author note: Hi, everyone! I just discovered this show... and kind of fell in love. This is my first FF about Blue Bloods. This is unbetaed adn even if English is my first working language, it's not my mother tongue...so, if anyone is interested in becoming my beta, please let me know!

I don't know yet if this is going to be a stand alone chapter or a two/three chapter long story, maybe let me know?

Anyway, I have another FF in my mind, settled in BB, so, a beta will not find themself without job :D

Please, let me know what do you think about this!

"44th- West. 10-13"

The radio called in, breaking the silence of reigning in the car. It was well past midnight, it was cold as hell in New York and neither Detective Reagan nor his partner were in the mood for chatting.

They were patrolling nearby Hell's Kitchen, trying to arrest Mitch Hearst, one of the numerous drug dealer, who they believed killed three 15 years olds kids with bad cutted heroine.

"Let's go"

His colleague, Matt, turned the sirens and flashing lights of their car.

Danny just nodded, closing his eyes and praying his brother Joe was not involved.

There were something like five squad of detectives around the small area of Hell's Kitchen, each one of them looking for Hearst, which were the odds his brother would be the one?

"Danny? You okay?"

"Yeah" He responded, barely listening to him.

"Gotta go now, kid. Mi shift starts in 10" Joe said in a strange, sad voice. He missed his little brother Jamie, and he didn't like when he had to interrupt their evening phone call, but work called, and tonight, among all nights, was important. They were close to get Mitch Hearst, and their dad counted on Danny and him, even if he would never say that out loud, of course.

"Already?" He smiled at Jamie's weak protest.

"I'm sorry, kid"

"I know… it's just… I miss you"

Hearing Jamie's almost pleading voice almost melted his heart.

"Miss you too, Kid, but,you are doing great right where you are, and I can't wait to be there for your graduation. You are gonna be a great lawyer, and Erin's gonna hate you in court"

"I don't want to stand for criminals" Jamie's voice hardened "You, and Danny, and dad risk your life everyday and I…"

"Kid, kid calm down… I was kidding. I was just kidding" Joe reassured his little brother, already regretting what he just said. Jamie was quite sensitive regarding his future, mostly because he knew he had chosen law school to follow their mother's desire. She was already hill when the kid started university, and they all knew her time was near, and she wanted to be sure that at least their youngest brother will be safe and far from the streets. If Joe should be completely honest with himself, he fully agreed with her, and he knew that, deep down, the rest of their family did too.

Jamie was… Jamie.

Even if he hated when they told him so, their little brother was the family's puppy. When mom and dad told Danny, Erin and him she was pregnant with Jamie, no one of them showed any sign of jealousy, which was, as Henry used to say, a real miracle, since before each new brother (and sister) had been quite a tragedy.

Each one of them had always taken care of that little brat, even if the bond Jamie and Joe shared was kind of unique. They were both brothers and best friends. Joe new their bond made Danny, and maybe also Erin, a little bit envious, but it wasn't something they chose to have. It just happened, maybe because they were close at age, despite they were six year apart, or it was just their personalities, or who knows.

So, yeah, everyone in the family was just more than happy when he announced he would attend the Columbia university and later, Harvard.

"I… just… I don't know Joe…" his brother seemed almost desperate, as if he had touched something into his brother's mind, something that was there even before and was tearing him apart, and Joe just felt terrible because, really? They talked at least twice a day and he never noticed anything?

"What is it, Jamie?"

"What if I made a mistake? What if I should have done the police academy?"

Joe reprimed a sigh.

Police call did not miss Jamie at all. For a long time, he had been torn regarding his future. Since he was a little kid, Jamie said he wanted to be a cop. Not a detective, no, that had always been crystal clear in Jamie's mind. He wanted to be a patrol cop, one of those who could make a real connection between the police and the citizens.

And Joe damn well knew how Jamie could be the right man for the job.

Let's clarify, Joe was also one hundred percent sure his little bro would ace also as a detective. He was smart, and had great intuition, even more than him and Danny, but Jamie was more than that. Jamie was sympathetic, too, in the right way. The way he and Danny missed totally, and that could really make the difference on patrol.

Still, he let their parents guide him into a different path, just to let him know he could choose also something else, just in case he thought his way was forced into the police department.

