Magic can't be forced. It has to be found. Kara is not sure why, but this sentence can't stop echoing in her mind, and it also always makes her think of Lena, she knows why though.
After a few forced dates, Kara has felt that her heart couldn't take more of that. That's why she has stopped forcing herself to feel something that obviously could never be there.
And now she has the same sentence that's bouncing in her mind at least fifty times per day. And she doesn't even have the energy to fight it. Just like she can't stop thinking about Lena.
Perfect Wonderful Beautiful Lena with whom nothing has ever felt forced.
As she's sitting on her couch with a soft blanket wrapped around her and a pillow pressed against her chest in an attempt to feel some kind of warmth, Kara is staring at a picture of she and Lena. Tears well up into her eyes as a lump makes its way into her throat. Her chest tightens and her heart aches.
Kara feels as if she's desperately trying to get over the worst break up she's ever had. Which doesn't make any sense, she knows it. But she can't help the feeling.
She sighs, and pushes her glasses better onto her nose. She doesn't why she's chosen to keep them today, even though she's alone. But she doesn't have the energy to take them off.
She can't stop wondering how things could have been between them right now if she had been brave enough to be honest with Lena years ago. She got a glimpse of what could have happened if she'd revealed her identity sooner. But she hasn't gotten the chance to see what could have happened if she had revealed her true feelings.
Kara swallows thickly. It's too late now. Lena hates her, it's entirely her fault and she can't do anything about it. All she can do is sitting in a dimly lit room, and staring at a picture that has been taken a year ago, wrapped in a blanket as she hugs a pillow the same way she would like to be hugging her best friend right now.
Her best friend whom she's been in love with probably since day one if she's being honest with herself.
How could she not be in love with Lena? Kara asks herself as she's gazing at Lena in the picture.
It's not only Lena's beauty that always leaves Kara speechless. It's also her kindness, her smartness and that warmth that swirls within her every time she thinks of the most incredible human being she's ever met.
Magic can't be forced. It has to be found. Again, the sentence bounces in Kara's mind as she's staring into Lena's deep green eyes. That makes her frustrated with herself, because she's realizing with a heavy heart that the magic has been right in front of her for years, and she let it slide in the stupidest of way.
Tired of shedding tears, and angry with herself for not taking action to even try to make the situation better, Kara's not sure how, but suddenly she feels the strength she lacked these last years.
She can't change the past, that fact is clear in Kara's mind and she accepted it with an aching heart. She knows that forgiving her is something that's entirely up to Lena. But Kara also realizes that she hasn't given her all the facts, which is unfair, she thought. Lena deserves to know the total truth, and Kara really needs to free her heart or it might combust under the intensity of her feelings.
Strangely, she doesn't feel afraid about her resolution. Perhaps, that's because their friendship is already ruined, so Kara doesn't feel the fear of losing Lena. She only feels the hope that Lena could eventually accept to give them a second chance, even if it's a just as friends. Being friends is still better than nothing at all.
Without allowing her insecurities to make her change her mind, Kara gently puts down the picture on the coffee table, and yanks the pillow and the blanket away from her before flying through the window without even bothering to put her suit on, and without taking her glasses off either.
Faster than she would have thought, Kara is standing in front of Lena's door. She can hear Lena's heartbeat, and as usual that sound comforts her and gives her some strength.
Feeling ready to knock, she raises a shaky hand to the door. She stops just right before it hits the surface though, and swallows thickly.
Do not second guess yourself, Kara. That never brings any good. Come on! She inhales and exhales, taking a couple of seconds to gather her strength and courage until she finally knocks.
Kara fiddles nervously with her glasses as she waits.
She stands outside Lena's penthouse for long minutes. Tears prick her eyes when she understands that she's really not wanted here. She does her best to keep her tears at bay and spins on her heels, about to go until she hears familiar footsteps coming towards the door.
Hope leaps in Kara's heart, and she turns around with a small smile.
