friend and not helping feed your addiction."
She huffs as she sits flat on the countertop, dangling her legs off the side. Y/N looks up at me through her eyelashes, full on puppy dogs eyes, and I notice her eyelashes cast shadows on her cheeks. Her bottom lips juts out and I'm overwhelmed with the urge to bite it.
I'm distracted by my urge and I think she's admitted defeat so when she yanks me toward her with a handful of my shirt, I have to drop my hands to brace myself against the countertop so I don't crash into her.
She wastes no time and grabs the tub as I fall toward her and cries out a triumphant "Ha, ha!" as she takes possession of the sweet treat.
I stand between her legs, my arms either side of her and watch as she smuggly spoons out the last mouthful and eats it with a satisfied almost pornographic moan.
I watch as her tongue licks a stray drop of ice cream from her lips and when I meet her eyes I know she knows exactly what I'm thinking. She starts saying my name and I cut off her words as my lips crash in to hers without a second thought.
Her tongue is cold against mine, she tastes like chocolate and peanut butter. Her fingers find their way in to my hair and when she tugs, a moan I don't recognise as my own pulls up from my chest.
I can't describe how much I want her. It's not until now that I understand how much I want her and for how long I've wanted her. I want to hear her noises when I help her find her nirvana, I want to know all the things she doesn't like, I want to hear her scream my name in the worst and best possible ways. I want to feel her back arch when I enter her, feel her shake underneath me as she comes undone. I want to feel her hands all over me, everywhere, I want her nails digging in to my back when she reaches climax. I want to bite her shoulder and leave my mark on her skin. No, I need it. I need all of that.
I've kissed her before. She plays Lexie on the show, Bobby's niece, a hunter, and has been Sam's girlfriend for the last three seasons. But this kiss, this is different. For one, it wasn't scripted, and we're not in a room full of people waiting for someone to shout cut.
This isn't Sam and Lexie, this is Jared and Y/N, and it's deeper, more passionate, more breathtaking.
I run my hands up her legs to her hips and yank her closer to me on the countertop. She responds by wrapping her legs around the back of mine, drawing herself as close to me as she can with our clothes on. I run my hands up the back of her tank top and feel the goosebumps breakout on her skin.
She has to pull away to catch her breath so I take the opportunity to kiss her jawline and make my way to her neck. She finds the hem of my shirt and rakes her manicured nails up my stomach. I growl against her throat and suck the flesh on her collarbone, leaving my mark.
Then her palms are flat against my chest pushing me away. "Stop, stop" she says breathlessly.
I stop moving immediately but leave my head in the crook of her neck. "What's wrong?" I ask my own voice as breathless as hers.
"I want this Jar," she begins with a humourless laugh. "I can't tell you how much I want this,"
I pull back to look at her. Her lips are swollen from my kiss, she's panting and the mark I've left on her is darkening. "So what's the problem?" I ask searching her blue eyes.
She shakes her head and can't look at me. Averting her eyes, unwrapping her legs from around me. "I can do no strings attached. I can easily separate sex and emotion," she talks to her legs unable to meet my eyes. "But I know myself too well and I know I won't be able to with you. I won't be able to separate it."
My breath catches when I realise what she's saying. She wants the strings attached; she wants all or nothing, not just a quick screw in the kitchen.
We've been close since the day we met, we hit it off straight away. Jensen knew her before as they worked together on Smallville, and I think Jensen speaking highly of her and telling me how great she was made me comfortable around her from the get go.
We've always had a flirty banter, and it's effortless to be around her. I often end up draped over her on the couch when we watch a movie, and she's always stroking her hands through my hair absentmindedly when I lay my head in her lap.
We play up when we're on press tours or at Comic-Con. I squeeze her knee all the time when she's talking to make her squeal a little, she often brushes my hair off my face, or she sticks her tongue out at me when I catch her eye.
I thought it was just a bit of fun, give the fans what they want, to make them think we're just as close off set as we are on it. Which we are, but it never occured to me she wanted more than what we have.
