"It pleases me to see two such refined young people such as yourselves," Slughorn jiggled to himself contentedly. "Why don't you two go out and show them how it's done, eh? Even you can't refuse such a charming partner, Ms. Granger."

"Yes, it would honor me exceedingly if you would." DM gave a little half bow and held out a hand with a smirk. The lights of the dancing hall lit up his silvery hair and grey suit jacket. A sultry sliver of collarbone peeked out from his unbuttoned top button of his unbuttoned shirt.

"oh noo, mr darcy I mean... DM, I couldn't." she flashed a sardonic smile. "I'm far too shy, I'm not at all sure how-"

"I'll lead you. Good evening, Mr. Slughorn!" DM used the lightest brush of a hand on her back to guide them to the edge of the dancefloor. They got into ballroom position, HG's hand resting on DM's shoulder while the other clasped his hand. HG did have some dancing experience, but barely touched DM as they started swaying back and forth.

"Leaving enough room for Jesus, eh? As well as the Father and the Holy Ghost."

"Shut up, Malfoy. This isn't happening, we can't waltz in a gym full of teenagers getting krunk."

"The kids are not getting krunk, this is Alicia Keys. Listen, one two three, one two three... Some people Want it all, but I don't want nothing at all-"

"I want some peace and quiet-"

"Stop ruining the moment, Granger."

"Is this a moment? Seems a bit sweaty." HG stuck her tongue out, then gasped as DM suddenly pulled her in by the waist so they were standing chest to chest.

"Isn't it?" He gazed down at her with his sibery eyes.. wait. zthey were orbs and they're as grey as a gooses feather on a stormy night as he stares intensely into herione's own dark chocolate brown orbs, drawing him in, attracting him in ways he didn't know possible...

"Uh, Hermione? You okay?" HG came back to her senses, and DM's ocular spheres were looking at her with annoyance or possibly repressed love.

"I'm good, just had a mini stroke."

Dancing with DM was terrible. The way he held HG close enough to share body heat, the soft smile as he looked down at her, their bodies moving in sync under the lights… It was dangerously pleasant. She had to ruin it, somehow.

"So, are you asexual or what?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Oh you know, hormones flying, bodies changing and craving, and you're probably one of only a few guys I haven't seen mooning, bragging, etc. Or maybe you're just private, or in the closet… not that it's my business, sorry! Just ignore me."

"I'm not asexual, and I'm not in the closet. That I can promise you."

"It's okay if you are you know, half the staff at this school are LGBT-"

"I know it's okay! I like women! Maybe I'm just a private person!" He did not look at all composed.

HG looked at him dubiously. "Okay, Malfoy. Whatever you say, I believe you."

He breathed hard out of his nose. "I already like someone alright? And we're not… together. Or even close, really."

"Well maybe you can become friends then! Spend more time together and maybe they'll grow to like you back."

DM snorted. "As if. We've been in each other's orbits for a while. I'm pretty sure they dislike me."

"You are pretty easy to dislike. No offense."

"I'm not convinced you know what that actually means, Granger."

"No seriously!" HG paused in their dancing and stood on her tiptoes, forcing DM to support her as she leaned into his space excitedly. "I've always hated you and your showoff ways! And your pigheaded attitude and how competitive you are!"

"Those are all traits you also share, you realize? You're a stubborn, competitive showoff."

"That's my point! Even we got to share a civil conversation tonight. Cultivate those nice guy instincts, and you're already a winner! Since your personality is your biggest turn-off."

"At least I have my good looks."

"And Daddy's credit card, to offset your daddy issues."

"Dear god, do not say 'daddy' to me literally ever again. I will actually revolt. I'll vomit caviar on this nasty gym floor."

"This is why no-one likes you. What if I was your actual date? I'd block your calls."

"I'm just like every other teenage boy I'm afraid. Take your pick, we're all oversexed and laugh at fart jokes. Chivalry is dead, if it was ever alive."

"Then try harder. Look," HG leaned in and whispered "imagine this is our first date. How would you keep me coming back? You might only get one shot at this before I walk away forever."

DM let out a shaky breath and looked away. "No pressure or anything," he grumbled. He looked flushed.

HG laughed and they went back to dancing. The music shifted to something bouncy and energetic. A few of the staff screamed and ran onto the dance floor. "C'mon, Minerva!" Dumbledore called out, "haven't you ever done the Rock Lobster?"

"I think that's our cue to evacuate," HG said, warily watching as Flitwick started to nae nae.

"Alright, see ya," DM turned towards the drinks table.

"Hey, don't abandon me! I'm defenseless out here!"

"You don't want punch? Or cheese cubes on crackers?" DM shook his head at HG's pouty expression. "I'll be back in a minute."

Like plot-driven magic, a new suitor appeared. Cormac McLaggen, a boy just as hot and arrogant as Malfoy, but without as much money. He had always maintained a flirty relationship with HG that she only ever used to make Ron jealous, but he wasn't around so HG only felt annoyed.

HG crossed her arms in a way that made her heaving bosom look extra shapely. "What is it you want, Cormac?" She pouted adorably.

"I want your body, your mind, your face, I want it all! I love you!" Cormac McLaggen ripped his shirt open. "Be mine, Hermione, I will be a better husband than Draco Malfoy."

HG sneered as she stroked his sexy abs and his pecs. "Well I want you to buzz off! I will never like-like you!"

"I understand it is the fashion of discreet young ladies to reject the first offer as to drive their suitor mad with ardour, so I will not respect the no means no rule." Cormac lifted HG bridal style and was ready to go to his limo when suddenly Draco Malfoy appeared suddenly, his sillhouette sillhouetted by the fog machine.

"Unhand her, foul beast!" DM threw a cup of punch at Cormac, none of which got on HG because he had good aim. Then he threw a regular punch to finish Cormac off.

Then he grabbed onto HG's hand and they ran together to the balcony. The cool night air carried the scent of the rose garden they were in, still holding hands.

"Come to the hedge maze with me," said DM. HG nodded lustily.

They sat on the edge of a large marble fountain, looking up together at the great stone castle and the figures dancing inside.

"Where are we? Didn't we start the night in a high school gymnasium?" HG wondered aloud.

"Never mind all that. Are you alright? I didn't think things would escalate so much in the 20 seconds I was gone."

"I'm alright." HG looked shyly up at him. "Is that how you would have defended me as your date?"

"Nah. That was how I'd defend any friend against a creep with his abs out."

"Oh, I see." HG looked down at her hands. But she startled when she felt DM's hand touch her chin, gently tilting her gaze back at him.

"If you were my date, I'd have to comfort you."

"Oh? How?" DM smiled at her as he leaned in...

Several minutes of pretty earnest making out later, DM leaned back and smacked his lips. "Like that."

"I guess I'll just have to be your date in the future. I quite like being comforted by you."

DM smiled at HG and his eyes twinkled like they were full of stars.

HG squinted up at him. "Your eyes are really weird. I think you might have cataracts."

THE END