The alarm resonated across the room for a full minute before a tiny red dot drowsily flew towards the phone and turned it off. Tikki yawned and, after blinking a couple times, realized Marinette was not awake yet. What a surprise, she thought, the apparent immunity of her charge against alarms never ceasing to amuse her. The kwami floated over the girls head and used her best working strategy as of today: She carefully selected one of the stray hairs from her head, making sure it was one of the strong ones, then pulled.
"I'm awake! I'm awake!" Marinette said as she instantly sat on her bed, eyes not even completely open yet. Tikki giggled.
"Sorry" Whispered the kwami with her sweetest voice, but both of them already knew she wasn't feeling all that guilty about her little waking up method.
Marinette groaned as she started to move, not bothering to reply to the little god of creation, who just grabbed a cookie that the Dupain-Chengs left for her and started nibbling on it while the girl got ready.
The kwami watched as the routine played before her, doing her best, as every morning, day and night, to pretend that she had no other cares in the world other than having enough cookies to eat and being warm and cozy. They both knew that was not true at all, but the sense of normalcy was something the heroine needed badly, so Tikki reminded Marinette of the stuff she needed for school, to brush her teeth and that one of her pigtails was loose. Occasionally, though, she did have to bring delicate topics to light.
"It's getting red again" The kwami carefully pointed out when Marinette was sitting on the border of her bed, putting her shoes on.
The girl looked at Tikki for a second, then understood what the god meant. She moved towards the mirror and grabbed one of her pigtails and, after some inspection, sighed. For some reason, no amount of high quality dye would prevent the tips of her hair from returning to their red hue. The red kwami looked down, pondering of her part on the girls problems.
"I guess it will be girls night this weekend" Said the designer, but Tikki relaxed, knowing by the girls tiny smile and her tone that she wasn't really mad or sad about it. She really did enjoy having Chloe and Alya over, and keeping her hair color normal was just a mild, inconvenient excuse for them to hang out.
The tension came back to the little god, however, when the girl resumed with her routine, which included sitting down her desk, opening one of the drawers and taking out a couple objects. A scratch card was one of them, which she took from a stack the girl kept. The other one was a small pouch, full of different types of dice.
Tikki watched as Marinette scratched the ticket and groaned, then moved on to the small sack, choosing a couple of normal six part dice today.
"Number?" The girl asked as she shook her hands holding the small cubes.
"Eight" Said Tikki, not even thinking twice. Marinette's eyes rolled. The red god decided to pick a less obviously probable number the next time. Ten maybe.
"Two" Said the girl, throwing the dice.
Tikki cringed, knowing by the designers expression that two dots were staring back at her on the desk without having to look. Marinette then proceeded to do it again and again, only stopping when the numbers were finally something other than a couple of ones.
The kwami maintained her facade of cheerfulness while at the same time she kept count of how many times Marinette had to try her luck this morning for it to go against her. Today was seven times, yesterday six. Last week it had only been three. Her charge's luck was getting better and better, and that only meant one important thing for the girl.
"Adrien…" Marinette whispered, staring numbly at the dice on her desk.
Tikki worriedly watched as the girl stood still for a couple minutes, then a sound downstairs woke her up from that little moment, and Marinette was moving again. She put the items on her desk in their respective places, grabbed her bag and started heading downstairs for another day of school. At least it was friday, thought the kwami while she floated behind the girl.
"Good morning Marinette, good morning Tikki" Greeted Sabine, the woman only looked up one second from the cake she was decorating. Tom's voice repeated his wife's words from the bread area as a flour cloud came out from there.
The girl and the kwami returned the greetings and Sabine still didn't look up, at least not until she noticed that Marinette walked past her and the table full of breakfast food.
"Where are you going so fast young girl?" Asked the woman, and Tikki couldn't help but feel like the scolding was for her too, hunching her tiny shoulders the same way Marinette did.
"Breakfast first!" Tom said from the other room before Marinette could answer her mother's question.
Marinette looked outside through the window, and both her mother and Tikki knew that she was looking at the mailbox. But it had been too many times already that the designer put her correspondence before having breakfast, and her parents were having none of that any longer. Tikki nudged at Marinette's shoulders, prompting her to go back to reality and take at least a croissant.
"You need all the energy you can get, you are still growing after all" Said Sabine, more out of routine now than as anything else.
"I don't think I'll grow any more mom…" Commented the girl as she poured some orange juice for herself.
