A/N: This drabble was written for the 30-minute gift event: Pirate Panic

The overall theme:

Pirates

One-sentence prompt: "This is, by far, the dumbest thing you've ever done."

Additional prompts from my giftee:

Fave character: Kakashi - One Keyword: Puppet - Pick a color: Red

Event guideline was:

"You'll have literally 30 minutes in a 48 hour period to make your gift!"

I do not own these characters; I've had a wonderful time making pirates out of them.

"This is, by far, the dumbest thing you've ever done," Kisame muttered.

Both Sasori and Kakashi winced on either side of him. Though he hadn't directed the statement at either, it applied to each.

A man with white hair bound at the nape strode in, shouting as he entered, "Order in the court!"

The chatter within the courtroom ceased, and once he was sure he had the attention of all, he pushed his spectacles higher up the bridge of his nose before he continued, "All rise for Lord Danzō Shimura, who will be presiding over today's proceedings."

"Good morning Kabuto," the judge wheezed as he took his seat. Kabuto nodded in a curt greeting as he sat as well and took up his quill to transcribe the day's trials.

Lord Danzō briefly checked the paperwork that lay on the desk before him. "Pirates, first thing in the morning," he groused. Then he leveled his beady-eyed gaze at the three that stood before him, "I hate pirates."

"You haven't found them guilty yet," Kabuto quietly reminded the judge.

"Your Honor, I am not a pirate," Kakashi declared, eager to prove his innocence.

Lord Danzō shifted through the papers he held. "You were found on the sloop, The Akatsuki,"

"I stowed away on it," Kakashi clarified, "after I heard their destination was Icha Icha."

"I'm supposed to believe that you accidentally secreted yourself onto a pirate ship bound for paradise?" Lord Danzō asked sarcastically.

"They weren't flying the Jolly Roger," Kakashi mumbled.

"They weren't?" Lord Danzō said, alarmed as he reshuffled the papers. "Here it says, 'The Akatsuki's flag was black with red clouds.'"

"That was Cap'n Tobi's idea; you'll have to take it up with 'im," Sasori explained.

"If you can catch him," Kisame jeered.

"Thank you for admitting that you're pirates. That makes my job easier," Lord Danzō smirked as Kisame and Sasori's shoulders slumped under the realization of what they'd confessed.

"I am not a pirate," Kakashi asserted, "I don't have a treasonous bone in my body."

"But you do have questionable taste in literature, according to the details of your arrest," Lord Danzō replied as he scrutinized the report he held. "It says here that you were in possession of a lewd book and that you were wearing…" he trailed off as he flipped to the next page, "…an eye patch. Well then, that's proof enough for me."

Kakashi gaped, speechless as Lord Danzō reached for his gavel and slammed it down with all of the authority of his position. "I find you three guilty of piracy and treasonous acts. You shall go hence to the place from whence you came and shall wait there until the day of your sentencing. May Kaguya be merciful to every one of your souls."

Three red-cloaked figures sat in the back of the courtroom, carefully watching the prisoners as they were escorted out. "I take it back," Kisame muttered, "that was, by far, the most brilliant thing you've ever done."

Sasori chuckled under his breath as his fingers worked with the chakra threads that connected him to the three puppets he manipulated.

"What about you?" Kisame turned to Kakashi, who sat at his other side. "You've been found guilty of piracy. You're a criminal wherever you go."

Kakashi exhaled through his nose, defeated. "Are you still planning to go to Icha Icha?"

"We're not going to let you stow away again," Sasori growled. "What kind of skills do you have?"

"I can cook, I suppose," Kakashi considered aloud.

"Welcome aboard," Kisame clapped him on the back as the three rose to leave. "Cap'n Tobi will be happy to hear that. And I'll be happy never to eat another of Deidara's burnt breakfasts."

"What do I have to do to be marooned when we reach paradise?" Kakashi whimpered, but the only replies were the cackles of his new shipmates.

The End