When she looks up at me, there's a glint of hope in her eyes which vanishes quickly seeing my expression. I must look shell shocked because I feel it.
She takes a deep breath and plasters on a fake smile, "let's just chalk it up to a momentary lapse of judgement and forget it happened."
She hops off the counter and tiptoes to kiss my cheek before padding out of the kitchen on bare feet, her head hanging a little lower than it usually does.
Jared POV
The next morning is a blur of packing, cars, planes, more cars and people telling me where I need to be.
Y/N came in to my room at six forty five with a fresh cup of coffee and kissed my temple to wake me, like she has done a million times before. I take that as a sign that we're all good. Last night hasn't changed anything and she doesn't hate me for being a complete speechless jerk.
Jensen noticed the mark I left on her skin when we were eating breakfast and he started to make a suggestive comment but I managed to cut him off with a shake of my head. Luckily it wasn't too dark and Y/N had covered it with makeup by the time the car arrived to take us to the airport.
Jensen, Me, Y/N, and Misha are sat on the stage in front of the thousand fans and after we've answered some of the panel host, Chris', questions he opens it up for the fans to ask any burning questions.
A teenage girl, with cute freckles, and long curly red hair runs to the microphone and starts blubbering how she loves us all, and she's so happy to be here. "Okay, so my question is for Y/N. Well it's a two part question." She giggles nervously. "So we all know you, Jared and Jensen live together, so which one has the worst habits? And who looks better first thing in the morning?"
The room shares a little chuckle and Y/N answers with a broad smile, "well Jensen seems to have an allergy to clothes." The room erupts into cheers and hoots as Y/N explains. "No seriously he walks through the door and it's like his clothes just fall off where he stands but he never picks them up so I'm constantly tripping over them!"
Jensen nods in total agreement, "Dean wears a lot of layers, they get heavy. It's nice to be free!"
More cheers, cat calls and laughs. The red headed girl prompts, "and Jared's worst habit?"
"He steals my ice cream." Y/N says without missing a beat.
I wonder if that's a subtle dig at what happened last night and I cover my nervousness with a quick laugh and chance a glance over at her. She's smiling her usual friendly smile at me. No, we're all good, she's just playing her role for the fans.
"She has a serious addiction to peanut butter," I tell the room, "I'm merely being a good friend and not helping feed her habit."
Y/N sticks her tongue out at me in the most childish and cutest way ever.
"And who looks better first thing in the morning?" the redhead reminds us.
"Um, well," Y/N begins staring up at the roof as if she really needs to think about it. After a couple of thoughtful seconds she jumps off her high stool and stands in front of me.
She ruffles my hair so hard I have to put a foot on the floor and a hand on her hip to brace myself. Once my hair is in a satisfactory amount of disarray, she steps aside so the audience can see. "He wakes up like this, and who can resist a cute, sleepy, bed headed Jared?" she asks the crowd.
The crowd claps, and laughter fills the air whilst Y/N stands and fixes my hair. She leans closer in to me to make sure the back is right and my hand naturally travels to the small of her back. She meets my eyes, smiles with a wink and I wet my lips subconsciously.
Y/N jumps back up on to her seat and I avoid looking at her again as the next fan steps up to the microphone. "My question is for all of you. What are you doing with your hiatus and will the beards return?"
There are a few shouts of 'yes', 'release the beards', 'bring the beards back'.
Jensen answers first, he's going home to spend time with his family and he plans on reading a few books and yes the beard will make an appearance. I answer next, which is pretty much the same as Jensen except I tell them me and Jensen have planned a road trip on Harley Davidsons.
Y/N is next and opens with a joke, "well as much as I love their beards I don't think I could pull one off. I'm spending two weeks on the beach but then I'll be working, so no hiatus for me."
"Oh yeah" The panel host, Chris, says, "you're doing a movie so you'll be filming in Georgia, right?"
Y/N smiles nodding, "that's right."