"Nonsense! I was your age when I got yet another growth spurt, and it wasn't even the last one!" The man's voice came from the next room. Tikki giggled at the mental image of a Ladybug the size of Tom Dupain-Cheng. Now THAT would be an intimidating heroine.
"I'm a girl dad…and seventeen" Said Marinette pretending to be annoyed, but the kwamis giggle was contagious enough to leak all the harshness out of her voice.
"Seventeen year old girls still need breakfast" Said Sabine, also smiling, and that was the end of the conversation because Marinette finished eating and was going for the door again, this time getting stopped by no one.
As expected, the mailbox was empty. Tikki looked up to check her charge's expression, but she only found the usual disappointment, no tears. It had been a month since Marinette's eyes watered after not getting what she wanted from that mailbox, two months since the last of Adrien Agreste's letters arrived.
The classroom was already busy when Marinette entered the room, but she was not the last one to arrive, the girl realized, relief making her sigh as she took her spot, unnoticed. Ever since the disastrous Easter fashion gala almost a year ago, Marinette made it her mission to never be late again for class. Not because of her new sense of responsibility towards her education, or even because she wanted to hide her identity as Ladybug, heroine of Paris. No. It was because she developed a real, gut wrenching, anxiety inducing fear of being the center of attention as her civilian self. And arriving late only meant too many eyes on her, judging her and thinking about her presence. And expecting her to answer their questions.
She knew it was silly, but even though it was Chloe who actually took most of the questioning and gossip and relentless curiosity from their classmates head on after the event, Marinette still hated the pitying looks, the reassuring half smiles and the eyes full of shame some of her contemporaries still threw at her. Specially those who had known about her short lived relationship with Adrien Agreste, aka Chat Noir, controversial ex-hero of Paris who had been missing for the last ten months.
To everyone outside their little group, Adrien was a mystery, the main source of gossip for anyone between twelve and, well, anyone with internet and access to TV, really. The most popular model in the city turned criminal. The son of Hawkmoth, the villain who terrorized the city of love for almost three years before finally getting defeated and incarcerated. The details of the process were muddy at best for the average citizen, but virtually everyone knew there was a gap between his defeat by the heroes and his arrest at the gala. Not to mention said heroes were gracefully invited by the man to the party. Anything in between, including the role the girl known as Lila Rossi, who might or might not have been a supervillain depending on who you asked, was a fog of unanswered questions and confidential information the government of France and the powers of the world were not going to release anytime soon. Marinette wished it would never happen, but she also hated being one of the few known sources of clues by her peers, not even taking into account all that she knew because she was Ladybug, not just Marinette.
"Hey" A low but feminine voice broke Marinette's thoughts, forcing her to look up from her desk up to Juleka's face.
Tall as ever, the goth girl was smiling awkwardly as she sat down on Alya's empty seat. Marinette merely raised an eyebrow. They had not been on the best terms these past months, even though her and Rose already apologized profusely for mistrusting the designer and taking Lilas side. By that time, Marinette was so done with everything that was going on and the results of their last confrontation with the Italian, that she hadn't had the energy or the will to befriend the couple properly again. And then there was Luka…
"I just wanted to ask you… do you know where my brother spent the night yesterday?" The designer could tell that just asking that had costed Juleka greatly, she had to overcome the guilt of remembering her antagonism with Marinette before the gala just to talk to her.
"He was probably with Chloe" Suggested the designer, knowing full well that she was being a little petty. Juleka absolutely despised the now kind of public relationship that the blonde and her brother had. Her slight eye twitch confirmed that was not the answer she wanted.
"Ok… thank you" Said the goth before slowly getting up and going back to her seat next to Rose.
Marinette felt a pang of guilt at her own behavior. Juleka might be a bit too childish about her brothers private life, but the girl was otherwise completely innocent and didn't deserve the useless reminder. The designer decided to convince herself that it was this or telling Juleka the truth, that Luka probably spent the night with Master Fu, again. But that would require to spill a bunch of information she was sure not going to. So she just shrugged and kept waiting quietly for her best friend to arrive, while trying to avoid sulking about her morning.
She had found two Euros on the street while walking to school even though the rain should have washed them away, on top of the dice giving her the number she wished for seven times in a row. It was getting harder and harder not getting stressed about what her good fortune implied for her missing partner. She was sure he was ok, convinced that she would somehow know if something bad happened to him, but still. The fact that he hadn't been able to send her anything in two months, when she used to receive letters every three days, didn't help either.
