Mistress of Annoyance, Arrogance, Cutting Stall Time by 80%, and Everything In Between
Act 1, Scene 1: An Amused Voice Interrupts
(In the place where you find Magus. The battle has not yet begun.)
Magus: PREPARE TO DIE!
Glenn: Over my dead body!
Magus: Then so be it, little frog. So be it.
?: Oh? I haven't met anyone this bad at intimidation since Zant.
Chrono: Um, who was that?
Magus: It does not matter-
?: WHAT? You don't tell a lady that she doesn't matter.
Lucca: Who are you?
?: Oh, allow me to introduce myself.
(Dramatic pause)
?: Nah!
Magus: Insufferable brat.
?: Oh, by quiet, you Cuckoo.
Magus: (sputtering) CUCKOO?! (no longer sputtering) DIE!
Lucca: Oh, I like her.
(Everyone turns to stare at her, open-mouthed. Magus literally has his jaws on the floor.)
Act 1, Scene 2: To Sing of Threats and Insults
(Same place, an hour later. The heroes are crunching on caramel popcorn as they watch.)
?: There was a little sword tree, nothing would it bear! But a cute villain and his silver hair! The Hyrule king's daughter came to visit me! And all for the sake of my villainy!
Magus: I will smite you.
?: The blades on the stick go round-and-round, round-and-round, the blades on the stick go round-and-round, until the head falls down!
Magus: Your body will be ripped apart, molecule by molecule.
?: ~That's what Zant said, and he got stabbed!~
Magus: How dare – wait, who's Zant?
?: How about a nursery ryhme?
Magus: oh no...
(? sings for awhile.)
Magus: I take back everything I have ever done. This is torture…and I'm the victim this time…!
Lucca: This is so theraputic.
Glenn & Chrono: Yeah.
Act 2, Scene 1: Magus Hates the Twilight
(Weird black squares are in the general area of Magus. Five hours have passed since the stranger's arrival.)
?: Oh, this is much better.
Magus: Meep.
(The heroes are on the floor, laughing as their faces turn purple and only stopping to breathe.)
?: Well, what did you expect? I kept getting you to do some crazy ritual, and then just say 'nah, I lied.'
Lucca: (gasping for breath) This is so funny!
Chrono: First, it was the insults. Then, the nursery rhymes twisted, and now it's the 'consequences card'!
Glenn: And we still haven't the slightest clue what her name is!
(Magus shoots then a feeble, weak death glare.)
(It only makes them laugh harder.)
Act 2, Scene 2: Victory Is Spicy With Arguments
(Half an hour later. Magus's mind is broken from annoyance.)
(…)
(…)
(…)
Lucca: …Nice job.
?: Yawn. You guys may wanna kill him before he regains full mental faculties.
Chrono & Glenn: (Raising swords) On it!
(Magus Defeated)
(The sound of someone running is heard)
?: MIDNA!
Midna: SHUT UP!
?: IF YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN, I'M KILLING YOU, TWILIGHT OR NOT!
Midna: Your concern is touching, Link!
Link: Shut up, Midna.
–
A/N: Yeah. That happened.
So, Midna finds them right before they start fighting, break Magus's mind in 5 to 5.5 hours, and is the pain in the ass that she excels at being.
Oh, and kudos to anyone who can spot the reference.