The realisation hits me like a wrecking ball to the chest and that's it, it's in this moment Jared knows he fucked up!
I'm not going to see her for four solid months. Every other vacation time we've had we spend time together, we always hang out, we always seem to gravitate toward one another. But she's going to be filming a movie. She won't have time to hang out and the thought of not seeing her for such a long period of time makes me sick to my stomach. It will be the longest period of time we've spent apart since I met her four years ago.
She's leaving for her beach vacation from Comic-Con then she's flying to Georgia. Funny, now I can remember a schedule. I won't have time to tell her I'm sorry, that I should have said something last night. I was just too shocked to see it, but I want more too, I want her and all the strings attached.
"But you're coming back right?" Chris asks for the audiences sake. "Cause Lexie left at the end of last season, she's coming back right?"
The end of last season Lexie left after soulless Sam tried to kill her, and used her body in ways he never should have. Unaware he doesn't have his soul, she walked in on Sam with another women and that was the last straw. Lexie left in a haze of rum, and burning rubber before Dean discovers Sam is without his soul.
"Yes she's coming back. Wild horses nor soulless boyfriends can keep Lexie from the Winchester's." Y/N promises to rapturous applause.
Y/N knows Lexie can't stay away from Sam but I wonder if Y/N feels the same way about me.
I'm pulled from my own head when the next fan says my name. "Jared, Y/N answered this last year so it's your turn,"
I chuckle before she even finishes the question. I know what question is coming.
"When are you and Y/N going to date in real life?"
It's a running joke with us and the fans. Y/N and I take it in turns answering each year. Sometimes we completely brush over it, sometimes we answer the question with a question, other times we completely ignore it and change the subject. One year I pretended to get down on one knee to propose and Jensen pretended to have forgotten the ring resulting in Y/N storming off stage dramatically.
I look over at Y/N and she's absentmindedly brushed her hand down her neck and her fingers rest on the makeup covered mark I left on her flesh and my mind goes back to kitchen.
I'm too deep in my memory and quiet for too long and Jensen has to save me. "If these two ever started dating you wouldn't have a show, because they wouldn't get out of bed!" He says with a suggestive smile.
"Can't argue with that," Y/N agrees grabbing my knee and squeezing it to make me squirm from under her grip making the audience and me laugh.
Y/N POV.
Comic-Con is always somewhat of a blur. With panels and press interviews I always end the day with a headache and a glass or three of wine in a bubble bath. But I don't have that luxury this time.
I was paired with Misha for the press interviews and as soon as we wrap up our last one that ran over, I have enough time to give him a quick hug and say an even quicker goodbye to Jensen and Jared who were in the room next door.
I'm in the car on route to the airport. Praying I make my flight in time because I cannot wait for my feet to feel sand and the whoosh of hot air on my face as I step off the plane in Fiji.
My phone text message chimes in my bag and I think about ignoring it as technically the second I slipped into this car I'm on vacation. I need to switch off from the world and turning off all electronic devices for two weeks will help me do just that.
I fish my phone out of my stupidly oversized and over full bag to see Jared's name on the new message notification.
Jared: Have a good vacation. Going to miss you. X
What exactly was he going to miss? Kissing me in the most incredible, knee-buckling way to practically telling me he just wanted a quick fuck? He hadn't responded when I told him I wanted more, that I couldn't sleep with him without my emotions getting involved. But no response is a very clear response.
I played it cool this morning when I took him his morning coffee as I usually would but all I wanted to do was climb into the bed with him.
I know it's not his fault that he doesn't want a relationship with me. Office romances probably aren't the best idea anyway but I can't help the hurt I feel. I've let myself read into his light touches and flirting and I let myself believe they meant more than they did.
Maybe I shouldn't have stopped him last night, I should have slept with him and not told him I want more. Guess it doesn't matter now, what's done is done. Although I have a sneaky suspicion I won't ever completely get over not getting under Jared Padalecki.