"Girl, why the monday face on a friday morning?" Alyas voice said as she sat down besides her, forcing Marinette out of her thoughts again. So much for not sulking.
"Seven times, and nothing on the mailbox" She said lying her head back on her arms, knowing that no one hearing them would understand what those words meant. Alya certainly did, as well as Nino, who was taking his spot in front of them. Next to the DJ, an empty space that had not been reclaimed even though they got a few new students that August was probably the most glared at spot on the whole classroom. Marinette was pretty sure it was not coincidence that no one had taken it, given Nino's still fierce loyalty to the missing blond.
"I'm sure we will know from him soon" The fox heroine whispered, trying to reassure her like she did almost everyday lately. Marinette just nodded. Nino didn't comment.
The last person to arrive at the classroom, just as the teacher was starting the lecture, was Chloe Bourgeois. Forgotten were the days when just knowing the blonde was near made Marinette anxious or annoyed. Instead of expecting a mean comment or provocation, all the designer and the ex-bully exchanged now was banter here and there. At least in public.
In reality, Chloe was rapidly becoming another person that Marinette could call "a close friend", and that was not a label she was giving out easily these days. She was pretty sure they were close to "would take a bullet for the other" territory now, though she wasn't completely sure yet. Marinette smiled, remembering how not even Luka was all that good at predicting what the blonde would do or say next.
Before going for her seat and completely ignoring the angry stare of the teacher, Chloe approached Nino of all people and, leaning in slightly, whispered:
"Nothing?" Her voice was low enough that, even though everyone on the classroom was awkwardly quiet and watching them, no one would be able to hear them. Nino just shook his head in answer, but Chloe lifted her eyes to look at Marinette's, the same question they all had floating in her blue irises.
The designer shook her head softly just like Nino did seconds ago. Staring at the rich girls gaze, Marinette thought this was probably a mirror of her own, of her same little hope vanishing as she realized that morning that this would be another day with no news from Adrien. Chloe tsked and resumed her way to her seat next to Sabrina, who was doing her best effort of pretending that nothing weird had happened. The teacher got over his anger with a sight and, following Sabrina's example, shrugged and continued with the lecture.
After a couple of foggy weeks following the Easter Gala, Marinette had been truly trying to retake control over her life and keep everything in order. She patrolled the streets of Paris at night and sometimes during the day too, so people could see that Ladybug was keeping her promises. She fought crime alongside her team, mostly Alya and Nino. She drew and drew and drew, in part to keep herself busy everytime she was at home and fill her head with more productive ideas other than musing over her missing boyfriend; In part to work on her future. And she had made the effort of improving her grades and never being late again, even if Tikki being her alarm clock was a questionable use of the friendly god of creation. She really tried, but today she was failing.
It was just impossible to not start her usual round of panicky theories of what could be going on with her partner. Instead of paying attention to any of her teachers, that friday Marinette rehearsed his last letter in her head over and over, which had nothing but the typical pun-filled stories and loving words for her. She tried to map his route across the country in her imagination which, as always, lead her to nowhere useful. He never disclosed where he was going next and she knew the letters had some delay, so he never was where he sent them from at the moment of her opening the envelopes. Sometimes he circled around an area for weeks, sometimes he went straight north then back south, sometimes his route made a bit of sense. The boy was obviously running away in an unpredictable manner, which was the whole point of him not being with her in the first place.
By the end of her school day, Marinette had a bunch of useless and not all that new theories of what could have happened to Adrien, all of them making her conclude that she just needed to talk to the guardian about this. Both of them.
The tiny apartment smelled like tea and hospital. The small elderly man was lying on a well equipped bed, surrounded by books, incense and the machines that kept him steady. Master Fu waited patiently for his dinner as he switched channels on the TV, not really interested in watching movies but not feeling like getting depressed with the news either. He already knew why the weather was getting weirder and that some punks defaced Chat Noirs statue, again.
Suddenly, a noise on his window made him stop his surfing and look outside, where the red clad heroine was already putting a wet foot on his book filled floor.
"Well hello young woman, you came just in time for dinner" He joked, knowing that she did not come for food. Ladybug never came for something so casual.
"Hello master" She greeted, closing the window and then standing awkwardly in the middle of a bunch of book pillars. He had a lot of time on that room these past months, and reading was his favorite hobby for when he was alone.