Jamie and Joe had talked a lot about this. It had also happened that Jamie came to the precinct during lunch time to talk with him without anyone else who could listen to them and express their opinion.

Joe never forced him in neither of the two options he kept. He just listened to him and tried to help him figure out which way was the best for his brother.

"Jamie, are you okay?"

"It's just… hitting me you know? The only way to not throw your work away is to work in the DA office, like Erin… In any other way, I will always be against you"

"Me?"

"You, Danny, Dad, the entire police force… And I don't know if I am good with it"

"Why don't you go public or corporate law instead?"

"I don't think they are for me, Joe"

"Then what?" He asked softly.

"I don't know" was the simply answer "Maybe… maybe I should just quit right here and now"

"No, no, no, ehy… Ehy Jamie, don't be stupid. You are like what? Three months apart from your degree? You just finish it, okay? Do it for mom"

Their mom had been one of the finest lawyer in New York, she had died two months after Jamie's first degree at Columbia.

"And then what?"

"And then we will figure it out, kid. Together" Joe tried to put all the love he felt for his little brother in that word. "I promise you, kid. And you know what? I have a free weekend this week. What about I come to you and we just hang out for a couple of days?"

"A… are you serious? It's… a four hours journey"

"I'll be there, kid. Now I gotta go. Call you back tomorrow morning before I go to bed, okay?"

"Be safe out there, okay Joe? Both you and Danny"

"Will be. I love you, kid" then, right before ending the phone call he added "And jamie… I'm proud of you. You have no idea of how proud I am of the man you become. And I don't care what do you choose to do after your degree. As long as you are happy, I'll be at your side. I promise"

"Thanks, Joe" Jamie's voice was clearly wet with commotion "I love you"

"Love you too, kid. Good night"

"Good night."

Joe hung up the phone and smiled. He didn't know why he just said that, he usually wasn't that emotional, but still. He sent a text to Danny.

"Kid says to stay safe out there"

"Copy that", was the answer he received from his older brother, which clearly was already in police man mood. "You too, Joe", came also after a minute.

"Copy" he smiled and sent.

He put on his vest and closed his locker, before joining his partner on the car.

Danny and Matt were the first one to arrive on the scene.

Danny saw a blink of pink, a lock of hair that couldn't stay hidden. Maria. Bent over someone, her back shaking with sobs.

There were few people who could make her cry like that.

And only one could be here tonight.

Danny did not remember his legs moving toward the two young detectives, nor deciding to go there. He just found himself knelt right beside his brother, his hand shaking as he tried and failed to find a pulse, ignoring the three gun wound who had killed his brother almost instantly, hitting him right in the few spots left uncovered by the vest.

He didn't remembered EMT's trying to force him to let Joe go, nor hitting them, or Renzoulli and Matt forcing him to stop.

He didn't remember getting into the hospital.

He didn't remember his father.

He just remember it was 2 am in the night, that Jamie was probably sleeping, ignoring to be the last to talk to Joe.

He just remembered he thought Jamie could not learn this from the morning news, or a phone call.

He just remembered he kissed Joe's cold forehead, whispering to him he was going to get Jamie, and then just run.

He just run and took his car, ignoring Linda and whoever tried to stop him.

He ignored Erin, asking him where in the hell was going to.

His lucidity came back when he finally parked its car in the parking in front of Jamie's dorm. He didn't remember exactly how the trip was, except that he should not have broken too much the speed limits, given he arrived in four hours and ten minutes. Probably his instinct had thought it was better for him to drive safe, and arrive, than drive faster.

He knew where to look.

Jamie's room was on the last floor of the building, second from the right. He tried not to cry thinking that Joe had told him the information, just in case of emergency.

He failed.

Danny just stayed in the car for almost thirty minutes, trying to compose himself before seeing Jamie. He took his phone, learning in that moment that Erin and Linda had left something like 50 messages.

He just read the last one. It was Erin, again.

"Bring yourself and Jamie home, safely. We are all waiting for you"

And Danny just managed the smallest of the smiles. Of course, dad or someone had guessed he had just to go and see the kid, and tell him personally.

The light in Jamie's room turned on in that moment. It was 6.40 AM.

Danny wasn't ready, he would never be.

But he had to.