The door slides open, revealing Lena who is even more gorgeous than ever. She's wearing a blue three piece suit, and Kara is pretty sure she just felt her brain short circuit at the view.
Kara can't stop herself from admiring her best friend she missed more than words can express. Without realizing it, her gaze got caught by Lena's red lips that she wants to kiss so much until she looks up to those hypnotizing green eyes. That's when Kara notices that Lena seems less angry than usual.
Suddenly, Kara realizes that she's openly daydreaming, but she's still not able to take her eyes off the magnificent woman in front of her. She loves her so much that she feels that it could make her cry.
The sound of Lena clearing her throat brings her back to reality.
Kara shakes slightly her head and smiles at Lena.
Lena raises an eyebrow. "Did you come here only for staring at me?"
A blush colors Kara's cheeks and the tip of her ears at this assumption. "Um, no, I... I wanted to speak to you."
"I thought you were done apologizing. At least, that's what you told me last time you barged in here… Among other things." Lena says, running a hand through her dark-hair that flows effortlessly and looks softer than ever.
Kara fiddles with her glasses as she clears slightly her throat. "I'm sorry, Lena. I mean, for the things I said that day. I truly regret the way I phrased certain things. But I'm not here to talk about the past. I don't expect to be forgiven, but I really need to tell you something. Something that you deserve to know."
Lena stares at her, she slightly chews on her lips, and Kara can feel she's hesitating.
"Please, Lena." Kara says with glistening eyes as she's still fighting her tears and does her best not to make them spill out.
Lena sighs. "Come in," she says, shifting away from the doorway to let Kara enter her penthouse.
"Thank you," Kara smiles.
Standing in the middle of the room, the two women silently face each other.
Kara gazes at Lena, she's not sure of the best way to say what she wants to say. Her heart speeds up and her mind races as well.
Lena folds her arms over her chest. "So, what is the thing I deserve to know?"
Kara looks away from Lena and focus her gaze to the window. It's already dark. She stares for a couple of seconds at the view outside. She clears her throat and looks back to Lena. "I went on a few dates last week."
Lena stiffens, her jaw clenches slightly at these words and her look hardens. "I hardly see how this is relevant for me to know that."
Kara swallows thickly. "Because that made me realize certain things... about you, about us."
Lena stays silent, but the look of curiosity and interest in her eyes invites Kara to continue.
"Honestly, I agreed to go out with him only because everyone around me was telling me that I should give it a try. And although the dates weren't awful, they weren't great either. It all felt too forced, so I stopped."
"While I can relate to this story. I really don't get how any of this involves me."
Kara takes a deep breath. "Because you are the person I'd wish I went on a date with."
Lena's eyes slightly widen as she stares at Kara with her mouth agape.
"Before I chose to go on those dates. A friend of mine, kind of, told me something that I can't stop thinking about. Actually, he reminded of something I told him a while ago. Something that makes me think of you every single time."
"What is it?" Lena asks in a whisper.
"Magic can't be forced. It has to be found." Kara replies, staring deeply at Lena.
Lena smiles slightly. "That does sound like something you would say."
Kara's heart warms at seeing Lena's smile, it gives her enough strength to keep going. "You are the only one in my life with whom everything feels magical. Spending times with you has always been effortless. And since we're apart I feel as if the magic has disappeared from my life." She breathes out, and squeezes her eyes shut to keep her tears from spilling out.
"Kara," Lena gasps.
Kara's eyes flew open, she swallows thickly. "Let me finish, please."
Her arms still folded across her chest as if she's trying to protect herself, Lena nods her head and steps slightly closer to Kara.
Kara doesn't know if Lena has stepped closer to her on purpose, but it makes her feel better and warmer. She exhales. "I didn't lie when I told you that the main reason I didn't tell you the truth about me being Supergirl was because I was terrified of losing you. Because losing you makes me feel that I'm losing my heart. And living without you, that's like living without my heart in my chest. I know that's impossible, even for me. But that's what I feel." She shudders, staring at Lena whose green eyes start to glisten. Suddenly she's not sure that coming here and spilling out everything she feels has been a good idea. She knows that she has to keep going on with what she has to say though, and the fact that Lena slightly takes another step closer to her helps her find the strength to do that.