"Um, I just wanted to-" The heroine started, but interrupted herself when she heard the noise coming from the kitchen. Soon after, the young man came into the room carrying a tray full of food and tea for two.
"Oh, hey Marinette, didn't expect you, want some? There is plenty more in the kitchen" Said Luka casually, placing the tray on a table that he then slided in front of the old guardian. Ladybug chuckled and, avoiding the book towers, sat on the end of the bed across Luka.
"Are you living here now? Because I think you should at least tell your sister that you moved out" The girl tried to sound cheerful, but there was some bitterness on that comment. Fu sent a look towards the snake hero, which he promptly ignored. Luka had told him that there was no problem with him coming here. But if his sister was starting to get suspicious or worried…
"Nah, It's just these last few days, since mom is out of the city I wanted to use the chance and my free time well. I'll go back tomorrow so Juleka stops bothering you" Said the guitarist, and seeing Ladybug roll her eyes at hearing the words 'chance' and 'time' made the old man smile. It was a bit like Ladybug and Chat Noir interacting, except of course Luka didn't pun intentionally and soon enough the girl caught herself and her eyes dropped to her hands.
"What brings you here tonight ? It's been awhile since you came visit me, Ladybug" Said Fu as soon as he sensed the awkward silence gaining strength. He didn't mean to sound accusatory but the girl tightened her hands into fists on her lap after hearing his questioning anyways.
"Um, sorry, been busy… It's just, my luck" She said, sounding small and not at all like the strong Ladybug that spoke on TV every time she got interviewed. This was not the Ladybug that made everyone feel safe and that she was in control, this was Marinette, dealing with the consequences of what happened nearly a year ago, when Fu was asleep on a coma.
To the man, one day they had defeated Hawkmoth after a little crisis with Destruction's pure form, then he woke up months after in a hospital, everything changed. Chat Noir was a fugitive after Lila Rossi died in his arms, the miracle box was missing and two men escaped with miraculous that were not meant for them. Ladybug had been healing him for three months before he finally woke up, and he had been slowly recovering since then. If it wasn't for Luka keeping him busy with questions and his company, Fu was not sure how he would have dealt with the impotence he had been accumulating since waking up. Especially considering that he was still not able to leave the bed. At least he managed to get out of the hospital, those doctors almost didn't let him go, being a medical mystery and all.
"How bad is it?" Asked Luka softly after a moment of silence. The question was a bit weird, considering her luck was probably getting better and better… which was a bad thing, of course.
"I could probably get myself banned from every Casino in Europe if I wanted to" Said the girl and Fu couldn't help but chuckle. Even stressed, Marinette managed to be amusing.
"That is certainly not a good use of the miraculous power" Commented the old man, immediately getting an offended look from both of the younger heroes. So much for trying to lighten the mood. You know you screwed up when not even Luka backed up your attempts at keeping things 'chill'.
"Master! This is serious! Adrien has not reached to me in two months and our powers are getting more and more imbalanced, if my luck is this good it can only mean he is suffering worse and worse luck! What if something bad happened to him?" She started to ramble about all the horrible things that could have happened, neither him not Luka having the heart to stop her until she got too pessimistic. They both knew the girl needed to vent. It was probably the reason she came here for, even if she didn't consciously know that.
"What if he's… what if he's dead in an alley in Marseille or something, and we never hear from him again? What if i can't tell when- if that happens?" She was openly crying now, and Luka hugged her tightly so she could let it out freely, making sure she knew that neither of them would judge her.
Fu truly didn't know what was causing the imbalance. Until recently, Adrien and Marinette had been in close contact and things were starting to finally calm down, even with the trial coming closer and closer. But the problems started before Adrien sent his last letter, when Ladybug conjured one of her lucky charms to fight a criminal and got a fire gun. The girl panicked and, instead of using it on the robber she was fighting, she went to him at the hospital and threw the weapon on his lap, as if just touching it burned her.
They convinced each other that night that it was just a fluke, a weird answer of the powers to her fight with that particular criminal. She dispelled it and continued on with her life, until it happened again. And again and again. Ladybug no longer got pieces and clues of what she had to do in order to defeat an enemy or accomplish something. Instead, she was getting semi-automatics and swords, grenades and even a bazooka, once. All things that screamed 'destruction', all things that were no lucky charms.