Slowly, he entered the dorm, passed the guard using his police badge and walked to the room. He knocked slightly. He didn't want to wake all the dorm up.

Jamie woke up with a start, not even knowing why.

He was sleeping, and suddenly he was more than awake. He hadn't sleep very well, actually. The phone call with Joe had left him with a strange feeling, as if something was about to happen, but he could quite figure out what.

Eventually, he had fallen asleep, only to wake up as if he had had a nightmare he could remember at all.

He looked at his phone, always turned on.

It was just 6.20 AM, too early to get up.

There weren't messages from Joe or their brothers, but this was quite normal. He tried to go back to sleep, but he had a strange feeling that was keeping him awake.

It was 6.40 when he finally gave up the possibility to sleep and decided he could use the early wake for a run in the park and, maybe, to get an extra morning call with Joe, or saying good morning to his niece Nicky before she went to school.

He was in love with that kid. He loved all his nephews, Sean and Jack were amazing, but Nicky was more a little sister than a niece, and he loved her temper. She was just like all four of them summon up in one tiny, determined girl.

The knock on his door was so slight he almost missed it.

Who could ever be so early in the morning?

Sure, not his roommate, who had decided to take an extra week of holiday and went somewhere in the north fishing salmons, or looking for Jon Snow, and whatever, nor Luke, the one he considered his best friend here in Cambridge.

Luke would never get up before 9AM, no matter what.

Jamie took the little knife he always kept with him, a gift from Danny. Not that he could kill anyone with that thing, but it was sharp and Jamie knew how to use it. It would kill no one, but surely it will help him defend himself.

Jamie opened the door, just slightly, the minimum to recognize his visitor.

And he just froze.

The door finally opened, the minimum as dad and pop had trained them to do when a visit was unexpected. Danny made a single step forward, allowing Jamie to recognize him.

"Kid…" he murmured as the youngest of his brothers just remained still, his eyes wide open in fear as Danny opened the door and entered the room.

Danny knew his red eyes, along with the unexpected visit, will tell Jamie something really, really bad had happened to their family.

Danny opened his arms and just pulled Jamie to him.

"I'm so sorry, kid" whispered, holding him as tight as he could, as Jamie finally broke into tears.

Danny knew Jamie knew.

Joe is not with him.

That's all what Jamie could think about as he realized Danny's eyes were full of tears, his expression taunted… and that Joe was not with him.

That brought him to the only explanation possible.

He let his older brother hold him, almost keeping him upright as he began to sob, his face pressed into Danny's shoulder and his fingers clamped so deep into his back he would probably left signs.

He didn't care.

Joe, his brother, his best friend, his confidant was gone.

He didn't even allow himself to hope he was not, that maybe he had just been shot and critical, because he knew Danny would never drive to his dorm from NY in the middle of the night just to tell him Joe was injured.

Plus, Danny was crying too.

Danny never cried.

He didn't cry even when their mom died.

He had always been the strong one. For dad, for them, for his children and Nicky. Seeing him like this, right now, pushed Jamie to react and hold him as tight as he was.

Eventually, Jamie, his sobs calmed down, and he raised his head, and the two brothers stood just there, holding each other, forehead to forehead, silently crying for Joe.

Danny hadn't expected that at all.

More precisely, he didn't expect his own reaction.

He had always been the strong one, the eldest brother, the one who used to take care of everything and everyone; and yet, here he was, crying as much as Jamie.

When Jamie raised his head, letting his forehead resting onto his own, he just stayed there and, maybe for the first time in his life, he let the youngest helping him.

For the first time, he let tears fall down from his eyes in front of someone who wasn't Linda and just breathed with Jamie.

Time didn't matter.

For just a few moments, he let his grief come out freely, tears became quiet sobs. He felt Jamie guiding him to his bed. He didn't resist, even when Jamie made him lay down on his bed and just held him.

The last time the two of them shared a bed had been when the kid was ten and had high fever. Mom and dad where both out for the night and Danny stayed at home to take care of he and Joe.

It was about 1 AM when he heard Jamie's soft cry. The kid felt sick and was scared. It was the first time for him to be like this and mom was not there. So, Danny just held him all night, comforting him each time he woke up from a nightmare.

Now they just laid together, in that small bed.

They cried.

They remembered.

Thank you for reading! Drop a review, bad or good, it's welcome!