I put myself out there, I got rejected, it happens all the time. I'll bounce back, and I have four months to get over him. Now I know he doesn't want more, the question of what if has been answered so I can put him behind me.
Y/N to Jared: I want a weekly beard update. Enjoy hiatus. Going dark now. See you on the flip side. X
I take a selfie and post it to Instagram, thanking the fans for coming to comic-con and telling them I'm turning my phone off for two weeks whilst I enjoy my much needed vacation. Then I do just what I promised and switch off my phone.
Jared POV.
I sit in the back of the car next to Jensen and type four different messages out to Y/N before deleting them and settling on 'Have a good vacation. Going to miss you. X'
I press send and groan inwardly at my own lack of finesse throwing my head in to the back of the chair and closing my eyes. I may well as have said, 'have a good vacation, going to miss being an absolute dick to you.'
"Okay over there buddy?" Jensen's question pulls me from my thoughts.
I shake my head with my eyes closed, "I fucked up!"
"This have anything to do with the Jared shaped mark on Y/N neck?"
"Yep."
"She finally tell you she likes you then?"
I whip my head to look at him so fast I've probably given myself whiplash.
"Come on dude, you can't seriously say you hadn't figured it out?" Jensen asks with an exasperated expression. "She's been so into you since the day she met you."
"She told you that?"
He shrugs, "we've talked about it a couple times."
"Dude!" I groan loudly, "I've made her save me from bad dates, I've told her about my sexual encounters, I've treated her like she's you! Why didn't you tell me?"
"She asked me not to," he shrugs with a small laugh, "plus, it was up to her to tell you."
I run my hands over my face as Y/N's message comes through. I read it as Jensen asks me exactly what happened.
I rant the whole thing at him. I'm teasing her one second, kissing her the next, then she's walking out of the room after telling me she needs more from me than one night.
"You didn't say anything?" Jensen practically shouts at me, "nothing at all, not even an apology?"
"My head was spinning, plus all the blood had rushed to other parts of my body."
As defences go, it's a lame one. Even I know it is, I should have said something, anything. I should have asked her to give me a minute to think. I should have told her I think she's amazing, beautiful and sexy, funny, calming, sweet, smart. Urgh! I'm such an ass!
Jensen seems to agree, "dude, you fucked up!"
"I know and now she's on radio silence for two weeks and then she'll be in Georgia. Maybe I should call her, leave a voicemail."
Jensen snatches the phone from my hand before I've even unlocked it. "No! It's not the kind of thing you say to a voicemail."
Jared POV
I wake up in my bed at home and my first thought is, Y/N's vacation is over. She should be on the plane to Georgia right about now. She hasn't called me or texted me in two weeks, which I knew would happen. She hasn't posted anything on social media either so I know she really has just switched off the world and isn't avoiding me.
I've called her phone countless times just to hear her voice on her voicemail but I haven't left any messages. Jensen was right, we need to have a conversation face to face.
I open Instagram and there she is staring back at me. Standing in crystal aqua blue water, arms spread wide, the biggest grin on her face in a white bikini. The caption reads: Batteries recharged. Headspace clear and focused. Time to work. #110 #SPN #PlaytimesOver
It was posted nine hours ago. My heart sinks. Any other time as soon as she plugs back in she messages me and Jensen a stupid gif of a waving animal in our WhatsApp group. My WhatsApp is notification free.
Jensen has commented on her photo - Batteries recharged just means you ate way too much peanut butter and you're now on a sugar high. Your headspace is anything but clear and focused, you lunatic. Give them hell.
Her response - Peanut emoji and drooling emoji. Middle finger emoji. Miss you Punk. How's the beard coming along?
Jensen nicknamed her Lunatic after we spent a day at NASCAR. Naturally, she turned it into a competition and by the end of the day Jensen had lost about ten pounds of weight from worrying about her driving stupidly fast to beat her own times. NASCAR offered her a job.
I don't remember where Punk came from, it's just something she called him one day and it stuck.
