We open to Tweek coffee where we see our recently super powered pals (Stan, Scott, Jimmy, Timmy, Kyle, Cartman, Token, Wendy, Tweek, Craig and Clyde) are sitting on some chairs by a table, chatting about what happened last night.
Kyle: I'm glad you've all accepted my invitation.
Cartman: Well you didn't invite me, so I just kind of forced myself here.
Scott: So did I.
Wendy: I did as well.
Kyle: Ok, raise your hand if you were hit by a blue energy beam.
Everyone raises their hands.
Kyle: You have as well?
Stan: Yeah.
Kyle: Ok, has the blast by any chance given you unique side effects?
Everyone stares at each other.
Cartman: The blast has given me the power to have these badass claws.
Suddenly, some claws sprouted from Cartman's nails.
Cartman: Kewl right?
Kyle: Ok, that's cool.
Cartman: No it isn't Khal! Because look at my ass.
Cartman jumps on the table and shows his ass to Kyle.
Kyle: It looks like your ass has gained a few pounds.
Everyone except for Cartman, laughed.
Cartman: Ha ha ha! Very funny! Is it funny that I have a fucking tail?!
Cartman pulls his pants down to reveal he has a tail.
Everyone gasped.
Stan: Jesus.
Cartman: Now I move funny, I clean myself by licking my hands and I look for food in the trash.
Kyle: Wait, tail, retractable claws, looking for food in the trash, cleaning yourself by cleaning you hands.
Kyle came to a realisation.
Kyle: Dude, you have the literal powers of a raccoon.
Cartman: Oh please Khal, just because I grabbed a raccoon and got hit by a blue energy beam doesn't mean-Ok I have the powers of a raccoon.
Kyle: Anyone else willing to talk about their powers?
Scott: My diabetes gives me super strength.
Everyone stares at Scott for a minute and than they all start to laugh.
Scott: It's true.
Cartman (Mimicking Scott): It's true. I'm Scott Malkinson, I have a lisp and diabetes.
Scott: That does it!
Scott snatches the cookie Cartman was about to eat.
Cartman: Hey asshole!
Scott was about to eat the cookie.
Stan: Uh Scott, doesn't that kill you? You know, if you eat something that is high in-
Scott: Stan, I'm gonna eat this cookie. Because I wanna show you, you're not gonna like me when I eat this cookie.
Craig: Ok, your funeral.
Scott eats the cookie.
For about a few seconds, nothing happened.
Craig: Are you dying yet?
Suddenly, Scott then starts to get very angry.
Scott: Diabetic rage!!!!!!!!!!!!
Scott than jumps out of the window and starts a rampage by flipping over cars and throwing a random citizen over at a wall.
The rage then died out.
Scott started to feel dizzy.
Scott: Oh God.
Scott then injected himself with insulin.
Scott returned to his seat.
Cartman: So food that is high in sugar turns you into the Hulk?
Scott: When I eat it, yeah.
Kyle: Anyone else got any powers?
Jimmy: I h-h-h-have super speed.
Cartman laughed.
Jimmy: W-what's so f-f-f-funny?
Cartman: You're handicapped, how do you have super speed?
Jimmy: I'll p-prove it. Scott, ask me how S-S-Sophie is.
Scott: How is So-
Suddenly, Jimmy disappeared.
Then in about 12 seconds of awkward silence, Jimmy returned covered in sweat.
Jimmy: She's f-fine.
Scott: What's that white stuff on your hands?
Jimmy: I'll be ba-back.
Jimmy then disappeared and returned in 4 seconds.
Jimmy: W-what white stuff?
Kyle: How about you Timmy?
Timmy presses his finger on his head and starts to concentrate.
Timmy: I can communicate with you telepathically.
Everyone was amazed.
Cartman: That means we don't need Jimmy as a translator.
Timmy: Timmy!
Kyle: How about you Token? You've been sitting in that shadowy corner since we got here.
Token sighed.
Token: I thought you wouldn't wanna see this. I'm hideous!
Token moved out of the shadowy corner to reveal what has happened to him.
Token: I'm hideous.
Everyone stares at Token.
Cartman started laughing.
Cartman: So your power is to dress up like a dork?
Token: No, I'm a cyborg.
Cartman: Dork.
Token: I'm a cyborg made out of tupperware.
Cartman continued to laugh at Token.
Cartman: But, you look so ridiculous.
Suddenly, Cartman was hit by a laser beam.
The laser came from Token.
Token: Bet you didn't know I could do that.
Cartman's chest was smoking.
Cartman lifted up his shirt and realised that there's a burnt mark on his chest.
Cartman: There's a burn mark on my chest.
Token: Relax, it'll heal.
Kyle: Ok, how about you Stan?
Stan: I can control tools.
Everyone stares at Stan.
Craig: That's it?
Stan: Yeah, I know it's dumb.
Tweek: Can you prove it to us?
Stan: Sure.
Stan pulls a tape measure out of his pocket and starts to control it telepathically by letting it float.
Craig: That's a dumb power.
Stan sighed.
Stan: I know.
Kyle: I know it's a dumb power, but he might do something cool with it.
Craig: He can throw a screwdriver at somebody's head, anybody can do that. Like a master assassin for example.
Stan: Well let's see your power Craig.
Craig: Ok.
Craig gets off his seat and exits the coffee shop.
Craig walks to a garbage can.
Craig: Watch this!
Craig punches the garbage can and it went flying like a torpedo.
Everyone was amazed.
Craig entered the coffee shop and returned to his seat.
Craig: Impressed?
Kyle: Ooooookay. How about you Wendy?
Suddenly, Kyle hears his phone do a ding.
Kyle: I got a text, one minute.
Kyle unlocked his phone and saw he had a text from Wendy.