"Master, what if we go looking for him?" Said Luka, staring at him with pleading eyes while still hugging Ladybug. The girl perked up at hearing the young man's suggestion, but he stroked her hair, a kind way of not letting her lift her head with too many hopes yet.
"You decided without me that waiting for the trial and the superhero laws first was the best plan" The man pointed out, feeling like this conversation was more for Ladybug to hear again than heading anywhere.
"Yes but that was when none of this was happening, maybe we don't have that kind of time anymore…" The guitarist was kind, letting this opening for Ladybug to finally lift her head and wipe her eyes, then join the conversation as a hero and not a distressed girl.
"I decided that" She said, as Fu predicted she would. She could cry and fear and panic, but she never made choices when she was distressed. Only when she calmed down, like now, was she able to finally think clearly and be the Ladybug that made him so proud.
"Bunnyx told me… she knows all of this and she hasn't appeared again. I trust her. But I also have a limit, master. I'm starting to doubt our initial plan of letting things solve themselves here before going for Adrien, maybe we really need to be in proximity for balance to go back to normal…" She said, her gaze jumping from him to Luka looking for reassurance. The boy was already shaking his head.
"I told you, physical distance means nothing. There had been times when Ladybugs and Chat Noirs hadn't even met with no balance problems" Said the snake hero, not really exasperated at having to repeat this bit of information so many times, just sad at not being able to make her feel better with easy lies.
"But you also told me that those times were when Chat Noirs were villains! I just don't get it! It doesn't make sense, why being a bad person with the power of a god doesn't disrupt balance, but us being away from each other does? It's not like we kept secrets or abused our powers, and we now know better than all the past heroes what happens when we go against the nature of our miraculous, why is this happening?!" There was rage on her voice now, and Luka was rendered speechless. Not just because of the intensity of her anger, but also because he had no answers to her questions.
Neither of them did.
Marinette was still angry when she arrived at her balcony. She dropped her transformation and opened her trap door, feeling Tikki silently floating behind her. The kwami probably wanted to talk to her, but she didn't want to hear yet another person telling her the same words, with the same pity in their eyes. Luka and Master Fu had ended up being completely useless, except for the fact that she at least was no longer waiting for the tears to flow, just enraged.
The girl stood in the middle of her room, only lit by moonlight as the sky finally cleared, and sighed. She knew she was being unfair. Everyone tried their best to support her, doing what they can to continue with their flimsy plan and hoping for Adrien to be alright. It was almost funny how, if it wasn't for the detail of her boyfriend being a fugitive, her life would be perfect right now. Just her luck, she thought grimly as she sat down and started playing with the dice again.
"Marinette… " Tikki whispered in a concerned tone while floating in front of her, blocking her view of the cubes in her desk. It was probably two snake eyes staring at her again anyways.
"Sorry Tikki… I just hate feeling like my hands are tied" She said, closing her eyes.
The vivid memory of that night at the gala reappeared in her mind. Her eyes blurry with tears as she watched Adrien's disbelieving face. Lila's corpse on his feet, the paramedic who just announced her demise giving space to the rest of his team to cover her body with a plastic sheet. The police gathering around, communicating with their superiors, still unsure of what to do. And Bunnyx, at the distance in the shadows, positioned in a place where only someone from Ladybug's place in the stairs could spot her.
Adrien ran before anyone could react in time to catch him, his head only looking at the floor and his feet as he passed right beside the time heroine. Marinette remembered that longing that she still felt, that strong need to forget everything and everyone else, even Tikki who was still unconscious inside the venue, and follow him. She even remembered taking the first step, ignoring Adriens previous look, imploring her to not go with him. But then Bunnyx did the same, stopping her for a second time.
Ladybug, be transformed but still in her gown and mask covering her crying eyes, froze in the steps as she watched the police finally mobilize to try and capture the love of her life. A boy who just won a fight but lost almost everything else, who had bad luck and was scared and alone and hadn't eaten since lunch that day. She just stood there, taking the silent advice of someone who knew the future, trusting her.
Do not follow. That's the only clue Bunnyx, their last resort, left for her, if it could even be considered that.
Marinette opened her eyes, frowning. How long was that 'advice' valid for anyways? Why did people that knew time stuff always had to be so cryptic? Was the point to make her doubt, to let her become so unsure of her own choices that it was almost like she had no reassurance that everything would be alright in the end at all? Maybe. Or maybe she was overthinking, it didn't matter.
Marinette was sure of one thing, at least. She was tired of waiting.