Hey everybody! I hesitated before writing this story, because I'm always disappointed that nobody takes the time to let me know what they think about my stories But again, I reminded why I like to write. It helps me go through some stuff. So.. I should just do it if I feel like it, right?! Also… Here's a story about Kat… I'm very surprised. I usually don't like when things change, and am not a big fan of new cast members when I like a show. But Kat grew pretty quickly on me, and even though we haven't much for me to include her in my stories… I really wanted to write a fiction about her, because I think she's a great addition to the show. What is your opinion about it?
Also: How can I add Kat as a new character in the selection when I upload the fiction, does anyone know? (I'm sorry for my terrible English, I'm not sure how to say this)
Another week, another resolved case, another win. Even though Katriona Tamin had just been lectured again by Captain Benson, the smile she was trying so hard to contain was transcending her face. Day after day, she felt more confident coming to work. The detectives were giving her a little bit of a hard time, but she understood pretty easily they were just looking out for her and mostly, they liked her…She could tell! Kat genuinely didn't understand why they were being so dramatic at times though. She was confident, and fearless! What was so bad about it? There was no fire she would fear.
Anyway, here she was in the locker room, satisfied, when Rollins came in, also ready to check out.
"Any plans for tonight?" Kat asked, starting small conversation. Of all her coworkers, Amanda was the one she couldn't have a clear lecture about. They'd already been paired to work together and been getting along fairly well, or so she thought. But then, , a few times, Amanda had snapped at her in a very exaggerated manner, with no clear motive. Once, Olivia noticed it, but didn't react as if it was perfectly acceptable for Rollins to be an occasional jerk.
Amanda turned around to face Kat, but didn't answer. She just stared. It was really hard to know what the blonde detective was thinking about, since her stoic expression didn't give much away. Kat was preparing herself to be lashed out again, but to her greatest surprise, Amanda's eyes filled up with tears.
"Hey, what's wrong? Asked Kat, reducing the distance between the two. She sat down on the bench, hoping that Rollins would do the same. Kat could be a little bit of a storm, but she was also highly sensitive and it was impossible for her not to care when someone around her, even a perfect stranger was feeling emotional.
Amanda, sighing, was quick to compose herself though. Although, she felt way more comfortable with her emotions recently, she still didn't know what to do when sudden burst of tears escaped her control. "You remind me of me!" she conceded, as if it would be a good reason enough to cry.
Kat, obviously confused, needed more. "Is that… a bad thing?" The brunette quickly gave up her need for eye contact, letting Amanda lead the way. It did feel strange though, since she was known to be straightforward.
Amanda wasn't sure if she really wanted to get involved in this conversation, or if she should just take her stuff and go home. She should have thought about it before letting her emotions get in the way though. With hesitance, she took place on the bench, letting her eyes land on the ground. "That determination of yours… it just reminds me of how I used to behave when I first came to New-York!" Amanda's voice was calm. She raised her candid eyes, hoping to show she was trying to open up.
"Ok?".. Kat said, raising her voice, asking for more context. Where has Amanda's self-confidence gone? She couldn't help but wonder.
"I come from Atlanta, right… and it's a boys club down there… I needed to work harder than anyone else in order to make a good impression.. and I did the exact same, when I first got here." The gap between Amanda's regrets and Kat's confusion was growing wilder.
"I don't see the wrong!" The woman was a rock.
"And you don't see the danger. I get that" Amanda said with sympathy. "But when you play with fire, you end up getting burned!"
"Who said that?!" Kat asked in a daring way.
"Exactly! Who said that you're not able to handle yourself? Who said that you're not strong enough? Who said you're not able to do the job?... I get that! I used to think like that." Amanda hesitated to keep going, not proud to admit the last part "….And I can't count how many times I almost got fired"
"You?!...". Kat considered Amanda to be Olivia's safe bet. Even when Amanda contradicted the boss, Benson always took her opinion into consideration.
"Benson and I have history!" Amanda chuckled. She had never realized how the Benson-Rollins situation must look like for the newest member of the team. It did feel warm to know that she finally earned Olivia's good graces. Amanda shook her head a little, not wanting to think of that dark time. She blinked a few times, to focus on the present situation.
"She trusts you blindly, and she has me on a leash. It's like you're the example she wants me to follow" Kat confided, although she didn't sound like she was complaining. It felt more like Amanda's sincerity compelled her to open up as well.
"I'm probably the last person you should look up to. Fin is a great mentor and a wise man, and Olivia.. I mean the captain.. Liv is the best. I'm just saying… " Amanda interrupted her own rambling, convinced her nonsense was going nowhere.
"Please say it!" Kat insisted instead, very appreciative of the effort Amanda was making with her and for the opportunity to have a meaningful conversation, even though she couldn't read between Amanda's lines for now.
"I guess I'm just being selfish. I want my mistakes to have a meaning. I wish you could just learn without having to suffer the consequences of your actions. I wish mine would suffice for both of us… that's.. stupid!" Amanda, very uncomfortable, was doubting herself. Who was she to give lectures when the reckless part of her personality probably wasn't under control yet. After all, Kat was probably way more balanced than she ever would be. She had a supportive family, was used to make good choices.
" I think I get it. I mean.. I can't promise I'll start seeing fire everywhere, but.. I can ask around.. before taking actions?!" Kat smiled in sympathy. For the first time since she was at SVU, she understood that her perspective might not be developped enough to see the whole picture yet. She could try to trust the way others have walked before her. She couldn't reasonably promise it would be done, but she understood where Rollins was coming from, and that instead of being lectured, she was taken under her wing. Solidarity goes far beyond reprimands.
"You shouldn't see fire everywhere! Trust your instincts, trust everything that you are.
But it doesn't hurt to consult other voices as well!" Rollins offered a sincere smile, glad she finally connected with Kat. Maybe, suffering wasn't the only way to learn. Amanda needed that hope.
"Your sister must be very lucky to have you!" Kat said as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
"I wouldn't be so sure about that!" Amanda kept smiling, not comfortable enough to share that part of her life yet.
"For the record I do…. I look up to you". Kat admitted, a little bit shy.
Amanda's eyes grew wild with surprise. She didn't expect that and most likely couldn't believe it. No one has ever said that to her. Suddenly, her enthusiastic past-self, desperate for Olivia's validation, came to her mind. Kat should definitely pick someone else as an example, that was for sure! But still, it would make no harm to try and be nicer to the newest detective.
"You should come home and meet my girls, sometimes!"
"I would love to." Katriona answered, with sparkles in her eyes.