Kara takes another deep breath. "But I haven't been completely honest with you. There's something about you that for years I tried to ignore because I was terrified that if I'd let this thing out, that would ruin our friendship. But given everything that happened recently, I don't think I have much to lose right now. Besides, as I told you earlier, you deserve to know it." Kara fiddles with her glasses until she joins both of her hands together. "The truth Lena is that I've always known that what I feel for you is stronger than it should be. From the moment I met you, you took my breath away. Not only because you are the most beautiful person I have ever laid my eyes upon. But there's something special about you. Something that makes me feel safe and warm. Being with you has always been magical and effortless, but there's something deeper. Something I hadn't realized until I had to live without you every day. Being with you feels like home. Being without you, that gives me that hollowness I can't get rid of no matter how many people I have around me." She pauses for a couple of seconds until Lena smiles slightly at her.
Kara smiles back. "What I'm trying to say, Lena is... that I'm in love with you since the day you inspired me to become a reporter. You are my hero, Lena Luthor. I love you so much that sometimes it makes me want to cry. I know that you don't want to do anything with me right now, and maybe ever. But I didn't want to spend one more day without you knowing what I feel for you. I also wanted you know that despite what happened, my feelings for you haven't changed, and I know they never will. I love you, and I'm sorry that my mistakes are making you doubt how much you matter to me." She exhales, relieved that she's been able to say what she wanted without breaking in tears.
"If you're willing to forgive me one day, I will be there for you. I will always be there for you." Kara says with the deepest sincerity in which she's spoken since Lena let her in.
In a blink of an eye, Lena spins around as if she couldn't face Kara anymore.
Her heartbeat is faster than Kara's ever heard it. Her breathing is shaky and she's clearly trying to hold back her sobs.
Guilt for causing Lena more turmoil settles within her, and the tears that she has fought so hard to keep at bay are finally released. She swallows thickly and sweeps quickly her tears away. She doesn't want to leave the woman she loves alone right now, but she knows Lena enough to know that trying to comfort her at this very moment would most likely only make things worse. She knows Lena probably needs to be alone to gather her thoughts.
"I should go." Kara quavers and sniffles.
On trembling legs, Kara tries to resist her need to look at Lena as she walks to the door. She puts her hand on the doorknob, and hesitates a couple of seconds to swing it open. A feeling of warmth washes over her when a soft delicate hand finds it way on her back.
"Kara, wait, please." Lena says quietly.
Kara exhales slightly. After months without sharing any physical contact with Lena, she feels that this simple gesture is enough to make her heart ache less.
"Turn around, please." Lena whispers.
Slowly, Kara spins around and the soft hand that was on her back moves to one of her hips. She feels so grateful that Lena hasn't broken that physical contact. She feels even more grateful when she finds herself being face to face with Lena smiling at her in a way she hadn't done in months.
Lena's deep green eyes are still glistening, and Kara can notice that she has shed some silent tears earlier. But from the smile on her face, Kara doesn't feel it's a bad thing.
Ever so softly, Lena slides up her other hand to Kara's cheek and shifts closer to her.
Kara feels as if she's dreaming, but from the sensations that swirl within her, she can tell that it's all real.
Lena leans in ever so slowly, and their nose start brushing together.
Kara's breath gets caught in her throat in anticipation of what's about to happen. But knowing what's about to happen, doesn't prepare Kara for the emotion and passion of the moment when Lena presses their lips together in the most intense kiss she's ever experienced.
Kara is not sure she even realizes what's happening. Her heart skips a few beats as Lena's lips glide against hers. When the realization that she's living what she spent years imagining in her daydreams crashes over her, she softly brings both of her hands to Lena's cheeks and moans slightly when Lena deepens the kiss.