The text said "I can mentally send anyone a text."
Kyle: You can do that?
Wendy: Yeah.
Kyle: That's kind of a cool power.
Wendy: I also have the power to use my phone to hack into anybody's phone. I hacked into Jimmy's and I saw he had a photo of Sophie Gray taking her shirt off.
Scott: You did what?!
Jimmy gulped.
Scott: You're lucky you're handicapped.
Kyle: How about you Clyde? You haven't said anything since we got here.
Clyde: I have the power to summon wings from my back.
Some wings sprouted from Clyde's back.
Cartman: That's it?
Clyde: I can control Mosquitoes as well.
Wendy: Please don't do it.
Kyle: Tweek.
Tweek: I can control the weather. Watch.
Tweek closes his eyes and summons a thunder storm.
Tweek screamed.
Tweek (Panicking): I wanted a tornado!!!! Why did I choose a thunderstorm?!!!
Craig: Calm down Tweek.
Craig: What about you Kyle?
Kyle: Me? Well...
Kyle started floating off the ground.
Kyle: I can do this and this.
Kyle uses his laser vision to heat up Tweek's coffee.
Tweek: Thanks dude.
Tweek took a sip of the beverage.
Kyle descended to his seat.
Kyle: So, that's our powers.
Cartman: I gotta say apart from one of us, our powers are pretty kewl.
Stan sighed.
Kyle: Now the real question is, what should we do with our powers?
Everyone sat on their seats thinking.
Stan: Wait a minute I got it.
Cartman: So do I.
Stan got out of his seat.
Stan: There's one thing allot of super powered people do when they realise they have superpowers.
Cartman got out of his seat and stood with Stan.
Cartman: Yeah, that is what I'm thinking.
Stan: Really?
Cartman: Of course.
Stan: Do you wanna say it together?
Cartman: Uh duh, yeah.
Stan: Ok, on three 1...2...3.
Stan: Become superheroes.
Cartman: Become internet stars.
Stan: What?!
Cartman: What?!
Stan: You wanna use your powers to become a star on the internet?!
Cartman: Yeah.
Stan: You son of a bitch. We could be using our powers to save lives.
Cartman: But we don't get payed for it Stan! But when we're using our powers for YouTube videos then we get a shitload of money.
Stan: It sounds tempting, but we should be using our powers for the greater good.
Cartman: Earning money on the internet is for the greater good.
Stan: How?
Cartman: Like my idol Gordon Gecko said "Greed is good."
Clyde: Who's Gordon Gecko?
Cartman: Come on gang, if you wanna make a shitload of money on the internet, walk with me out of this cafe and straight to making our costumes or if you wanna be a gay ass hero who doesn't get payed, join this asshole.
Cartman stands by the door.
Cartman: Fame and fortune could await.
Craig: I'm joining Cartman. Come on Tweek.
Tweek: Craig!
Craig: What?
Tweek: We should be using our powers for good!
Craig: I didn't care for both of them to be honest. I wanted to go with Cartman because he mentioned money.
Craig walked to Cartman.
Tweek: Than I'm joining Stan.
Tweek stood with Stan.
Clyde: Money equals girls. I'm joking Cartman.
Clyde stands with Cartman.
Token: I'm joining you Stan. I don't wanna be put on the internet and be treated like a freak for entertainment.
Token stands with Stan.
Jimmy: I'm de-definitely joining Eric.
Jimmy stands with Cartman.
Kyle: I'm obviously standing with Stan.
Kyle stands with Stan.
Cartman: Come on Windy, stand with us.
Wendy: My answer's obviously no.
Wendy stands with Stan.
Stan: Thanks for standing with me you two. No wonder you two are my favourite people.
Wendy: Aww.
Cartman: How about you Scott? Who do you wanna stand with?
Scott stares at them for a bit.
Timmy: I'm joining Cartman FYI. Because I really wanna fuck with people's heads for shits and giggles.
Timmy stands with Cartman.
Stan: Come on Scott, what about us?
Scott: I-
Cartman: Come on Scott, we could use you for our crew.
Stan: Yeah. Come on Scott.
Scott: Why should I join you guys?
Long silence.
Cartman: You mean me or Stan?
Scott got out of his seat.
Scott: Both of you! Why should I be on either side that mocks me for having diabetes?! It's a condition that can kill me and all you can do is attack me for it!
Wendy: When have I made fun of you for having diabetes?
Scott (Points to Wendy): You turned me down on a date one time!
Wendy: Just because I turned you down, doesn't mean I have a problem with your diabetes!
Scott: Do you wanna know what I'm gonna do with my powers Eric?! Nothing, that's what! I need to get my life back on track without my powers! Today has been a shit week, I almost died, Sophie dumped me, I almost killed myself and now I get hit by a blue energy that granted me powers I didn't ask for!!!!
Scott returned to his seat and started sobbing.
Cartman: Wait, Sophie Gray is single?
Everyone stares at each other in long uncomfortable silence.
Cartman: I'm going there first.
Clyde: No I am.
Kyle: I am.
Cartman, Clyde, Jimmy, Timmy, and Kyle run out of the coffee shop to go and see if they have a chance with Sophie Gray.
Wendy: What the fuck just happened?
Over Enthusiastic Narrator: What's this? The 11 super powered pals are going their own ways? Will Cartman's gang be good enough for the Internet? Will Stan's gang become the greatest crime fighters who ever existed? Will either Cartman, Kyle, Jimmy, Timmy or Clyde get into Sophie Gray's pants? And when will Scott stop crying like a little bitch?
Scott: Hey!
Over Enthusiastic Narrator: I'm just saying! Stay tuned for the next story. Same Pal channel, same Pal whenever the writer will upload the story.