"What are you doing?" sasuke asked lifting one of his eyebrows and pointedly staring at his morron of a best friend who was hanging upside down from a tree.
"told you i'm going to catch that devil chicken" he grumbled, an uncharacteristic behavior if you might ask him.
Naruto was always the happy go lucky kind of guy. The one who had a grin as massive and as blinding as the sun itself plastered on his face 24/7, so for him to be frowning something must've really have been annoying him.
And that something is probably the chicken sent from hell as he so lovingly named it.
Supposedly it pays him a visit during the day and leaves in the afternoon and every one of his attempts to catch it has failed.
You'd think a ninja as skilled and as talented as naruto can handle one teeny tiny animal but nope for the past three days his friend came to their daily training sessions with a frustrated look on his face and an assortment of colourful words to curse at the chicken, whoever her owner was and at the universe too for letting the said chicken live.
"Can you please tell me what on earth are you doing and-" sasuke squinted his eyes at the shiny gadet in naruto's hands "what is that you're holding ?"
"Well my friend i'm glad you asked" he smiled that mischievous smile of his and sasuke the knew he was absolutely and utterly fucked .
Well this is how it's going to go.
It's quite simple you see and they all can predict the disastrous outcome: naruto will come up with a stupid plan, he will manage to rope sasuke into being a partner in whatever absurd scheme he has in mind, naruto and sasuke will end up creating a kind of catastrophe and then at the end sakura will beat both of their asses because well... they're idiots.
But not this time. He doean't know how he always ends up agreeing to whatever fuckery his friend has in mind but last time him and naruto ended up in a brothel in the middle of the woods with some very extremely questionable people who may or may not have been a satanic cult all because naruto thought there was this rare plant that he needed to have that made ramen taste a million times more delicious in those woods.
How did they go from trying to figure out which plant is which to almost being sacrificed to the devil is still a mystery to him.
So in conclusion he will not under any circumstances be a part of anything his friend comes up to, he still values his sanity thank you very much.
He looked at naruto who was still hanging upside down, at that crazy smile he's wearing that was a little maniac to be honest, at the ropes that were rolled up next to the imposing tree ... and are those explosives he was seeing?
Sasuke sighted, he was getting more amd more sure that he was going to have to peel naruto's body off a sidewalk sometimes soon because this was not looking well.
His hands come up to massage his temples, his head was already starting to throb and nothing disastrous has even happened yet.
"Hear me out first before you say no" naruto said, excitement clear in his voice.
"How did you know I was going to say no?"
"You always refuse at first but I win you over with my charm and charisma"
"Yes charm and charisma" sasuke deadpaned "both words i'd never associate with you"
"Ouch you hurt my feelings" naruto jokingly flinched, his hands clutching at his chest right above his heart "this is so not the way to talk to your future husband"
Sasuke looked at him and unattractively snorted. He looked absolutely ridiculous with his hair sticking up in every direction and his face turning so red from being upside down for so long that he actually feared he might pop a vein or two.
"You keep doing stupid shit like that and I won't be marrying you anytime soon"
"After I tell you about my eveil masterplan you'll fall to your knees and thank the gods above that you have such a smart cunning man willing to marry your brooding ass. Now-" he suddenly detangled his legs from the highest branch of the tree, did this absolutely unececarry fancy flip in the air and in seconds he was right in front of sasuke his bright blue eyes staring directly into his black ones "mission 'catching the devil's spawn' officially starts now"
And before he could object and come up with some kind of excuse to get himself out of this.
The bane of his existence added with a smirk, he knows is no good plastered on his lips
"And before you say no just remember I have that video of you drunk saying how sakura has the most beautiful eyes you've ever seen and then of ourse the grand finale where you proceeded to throw up all over the counter"
Ah yes he now remembers why he always agrees to be his partner in crime.
The blackmail material naruto is holding over his head is enough to make him agree to do practically anything. Even dancing on top of bars practically naked with only feathers covering his junk.
Because yes that did happen, he wishes it didn't because frankly he's scared for life and poor neji too who had to witness his humiliation, but it did sadly happen and it'll forever be burned in his memory.
And that's how ladies and gentlemen how Uchiha Sasuke, one of the deadliest ninjas to ever exist found himself sitting on a tree branch, a walkie talkie in hand looking at his best friend who was laughing like a mad men while putting booby traps all over the garden.
It was going to be an ... interesting day to say the least.
"Don't make a move" naruto creepily whispered into his ear, sending unpleasant shippers up his spine and prompting his brain to think of a million and one ways on how to kill someone with a toothpick
he loved the guy like his own brother but his definition of personal space is nonexistent.
"Get away from me you freak" sasuke shoved at his shoulder almost sending him toppling down into the ground " I can smell your onion chips breath and it's making me want to throw up"
But of course he didn't listen and instead he got even more closer and to make matters even worse he took sasuke's face in between his hands and forcibly moved his face down focusing his attention down below
"The devil chicken is here"
A brown feathery little thing was hopping around the garden, it looked harmless picking at the ground under it.