Jensen has posted a picture of his beard progress and tagged her, she's liked it and commented with a fire emoji.
So she's been active on social media, talking to Jensen, but she hasn't messaged me. Maybe that clear and focused headspace means she's cleared her head of me.
I call Jensen and he answers after the fifth ring. "Hey Buddy, how's it going?"
"You spoke to Y/N." I don't mean it to come out as an accusation rather than a question but it does.
"Morning Jensen, Morning Jared, How are you today? I'm good how are you?" Jensen chided me and I practically hear his eye roll.
"Sorry."
He sighs, telling me not to worry about it. He's been my sounding board for weeks now: he's talked me off the ledge of leaving her messages more than once, he's listened to me beat myself up and reassured me I'll have time to make it right.
"She called me a couple hours ago," Jensen tells me with a weary sigh.
"Before or after the instagram posts?"
"Before."
"Did she ask about me?"
"No dude, sorry. I figured you were her next call so I didn't mention anything."
"Should I call her?"
"She's on the plane. Said she lands at eleven." Jensen explains, "she might have wifi though. Text her. Just don't get into it over messages. It's easy for stuff to get misinterpreted. Keep it light, friendly"
"Okay, thanks."
Jensen ends the call with a good luck. He's right, messages are a sure fire way to get mixed signals so I decide to comment on her Instagram picture. It takes me ten minutes to decide what to write knowing the world will see it too.
Y/N_0205 - Don't work too hard. Sam needs his girl refreshed and focused too.
I make myself a coffee and am eating a bowl of cereal before she replies.
Jarpad - you know I only know how to give 110%. Sam's girl will be ready don't worry. Beard update now, pls.
I snap a selfie and upload it tagging her with the caption - what do you think. #BeardTodayBeardTomorrow
She's replied in seconds. JarPad - daaaaaaaaaamn. Remind me to hide all the razors when we're back on set. Drooling emoji. Call you later.
I laugh aloud in my kitchen. She's not even here and she's put my mind at ease. Knowing we can still be silly with each other, that even though she thinks I don't want her as anything other than a friend she hasn't let it change our friendship.
I take a shower and when I return to my phone I have a missed call from her. I immediately call her back sitting on the edge of my bed.
"Hey," she answers with a smile.
"Hey yourself," I reply with my own broad grin. "You in Georgia?"
"Yeah landed about a half hour ago. I'm on the way to the hotel, well home for the next four months." She sounds excited even though I know she hates living in hotels.
The novelty wore off around season three and so me, Jensen and Y/N bought a house in Vancouver to have some place to call home, to make our own.
An awkward silence finds us and I don't like it. It's never happened before and it worries me. She says my name as I say hers and we both laugh nervously.
"You go first," I tell her politely and I wish I hadn't.
"I've had time to think and I'm sorry about the whole no strings thing." She tells me firmly, "I hadn't thought it through. I read too much into nothing and I think I may have mixed a little of Sam and Lexie feelings in to Jared and Y/N feelings. I love what we have, I love our relationship just how it is and I don't want it change."
I'm dumbstruck again and I'm glad she can't see my face because I'm sure there's tears pooled in my eyes and I've lost all my colour.
I've spent the last two weeks realising I'm in love with her. Going over conversations in my head, remembering all the flirty smiles, the featherlight touches, the pink tinge of her cheeks when she's had too much too drink, the flustered look she gives me when we've finished a kissing scene.
The laughs we've shared, the prank war she started, but me and Jensen got scolded for, we've had so many memorable and fun moments. I really don't understand how I didn't figure it out sooner. But now she's telling me she doesn't feel it. She was wrong, she doesn't want anything more than what we already have.
"Jared? You there?"
"Yeah," my voice is strained so I clear my throat, "yeah I'm still here."
"I just didn't want you to feel awkward around me and it change things."
"No, I get it."
"So we're good?"
"Always."
She heaves a huge sigh of relief and I have to fake a smile to say goodbye so she doesn't hear the disappointment in my voice.