Title: I'm Okay Too.
Series: The Walking Dead (TWD)
Theme: Romance/Humor/Drama
Characters: Rick Grimes, Michonne, Other Characters (OC)
Rating/Warning: R/Sexual Situations/Language
Summary: A series of Richonne centric short stories inspired by missing scenes & AU from TWD.
I'm Okay Too
Michonne struggles with a revelation and Rick shares his thoughts.
Post Season 6, Ep 9
Michonne sat on the porch railing watching the evening sunset. It was quiet and calm. After two weeks of working to remove all of the dead, clean the lake, and repair the gate, things were finally settling down.
Carl was, thankfully, on the mend. He had occasional headaches and now wore a bandage, but losing an eye hadn't slowed him down in the least. He still watched over Judith, helped within the community, and hung out with Enid when given the chance.
Michonne tried not to hover. She really did, but she couldn't stop herself from worrying about him. Wanting to protect him. Wanting to take care of him. It was as if her motherly instincts were on high alert because her child had been injured. Blood or no blood, it didn't matter. Because she loved both Carl and Judith as if they were her own. And would do anything to keep them safe.
Michonne could vividly remember the night where she almost lost everything. Ron trying to kill Rick after having lost his brother and mom. They'd been surrounded, with no time to try and talk him down, so she'd done what was necessary to ensure they survived. It was in that moment that she suddenly realized how afraid she was to lose Rick. That he was equally as important to her as were his children.
When the shot first rang out her only concern had been the walkers, until she saw Carl's face. Michonne had felt as if the rug had been snatched from under her feet and she hadn't known what to do. It wasn't until Rick lifted his body that her mind clicked and she began to clear a path.
Michonne leaned her head back on the porch column and closed her eyes, willing the memories away. But one voice permeated her thoughts. What do you want for you? Deanna's question haunted her. It threatened to shine a light into parts of Michonne's heart that she'd rather keep hidden in the dark. Concealing feelings that she wasn't sure that she was willing or even capable of facing.
The sound of the door and the steady gait of cowboy boots announced Rick's arrival. He leaned against the railing next to her and let out a long sigh. For a few moments, he silently enjoyed the surrounding view, but eventually, he turned to look at her. "You okay?"
Michonne met his gaze and nodded, but didn't speak. He returned her nod and glanced out towards the street. "I didn't mean anything by telling you to 'let 'em be'. You were just being a mom. You're worried about 'em. I get that. But Carl's old enough that if he says he's fine we have to believe him."
Michonne froze. She wasn't sure that Rick even realized what he'd just said, but she wondered if that was how he saw her now. Not as just a friend to his children, but as their mother. It would be too easy for lines to get blurred. They worked together, lived together, and broke bread together, but didn't share a bed. To anyone on the outside looking in, they appeared to be a solid family unit.
"It's not the first time he's been shot." Rick looked at Michonne, hearing her soft gasp and seeing her widened gaze. "And it probably won't be the last. It's how we ended up on Hershel's farm. There was a hunting accident. He was standing next to a deer and suddenly a shot rang out." Rick closed his eyes and breathed deep as the memory washed over him. "I ran with him for nearly half a mile, terrified that he'd bleed out before I got there. But I made it. He made it." He smirked proudly. "He's a tough kid."
They shared a smile, each imagining the gun-toting young man that they both loved dearly.
"But," Rick began, going back to his original question, "when I asked if you were okay, I wasn't just talking about Carl. I noticed you've been having trouble sleeping. Some nights, I hear you up and moving around."
Michonne sighed, but she told him the truth. "Sometimes I dream about Carl. Or Andre. Sometimes I dream of other things that have happened. It will pass with time." She titled her head. "But, I'm not the only one struggling with sleep. I know that was hard on you. What happened to Carl. To Jessie and her boys." She rested a sympathetic hand on his arm. "Losing a loved one like that has to be difficult."
"Love?" Rick shook his head. "Nah, it wasn't that." He stared at the grass and spoke slowly as if unsure of his words. "An infatuation, maybe." He shrugged. "She reminded me of the past. Of how things used to be. Like when I first met Lori. Being here. Putting on that uniform. It made me long to be the old Rick. But he's gone." He heaved a sigh and played with the wedding band on his finger. "I'm sorry that she died. Sorry about what happened to her and her boys. But am I heartbroken? No. More disappointed I didn't get a chance to see what could have been. But the truth is, she wasn't what I needed." Rick turned, sat on the railing, and scratched the stubble on his chin. "I killed the boys' father. Whether he abused them or not that's still a pretty hard pill to swallow. The more I think about it. The more I realize we probably wouldn't have lasted for very long. It wasn't the best choice."
Michonne was surprised by Rick's words, but she took them at face value.
He finally looked at her and smiled. "As you say, the sleeplessness will pass. I'll be fine. As long as the kids are okay. And you're okay. I'm okay too."