No scratch that. It was a harmless little thing picking at the ground under it.
With an exasperated look set on his face he glared at the sorry excuse of a ninja squating next to him.
"THAT is the reason you've been going crazy these past few days? REALLY! Tell me honestly are you high?" he was now the one who took maruto's face between his hands, his fingers openeing his friend's eyes to examine his pupils " did you steal some of sakura's herbs ? I would've thought you wouldn't do that again since last time you ended up at the hospital hallucinating for three days staright but I guess your stupidity knows no limits"
"No i'm not high you dick" naruto huffed, slapping away at sasuke's hands that were still prodding at his face " you'll see she's evil. Now you need to stick to the plan and back me up if I need your help"
"Yes, back you up. Because you're against a fucking monster! IT'S A FUCKING CHICKEN"
"HA she got you fooled. She got us all fooled. That's satan in desguise you can see it's little horns if you squint hard enough" naruto mumbled and sure enough be was squinting so hard his eyes were almost invisible.
It's hard to pintpoint the exact second sasuke's patience has vanished and gone poof but one minute a blond idiot was sitting next to him and a couple of seconds later a blond idiot was laying on the ground screaming profanities up at him.
Maybe it was the loud bang of the fall or naruto's bunshee like screams but the the little animal that sasuke has once persumed as cute and harmless turned it's black beedy eyes at naruto and even when he's sitting a couple of feet above it he could feel it's murderous energy.
And soon enough It was a mess of shadow lones and flying feather, of naruto's screams of rage and the terrefying screeching of what he was now sure is a demon.
After minutes of absolute enjoyment and of course recording the humiliation if his best friend getting his ass beaten by a animal the size of a football.
It may be coming straight from the pits of hell but their other friends didn't know that and he will galdly keep that information all to himslef
But after hearing one too many "fucks", "shits" and the unmistakable grunts of pain He sighted and in one fluid motion he jumped down.
he made a few tentative steps getting ready to end whatever fuckery was happening only to be greeted with a burst of blinding blue light and the voice of naruto screaming "rasengan"
On the bright side That finally managed to get the chicken out of the house. But the downside was that it also blew a massive hole in the wall separation naruto's house and his neighbor's.
In an alternative universe, they would go and apologize, they would offer to fix the hole and maybe even offer money to the poor soul that was unfortunate enough to be living next to a moving nuisance.
But it was common knowledge that their luck was shit and instead of a nice old man with a warm smile, a furious 5 foot something with monstrous strength and anger issues greeted them at the other side of the wall.
Sasuke felt his eyes widen and he heard naruto swallow hard next to him.
"Dude" he whispere both of their eyes firmly focused on sakura that was getting redder and redder by the secind
"we are so dead"
"Stop fidgeting you imbecile and let me clean this" sakura angrily dabbed at the small wound on sasuke's cheek.
He flinched again, his head instinctively trying to move away from the pain.
"Can you at least try to be gentle" he hissed from between his tightly clenched teeth
Sakura looked at him with one of her eyebrows raised, eyes challenging him to utter one more word as she pressed the cotton ball even harder.
Point taken.
He would shut his mouth, sit his ass down and take whatever punishment she perceives as enough.
They did manage to ruin a good portion of her meticulously built garden after all, they deserve all the torture they'll undoubtedly suffer though.
"Okay now, you other idiot come here" she said to a frightened looking naruto.
"Promise me you won't hurt me first"
"No no i'm going to hurt you I'm going to pour this whole damn bottle on your wounds and watch as you wither in pain"
"Then no, thank you very much but I don't want to wither in pain" naruto said with a straight face that did nothing to hide to absolute terror he was feeling inside, and when he tried to stand up and leave sakura's fist came barreling down his head.
"You are going to sit right there and i'm going to put some bandages on you and then you two-" she pointed at a sheepish looking sasuke and naruto "- are going to slave day and night until you fix everything you destroyed. Understood ?"
They both nodded their heads not bothering to add any other word.
Because honestly sakura is scary and they both valued their lives way too much to be killed by her.
"Now come here " she pointed at naruto "hinata will kill me if you get scars on that pretty little face of yours"
"Did you heat that sasuke? She called my fave pretty" he grinned and wiggled his eyebrows while dodging the playful hits of a still angry but thankfully amused sakura.
Looking at his two friends lightly bantering sasuke felt a soft smile tug at the ends of his lips.
He may get roped by naruto into doing something stupid in the span of a week or so, he will definitely get his ear chewed off by an angrt sakura every two days and the evil chicken who he is now sure was under a kind of evil justsu is probably going to come back soon and drive them up a wall but at the end of the day he wouldn't trade this for the world.
This was his family and he embraced it with all it's chaos.