Breathless, their lips part and they rest their foreheads together.
Her eyes still closed, Kara smiles. There is no tightness in her chest. Her heart isn't aching. She feels safe and warm. She feels that she's home.
Lena caresses softly Kara's cheek. "We really are two stupid idiots, aren't we?" She lets out a quick chuckle.
Pulling slightly away, Kara opens her eyes and furrows her brow. "What do you mean?"
Lena smiles, she takes Kara's hand in hers and leads them to the couch.
In silence, they sit down close to each other, their bodies are touching, and Kara can feel that they're heading towards something good. Something beautiful.
Lena is still holding her hand, and Kara glances down at their joined hands before looking up. She gave Lena a beaming smile.
"I guess that after what you told me. It's my turn to be honest." Lena says, stroking slowly her thumb over the back of Kara's hand. She smiles. "I totally get what you just said, and I feel the same way about you."
Kara's eyes widen, although with the breathtaking kiss they have shared a couple of seconds ago, she can't say she's truly surprised. But somehow, she is surprised.
"You know, it's weird, but the day I found out you were Supergirl... When I realized that you've been lying to me for years, I felt cheated on. And that day, weeks later in the fortress of solitude, I felt as if I was breaking up with the only person I could ever love." Lena says.
"I felt that way too… I mean, I felt as if the person I loved the most was breaking up with me. It was even more painful than Kryptonite."
"I'm sorry..."
Kara entwines softly her fingers with Lena's. "Don't be, you had every right to be angry."
"I've spent days crying and staring at pictures of us."
"I did that too."
Lena lets out a chuckle. "See, I told you, we're two stupid idiots."
Kara smiles. "It seems so." She clears slightly her throat. "Do you forgive me?"
Lena stays silent for a few seconds. "I want to." she finally says. "I'm still hurt though and I don't know what to do about that."
"Can I do something about that? I mean, do you want me to keep my distance?" Kara asks, feeling an ache in her chest.
"No," Lena shakes slightly her head. "Being without you is even more painful."
Feeling the ache in her chest disappear, Kara sighs relieved.
"I think I need to take what's between us very slowly though." Lena says.
Kara smiles. "Anything you want. I really didn't expect things to turn out this way when I came here."
"What did you expect?"
"I thought I would come home with my heart even more broken that before."
Lena frowns. "Why did you come then?"
"I told you, I needed to speak to you. I wanted you to know all the facts."
Lena smiles. "Thank you for that."
Kara beams, gazing deeply at Lena, wonderstuck at the turn of events and at the marvelous view in front of her. "Rao, you're so beautiful." She breathes out.
A cute blush makes its way on Lena's cheeks. "And you are stunning." She smiles. "Can I take off your glasses?"
Kara nods her approval.
Lena shifts closer and gently takes off the glasses from Kara's face. She puts them down on the coffee table and brings her hands to caress softly Kara's cheeks.
"I really don't understand how I missed it." she says awestruck. "That special way your eyes shine every time you look at me. Only two persons can look at me like this."
"Who?"
"Kara Danvers and Supergirl. Finding out that you were one and the same made me understand why I've always had a crush on Supergirl." Lena chuckles.
Kara's face lights up. "Really?"
Lena nods, caressing softly Kara's cheek as her other hand slides down to clasp over the blonde's. "But I love Kara more."
Tears brim into Kara's eyes. "I love you so much, Lena."
Lena smiles, feeling tears well up into her eyes. "I love you too, Kara, more than I can tell." she says, sweeping softly away the tears that have spilled out from Kara's eyes.
Kara does the same thing to Lena and wipes away the happy tears that have been shed until their lips find their own way to make them express wordlessly the unique and special love they both know they are lucky to share.
With a beaming smile on their faces, they wrap their arms around each other and hold on tight, feeling the magic of the bond that unites them swirl in the air.
Thanks for reading! :)